I need advice on a problem with an 'uncatholic' catholic friend

[Abira]

Hi, I was going to post this onto an old thread where I brought up this problem in March but I thought maybe nobody would see it and I kinda need a bit of help.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=137638

this was the old thread where I mentioned I had a friend (well several) friends who are Catholic in name only and today I finally built up to talking to my friend Tom about why he calls himself Catholic when he has protestant views.

He just said that he didn’t care what anybody said, we all worship the same God and he can do it however he liked. He also has friends who are Buddhist and protestant who both receive and they agreed that it didn’t matter cos a Christian was a Christian and God was God.

I said I valued his view but in that case why did he still maintain to be Catholic? I said that all Catholics have minimum obligations that they have to meet and if he disagreed with quite a lot of stuff why not go protestant or maybe learn about his Catholic faith. Also that I myself would not receive Catholic communion as it would be disrespectful to others and its not always about what we want for ourselves.

I offered my catechism for him to read and Catholicism for Dummies (we’re great friends he wasn’t offended lol) and he said he wouldn’t even look at it, that he didn’t care and if I did he would throw it away in the bin.

It’s really upset me because I don’t know what else I can do to help him when he wouldn’t even hear me when I asked him if he would maybe come with me to a Catholic Church or discuss further with me.

It feels wierd talking to him when I’m a protestant Anglican by upbringing myself but for some reason it’s really really upset me that he totally blanked any ideas. I joked that what I was saying I could back up with Catholic teaching and he laughed it off and said he didn’t care. It had to be done in a light hearted tone but he knows I mean it. Sorry I rambled again. I hope someone can give me some advice on how I can help him to be more open to the teachings of his own church.

S

 

[YinYangMom]

We’ve been discussing evangelizing to catholics here in this forum. Check out this thread and perhaps that will help.

Bottom line, it seems, is that there’s not much more you can do for your friend except to continue to fast, pray and take the matter to Eucharistic Adoration.

He is a good friend of yours, and you are concerned for him. By asking him to consider a protestant denomination you don’t really want to push him in that direction, you really want him to become a better Catholic. The thing is at this point in his journey he’s simply not interested. It will take the Holy Spirit to change the course of his direction and for that, your prayers are essential.

There’s another thread here about EWTN’s Journey Home program that intrigued me enough to visit EWTNs video archive to view the show. Click on the “view” link next to the words: The Journey Home to open an archived episode (you’ll need Real Player). In the first hour of this particular show note how the Spirit works in people like your friend who are confident about their approach to life. Listen to how the Lord used other people in the guest’s life to bring him to Truth.

If you can’t access the link let me know and I’ll summarize the story for you, but if you could see and hear it for yourself it would be better.

 

[Abira]

He is a good friend of yours, and you are concerned for him. By asking him to consider a protestant denomination you don’t really want to push him in that direction, you really want him to become a better Catholic. The thing is at this point in his journey he’s simply not interested. It will take the Holy Spirit to change the course of his direction and for that, your prayers are essential.

thanks very much for your links and stuff in your above post. That bit above that I quoted made me laugh as I’m protestant myself and would prefer to see him go back to any church rather than none… and it’s hard teaching someone about their own faith when I’m not even Catholic myself.

I guess I’d rather him be honest with what he believes and join a church he agrees with but I think you’re right in that there’s not really much else I can do. I’d wondered if anyone else had known anyone like it before.

Thanks. S

 

[YinYangMom]

thanks very much for your links and stuff in your above post. That bit above that I quoted made me laugh as I’m protestant myself and would prefer to see him go back to any church rather than none… and it’s hard teaching someone about their own faith when I’m not even Catholic myself.

I guess I’d rather him be honest with what he believes and join a church he agrees with but I think you’re right in that there’s not really much else I can do. I’d wondered if anyone else had known anyone like it before.

Thanks. S

Ah, I see how that would be funny. I’m sorry he’s not a good example of Catholicism but unfortunately he is representative of a large number of us. It is a problem within the faith, especially with those born into it, but I imagine there are many protestant Christians who also take their faith for granted and go through the motions.

As for not much more you can do, do not discount the power of prayer. You can still make a difference by praying that he develop some conviction and desire to be a better Christian. Your prayers do make a difference.

In the meantime, when you two get together, would not discussing religion or faith anymore (even jokingly) have a negative effect on the relationship? Can your friendship still grow by just spending time together?

