I married a non Catholic

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LostSoul2018

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I was born and raised Catholic and my spouse doesn’t claim a religion but is a Christian. I see many people on here who make it seem as though getting married to a non Catholic isn’t ideal and we should strive to find a good Catholic to marry. I thought marrying outside of the church was more common but from what I see on here I guess not. My spouse encourages me to go to church because there is a happiness and peace in me when I get home. Also when going through our marriage classes my spouse was very interested in what we were learning. Even though I’m Catholic and my spouse isn’t we still practice teachings of the church together. I guess my point is to encourage others to be open minded and that just because someone doesn’t understand our faith doesn’t mean they are not open minded to learn. I can’t imagine my life without the love and support of this amazing person I believe God made for me.
 
You have a lot of positives going on, actually. Your spouse appears to respect your faith. You may one day convert him by your example. You must have not seen all the posts from people that have written how their spouse actually converted years later, or sometimes when children come along. Be patient. It can happen. Keep him in your prayers.
 
@Irishmom2 thank you for your very nice comment! No I am still pretty new to this forum but was a little saddened at the recent post I’ve been reading since I’ve been on here. I thought it would be good for me to speak about my experience. I’m trying to be a better Catholic and part of that is from the encouragement I receive from my non Catholic spouse. When someone can see how much better you are with the faith maybe your right and the conversion could happen. I’m going to pray for it!
 
Yes, do that!

I am hoping people will see this thread and tell their conversion stories for you.
 
My husband was raised Catholic but I was a lukewarm protestant. I know what you mean by the tone normally set in these forums when someone asks about marrying a non-Catholic. I often have to step back from those threads so as not to take them personally.

We were lucky in that we had a great mutual respect for each other and our beliefs. He never pushed me to convert and I always understood and accepted what his non-negotiables were. After 3 years of attending Mass with my husband, I suddenly found myself going on days that weren’t obligations even when my husband couldn’t come. I started RCIA that year and came into the Church almost 8 years ago.

So marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics don’t always have difficulties due to that difference. It just presents a greater risk for high conflict issues and that’s what most posters here tap into. I am eternally grateful that my husband never came on a forum like this to ask if he should date/marry me.
 
@jlc2k2 …I appreciate you sharing that with me and am happy to hear it! I can absolutely relate to things your saying. I remember my grandmother telling me that when my father (who was non Catholic at the time) married my mother (Catholic), he told my grandparents not to expect him to be a Catholic. Well it didn’t take long after their marriage and I would say he is one of the best Catholic’s I know. I do the same thing you talk about and do not push my spouse into anything. Our conversations come natural and surprise me. My spouse may not be Catholic but is very much my rock and support with my faith. God bless you and I am thankful you are here.
 
LostSoul2018 said:
I see many people on here who make it seem as though getting married to a non Catholic isn’t ideal and we should strive to find a good Catholic to marry
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It isn’t ideal. It certainly might work for some people but the ideal situation is to marry someone who is a Cahtolic.
LostSoul2018 said:
I guess my point is to encourage others to be open minded
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Why? Some people are happy too restrict themselves to dating Catholics.
Some people would rather remain single than marry a non-catholic or lukewarm catholic.
 
@AdamP88 So I’m not denying the fact that yes some Catholic’s are happy searching for another Catholic. I however see many people advising others who are open to the possibility of a non Catholic relationship to keep Catholic. This is my personal thoughts and testimony that my marriage to a non Catholic works. My spouse can’t claim to be Catholic but the morals and values are those of a Catholic. There are probably many people who have no knowledge of the Catholic faith but it may be home for them too if only they knew what it was. Conversion can be as easy as educating someone on what we believe and that can come from being a good model of the faith.
 
It might depend on how someone was raised, too.

My parents were Catholic converts, and they converted before marrying in the Catholic church.

My sister and I were the only ones in our immediate family who were raised Catholic from birth.

Other family members converted to Catholicism, too.

Most of my other family members were Protestant, and so I grew up with very loving extended family members who were both Protestant, and Catholic converts.

My parents were very tolerant of people of other faiths.

