I miss being part of my local parish

[Richard320]

I just need to vent a little. While I could do it on facebook, most of my facebook friends aren’t Catholic, and wouldn’t understand. Even here, I suspect I’ll only get 25% understanding, but that’s better than facebook.

Because of some unavoidable stuff on Sunday, logistics dictated that we either attend a Saturday Vigil Mass, or go to a 6:30 AM Mass Sunday morning, and hope it’s quick, lest we be late to our Sunday event. Our usual venue is the Cathedral, a good 30 minute drive, but there is no Vigil Mass there. And 8 AM there is too late.

So, we went to one of the three closest parishes. I’ve tried Mass there several times since we moved here, different times, different seasons, even different pastors. And I still hate it. I don’t care for the building at all. It’s new, real new. But it has semicircular seating, stadium seating at that. And upholstered pews. It just seems like a corollary: padded pews are bad news. It’s been that way for me everywhere I’ve been.

Anyway… the priest is wearing green vestments. He says it’s because it’s St Patrick’s Day. Well, he is from Ireland, originally, but if he’s making it a major feast, you’d think he would have worn the gold vestments… Then there’s the music. OCP’s greatest hits, sung by aging hippies, accompanied by one guitar. The Psalms, The Sanctus, everything really, sounded like 1970’s commercial jingles.Like is With the solo singer a half note off, just like thatat.

The Homily, after a couple jokes to warm up the crowd, had nothing to do with the readings.

The Our Father imeans it’s time to form a human chain. The altar servers went up to the Sanctuary to join hands with Father.

Now, to its credit, this parish does ring the bells during the Consecration. I like that.

Come Communion time, four EMHCs go into the Sanctuary. Then about 20 more line up in the center aisle. Those four then come down with the Chalices and the 20 receive the Body from the Priest, the Blood from one of the four, march up to the altar and take their stuff and fan out to the congregation. I hate that self-serve thing. If the priest offers it to them, then they should accept it. To grab a chalice and go just doesn’t sit well with me.

On the way out, I told my wife, “We still can’t go here.”
She captured it perfectly. “I know. I want to like this place so bad, but I just can’t.”

I miss being a part of my local parish. I used to be involved in a lot of things. I had a lot of friends at church, people to stop and chat with in the parking lot. I’d see people I knew or at least recognized all over town. When they read the names of the sick during the prayer intentions, I knew who they were. The pastor knew me by name. It was 2 minutes away, 8 if I walked.

I have three parishes within minutes of me, and I can’t find one Mass I like. So we drive almost 60 miles round trip. In LA traffic. To be just another anonymous butt in the pew. Just so I don’t have to grit my teeth for an hour while trying to suppress uncharitable thoughts. For that matter, my wife does a lot of teeth gritting too. I’m at least blessed that we share the same prejudices!

 

[Tietjen]

I have three parishes within minutes of me, and I can’t find one Mass I like. So we drive lmost 60 miles round trip. In LA traffic. To be just another anonymous butt in the pew. Just so I don’t have to grit my teeth for an hour while trying to suppress uncharitable thoughts. For that matter, my wife does a lot of teeth gritting too. I’m at least blessed that we share the same prejudices!

I understand completely. Each item you’ve mentioned, I too have encountered, and still do on occasion (when traveling). I hate moving and hopefully will not have to do so again; because it takes me so long to find a parish that I feel comfortable in. I grew up in what would today be called a conservative parish. I don’t feel comfortable in churches-in-the-round style buildings, pews without kneelers (parishioners don’t kneel during ANY part of the mass), tabernacles that aren’t visible, hand-holding, parishioners mimicking the priest with arm movements (out-stretched, elevated, etc). I too don’t appreciate a homily that begins with a joke. But… thankfully, I have found a parish where I no longer encounter these things. And as I said, hopefully I will not need to make anymore moves. Peace.