We Catholics look to the lives of the saints for inspiration and role modeling for how one goes about living life according to Christ. One of our favorite mottos comes from St. Francis of Assisi who said, “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” Be the best Christian you can be, especially when you spend time with your friend and the peace you emanate will serve as kindling in your friend to seek what you have. One day he will be the one to bring up the subject of faith and that will be your opening.

 

[po18guy]

Abira,

Those who flee the Catholic Church, or simply pick and choose their dogma, are running from the truth. It is fallen, disobedient human nature to reject the truth. The proof of this is the prevalence of lies about our faith. They originate with the father of lies, the evil one himself. Those lies are deep-rooted and it seems no amount of arguing can change some minds.

Ah, but something, or someOne CAN! It is Jesus Himself, and prayer petitions always get His attention. Your friend will resist every offer you make, out of simple obstinence. But humble prayer and patience will be rewarded-sometimes in the most unusual fashion. You know how He works!

Take it to prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. God is in charge. Let go your anguish and give it to Him.

May the Lord bless you.

 

[Abira]

As for not much more you can do, do not discount the power of prayer. You can still make a difference by praying that he develop some conviction and desire to be a better Christian. Your prayers do make a difference.

In the meantime, when you two get together, would not discussing religion or faith anymore (even jokingly) have a negative effect on the relationship? Can your friendship still grow by just spending time together?

well I saw him again today and we had a good time as usual. we went round this massive curch in the centre of the city as they had a festival on and saw the font that William Wilberforce was baptized in dating from 1380! (for any english people lol)

I mentioned to him that there was a Catholic Church about twenty minutes from him and one in the town centre. He seems very willing to attend my protestant church with me despite it being hours away from him and already has been with me, I may let a few weeks pass and pray for him and either invite him to attend with me …I have a spare room now if he needs to stay over for the early morning, either that or I may offer to accompany him to the Cathlic church in town. I’ll see how he goes and what he brings up first.

Thanks for your replies, it just seems frustrating that you can’t go at a pace faster than the person is ready for… but then again my own pace isn’t exactly a sprint either lol.

S

 

[Mike_Brick]

Thanks for your replies, it just seems frustrating that you can’t go at a pace faster than the person is ready for… but then again my own pace isn’t exactly a sprint either lol.

You “hit the nail on the head” in the bold and underlined phrase above! And the only thing that will open him up to the Word, is the grace of God Himself, calling your friend. Pray that the Holy Spirit will open your friend’s ears, and soften his heart to Jesus, and use every chance you get to show you friend the love of Jesus, and if you need to use words! Without a love for Jesus, your friend won’t even think about “practising a religion”. Our living/practising comes as a result of our faith, not the other way around!

Peace

 

[Bennie_P]

well I saw him again today and we had a good time as usual. we went round this massive curch in the centre of the city as they had a festival on and saw the font that William Wilberforce was baptized in dating from 1380! (for any english people lol)

I mentioned to him that there was a Catholic Church about twenty minutes from him and one in the town centre. He seems very willing to attend my protestant church with me despite it being hours away from him and already has been with me, I may let a few weeks pass and pray for him and either invite him to attend with me …I have a spare room now if he needs to stay over for the early morning, either that or I may offer to accompany him to the Cathlic church in town. I’ll see how he goes and what he brings up first.

Thanks for your replies, it just seems frustrating that you can’t go at a pace faster than the person is ready for… but then again my own pace isn’t exactly a sprint either lol.

S

It is great you have such a concern for your friend, maybe it is time for you to check out RCIA - nothing helps to get people on the right path then seeing a friend going through a conversion experience - just a thought. you and your friend are in my prayers.

John 6:44 No man can come to me, except the Father, who hath sent me, draw him. And I will raise him up in the last day.

 

[Romans12]

I have a very good friend who I have been working with for a long time some 18 months…

He is a fallen “craddle catholic” like myself in the past… He loves God, and the teachings of the Church. But its all on “His Terms”.

His relationship with God is on “His Terms”…

I’m sure this will sound very familiar to some, he had a wild time in his youth and to quote him, " I had my time in the sun"…

He use to be heavily involved in the music scene in bands etc… and that lead quickly to a downward spiral concerning his faith… Fornication, drukedness… drug taking etc… all became the norm.