I had friends of other faiths when growing up, too. Many of my good friends when I was young, just happened to be Jehovah’s Witnesses.

I had friends of different faiths throughout my life, and that was never an issue for me.

My husband is not Catholic either, and he respects my faith, and does go to Mass with me.

When I meet someone and befriend them, the first thing that I don’t think about is what faith they happen to be. I think about them as a person, first. That’s how I am. Others may do/think differently. 🙂
 
I’ve been in a mixed-denomination marriage for 14 years now (She’s Catholic, I’m not). My wife knows that I’ll probably never convert and she’s fine with that.

Ya, there’s some of the usual suspects that will come into Catholic/non-Catholic dating/marriage threads and put down the idea of mixed marriages. They’ll lay out issues as if they are fact and YOU WILL run into these insurmountable issues. Most of the time, we’ve never even spoke about the issues, or we’ve long since left them behind.

I’m to the point where I don’t get offended…I just chuckle about it, the fact that some people think that my marriage is some how “lesser” or “not ideal” because we aren’t both Catholic is to the point it’s just funny to me.

As long as you respect each other’s faith, you’re good to go.
 
I am an Asst Dir of Religious Ed at a large parish. We have many families where one parent is not Catholic. I have seen all sorts of outcomes for these families - everything from the non Catholic parent refusing to participate in church stuff in any way to attending Mass and sacraments to joining the Church.

My dad was raised Episcopal, met a Catholic girl (my mom), dated her and got engaged. She said (her parents surely influenced her) he had to become Catholic to marry her. He went through RCIA. He so enjoyed all this Catholic stuff that he even considered becoming a priest. She put a stop to that thinking.
 
True. But there is also danger in marrying someone in the hope that they’ll convert and marrying someone who isn’t catholic could also result in them not being open to children being raised in the faith or undermining the formation of children. It’s great that it turned out well for you but you can’t deny that these are risks.

The Church has also always advised that it is good to marry within the faith.
 
Hi Adam,

These issues about raising children, came up at our Pre-Cana meetings with the Pastor when we were meeting with him about having our marriage convalidated.

We went through Pre-Cana just like everyone else does, who is going to be married in the Church.

Unfortunately for us, we weren’t able to have any children, but my husband did not have any issues with raising them Catholic if we were to have any children.
 
I married a non Catholic and he admires my devotion to my faith. He has never criticized the mass or any of my beliefs. And my family has been Catholic for many generations.
 
While I agree that marriages to non Catholics can work at the very least if children are involved, even if the non Catholic spouse is on board with raising them Catholic, at some point the differences are going to become apparent and need to be explained.
 
Yep, and we explain to them(with utmost charity for each other) the best we can and move on…
 
TC3033 said:
Yep, and we explain to them(with utmost charity for each other) the best we can and move on…
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This is a nice response. 🙂

I personally think that this type of a situation should really only be of a concern to those personally involved, to be honest.

This is a topic that can be sensitive, and to me, it’s really between the couple as to how they are going to handle issues of faith when it comes to raising their children.

In my own personal circumstances, my husband was fine with raising them Catholic if we were to have any children, and this came up at the Pre-Cana meetings. To me, that’s where it was important at that time.

My husband and I spoke about this subject many times.

God bless you! 🙂
 
Well said.

From what I understand the Pope encourages and pray for the unification of Christians.
After all when the antichrist arrives, is it really going to matter what church you belong to? Hello
 
oldgraymare2 said:
but my husband did not have any issues with raising them Catholic if we were to have any children.
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Well that’s great for you. But my point is that sometimes you really don’t know if your spouse would have an issue until you are married and have kids. It’s always possible that you teaching the kids about the Catholic faith will prompt a sudden surge of zealousness in the faith of your spouse, and they will want the kids to be Protestant, or Lutheran, or whatever.

I’m not trying to disparage anyone’s marriage here. I’m just saying that these are valid concerns, and worth thinking about for anyone who decides to date a non-Catholic.

That said, it’s probably better to marry a zealous Lutheran who is open to Catholicism than a lukewarm, apathetic Catholic. I’ve broken up with “Catholic” women I’ve dated in the past because their absolute apathy just irritated me.
 
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