I miss God

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alix

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Helloeveryone, i am currently in a terrible situation…;I have the feeling that God is gone away. I mean, away from me. I can no longer feel his presence. I think it’s been over 3 weeks that my life is degrading but these last few days are even worse for the more time passes, the more i get scrared he wont come back to me. My life is a complete mess, i mean, my life has really turned into a complete mess, in almost every area. God doesnt seem to help me.

Lately I’ve been suffering from an eye condition, an ocular dryness actually. I’ve suffered a lot, even the air hurt my eyes and I couldn’t even look at a screen. I almost felt like I were blind. Then i prayed God to help me. And miraculously I found a treatment and my eyes are back to normal. I had never felt so well with my eyes for years.

As human being, you obviously think: God has so much work with my eyes that he can’t help me in other areas of my life. He’s just too busy. But i quickly realize that this theory makes absolutely no sense. God is the almighty, he can do anything at the same time. He isn’t limited by time or space, he isn’t a human.

Then i’m completelly lost. I had already felt cut from God but it was a matter of 2-3 days,never so long…Everyday i pray “God come back, please come back, i miss you so”.

Yes i recovered my eyes, but what’s the point if i lost God? Appart from the health, all my life is a complete disaster now. Also, i am achizophreniac, it has to be said. I’m a 23 years old schizophreniac girl and since i dont feel God anymore, i’m going crazy. Completelly crazy and mad. Without God my life is worthless, EMPTY! I want to cry, i want to scream; Sometimes i over eat and sometimes i just want to starve myself. Ever since i feel like God left me, i’m a complete maniac, i dont even manage to speak properly, i lose my memory, i feel like disconnected from the world…

It’s not like i feel hated by God or anything, because he’s always spoiled me in life, in every areas, i just feel abandonned, forgotten…

I dont manage to connect to God, I dont manage to feel him inside of me. And i’m scared, i’m really scared. What can i do for him to come back? i’m going completely insane, i do crazy things now.;; Yes i tell myself, may the problem isn’t with God, it is with me. I’m so crazy that i dont even feel God anymore…I dunno, I dont understand.
 
You didn’t lose God, and He hasn’t forgotten you.

He’s not too busy to take care of all your needs.

And you are not crazy. Also, you are not alone.

If your eyes are up to it, read this book amazon.com/Mother-Teresa-Private-Writings-Calcutta/dp/0385520379

God is there. He is real. And he loves you more than you can ever understand this side of heaven. He knows what’s going on in your life and even in your mind.

Keep praying. Keep going to Mass. Go to Confession as needed. Don’t do crazy things.

You are on the right track. This dark period may be more evidence of that than anyone could realize. Just hang in there.

Also, pray for more faith. This is one prayer that God never fails to answer quickly and in our favor.

I’ll pray for you.
 
I sometimes feel that way as well. Then I remember this poem.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
wowzone.com/fprints.htm
 
You are not the first to experience this. The theological term for this spiritual dryness (coined by St. John of the Cross) is the “dark night of the soul.”

Sometimes, God will take away those consolations and good feelings to give us the opportunity to really choose Him for love of Him alone. When we are constantly receiving consolations, it can be easy for us to simply choose God because it makes us feel good. When those feelings are gone, we must choose God by sheer force of will.

I would really recommend talking all this over with a good priest/spiritual director. He will be able to help you in ways that we cannot.
 
alix said:
Helloeveryone, i am currently in a terrible situation…;I have the feeling that God is gone away. I mean, away from me. I can no longer feel his presence. I think it’s been over 3 weeks that my life is degrading but these last few days are even worse for the more time passes, the more i get scrared he wont come back to me. My life is a complete mess, i mean, my life has really turned into a complete mess, in almost every area. God doesnt seem to help me.

