I need advice from a Catholic perspective

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NFLgirl4GB

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I have a bad situation. My mom just “married by law” a man about a month ago. We’ll call him L. My mom about 2 or 3 months ago sold me a house that is paid off, and sold it to me for $10.00. I gave her a money order for the house. There were no contracts before this selling of the house. No discussion really on to why she sold me the house. At first the reason was because she wanted it to be safely in my name for in case she dies, that I will own the house and sell the house, and split the money between me and my brothers.

Then it came to the reason of well “my credit is bad, I may get a lien on the house so I put it in your name”… Oh wait, the first reason was… “I am putting it in your name to help clean up YOUR credit.”…

So anyway the house is FULLY in my name.

Another story to tell. My mom has been dating this man who cheats on her, calls her a liar, abuses her, is anti-Catholic (which we are), and they’re relationship has been off and on for 16 years. I had to live everyday with my mom, on those nights that she would cry herself to sleep because of how L treated her. I had to live with her moving from place to place to keep her mind off L. I had to move to many schools because of L. My mother has tried to get away from him before, but he just kept popping back into her life.

A history of this man is this… he has filed bankruptcy 3 times. He couldn’t pay off a house, but yet he could remodel it. Instead of paying on payments,… he bought extra stuff with his money. He does NOT know how to handle money. He has also stolen $187,000 worth of credit card debt from my mom over 10 years ago. I call him a manipulator, control freak, a cheater, and user.

And guess what. He is now living in MY HOME. My mom has decided to “Marry him by Law.” L lost his house because he couldn’t pay it. So my mom invited him to come live in the home that I am currently living in. In a home that I have a lot of Happy Memories in. In a home that is ENTIRELY in my name.

Now he is trying to make rules over what goes on in the house. --I am 26 years old. I am not a little kid anymore. I do not want to live with this man. I told myself that I never would. And now that I am, I have been SO STRESSED that my neck started to twitch the other day. And it twitched sometimes today too.

All, most of my family hates this man because of what he has done to my mother.

My mom also owns a collection business. I work for my mom. I get paid $10 an hour and can pretty much make up my own schedule. The business is located inside the house. The office is apart of the house. So her business is also apart of the house. Which I don’t like either because I don’t like the type of business that it is. Especially when my mom is in a lot of debt right now. It just doesn’t seem right.

Also there are now 4 cars in the driveway, and a trailer. All his furniture is in the gorage. NEW furniture was also ordered, and now they are asking that my friend M. moves out because they don’t have room for the furniture. Also because my friend M hasn’t paid rent for October, but normally my mom would be lieniant to that. I just don’t think it’s fair.

1 more thing. About a month ago my mom bought a $30,000 convertible. (Even though she’s so much in debt)… and L wasn’t interested in her before she bought the car. They were split up. But he seen the car… and got back with her. Then asked her to marry him… welll not ask he said… “Um, we are getting married thursday”… My mom said okay. She didn’t believe him at first, but they went ahead and did it.

I personally believe that he “married” her because he was losing his house and he did not have a place to live. He also wanted to use the car in which he uses MORE then my mom. He drives it EVERYDAY to work which is putting miles and miles on it. It just makes me sick.

So yeah. I kind of want an attorney to kick my mom and him out of “MY” House. Even though L claims that it is his now because he “married” my mom. My mom also calls it “his”. It just makes me SICK. And I don’t know what to do about my friend moving out because technically they can’t do anything because the house is in my name. I would be the one having to go to the courts to sign papers to say that I want her out. But in reality, I do not.

What on earth should I do???
 
You DEFINITELY need to see a lawyer. If you think you need one to get them out of your house, then by all means get one. It is your house now, your mom sold it to you fair and square.

I know it is causing you stress, but what about your friend M? I’m sure it’s causing M a lot of stress too. I say, it’s your house, tell them to get L’s stuff out into a rent-a-storage. Tell them you do not have room for new furniture–you will not allow it into the house. If they fuss about it, hand them the Apartment Guide.

Also, just because L “married” your mom doesn’t mean he has to live in YOUR home. She is an adult, she can deal with her adult problems. Since she has a “husband” they are perfectly able to pool their resources and move into an apartment together, away from you. Your mom can move the collection business into that apartment. (Don’t worry about if they will have space for it, it is THEIR worry.) I am saying that they have to move out together because they are “married” If he married her to be with her (and have a roof over his head) then tell them they are married, they have to move out now. He has to go, and your mom has to deal with it (doesn’t sound like she will make that ultimatum to L.) or they have to move out together. They are adults.

Get a different job. Don’t work for your mom anymore. I know the hours must have been nice, but you know, she IS in debt, and how is she paying you? You can’t honestly say that she will run out of money to pay you–and you are having qualms with the sort of business she is running, so quit. Telemarketing jobs pay more than $10 an hour.

And it is sick how L and your mom says it is “their” house now–they sold it to you, free and clear, you are free to use it as you see fit, and you set the rules, including for your mom and L. I know you do not want your mom to have to move out, but they are “married” now. So long as she continues a relationship with L, she has to live elsewhere. (You would not want to encourage living in sin, do you?)