 

[Jegudiel]

I just need to vent a little. While I could do it on facebook, most of my facebook friends aren’t Catholic, and wouldn’t understand. Even here, I suspect I’ll only get 25% understanding, but that’s better than facebook.

Because of some unavoidable stuff on Sunday, logistics dictated that we either attend a Saturday Vigil Mass, or go to a 6:30 AM Mass Sunday morning, and hope it’s quick, lest we be late to our Sunday event. Our usual venue is the Cathedral, a good 30 minute drive, but there is no Vigil Mass there. And 8 AM there is too late.

So, we went to one of the three closest parishes. I’ve tried Mass there several times since we moved here, different times, different seasons, even different pastors. And I still hate it. I don’t care for the building at all. It’s new, real new. But it has semicircular seating, stadium seating at that. And upholstered pews. It just seems like a corollary: padded pews are bad news. It’s been that way for me everywhere I’ve been.

What’s the matter with that?

Anyway… the priest is wearing green vestments. He says it’s because it’s St Patrick’s Day. Well, he is from Ireland, originally, but if he’s making it a major feast, you’d think he would have worn the gold vestments… Then there’s the music. OCP’s greatest hits, sung by aging hippies, accompanied by one guitar. The Psalms, The Sanctus, everything really, sounded like 1970’s commercial jingles.Like Thisis With the solo singer a half note off, just like thatat.

OK, so you don’t like the music? That’s not uncommon? “Hippies?” You’ve just began to tip your cards…

**The Homily, after a couple jokes to warm up the crowd, had nothing to do with the readings. **

It should principally be about the readings…

The Our Father imeans it’s time to form a human chain. The altar servers went up to the Sanctuary to join hands with Father.

My goodness, ignore it already!

Now, to its credit, this parish does ring the bells during the Consecration. I like that.

Come Communion time, four EMHCs go into the Sanctuary. Then about 20 more line up in the center aisle. Those four then come down with the Chalices and the 20 receive the Body from the Priest, the Blood from one of the four, march up to the altar and take their stuff and fan out to the congregation. I hate that self-serve thing. If the priest offers it to them, then they should accept it. To grab a chalice and go just doesn’t sit well with me.

So look away already! The priest should be handing them the sacred vessels. Talk to him. If he doesn’t do anything look somewhere else at that point in the Mass.

On the way out, I told my wife, "We still can’t go here."
She captured it perfectly. “I know. I want to like this place so bad, but I just can’t.”

Why not? Ego?

I miss being a part of my local parish. I used to be involved in a lot of things. I had a lot of friends at church, people to stop and chat with in the parking lot. I’d see people I knew or at least recognized all over town. When they read the names of the sick during the prayer intentions, I knew who they were. The pastor knew me by name. It was 2 minutes away, 8 if I walked.

Keep praying. In time maybe your Sunday schedule will change so you can return to your parish.

I have three parishes within minutes of me, and I can’t find one Mass I like. So we drive almost 60 miles round trip. In LA traffic. To be just another anonymous butt in the pew. Just so I don’t have to grit my teeth for an hour while trying to suppress uncharitable thoughts. For that matter, my wife does a lot of teeth gritting too. I’m at least blessed that we share the same prejudices!

You know what? Both of you need to grow-up. I FIRMLY believe that the presentation of the Mass is often lacking (in the ways you point out and many far worse) for two giant reasons. First, lack of competition. As Catholics we HAVE to attend Sunday Mass and there isn’t typically a huge number of competing Masses to choose from. That not true with our Protestant brethren who literally have to be concerned about customer satisfaction (a very good thing!)

Second it is verboten both here on the Internet and in real life to critique celebrants of the Mass. There is always an excuse why a Mass was poorly celebrated. If things really get out of hand there is the ultimate (and largely true) excuse: “that Mass just bestowed the same amount of sacrificial grace as any other validly celebrated Mass.”

