I need advice and prayer: regarding conjugal relations

[anruari]

I often question in my own mind the high level of sexual talk in this forum but here I am contribution my own thread…
Please pray for me I’m in need of Patience.

My wife have birth by C.S. to our second child 2 months ago.
Due to her having painful hips (due to SPD) we have not shared conjugal relations now for well over 3 months, and before that was rare throughout the pregnancy.

(in fact it has been rare since the third trimester of her carrying our First-Born… He’s now 2).

I’m beginning to find the wait very difficult. I know things will return to a more normal footing when my wife is ready - but right now I’m feeling frustrated and somewhat rejected.

Over this weekend just passed my wife and I were able to be more tactile and affectionate with each other - this has at one extent helped other forms of affection and emotional intimacy are often more important… but it also goes to highlight the extended fast from full “marital consummation” which we are currently enduring.

If anyone has good advice on ways to improve my patients at this time ti would be well received.
(in the mean time I will redouble my efforts to make my wife feel Cherished and cared for… I must also maintain a balance between ensuring she feels “Wanted” and not feeling “pressurised”)

 

[Blacksword]

Sigh…if anyone on here has a magic pill of advice for this, they ought to write a book and get very rich. I’ll wait for any revelatory responses, but my question to you is: What if it never changes? What will you do if it just goes on like this for good? Because in my experience and from most advice columns and discussion forums I’ve seen, it usually does. This may well be your new normal.

 

[ChrissyB364]

Okay. I have to reply if only to give you a little more hope than Blacksword did. OUCH!

I know during my last pregnancy and shortly thereafter I had no interest in sex. In fact we were even both surprised when I discovered I was pregnant because of the infrequency. When my husband mentioned it it just made me angry. I think it happens to a lot of new mothers. You give and give and give aaaalllll day long, when the kids finally go to bed you don’t want to give of yourself anymore. I worked with preschoolers and told my husband once that I had 8 people crawling all over me all day, 2 more when I came home and I didn’t want anyone else crawling on me at the end of the day. There’s so much stress in being a new mother that you forget to be a woman also.

It’s only been in the last year that I’m more comfortable with my role as a mom AND a wife (my oldest daughter is 4) Once I started taking care of myself, exercising and such I was more interested in sex again. Continue to try and make her feel pretty, help her out with the kids etc (as I’m sure you’ve been doing). Let her talk to you and let the stress of the day go, maker her feel closer to you mentally and you’ll just have to wait her out.

As for you…well I know it’s much easier for a lady to go without than it is a man…rigorous exercise? Tire yourself out? and pray, pray,pray.

 

[Ophelia23]

It is very hard, I know. My husband really struggled with this. There isn’t really any advice one can give you aside from prayer. Maybe try to think of this as your 40 days in the desert, even if it exceeds the 40 days. Christ suffered and sacrificed for Love’s sake. You are called to do the same. Just try to offer it to our Lord in prayer and penance… There is no better advice.

From a woman’s perspective who also had a C-section, it is more than just pain in the hips. If you are following NFP, the months after birth are full of abstaining because if there is presence of any discharge (blood, mucus, less-fertile mucus, etc) then you are to assume fertility. I know this was a great challenge for us as a couple. Also, more than just the hips are sore even though the birth was via cesarean, if you catch my drift.

I am really praying for you. I know this is SO incredibly difficult and SO outside of man’s apparent nature to abstain for this long. But remember that it IS possible, and that you can do all things through Christ who saves you.

By the way, congrats on becoming a papa!!!

 

[shipwrkd]

.If anyone has good advice on ways to improve my patients at this time ti would be well received.(in the mean time I will redouble my efforts to make my wife feel Cherished and cared for… I must also maintain a balance between ensuring she feels “Wanted” and not feeling “pressurised”)

By the way, congrats on becoming a papa!!!

From a mans perspective, I’ve gone through this three times and watched my kids go through the same thing after the birth of my grand kids. Your last sentence is telling me that your going to be fine. Along with patience, show your wife that your willing to wait for HER. Show her love and she’ll come around and your gonna find that when you do start up again, it’ll be better then ever. That’s the good news. The bad news is that as you guys age and she hits menopause she may loose interest again and usually it becomes more permanent…but that’s my problem. Right now, show her your love for her and strengthen your marriage for the real test.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Has your wife sought treatment for her SPD?
I had it during my last pregnancy and it is, indeed, excruciating…
But, my midwife suggested trying chiropractic adjustments… and it helped TREMENDOUSLY… at least in my case!
I am not one to have every considered chiro before… I thought it was weird… but I was desperate and I came out pleased from the experience.

