I made a stupid mistake (dating) what next?

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The_Bucket said:
Yeah seriously, casual dating of multiple people (which would today just be considered “hanging out”) is totally fine. You’re not in a relationship, you have zero commitments, so who cares?

And I’m sure I’ll catch grief from chev for that little nugget.
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No grief from me. There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people. In fact, it is a good idea.
 
She came back (the girl I asked for coffee) to me online and told me that the issue for us is time and asked what my schedule looked like. Felt very “official” to me.

FYI I asked her out online.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
She came back (the girl I asked for coffee) to me online and told me that the issue for us is time and asked what my schedule looked like. Felt very “official” to me.

FYI I asked her out online.
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Unless you give me her wording, I can’t refer to your impression that it was official, but it doesn’t seem to me that a girl would ask about your schedule just so as to be able to set up a single coffee as friends.
 
chevalier said:
Unless you give me her wording, I can’t refer to your impression that it was official, but it doesn’t seem to me that a girl would ask about your schedule just so as to be able to set up a single coffee as friends.
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Could you clarify this?

And to be honest I’m getting fed-up again with dating and just feel like giving up. It’s far too confusing, upsetting, and difficult.

And she said:
Hi [LotusCarsLtd]. Time is the biggest issue. What is your schedule like?
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MtnDwellar said:
What does monogamy have to do with dating? Monogamy is the practice of having only one sexual partner at a time.
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So having several “kissing girlfriends” (by analogy to kissing cousins) is fine? There’s more to monogamy than exclusivity for the sexual act alone.
LotusCarsLtd said:
Could you clarify this?
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Okay. Basically, people ask if they want to know. Otherwise they don’t ask (we can rule out asking out of courtesy here because it’s too detailed). Your whole schedule is way more information than needed to set up a single meeting for coffee. Schedule itself also suggests some organisation and some permanence. Thus, maybe not very conclusively, but her asking about your schedule seems to suggest she’s interested in staying in touch.

I can’t say much about what she said because it’s just a couple of words. I’m wondering what the other issues are and yeah, it does sound a bit official unless that’s her normal way of talking (some people just use distinctly more formal, academic, business or impersonal language than others).
 
chevalier said:
So having several “kissing girlfriends” (by analogy to kissing cousins) is fine? There’s more to monogamy than exclusivity for the sexual act alone.
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I don’t understand the reference to kissing cousins. Kissing cousins is a type of incest.
Romantic feelings towards one’s family members are unnatural.

I find nothing immoral about kissing two different girls on the same day! We are required to avoid the near occasion of sin. Kissing which leads to a near occasion of sin is wrong.

Dating is a process. It is sometimes a numbers game. I have always considered dating a process of exclusion. Everyone seems perfect, or at least acceptable, at first. Through the process of dating we eventually exclude people from marriage potential. Some people will meet the right person quickly. Others will have to meet and date a large number of people before finding someone who they will marry. Date as the opportunities arise. We don’t know who God may have in store for us.
 
MtnDwellar said:
I don’t understand the reference to kissing cousins. Kissing cousins is a type of incest.
Romantic feelings towards one’s family members are unnatural.

I find nothing immoral about kissing two different girls on the same day! We are required to avoid the near occasion of sin. Kissing which leads to a near occasion of sin is wrong.
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By that same logic there would be nothing wrong kissing other people when married.
 
chevalier said:
By that same logic there would be nothing wrong kissing other people when married.
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My logic does not lead to the conclusion that you have reached. Dating is a process which may lead to marriage. Kissing is a part of dating. Once a person is married, he is no longer dating. The sacrament gives one another marital rights to the others body. Those rights are exclusive.
 
MtnDwellar said:
My logic does not lead to the conclusion that you have reached. Dating is a process which may lead to marriage. Kissing is a part of dating. Once a person is married, he is no longer dating. The sacrament gives one another marital rights to the others body. Those rights are exclusive.
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There are no rights to the body before marriage. Kissing and all sorts of making out, if at all admissible before marriage, are no exercise of any “rights”, they are an expression of feelings, of love. That is their only acceptable place. When they are a form of recreational activity (something to do to kill time or have fun), that’s not acceptable. I totally cannot imagine remotely wanting to date a woman who would see kissing on the same level as playing volleyball. Conversely, I don’t treat it that way myself, either.
 
chevalier said:
There are no rights to the body before marriage. Kissing and all sorts of making out, if at all admissible before marriage, are no exercise of any “rights”, they are an expression of feelings, of love. That is their only acceptable place. When they are a form of recreational activity (something to do to kill time or have fun), that’s not acceptable. I totally cannot imagine remotely wanting to date a woman who would see kissing on the same level as playing volleyball. Conversely, I don’t treat it that way myself, either.
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I agree with almost everything that you wrote.👍

I believe that you assumed that I thought that a kiss was trivial or meaningless. That was never expressed.

The converse of your last statement is: If I can’t imagine wanting to date a woman, then she sees kissing on the same level as playing volleyball. The converse of a statement is not necessarily true.
 
MtnDwellar said:
I agree with almost everything that you wrote.👍

I believe that you assumed that I thought that a kiss was trivial or meaningless. That was never expressed.

The converse of your last statement is: If I can’t imagine wanting to date a woman, then she sees kissing on the same level as playing volleyball. The converse of a statement is not necessarily true.
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Sorry, I was a tad bit hazy in the morning. I’ve had a blasting headache since two weeks ago.

It’s good we agree that treating the romantic PDA as a recreational activity is wrong, but we don’t seem to agree on the moment where it happens. If someone does it for the sake of it (or for fun or without reflection), then it’s basically like a handshake in business relations. Where romantic partners are multiple, the same is true.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
She came back (the girl I asked for coffee) to me online and told me that the issue for us is time and asked what my schedule looked like. Felt very “official” to me.

FYI I asked her out online.
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It doesn’t mean you’re dating, you’re in the initial stages of getting to know each other, discerning whether a relationship is appropriate.
 
I don’t think there is a mistake here at all. You are getting to know two girls…there is no problem. It isn’t like you were dating one and then asked the other out.

Things are fine, don’t worry. As time passes you’ll know which one (if any) is right for you. Just let things progress naturally.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
Could you clarify this?

And to be honest I’m getting fed-up again with dating and just feel like giving up. It’s far too confusing, upsetting, and difficult.

And she said:
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In my reading, this girl is saying “I have a really busy schedule now, but I would still like to find the time to meet you for a coffee (and maybe more 😛 ).” Dude, go have a coffee with her, and forget the other girl, who is always “too busy” for you. 😃 You are much better off, and it’s a much more pleasant experience, hanging out with someone who shows some genuine interest in you. 👍
 
Joseph_L_Varga said:
In my reading, this girl is saying “I have a really busy schedule now, but I would still like to find the time to meet you for a coffee (and maybe more 😛 ).” Dude, go have a coffee with her, and forget the other girl, who is always “too busy” for you. 😃 You are much better off, and it’s a much more pleasant experience, hanging out with someone who shows some genuine interest in you. 👍
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Not sure on the interest part. She hasn’t gotten back to me yet.
 
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