I need a major breakthrough in my life

[natedagw824]

Hello,

For the past month, I have been in a deep state of depression. I suffer from Bipolar Mania with psycotic idiations as well. To be honest with you, I am so lonely I could scream. I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been on a date before; I’ve never experienced love at all.
Also, I am burning with passion so badly that I want to get married.
I have been praying a lot about this and I’m also reading my Bible. How do I discern what Jesus wants for me in life?
That question haunts me on a daily basis. How do I know that I’m in His Will?
Currently, I am still in college. I am majoring in Computer Science and I’m doing quiet well, but when it comes to dating I have a pretty bad situation to deal with.
I am not working because I’m on SSD. You see, I have a chronic pain disease called Fibromyalgia plus I suffer from a brain disorder(previously stated). What woman is ever going to want me? How can I deal with this sad situation?
I feel like I’m missing out on the best years of my life. It is so very very hard. I think about suicide A LOT. Sometimes I feel like that is the answer. I know it’s wrong to think like that, but I just cant help it. Furthermore, I feel like if I commit suicide God will give me a chance to talk my problems out with Him then he would send me back to earth and give me another chance at life.
However, I know this is twisted thinking. I just can’t help it. Today, is Saturday and I’m gonna go to confession and Mass and talk to my local priest about all that I’m going through. The only thing that gives me comfort anymore is knowing that Jesus experienced despair when He was on earth back in the day.

Lately, since I’ve been so depressed, I’ve been praying for a major breakthrough in my life. I need one badly. I need my situation to change for the better. I know this is going against the Church, but I must say this: I am starting to go to a “Protestant” church for fellowship. I am NOT leaving the Catholic church at all. I just need more “interaction” with other people. Am I sinning in doing this? Is it wrong to fellowship with non-Catholics? I really hope not. I think it all boils down to having a relationship with Jesus.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I would really appreciate it if you could keep me in your prayers.

I would also appreciate some advice on any helpful novenas, or prayers, or good books to read.

Thanks for your time,

Nathan =)

 

[leonie]

Hi Nathan, I’m sorry for your struggles. I’m glad that you are getting advice from your pastor. I have a friend with rapid cycle bipolar. She has really been through the ringer. She’s married now to a very nice man who is very understanding of her disorder. She’s had to give up a lot of her dreams, though. She has a M.D. license, but isn’t able to practice. God’s plan for her is very different from the life she would have chosen.

I don’t know about going to a Protestant Church. I think it would be okay as long as you don’t leave the Church. If you feel tempted to leave the Church, you should stop going. It’s a mortal sin to walk away from the Church. It would be better if you had a Catholic support system, though. Maybe you could ask your pastor about that.

ewtn.com has some good audio.

I’ll look up some links.

ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/file_index.asp?SeriesId=-6892291&pgnu=

ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/file_index.asp?SeriesId=6129&pgnu=

ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/file_index.asp?SeriesId=53&pgnu=1

ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/seriessearchprog.asp?seriesID=6718&T1=suffering

You might need a retreat. Do you live in the Midwest? The Francisican Friars of the Immaculate in Bloomington, Indiana give private retreats and spiritual direction. Maybe you could ask your pastor about a retreat. There are lots of great conferences and seminars going on during the summer.

I hope something really wonderful happens for you soon. I’m going to pray for you this week that you have a revelation and a healing. So, much of life is just trudging on and perservering. God bless you.

You know that the suicidal thoughts are a temptation either caused by your disorder or by the devil. If they feel strong, you must get help immediately. God has a plan for your life that you can’t see right now.

 

[johannahw]

Hi Nathan,
I feel for you. I am 52 years old and have suffered with rapid cycling bipolar disorder for over 30 years. I also know what it is like to burn with passion. I have let sexual sin ruin my life. Please don’t give in to the temptations. From one who knows very well, it isn’t worth it.
I am not a male. So I can’t relate to you on that basis but everything else you wrote I can thoroughly understand. I understand what it is like to have no friends. I have none. I am alone most of the time though I am married to wonderful man now whose understands my mental illness and is companion and constant support for me. I am blessed by having him in my life. Living with a woman who has this disorder (also with pyschotic features) has not been easy for him. We have been married for 10 years and live together as brother and sister because of my previous marriages being valid in the church. I am a catholic convert who has often strayed to other churches to find human companionship but have found that it often just doesn’t work. People so easily lose patience with me because my bipolar disorder is not under good control. I am often tempted to suicide, too. But I know self murder is a mortal sin. When I am most tempted all I can pray over and over again is Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner. And I just discovered Catholic Answers a little over a week ago. Already I have made some friends on the Longest Conversation thread on the Back Fence forum under the water cooler. Some of them really helped me through my last bad temptation to suicide last weekend.
Please feel free to PM me if you want and I’ll be praying for you.
Oh, and one more thing about going to different churches. I have also been rejected by Protestants who have told me I just didn’t have enough true faith to be healed by Jesus. I’ve also been told (and convinced) that I have demons. Please be careful and stay in touch with your priest.
May God be with you through your struggles.
Johannah

 

[InLight247]

Nathan:

I am sorry for your struggle. To answer your question about fellowship with Protestants, I don’t see any problem as long as you are not leaving Catholic Church and not to receive their once in a while communion if they have it. I know the atmosphere of Protestant fellowship is very different. Catholics attend Mass to offer ourselves and to worship God. We are God centered. Protestants, while worshiping God, they put much emphasis on social fellowship. For a lonely person who longs for friends, it will be good for you to attend such gathering.

At the same time, try to find out if there is any young adult group in your Catholic Parish. As for girl friend, please have patience and not be anxious. I suggest you to make some friends first, both male and female. Pray for this intention and God will send right people to your path.

You are in my prayer. God bless!