With that reality you either need to either fix things (find another parish) or you need to bear things (shelve the anger and prejudices) with as much grace and dignity as you possibly can with His help no matter what you might face.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Why not just give up your Sunday event so you can attend at your old parish?

 

[Tietjen]

You know what? Both of you need to grow-up.

I am very “grown-up” and perhaps that is the problem. I can recall a time when many of these issues weren’t issues. Today, many Catholics either have to adapt or parish shop. And to me that is sad.

I FIRMLY believe that the presentation of the Mass is often lacking (in the ways you point out and many far worse) for two giant reasons. First, lack of competition. As Catholics we HAVE to attend Sunday Mass and there isn’t typically a huge number of competing Masses to choose from. That not true with our Protestant brethren who literally have to be concerned about customer satisfaction (a very good thing!)

I could easily give you the same advice that you dished out and say “grow-up.” The mass isn’t a variety show or supposed to mirror a sitcom. Entertainment is not the motivating factor that one goes to mass. But alas, I’ll hold my tongue and take a more charitable approach.

Second it is verboten both here on the Internet and in real life to critique celebrants of the Mass. There is always an excuse why a Mass was poorly celebrated. If things really get out of hand there is the ultimate (and largely true) excuse: “that Mass just bestowed the same amount of sacrificial grace as any other validly celebrated Mass.”

And while that is true, there does exist “less than” traditional masses and dare I say, even celebrants that have exercised abuses during the mass. I would not suggest that this is the case in this particular situation; however, the belief that one should accept anything that happens at any mass as being proper is absured. For that reason I do not accept your “verboten” theory.

With that reality you either need to either fix things (find another parish) or you need to bear things (shelve the anger and prejudices) with as much grace and dignity as you possibly can with His help no matter what you might face.

As I said… adapt or parish shop. Glad everyone’s agreeing and being “grown-up.”

 

[janpeterotto]

You give an excellent description of “churchy faith” and you will get over it. Christ is so much greater than any expressions you’ll find or like or dislike…let them all go and be what you are in HIS eyes. So much simpler by the way. There is ONE parish only.

 

[Richard320]

Why not just give up your Sunday event so you can attend at your old parish?

My old parish is 400 miles away.

The Cathedral is my usual Sunday spot, but there’s not much in the way of extracurricular activities, and it’s hardly local.

 

[Chatter163]

. As Catholics we HAVE to attend Sunday Mass and there isn’t typically a huge number of competing Masses to choose from. That not true with our Protestant brethren who literally have to be concerned about customer satisfaction (a very good thing!)

Wow. Talk about a materialstic age in which we live. The problem with Sunday Mass attendance for Catholics is that it does not follow a market-based, consumer -driven model. Shopping around is the answer. Someone actually wrote this.

I am speechless. :banghead:

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Wow. Talk about a materialstic age in which we live. The problem with Sunday Mass attendance for Catholics is that it does not follow a market-based, consumer -driven model. Shopping around is the answer. Someone actually wrote this.

I am speechless. :banghead:

I wouldn’t be too surprised. I heard the same thing from a group of priests at an open forum when talking about why so many young people stop going to Mass or go to these protestant worship services. :banghead:

 

[anp1215]

I’m sorry, but there’s really no advice I can give you. I think you know that and just wanted to get it out. That’s ok, we all need to do that sometimes.

I moved and started going to the parish closest to my house but ended up returning to my old parish, which is a 25 minute drive, after a few months. It wasn’t really because of things like you mentioned, I just missed knowing lots of people, having the pastor know my name, and all of the activities and ways to be involved that they had. I’m just really glad I didn’t move so far that I was not within driving distance anymore.

 

[Jegudiel]

I am very “grown-up” and perhaps that is the problem. I can recall a time when many of these issues weren’t issues. Today, many Catholics either have to adapt or parish shop. And to me that is sad.

What you’re not grasping is some of the things you need to “adapt” to only contravene your personal preferences or prejudices. You don’t realize that, do you?