Lately I’ve been suffering from an eye condition, an ocular dryness actually. I’ve suffered a lot, even the air hurt my eyes and I couldn’t even look at a screen. I almost felt like I were blind. Then i prayed God to help me. And miraculously I found a treatment and my eyes are back to normal. I had never felt so well with my eyes for years.

As human being, you obviously think: God has so much work with my eyes that he can’t help me in other areas of my life. He’s just too busy. But i quickly realize that this theory makes absolutely no sense. God is the almighty, he can do anything at the same time. He isn’t limited by time or space, he isn’t a human.

Then i’m completelly lost. I had already felt cut from God but it was a matter of 2-3 days,never so long…Everyday i pray “God come back, please come back, i miss you so”.

Yes i recovered my eyes, but what’s the point if i lost God? Appart from the health, all my life is a complete disaster now. Also, i am achizophreniac, it has to be said. I’m a 23 years old schizophreniac girl and since i dont feel God anymore, i’m going crazy. Completelly crazy and mad. Without God my life is worthless, EMPTY! I want to cry, i want to scream; Sometimes i over eat and sometimes i just want to starve myself. Ever since i feel like God left me, i’m a complete maniac, i dont even manage to speak properly, i lose my memory, i feel like disconnected from the world…

It’s not like i feel hated by God or anything, because he’s always spoiled me in life, in every areas, i just feel abandonned, forgotten…

I dont manage to connect to God, I dont manage to feel him inside of me. And i’m scared, i’m really scared. What can i do for him to come back? i’m going completely insane, i do crazy things now.;; Yes i tell myself, may the problem isn’t with God, it is with me. I’m so crazy that i dont even feel God anymore…I dunno, I dont understand.
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Please know that God loves YOU.

Sometimes for His own reasons we are left to wander in the wilderness. We feel so alone. So abandoned. And we try to figure out what we did to deserve such abandonment. I know. I spent many years in the place you are describing. But I held on. I kept going and you must do the same thing. You will be strengthened and not even know it! You hold onto your faith and never forget that God loves you very much. He has not forgotten you. I know you feel forgotten. But sometimes we feel a certain way because we don’t have all of the answers. It is at these times we must hold fast to our faith. Be prayerful. For as long as it takes. Never give up. Even if you don’t understand. That is what faith is.

I missed God for a very long time, my young friend. But I know now that He never left me alone, not for one minute. And He will not leave you alone either.

Go to Mass faithfully. Pray the Rosary faithfully. Talk to your Pastor. Read posts on this forum. There is a lot of strength and wisdom here. Make and keep good friends. They can be a comfort to you through your darkest times.

May you find peace and the courage to endure,
Tracey
 
Dear Alix,

I’ve just been going through the SAME thing for the past week!! I know how it feels and it’s so horrible and I wanted to just give up too. :hug1: But yesterday, when I was least expecting it, I felt God’s presence again and I don’t feel abandoned anymore. I saw that this was just a trial!! God just wanted to see if I will still trust Him, because if I do, this will make my faith grow. Our faith and love only grows when we choose it despite lack of feelings 🙂

please don’t give up, I know that God is definitely with you, He won’t leave you after dying for you on the Cross! Just keep on praying and trust that He is with you. I know it’s really painful, I will say a prayer for you.

God bless
 
There were times this past fall where I felt the same, where I felt unsure of it all. I had learned so much about my faith that I felt I was doomed, I felt unsure about God, about everything.

I remember, distinctly, entering the church on my campus one day. It was quiet, dark, only one person was there, near the side of the altar, adoring the Eucharist. I went over to one of the pews to kneel.

I wanted to hold back my emotions out of embarassment, but, I just let it out. Tears were streaming down my face, I felt so much pain and sorrow about it all, like I had been away from God all my life, even though I went to church and listened, even though I tried hard.

It was during this past Lent that I truly felt God again, and it was a great transformation of my life. I put my trust back in God, and I felt so much more close to Him.
 