And if L threatens you or starts manipulating you, too, by all means, contact the police for a restraining and protection order.

But above all, contacting a lawyer will be the best way to go to evict the unwanted tenant L. out. You don’t have to evict your mother, but you won’t ever know if she is letting him into the house while you are gone. Let her know that she is free to live with you so long as she severs all ties with L completely. Otherwise, remember she is an adult, and let her make her own mistakes.

Above all, do not let either of them play the guilt card. Stay strong, and set firm and clear boundaries. It sounds tough, but it’s necessary for your own financial and mental health. Being Catholic does not mean being permissive or weak, or having to endure abuse. Being Catholic, actually, the best thing would be making them move out because morally, you cannot work for the sort of business your mom is in, and morally, you cannot allow them to live in sin in YOUR home.

“Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.” Praying for you!!
 
Holly, thanks so much for your (name removed by moderator)ut. It is really what I wanted to hear. I just don’t know how to go about into getting a lawyer. I know they are expensive, and as for L and my mom, I didn’t have any contracts for them to move in… So how do I go about to the courts into getting them out if I never had contracts in the first place?
 
I’m glad my (name removed by moderator)ut helped you, NFLgirl 🙂 It sounds like a bad situation, and I wanted to make sure first of all that you took care of yourself.

As for evicting them, that’s what a lawyer can help you with, to make sure you are within legal bounds to do so. I’m not a lawyer, and don’t really have legal knowledge. But to get a lawyer just open the phone book and call one up. Some lawyers can do cases at a low cost or pro bono, depending on your case and situation. Many lawyers might be willing to give you an initial consultation for free, and then give you an estimation of how much it will cost.

But libraries may have books on tenancy laws in your state. A librarian can help you find legal resources for your state, too. A search online can also give you an idea of what to do. That would be the cheapest way to go, and if you read them carefully, you may be able to figure it out without a lawyer.

Did you have a verbal agreement saying they could live in your house? In many states (I googled it) a verbal agreement is a contract on a month-to-month basis. In this case, a 30 day notice is generally what’s called for.

But if you have no verbal agreement, and no written agreements (i.e., your mom invited him into the house without consulting you), then you have the right to make them move out the same way a parent has the right to make an adult child move out of their home. The roles just seem to be reversed in this situation, since it is your home. If your roommate M has a contract with your mother, by selling the house to you I think the contract also moved to you. It would be a breach of contract to make M move out, basically.

So, depending on what you are able to find online, you can probably safely set a 30 day notice for them to move out. If you want them to move out sooner, then perhaps a 7 or 14 day notice to find an apartment may be possible.

But seeing as I’m not a lawyer, (sorry, wish I was so I could help you) double checking state laws is probably the way to go. If you need help, PM me your state and I can try to find the governmental resources online and PM the links back to you. (I work at a library, so I have some searching ability 🙂 )
 
If they don’t have a rental agreement, it would seem to me (I am not a lawyer) that L would be that much easier to evict. It would seem that he’s trespassing. If it’s your house, you call the sheriff and have him removed. Tell them that he isn’t welcome. If he keeps coming around, get a TRO against him.

Be prepared, though, if this is the course you choose you will alienate your mother. Every action has consequences.
 
**Not sure if this is a reasonable idea, but it’s what first popped into my head when I thought about if it were myself in your situation…
**
**First off, get a different job. You probably would be much less stressed if you were completely independent from your mom.

Secondly, sell the house. Give half to your mom, keep half for yourself. She can use her half to find another place for her and her new husband to live and you can use yours to start your new life. **
 
Mmhm…it will be tricky situation for a while, but just let your mom know that you have your boundaries–if she or he doesn’t respect them, well…

What you can do however, is remind your mom that you love her and care about her. If you don’t mind your mom living at home, you can tell her, that if and when she chooses to finally have L out of her life (permanently), she is welcome to move back in.

It will be tough–same as it is tough for any parent to kick out an adult child–but keep in touch with her, remind her that you love her. She may get fed up with L finally and realize that you’ve were only doing what was best for everybody involved. ( I doubt she will realize that if she hasn’t realized it in 16 years, though).

Good luck 🙂
 
I live in Texas, and I actually have experience evicting someone out, of this same house.

There was no verbal agreement for him to stay at my house. My mom just kind of said “Larry is moving in.”… She didn’t discuss this with me beforehand.

As for M, she never had a written contract either. But a verbal one to pay my mother $300 a month and 1/3 electric and water. … I personally didn’t agree with her paying my mother, but that’s just how it went about.
 
Okay, I was looking online for Texas.

Looks like, generally, if the tenant has been paying rent, then that is considered a form of agreement and then you would have to go through with the eviction process. But in the case of a guest or family member, you have the right to make them leave. If they don’t listen to you, then you can go to the police and ask them for help with somebody who is trespassing. (especially in the case of L.)

That is, if they haven’t contributed to the cost of the running the house as in utilities and stuff.