I could easily give you the same advice that you dished out and say “grow-up.” The mass isn’t a variety show or supposed to mirror a sitcom. Entertainment is not the motivating factor that one goes to mass. But alas, I’ll hold my tongue and take a more charitable approach.

The Mass also doesn’t revolver around your personal preferences nor does it revolve around you getting angry when you should be able to ignore certain things with God’s grace.

And while that is true, there does exist “less than” traditional masses and dare I say, even celebrants that have exercised abuses during the mass. I would not suggest that this is the case in this particular situation; however, the belief that one should accept anything that happens at any mass as being proper is absured. For that reason I do not accept your “verboten” theory.

“Traditional Masses?” What are you talking about? What does that have to do with this discussion? Anyway as Catholics we have the responsibility to take action with grave abuses which typically involve the Blessed Sacrament. Other things you should tactfully mention to your pastor and then pray for the grace to live with the outcome or you should move on. “Gritting your teeth” is counterproductive to your spiritual health and nourishment.

As I said… adapt or parish shop. Glad everyone’s agreeing and being “grown-up.”

Being angry through Mass is not adapting…

 

[Jegudiel]

Why not just give up your Sunday event so you can attend at your old parish?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I was driving four hours every Sunday to attend the EF Mass in another city. I loved the Mass and the parish so much, I threw caution to the wind and just moved to the city. I got a super-awesome paying government job with great benefits and never looked back.

 

[Jegudiel]

Wow. Talk about a materialstic age in which we live. The problem with Sunday Mass attendance for Catholics is that it does not follow a market-based, consumer -driven model. Shopping around is the answer. Someone actually wrote this.

I am speechless.

Has absolutely nothing to do with being “materialistic.” The fact that you equate it to that says a great deal about you. Many Protestant fellowships are under intense pressure for members. I see that manifested in many positive ways that are in no way “materialistic.”

Things like superior preaching. Superior welcoming of visitors. Superior music. Superior music participation. Superior ministering to individual members of the fellowship, etc. What’s the canned Catholic response? “We have the Eucharist!” To that I answer “yes we do, but it’s not a zero-sum game! Our parish lives do not have to be lacking in other areas because we have the Eucharist so please don’t infer that it does!”

 

[Jegudiel]

…I have three parishes within minutes of me, and I can’t find one Mass I like. So we drive almost 60 miles round trip. In LA traffic. To be just another anonymous butt in the pew. Just so I don’t have to grit my teeth for an hour while trying to suppress uncharitable thoughts. For that matter, my wife does a lot of teeth gritting too. I’m at least blessed that we share the same prejudices!

What part of LA by the way? Maybe I could recommend a good parish.

 

[Tietjen]

What you’re not grasping is some of the things you need to “adapt” to only contravene your personal preferences or prejudices. You don’t realize that, do you?

No… my “preferences” concerning the mass are laid out rather clearly in the rubrics. Once upon a time a Catholic could attend mass in any area of the world and the mass was celebrated in the same way (universal Church). For the most part, that is still the case. However, having celebrated mass at the Vatican and throughout Europe, Asia, and Central America, not to mention many parishes throughout the United States; I think that I can say with certainty that not every parish finds the laity reaching across aisles and/or to the person next to them to hold the hands of those opposite them during the Our Father. Nor do you find the laity’s hands held in the orans position during the Lord’s Prayer. Am I prejudice because I don’t support these things? I suppose that I am. However, I am also obedient to the Church and if she should ever choose to adopt these “things” I will happily embrace them. Until then, I remain a rather simple man and say to the laity, “Stop playing the role of bishop and adding new and improved things to the mass.”

The Mass also doesn’t revolver around your personal preferences nor does it revolve around you getting angry when you should be able to ignore certain things with God’s grace.