Hi Alix,
Code: 
      After reading your post my first natural response was that you are a normal 23 year old young woman. I too have been spoiled by God most of my life. It was in going to that next level of faith with Christ that I realized and experienced the purge of true faith being forged in my soul...like steel in a furnace...or gold, I like steel. I too have had my manic days and it is in those times where I talk to God and tell Him the truth in my heart, He already knows, but it is in being honest with Him that He is pleased. I have found consolation just in taking that brave step. Praying the rosary for me has brought great comfort. Know too that Christ also gave us His mother and all the saints to go to for assistance/intercession, never forget about them, what saint has been on your mind lately? Do some reading on that saints life, they are probably trying to teach you something and bring you a special sense of their heavenly comfort....by the trials they lived in their lives. Not enough people ask for the saints help, I have learned so much from them, you will find yourself transformed by their intercession. I think this is what God wanted me to tell you as I sensed a pull to sign on today. Also, please realize that if you are a practicing Catholic it is always good to do a check spiritualy concerning sin and make the time to go to confession. A priest told me once in confession that this life is a purgative state and that there will be suffering. You just have to check and make sure it isn't because of some sin uncovered and unrepented, do you part and God will do His. Soon, believe it or not the feelings and consolations that you crave will become a refined taste and what used to bring you comfort you will no longer feel the dire need for.
God Bless You
I will pray for you!! 🙂
 
alix said:
Helloeveryone, i am currently in a terrible situation…;I have the feeling that God is gone away. I mean, away from me. I can no longer feel his presence. I think it’s been over 3 weeks that my life is degrading but these last few days are even worse for the more time passes, the more i get scrared he wont come back to me. My life is a complete mess, i mean, my life has really turned into a complete mess, in almost every area. God doesnt seem to help me.

Lately I’ve been suffering from an eye condition, an ocular dryness actually. I’ve suffered a lot, even the air hurt my eyes and I couldn’t even look at a screen. I almost felt like I were blind. Then i prayed God to help me. And miraculously I found a treatment and my eyes are back to normal. I had never felt so well with my eyes for years.

As human being, you obviously think: God has so much work with my eyes that he can’t help me in other areas of my life. He’s just too busy. But i quickly realize that this theory makes absolutely no sense. God is the almighty, he can do anything at the same time. He isn’t limited by time or space, he isn’t a human.

Then i’m completelly lost. I had already felt cut from God but it was a matter of 2-3 days,never so long…Everyday i pray “God come back, please come back, i miss you so”.

Yes i recovered my eyes, but what’s the point if i lost God? Appart from the health, all my life is a complete disaster now. Also, i am achizophreniac, it has to be said. I’m a 23 years old schizophreniac girl and since i dont feel God anymore, i’m going crazy. Completelly crazy and mad. Without God my life is worthless, EMPTY! I want to cry, i want to scream; Sometimes i over eat and sometimes i just want to starve myself. Ever since i feel like God left me, i’m a complete maniac, i dont even manage to speak properly, i lose my memory, i feel like disconnected from the world…

It’s not like i feel hated by God or anything, because he’s always spoiled me in life, in every areas, i just feel abandonned, forgotten…

I dont manage to connect to God, I dont manage to feel him inside of me. And i’m scared, i’m really scared. What can i do for him to come back? i’m going completely insane, i do crazy things now.;; Yes i tell myself, may the problem isn’t with God, it is with me. I’m so crazy that i dont even feel God anymore…I dunno, I dont understand.
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I have had what you are going through alot. The way I always look at it is, if you never experienced God you could not miss Him You cannot truly miss what you have not experienced. So God is there just as much as when He allowed you to feel his presence or be aware of Him. When you know that you miss God, be assured that He is truly there. When He hides from you, He gives you a chance to miss Him. To renew yourself with Him. He wants you to want Him for who He is, not for the consolations that He gives. It is hard, but like the others have said, just continue to pray and go to Church, the dryness will pass.
 