Regardless… ask her doctor if there are any treatment or rehab options that may help speed up the healing process.

Prayers for you.

 

[cargau]

I often question in my own mind the high level of sexual talk in this forum but here I am contribution my own thread…
Please pray for me I’m in need of Patience.

My wife have birth by C.S. to our second child 2 months ago.
Due to her having painful hips (due to SPD) we have not shared conjugal relations now for well over 3 months, and before that was rare throughout the pregnancy.

(in fact it has been rare since the third trimester of her carrying our First-Born… He’s now 2).

I’m beginning to find the wait very difficult. I know things will return to a more normal footing when my wife is ready - but right now I’m feeling frustrated and somewhat rejected.

Over this weekend just passed my wife and I were able to be more tactile and affectionate with each other - this has at one extent helped other forms of affection and emotional intimacy are often more important… but it also goes to highlight the extended fast from full “marital consummation” which we are currently enduring.

If anyone has good advice on ways to improve my patients at this time ti would be well received.
(in the mean time I will redouble my efforts to make my wife feel Cherished and cared for… I must also maintain a balance between ensuring she feels “Wanted” and not feeling “pressurised”)

As Paul said in Ephesians 5, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church. Your wife finds it difficult, if not unbearable to be intimate. Maybe God is calling you to abstinence so that you may, through self denial mirror Christ’s love.

The marital embrace is not about what we get, its about what we give. That is one reason why the Church opposes birth control…because it restricts total giving.

Jesus went to the Cross for us. You have a golden opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus to your family. You have the opportunity to show, by example, what it is to empty yourself in love.

I am not saying this is easy. But by focusing on your wife (and children) and not yourself, you will be better disposed to making the sacrifice you are being called to

 

[anruari]

Has your wife sought treatment for her SPD?
I had it during my last pregnancy and it is, indeed, excruciating…
But, my midwife suggested trying chiropractic adjustments… and it helped TREMENDOUSLY… at least in my case!
I am not one to have every considered chiro before… I thought it was weird… but I was desperate and I came out pleased from the experience.

Regardless… ask her doctor if there are any treatment or rehab options that may help speed up the healing process.

Prayers for you.

We assumed the SPD would go away straight after birth the way it did the first time. but her hips are still sore 2 months later. It’s very hard for my wife to attend Physio sessions with a 2 month old and a 2 year old. - even with my help. The Grandmothers are both in other countries - so they cant help.
It’s virtually impossible for her to then carry out the at home exercises they give her. - for the SPD or any of the other complications she suffers from. During the Pregnancy the Physiotherapist did use something similar to Chiropractic adjustments.

 

[cargau]

I often question in my own mind the high level of sexual talk in this forum but here I am contribution my own thread…
Please pray for me I’m in need of Patience.

My wife have birth by C.S. to our second child 2 months ago.
Due to her having painful hips (due to SPD) we have not shared conjugal relations now for well over 3 months, and before that was rare throughout the pregnancy.

(in fact it has been rare since the third trimester of her carrying our First-Born… He’s now 2).

I’m beginning to find the wait very difficult. I know things will return to a more normal footing when my wife is ready - but right now I’m feeling frustrated and somewhat rejected.

Over this weekend just passed my wife and I were able to be more tactile and affectionate with each other - this has at one extent helped other forms of affection and emotional intimacy are often more important… but it also goes to highlight the extended fast from full “marital consummation” which we are currently enduring.

If anyone has good advice on ways to improve my patients at this time ti would be well received.
(in the mean time I will redouble my efforts to make my wife feel Cherished and cared for… I must also maintain a balance between ensuring she feels “Wanted” and not feeling “pressurised”)

As Paul said in Ephesians 5, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church. Your wife finds it difficult, if not unbearable to be intimate. Maybe God is calling you to abstinence so that you may, through self denial mirror Christ’s love.

The marital embrace is not about what we get, its about what we give. That is one reason why the Church opposes birth control…because it restricts total giving.

Jesus went to the Cross for us. You have a golden opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus to your family. You have the opportunity to show, by example, what it is to empty yourself in love.

I am not saying this is easy. But by focusing on your wife (and children) and not yourself, you will be better disposed to making the sacrifice you are being called to