I might be in trouble with the church

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franko2

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I was due to marry my girlfriend in june 08 and then move in with her. However i have been offered a house at a good price in nov this year. But if i move in with her i will be going against church teaching(which i agree with) what should i do?
 
franko2 said:
I was due to marry my girlfriend in june 08 and then move in with her. However i have been offered a house at a good price in nov this year. But if i move in with her i will be going against church teaching(which i agree with) what should i do?
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Live as brother and sister, until your married.

Jim
 
If you buy the house, can’t she stay where she is now?

Betsy
 
Just a suggestion…why don’t one of you move in only and ready the house for the day you are to be married?

familyministries.org/www.inthespiritofcana.org/2.6.6.htm
Here are some stats from this website. Granted this is based on American statistics but I think they are comparable internationally.
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Cohabiting relationships are far less stable than marriages. Cohabiters experience less emotional and financial success and higher rates of domestic violence. As noted before, marriages following cohabitation are more likely to end in divorce than those not preceded by cohabitation.59 Over one-third of cohabiting relationships involve kids,60 and children living with cohabiting couples have more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children in married-couple families.61
Even though marriage offers benefits that cohabitation does not, two-thirds of American teens (67%) believe that it is better to live with someone prior to marriage to determine compatibility.62 The majority of teens (59%) also expect to cohabit themselves.63
Certain relationship behaviors of some young people typically do not lead to lifelong commitment.
·Currently, 40% of young women have “hooked up” (engaged in a physical encounter with a male with no commitment attached).64
·The earlier and more frequently teens engage in sexual activities, the more prone they are to acquire an STD, get pregnant, get raped or abused, and use drugs and alcohol. They are also less likely to marry and more prone to future infidelity and divorce.65
·The higher the frequency of relationship break-ups, the greater chances of susceptibility to divorce in the future.66

Cohabitating Couples and Unmarried Families
• Greater rates of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and dysfunctional relationship behavior (domestic abuse, unfaithfulness, high amounts of conflict) exist in cohabiting relationships.39
• Couples living together before marriage have a greater rate of divorce than those who did not live together.40
• Over one-third of all cohabiting relationships involve kids. These children are at greater risk to be physically and/or sexually abused, and they are more likely to repeat the high risk relationship behaviors of their parent(s)

So this is my suggestion: The best gift you can give your partner in this relationship…is to love one another but not live together until you state your vows in a sacramental marriage. Pray on it.
 
Actually, my son and his wife had the similar situation. They bought the house in May, but were not getting married until October. So, he moved in, but she remained living at her parents house, but still helped pay the monthly mortgage bill.

Jim
 
This may sound daft i’m only 25 and kind of the black sheep in the family(none of my family are serious about the church) they would go mad at me if i moved in alone.my girlfriend pays rent money to her parents and wouldn’t be able to afford that aswell as paymments to our house. We don’t have alot of money, that is why i feel that i need to take this house offer.
 
Why are you waiting till June 08 to get married? Can you speak with your priest about your concerns, and move the date up earlier?
 
franko2 said:
The only thing is that everything is booked and paid for.
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Is it going to be a fairly elaborate affair? Since you’ve already paid, could you possibly work out moving the date? This is the sort of request that’s a bit easier in the US than in the UK from what I understand though…
 
Perhaps you could buy the house and then take a roommate on a temporary basis to help with the expenses. But don’t “shack up.” It would be an occasion of sin that few could withstand. Good luck and God bless.
 
franko2 said:
I was due to marry my girlfriend in june 08 and then move in with her. However i have been offered a house at a good price in nov this year. But if i move in with her i will be going against church teaching(which i agree with) what should i do?
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You could live upstairs and she lives down. But only you would know how tempted you would be.
 
franko2 said:
I was due to marry my girlfriend in june 08 and then move in with her. However i have been offered a house at a good price in nov this year. But if i move in with her i will be going against church teaching(which i agree with) what should i do?
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Don’t be tempted,before you know it you will find a way to justify all the rest that goes with living together. Instead find a way to keep your situation holy.
frankde
 
franko2 said:
I was due to marry my girlfriend in june 08 and then move in with her. However i have been offered a house at a good price in nov this year. But if i move in with her i will be going against church teaching(which i agree with) what should i do?
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My husband and I had a two-year engagement due to certain situations and events. We bought a one-bedroom condo a year and half before we got married. BUT I did not want to have my name on the lease nor live in the place until after we got married. We sacrificed, but it was worth it for us morally and spiritually. I didn’t have much money, so I worked three jobs (music teacher, children’s music director on Saturdays, Data Entry person at an environmental firm and a paid cantor on Sundays) 7 days a week and also made some money doing funerals and weddings. On top of that I was studying music. I also shared a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my sister, while my husband lived in the condominium. Yes, it was difficult for two years, especially on my end, but totally worth it for me as we both knew that we were doing things “right” in the eyes of God. Even though I couldn’t wait to share everything of myself with my husband I did my best to be as independant as possible during my engagement since we weren’t officially made one by the sacrament.

Anyway, that may be an option for you or your fiance. You could both get second or third jobs until your wedding day. It’s hard, but you can get through it with prayer and the knowledge that you both will be together soon. Good luck.
 
I assume the house has more than one room - why don’t you just sleep in separate beds until you’re married?
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Actually, my son and his wife had the similar situation. They bought the house in May, but were not getting married until October. So, he moved in, but she remained living at her parents house, but still helped pay the monthly mortgage bill.

Jim
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I think this is your best bet/solution. It’s not easy living as brother and sister…why tempt fate? I would just stay apart until your wedding night…and good luck on your marriage!🙂
 
If it would be cheaper for your girlfriend to move into the house, while you stay were you are now, why don’t you do that? It would be a bit un-traditional, for sure, but not sinful or tempting in the least. I know this is easier for me to say than it is for you to do, but at least try not to pay attention to the objections your family might have. They aren’t God or the Church. Take solace in the fact that you will be doing the right thing in not moving in together until you get married. Another idea: buy the house, but neither of you move in. Instead, rent it out. This might even make you a bit of money on the side, until you get married. You may be persecuted for doing the right thing, but it will be worth it in the end!!!
 
If the priest is amenable, you could have a small, quiet marriage ceremony with the bare minimum – priest and two witnesses still, I believe – and move in together. Later on have the big family wedding.
 
This is a tough question to answer… simple answer, don’t live together until marriage… hard answer… but how to pay for a good offer?

I say pray about it. Talk to a priest or revered person who has a thumb on the ‘beat’ of the church… and if you think you could behave and have separate rooms, try it… pray lots and don’t give in to temptation… be verypurposely pure and descreet.
 
I say buy the house and then build a dog-house in the back-yard. Then let her move in the house, and you move in the dog-house, until you get married. After getting married, you’re gonna be in the dog-house anyway, so you might as well get used to it now.😃
 
If the big do is already planned and booked why not make that a renewal of the vows? Have the barest of bare-bones ceremonies ASAP (I think you just need the deacon and a witness or something) and move in together with a clear conscience. Then renew your vows next year.
 
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