Jegudiel, I assure you that I do ignore “certain things with God’s grace” when it comes to the mass. However, on the anger issue… I’d say it’s more disappointment rather than anger. As for the mass as it relates to my personal preferences… as I already said above, if the rubics is followed with nothing being added and/or taken away, then my personal preferences are satisfied.

“Traditional Masses?” What are you talking about? What does that have to do with this discussion?

Let me simplify it. If a parish celebrates mass the way the Church as a whole says to celebrate it, things are good. If a parish celebrates mass leaving things out or adding things to the mass, things are bad.

Anyway as Catholics we have the responsibility to take action with grave abuses which typically involve the Blessed Sacrament. Other things you should tactfully mention to your pastor and then pray for the grace to live with the outcome or you should move on. “Gritting your teeth” is counterproductive to your spiritual health and nourishment.

Respectfully, I believe that you must be seeing me as some sort of malcontent. Of course I’ll speak with the priest and/or bishop if there is an abuse. I’ve done so in the past and would do so again if a situation arose which called for that. I do not find abuses everywhere I turn however. Having said that, I do continue to see the hand holding and parishioners who think that they should be aping the priest with their hand movements. I see parishes which do not have kneelers. I see (this one is a big one) tabernacles that are set off in “side rooms” and out of sight of the nave. However, I am generally very pleased with my parish and do not travel as often as I once did. Therefore, I do not have to “grit my teeth” very often.

Being angry through Mass is not adapting…

Agreed, so what’s this have to do with me? I’m a happy Catholic. :dancing:

 

[Tietjen]

Has absolutely nothing to do with being “materialistic.” The fact that you equate it to that says a great deal about you. Many Protestant fellowships are under intense pressure for members. I see that manifested in many positive ways that are in no way “materialistic.”

Things like superior preaching. Superior welcoming of visitors. Superior music. Superior music participation. Superior ministering to individual members of the fellowship, etc. What’s the canned Catholic response? “We have the Eucharist!” To that I answer “yes we do, but it’s not a zero-sum game! Our parish lives do not have to be lacking in other areas because we have the Eucharist so please don’t infer that it does!”

Umm… Jegudiel, are you actually suggesting that the mass incorporate a more Protestant feel? There is a Protestant Church about a mile away from where I live that actually brings in wild animals (lions, tigers and bears oh my!) once a year in an attempt to draw in potential converts. They actually put on a great fireworks display every 4th of July too. As a result, they are considered a “mega-Church” for this area. Now… I’m sorry but this “stuff” is too silly for the Church to pursue. On the issue of superior music I can and do agree with you. I think it would be GREAT if every parish used organs rather than guitars. Better still… Gregorian chant. Now, that truly is superior music.

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

I think that the OP knows what the liturgy calls for, and finds her parish sadly lacking. The typical North American “horizontal-based” liturgy of the 1970’s and 80’s is still alive and well in many places. Once someone has tasted steak, it is hard to go back to bologna sandwiches.

 

[Reda]

Better still… Gregorian chant. Now, that truly is superior music.

Yes! I thought I was the only one who thought this… I love Gregorian chant

…though I do actually enjoy the hand-holding thing (I think it gets me to recognize the people I’m standing next to during Mass) but that may just be because I’ve always done that in every parish I’ve been in for my whole ‘long’ 23 years of life.

 

[DiZent]

Yes! I thought I was the only one who thought this… I love Gregorian chant

…though I do actually enjoy the hand-holding thing (I think it gets me to recognize the people I’m standing next to during Mass) but that may just be because I’ve always done that in every parish I’ve been in for my whole ‘long’ 23 years of life.

And I don’t like Gregorian chant at all or the ICEL chant we are using as the setting for the Mass responses. I miss the music that I came to love when I re-verted in 1985 (that the OP does not like). At my parish, I would rather attend the quiet Mass with no music at all, or I attend Mass at the neighboring parish where I joyfully sing the beautiful traditional & contemporary hymns and no chant.