I Lost my Cousin to Heroin

[breezeenroute]

I’m sorry if this is kind of long, but PLEASE read the whole thing before you reply.
I’m a 15 year old girl, and about 10 months ago, I lost my cousin to heroin. He was 19. Since then, I’ve had some questions.

1. Is it wrong to not want to move on? I feel like I wasn’t there for him in life when he needed support (because I never knew he was addicted) and so I don’t deserve to find closure now he’s gone.
2. Did he know what was going on? He died high, so was he even aware of passing?
3. My religion teacher told me a long time ago that the only unforgivable sin was killing yourself. Does this count? I guess technically he did it to himself, but when he first tried drugs his intention was NOT to kill himself.
4. Can he see us on earth? Like does he see all the pain and suffering his family has gone through because of him?
5. Sometimes when I’m really sad and hurting I’ll talk out loud to him, and I feel a sort of presence, like the feeling you get when you know there’s someone behind you. Talking to yourself out loud feels awkward and stupid, but talking to him when I feel that presence doesn’t seem weird at all. What are the chances it’s him listening? Or who/what is it?

 

[x1980x]

(((breezeenroute)))

1. If you didn’t know he was addicted (and couldn’t reasonably have known and weren’t willfully blind), then I can’t find any personal reason why you should suffer over not doing anything. Besides, everyone makes the wrong choice sometimes and it is dangerous to “coulda, shoulda” yourself based on hindsight.
2. I don’t know. I’ve never tried Heroin or known anyone who did it heavily.
3. I assume you’re looking for a perspective from at Catholic viewpoint. From my understanding of the CC, any mortal sin except for blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is forgivable, but in order to BE forgiven, there has to be lawful remission of the sin. It may be impossible to know if your cousin actually repented. I’ve read on this board that addiction can reduce the seriousness of a sin, so it’s possible that it was only a venial sin for him (which, according to the CC, doesn’t send you to hell). So, if he was Catholic and had no mortal sins on his soul, but had venial sins of drug abuse, then, as far as I am aware, Catholic teaching is that he is saved. He would probably be in Purgatory now, but saved.

 

[puzzleannie]

, I lost my cousin to heroin. He was 19. Since then, I’ve had some questions.

1. Is it wrong to not want to move on? I feel like I wasn’t there for him in life when he needed support (because I never knew he was addicted) and so I don’t deserve to find closure now he’s gone.

 

[Newbie2]

I’m sorry if this is kind of long, but PLEASE read the whole thing before you reply.
I’m a 15 year old girl, and about 10 months ago, I lost my cousin to heroin. He was 19. Since then, I’ve had some questions.

1. Is it wrong to not want to move on? I feel like I wasn’t there for him in life when he needed support (because I never knew he was addicted) and so I don’t deserve to find closure now he’s gone.

People move on at their own pace. You might need assistance from your parents, priest or counselor (not a school counselor, a private counselor) to do so. Teenage years are confusing enough trying to sort out your emotions. Grieving can take a long time.

1. Did he know what was going on? He died high, so was he even aware of passing?

Maybe, maybe not. We’ll never know, at least not in this life.

1. My religion teacher told me a long time ago that the only unforgivable sin was killing yourself. Does this count? I guess technically he did it to himself, but when he first tried drugs his intention was NOT to kill himself.

The only unforgivable sin is apostasy; willfully rejecting the faith. Suicide is a complex issue, and only God and that person know how accountable that person is. Personally, I don’t think anyone in their right mind would kill themself and certainly people who do drugs aren’t thinking straight. Plus…it’s not clear in your post whether this was suspected to be an accidental or purposeful overdose.

1. Can he see us on earth? Like does he see all the pain and suffering his family has gone through because of him?

Don’t know. It’s possible.

1. Sometimes when I’m really sad and hurting I’ll talk out loud to him, and I feel a sort of presence, like the feeling you get when you know there’s someone behind you. Talking to yourself out loud feels awkward and stupid, but talking to him when I feel that presence doesn’t seem weird at all. What are the chances it’s him listening? Or who/what is it?

Again, don’t know. You like everyone else who has lost a friend or family member needs to find a way to cope with the loss. It could be this “presence” is you yourself coming to terms with it. It could be God helping you to come to terms with it.

Pray for him and yourself, get guidance from parents and priest.