I made her cheat on her boyfriend

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ImSinful

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can you call this cheating if a girl has a boyfriend and a girl dated another guy?

i like this girl for a very long time, she have a boyfriend, i dont have a girlfriend, i let this pass for about 6 months.

and then this one time, im so down with life that i chatted her and disregard my respect to her relationship, i asked her for a date(movies and drinks). i got so greedy that id made her do things inappropriately.

is it acceptable that ive done that because im ready to give my all to her?
should i continue, because i think shes the one?
can we be forgiven?
 
ImSinful said:
i asked her for a date(movies and drinks). i got so greedy that id made her do things inappropriately.

is it acceptable that ive done that because im ready to give my all to her?
should i continue, because i think shes the one?
can we be forgiven?
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What do you mean you “made” her do things? Presumably she’s an adult who made her own choices without coercion from you.

But yes, cheating is generally a bad thing, as people should honor the commitments they’ve made. If she told this other guy she wasn’t going to go out with anyone else and then went out with you behind his back, that was wrong. It also wasn’t okay on your part, although I think the fault is more hers here.
 
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Ask yourself why you want to date a girl who has a boyfriend when you could date a girl who doesn’t have a boyfriend. And yes: You can be forgiven of this.
 
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You have not given enough information though I’m not sure clarification is wise on these forums. You should speak to your parish priest.
 
Any person is free to enter into any dating relationship, and then leave it for any time and any reason.

If she and her boyfriend promised to date only each other, and then she dated you, she is guilty of breaking a promise, not adultery.
If she later told her boyfriend she had not dated you, then she is guilty of lying, not adultery.
If either of these are true, what makes you think she won’t do the same to you?

OTOH, if she and her boyfriend have not promised each other anything, and she is honest and above board, there is no sin at all.

Modern dating is a cultural phenomenon that is one of many ways to find a mate. It started when automobiles became widely available and people could court away from the eyes and parlors of parents.

In earlier times, women could have more than one suitor come to call, and nobody thought it was sinful or inappropriate. People would dance with many different partners in one night (did you ever hear of the “dance card”?) amd nobody thought anything of it. There were other ways to show that the couple was moving closer to marriage.

But no, dating a woman with a boyfriend isn’t sinful. Stupid, possibly, but not sinful.
 
Since no one else has brought it up, what stage of life are the people at in this situation? Are we talking about teenagers or young adults in their 20s? From the way all this is worded and framed I’m getting the idea that this might no be involving adults
 
It might help if a priest knew your age. It also might help if a priest knew more facts about the whole issue. We don’t need to know, and as we don’t know it is impossible to answer your questions.

“Girlfriend”, “boyfriend” and “dating” have such a wide swing in definitions that any answer to you is simply a guessing game.

Once someone is engaged, they are in a relationship heading directly to marriage. at that point, one would presume they are not getting involved in a serious relationship with anyone else.

If you have issues about what you did/didn’t do, you need to speak with your pastor, as it is not the business of anyone on these forums to give you moral advice as to the sinfulness/lack of sinfulness in your actions.
 
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ImSinful said:
can you call this cheating if a girl has a boyfriend and a girl dated another guy?
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If she is married or engaged and dates someone other than her husband or fiance, then it’s definitely cheating.

If she is living with someone in a long-term relationship and dates someone else, it’s quasi-cheating because there is an implied commitment nowadays when two people are living together long-term.

If she is simply dating a guy and decides to also date a second guy, it’s not cheating, as there’s no commitment. However, society and/or her current boyfriend might not approve of her behavior. It’s up to the girl whether she wants to take the risk of being criticized by others and possibly having her current boyfriend stop seeing her, in order to date another guy. When I was in that situation, I just dated whoever I wanted and didn’t care. I got a lot of flak for it too.
 
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
In earlier times, women could have more than one suitor come to call, and nobody thought it was sinful or inappropriate. People would dance with many different partners in one night (did you ever hear of the “dance card”?) amd nobody thought anything of it. There were other ways to show that the couple was moving closer to marriage.
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I fully subscribe to these “earlier times” views. I was raised by older parents who encouraged me to think that way.

As the song goes, if you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
If she is simply dating a guy and decides to also date a second guy, it’s not cheating, as there’s no commitment. However, society and/or her current boyfriend might not approve of her behavior
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If you have a boyfriend, it’s established that there’s an exclusive relationship though. Unless you’re talking about dating casually vs being in a relationship. Although the former wouldn’t use the boyfriend/girlfriend terminology. Also, if her boyfriend wouldn’t ‘approve’ of the behavior, it’s a clear sign he expected her to be faithful so wouldn’t that be cheating?

I would definitely consider my boyfriend to be cheating if he’s seeing other women as we would already establish that we are in a relationship.

I’m much younger, so the idea of dating around up to the point of engagement is more or less an outdated concept, or basically contained in The Bachelor/Bachelorette lol
 
I would say it’s venially sinful.
It’s not respectful to the presumed expectation of exclusivity that the West has in dating/courting.
 
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Lea101 said:
If you have a boyfriend, it’s established that there’s an exclusive relationship though.
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In your opinion maybe. We don’t all subscribe to that line of thinking, and the Church does not require you to be faithful to your boyfriend or girlfriend when there is no marriage commitment.

Many people I know have had periods in their life of dating multiple people at once. It’s a normal part of existence. They may say, “Well, I have a boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but be open to getting to know a new person.
 
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Maximilian75 said:
I would say it’s venially sinful.
It’s not respectful to the presumed expectation of exclusivity that the West has in dating/courting.
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Since when do we base our venial sins on the West’s “presumed expectations”? The West also presumes that dating/ courting couples will have sex with each other prior to marriage. And presumes a heck of a lot of other things.

We’re talking about church teaching here, not Western cultural mores.

I do however think that lying to your boyfriend or girlfriend about going out with someone else is sinful, as well as just stupid as they WILL find out, so I always let my boyfriends know when I was seeing somebody else. I would simply tell them I was seeing them on Monday and Frank on Tuesday and might go out with Bob on Thursday. If they wanted to break up with me because they had a problem with me seeing Frank and Bob, then they were quite free to do so. I would add that they didn’t, and that most of them were also seeing other ladies.

The real problem with everything I’m saying and that Scarlett said is that people are uncomfortable with the idea that someone they are dating is also dating someone else. I specifically wanted to meet people who had enough confidence that they weren’t uncomfortable with this. Did pretty well at finding them too.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
In your opinion maybe. We don’t all subscribe to that line of thinking, and the Church does not require you to be faithful to your boyfriend or girlfriend when there is no marriage commitment.

Many people I know have had periods in their life of dating multiple people at once. It’s a normal part of existence. They may say, “Well, I have a boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but be open to getting to know a new person.
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It depends. If both people in the relationship are aware that they are both okay with seeing other people, it wouldn’t be wrong.

If the couple is having a relationship where they are exclusive, it would be sinful to see other people because one of them is essentially lying and hurting the other.

I brought this up because most relationships nowadays tend to follow this route (dating casually, in a relationship, engagement, marriage).
 
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