If God had truly left you, you would not have the grace to want Him at all. If you are trying your best to come back to Him, and have repented of all sin, but are still feeling this absence, then it is just a trial to go through 🙂 and trials are to transform us into saints.
 
Hello everyone, I wanted to thank you all for your support. My mom also told me about Mother Theresa feeling forsaken by God, but i don’t know much about this story so i think i could buy a book, indeed.

I can’t believe some you endured 1 year without feeling the presence of God. I think i would die before.

Miraculously I can feel God close from me again by now, but i went throught a very hard time. I couldn’t even move from my bed, my heart raced, i had no more emotion etc…To be honest i have felt close from suicide.

My life has now slowly restarted to improve, but there’s something very important to know. And that thing is that all the things i got in life, would have no value if it weren’t God who granted them to me. God and only God can make my life complete.

Also, i’ve managed to decrease my medications and i want to thank God for that. I truly hope that with less medication my brain will function better and i will feel even closer from God.
 
alix said:
Hello everyone, I wanted to thank you all for your support. My mom also told me about Mother Theresa feeling forsaken by God, but i don’t know much about this story so i think i could buy a book, indeed.

I can’t believe some you endured 1 year without feeling the presence of God. I think i would die before.

Miraculously I can feel God close from me again by now, but i went throught a very hard time. I couldn’t even move from my bed, my heart raced, i had no more emotion etc…To be honest i have felt close from suicide.

My life has now slowly restarted to improve, but there’s something very important to know. And that thing is that all the things i got in life, would have no value if it weren’t God who granted them to me. God and only God can make my life complete.

Also, i’ve managed to decrease my medications and i want to thank God for that. I truly hope that with less medication my brain will function better and i will feel even closer from God.
Click to expand...
We’ll keep praying for you! Hang in there!
 
alix said:
Hello everyone, I wanted to thank you all for your support. My mom also told me about Mother Theresa feeling forsaken by God, but i don’t know much about this story so i think i could buy a book, indeed.

I can’t believe some you endured 1 year without feeling the presence of God. I think i would die before.

Miraculously I can feel God close from me again by now, but i went throught a very hard time. I couldn’t even move from my bed, my heart raced, i had no more emotion etc…To be honest i have felt close from suicide.

My life has now slowly restarted to improve, but there’s something very important to know. And that thing is that all the things i got in life, would have no value if it weren’t God who granted them to me. God and only God can make my life complete.

Also, i’ve managed to decrease my medications and i want to thank God for that. I truly hope that with less medication my brain will function better and i will feel even closer from God.
Click to expand...
I’m glad you are feeling better and I hope the change in medications works for you.

I have bipolar 1 (manic and depressive episodes) with psychotic features (delusions, hallucinations and paranoia - not a problem now but they have been in the past) and I can relate to having trouble due to symptoms and feeling abandoned. From the way you wrote, I am wondering if you had difficulty with depression or “negative symptoms” such as little energy, feeling withdrawn, etc. recently.

You sound like an intelligent person who can benefit from talking with others about psychological and spiritual issues, as well as medication that you’re taking. I don’t know if you’ve tried pastoral counseling or finding a spiritual director who can help with the reading and thinking that you’re doing.

I’m glad you’re feeling better and I hope you have supportive people who can discuss these issues with you.

edited to add: your life is precious and valuable to God so please make sure that you have enough support and help that you can resist the temptation to suicide. That may feel like an option when you are miserable and feeling abandoned, but it’s not what God wants and your family would also be very upset. God loves you and does not want to you to be miserable.

take care.
 
Always keep in mind this verse:

(Hebrews 13:5 DRB) Let your manners be without covetousness, contented with such things as you have. For he hath said: I will not leave thee: neither will I forsake thee.

Therefore, any time we feel like God has left us, it is usually the case that in fact, we have left God. I am not saying that you have done this though. Sometimes this feeling can be caused by depression.
 
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