But, if either L. or your mom is paying for some of the utilities, that is considered an contract since she is compensating you in some way. Then you would have to go file a small claims report to evict them. It is under $100 to do that. (depends on the area you are in).

If they appeal (they have within 5 days of the decision to do so) then that’s when you would have to hire a lawyer.

Here are some links I found the information on:

tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/pr.toc.htm (The Landlord and Tenant section is Title 8–scroll down.)

rentlaw.com/eviction/texaseviction.htm

dallaslandlordlawyer.com/Evicting_the_tenant.htm (It is obviously different in your case that your mom is not paying you rent, but thought the refresher on the process of eviction might be nice)
dallaslandlordlawyer.com/what_is_a_tenant.htm (This may help to define whether your mom and L. is a tenant or not. Looks like if it is a family relationship, and you own the house full and clear, then you’re within your right to ask them to leave.)

And a place to ask legal questions, dallaslandlordlawyer.com/your_legal_question.htm

Dunno if you’re in Dallas, but they came up in the search and thought it would be nice to see that you can ask them a question.

Just a starting point 🙂
 
Thank you so much for all your work. 🙂 I will surely look into it. All the bills by the way Are in my name. Except for a Vonage bill. Which is needed for her business. They have not paid any water,phone or electric yet, but my mom has paid half the electric and water when she did live here before. But it was all money that was with my paycheck… which was basically “transfering funds” to my bank account. So there’s really no proof that she was paying half the water, phone and electric bill.
 
Sounds like things aren’t too complicated then, for a small claims court. Good luck with all this 🙂 I will be praying for you.
 
**I can see that the advice from a legal perspective is getting covered…but what would throwing your mom and her “husband” out do to your relationship with her and are you prepared for that?

**
 
If you don’t know how to find a lawyer or can’t afford an expensive one, you should look up your local bar association in the phone book and call them. Usually they will have an 800 number. They can provide you with references to lawyers or agencies who do not charge a lot or provide discounted services to those who can’t afford a very expensive lawyer.
 
The less confrontational response would be if you and M move into an apartment together and charge your Mother and L rent on the house at standard market rates (you may want to give her a family discount but at the very least make it enough to cover your rent). It may be hard to leave the home you have grown up in but it could leave you with a better relationship with your mother, financially you would be in a better position because rent on a house would be higher than rent on an apartment. You can’t take responsibility for your mother’s life choices and if she doesn’t want to get herself out of debt you can’t do anything about that, if she has decided to marry L you also can’t take responsibility for that, all you can do is pray that she will come to realise what he is in her own time. In the meantime you have your own space which she has no claim over (even if she doesn’t have a legal claim over the current house she has a sort of customary* claim) and which you are completely free to set the rules over including who visits you there. I think if you make it confrontational she may feel like you have cut her off and cling all the harder to L because she feels like she has nobody else.
*customary is a poor word for it but I mean she has the claim that this has been her home for X years.
 
Move out of that house. Tell your mom that you are going to sell it (priced low for a quick sale to one of those companies that promise to buy any house) but she can have it back for $20 plus any legal/paperwork fees. You’ll have doubled your money, which is fantastic in this economy. 😉

You need to get out of there. That 16 years your mom has spent being used by this jerk? You’re getting sucked into the same thing. Get out, get your own home, and get your own job. You and M can go find a new place to live and never look back. Don’t worry about the money or possessions. Life is too precious for that.

You can’t save your mother from her own mistakes. Just save yourself.
 
It is your house now, your mom sold it to you fair and square.
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Not unless the true market value of the house was $10. If you take advantage of this situation to enrich your self at the expense of your mother you will always regret it.

Please don’t steal this house from your mother. Just get another job, move out and get on with your life.
 
Question? Is the way you bought the house just paying your mother $10 even legal?
 
Nordar said:
Question? Is the way you bought the house just paying your mother $10 even legal?
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Second question…did you get the title placed into your name and file the proper paperwork with your County Clerk’s office? You can’t just simply pay someone $10 these days and BAM - get a house.
Unless you have the title of the house properly put into your name and the legal paperwork was completed - I hate to tell ya but the hose is not yours.

Are you paying the property taxes? Are the taxes actually in your name?

I just don’t think you have a leg to stand on. Move out - let your mother make the mistakes she is going to make - just turn and run before they drag you into their credit problems.

Go get a different job too.
 
jrabs said:
Second question…did you get the title placed into your name and file the proper paperwork with your County Clerk’s office? You can’t just simply pay someone $10 these days and BAM - get a house.
Unless you have the title of the house properly put into your name and the legal paperwork was completed - I hate to tell ya but the hose is not yours.

Are you paying the property taxes? Are the taxes actually in your name?

I just don’t think you have a leg to stand on. Move out - let your mother make the mistakes she is going to make - just turn and run before they drag you into their credit problems.

Go get a different job too.
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Exactly, that is what I was thinking, you just can’t pay someone $10 for a house and it is yours. There are papers that have to be filed legally, just like you said!
 
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