His marriage was falling apart when we were put in each others path. I work with 300 odd people crossing different shifts and finally we ended up on the same shift and I got to know him…

The Holy Spirit is truely beautiful. I was able to share my experiences… broken marriage etc with him… and watch as the Holy Spirit took control and helped him and his wife and child though some tuff times just by being there… a friend… barbecues and the like…

I have been in constant pray for them over the 18 months… offering up masses etc for them… They have just enrolled their son into a Catholic School… he now leads Grace at the dinner table and he is only 5!!!

Sometimes it takes time, and dedication. Transformation of the heart quite often is in “baby steps”… end of the day as Jesus said: “Trust in Me”…

The power of pray!! Just believe!

 

[Abira]

It is great you have such a concern for your friend, maybe it is time for you to check out RCIA - nothing helps to get people on the right path then seeing a friend going through a conversion experience - just a thought. you and your friend are in my prayers.

John 6:44 No man can come to me, except the Father, who hath sent me, draw him. And I will raise him up in the last day.

sorry I hadn’t checked this thread… it usually emails me when there’s a new post…

thanks for the reply, I have started to consider going to RCIA some time but aren’t quite up to the stage of setting a date, I seem to be hanging back for some reason…

I’m not sure he would go anyway but I will try to remember to pray for him.

it’s just frustrating to be learning about catholicism and never actually meeting a single catholic who is really catholic lol…he’s my third now … no wait fifth Catholic who’s more ‘protestant’ than I am lol

I’ll keep you update if there’s an new developments

S

 

[Abira]

I have a very good friend who I have been working with for a long time some 18 months…

He is a fallen “craddle catholic” like myself in the past… He loves God, and the teachings of the Church. But its all on “His Terms”.

His relationship with God is on “His Terms”…

I’m sure this will sound very familiar to some, he had a wild time in his youth and to quote him, " I had my time in the sun"…

He use to be heavily involved in the music scene in bands etc… and that lead quickly to a downward spiral concerning his faith… Fornication, drukedness… drug taking etc… all became the norm.

His marriage was falling apart when we were put in each others path. I work with 300 odd people crossing different shifts and finally we ended up on the same shift and I got to know him…

The Holy Spirit is truely beautiful. I was able to share my experiences… broken marriage etc with him… and watch as the Holy Spirit took control and helped him and his wife and child though some tuff times just by being there… a friend… barbecues and the like…

I have been in constant pray for them over the 18 months… offering up masses etc for them… They have just enrolled their son into a Catholic School… he now leads Grace at the dinner table and he is only 5!!!

Sometimes it takes time, and dedication. Transformation of the heart quite often is in “baby steps”… end of the day as Jesus said: “Trust in Me”…

The power of pray!! Just believe!

will do, itmay even get me in the habit of praying more for things outside of myself for a change too

it will be harder for him because he will have to give up his whole lifestyle and nearly everyone he knows…

i’ll keep you posted.

S

 

[po18guy]

will do, itmay even get me in the habit of praying more for things outside of myself for a change too

it will be harder for him because he will have to give up his whole lifestyle and nearly everyone he knows…

i’ll keep you posted.

Abira,
A most supernatural occurrence happened to me while in adoration. I inexplicably went outside myself and asked to bear something for someone else. The Lord, in His mercy, took it from the other and laid it lightly upon me. Such mercy! I very rarely ask anything for myself, since He knows what I need before I ask and has always provided it.

Giving “up his whole lifestyle and nearly everyone he knows…” is the very definition of repentance.

Peace be with you and you two remain in my prayers.

 

[Abira]

asked to bear something for someone else. The Lord, in His mercy, took it from the other and laid it lightly upon me. Such mercy! I very rarely ask anything for myself, since He knows what I need before I ask and has always provided it.

I try to ask cos it’s polite but I know what you mean … I’ve only rarely asked to bear something for someone else… that must have taken some bottle.

Giving “up his whole lifestyle and nearly everyone he knows…” is the very definition of repentance.

I know… it’s something I’m trying to do myself but it’s a really hard process and quite emotionally hard as well

Peace be with you and you two remain in my prayers.

Take care, S

 

[po18guy]

Abira,
I am certain that the Holy Spirit motivated me in my request to bear something for another. As I was asking for it, my own mind said, “What on earth are you doing? You’ve just suffered through that, now you ask for more?”

But, the Spirit compelled me to do just that. It was such a blessing, for In showing mercy toward another, I directly recevied God’s own mercy. What I then bore was only a shadow of the suffering that was taken from the other. It took quite awhile for the full realization of this to come about.

To my eternal shame, it was one of the few times I ever imitated Christ-but the reward was tremendous, and remains to this day.

Christ’s peace to you all.