I need advice on making restitution

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I’m looking for some advice regarding making restitution.

About seven years ago, I made a remark to a relative about how my father was uncomfortable when put in a particular situation. I’m not sure that this remark has been remembered after this many years. I’m just wondering if I need to make restitution? If so, what should I do?

Also, on two occasions, I revealed secrets about friends after being asked not to reveal them. This also happened at least seven years ago, in one case, longer. I understand that I need to make restitution. I’m wondering how I can do this? I’m not in touch with these friends anymore, but I may be able to get in touch with them. I’d be embaressed to approach them with this so many years later.

In both of the above cases, I’ve already confessed my wrongdoing to a priest and been absolved.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I appreciate it, and God bless!
 
St. Josemaria Escriva has an interesting quote concerning
secrets… and i have to paraphrase, it’d take me a while to
find the exact quote… but it goes like this…

“why blame a friend for revealing a secret you couldn’t
keep yourself”…

you have confessed… i’d let it go…

🙂

well, i was wrong… here is the quote…

“How can you dare ask others to keep your secret, when that very request is a sign that you have not been able to keep it yourself?”

🙂
 
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csljack:
I’m looking for some advice regarding making restitution.

About seven years ago, I made a remark to a relative about how my father was uncomfortable when put in a particular situation. I’m not sure that this remark has been remembered after this many years. I’m just wondering if I need to make restitution? If so, what should I do?

Also, on two occasions, I revealed secrets about friends after being asked not to reveal them. This also happened at least seven years ago, in one case, longer. I understand that I need to make restitution. I’m wondering how I can do this? I’m not in touch with these friends anymore, but I may be able to get in touch with them. I’d be embaressed to approach them with this so many years later.

In both of the above cases, I’ve already confessed my wrongdoing to a priest and been absolved.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I appreciate it, and God bless!
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In the 12 step group to which I belong, we have a 9th step. It reads “Made direct amends, except when to do so would injure (the people) or others”.

What I have been taught to do is to say, “I did such and such. It was wrong. I am so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. What can I do to make our relationship ok?”, and then really listen to the answer.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
 
Thank you for all the advice. I do appreciate it.

I’m just wondering if it’s necessary for me to tell the people that I revealed their secrets, or tell my father the remark I made? I have had good relationships with all these people, so my admission of this wrongdoing would come completely “out of the blue.”

Obviously, I don’t really want to reveal anything to the people I previously mentioned, but I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong if I don’t? It’s actually been eating away at me, to the point where I’m constantly worried about it. Am I going against God if I don’t reveal my sins to those that were wronged?

Thank you again for the previously replies. Any further advice would be most appreciated.

God bless!
 
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csljack:
I’m just wondering if it’s necessary for me to tell the people that I revealed their secrets, or tell my father the remark I made?
Click to expand...
I understand completely! On the one hand, you feel like it would not be beneficial to bring up something so trivial after such a long time. On the other hand, you wonder if that is just you not wanting to bring it up after such a long time. You start second guessing yourself and then don’t have a clue what is right and what is wrong. You can make an equally valid argument for each in your head!

That said, here is how I would judge it:
  1. What was the seriousness of your lapse? Did it have major or longlasting consequences on the life of the person whose confidence you breached?
  2. What is the chance they would even know what you are talking about? (Which ties in with #1: was it bad enough they would remember after all these years or so trivial that they wouldn’t have a clue?)
  3. Would bringing it up help the other person in any way? (To help them trust you, understand what was going on, recover lost goods, etc, etc.) Or would it just be unloading your burden onto them and making you feel better?
Now I don’t know what secrets of these friends’ that you told. But if it is normal friend stuff (or something you were morally obligated to tell like abuse) then I would say it did not have longlasting effects on them and they probably would not have a clue. For you to bring it up now, so many years later, would not benefit them in the least. This is simply something you must turn over to the Lord and move on. For restitution, you can do some task (spiritual or physical) for the people without ever telling them about it. You could offer up your suffering on their behalf, help paint a living room, make a wonderful meal, pray the rosary, or whatever else would be your way of making ammends with them and re-paying them the debt you feel you owe. I once knew a priest who said it did not matter what you told him in the confessional, he was going to give you 1 slow, deliberate, and thoughtful Our Father for your penance. He said there was no greater prayer.

I hope you will be able to find some closure for this soon. Over 7 years is far too long to be carrying around this guilt and pain!
 
Thanks Forest-Pine.

I appreciate your advice. It’s certainly given me some perspective.

I’m pretty sure my remarks/words did not do any major damage. The two secrets I revealed were personal, but not in a bad way. What I mean is, the people telling me them were not confiding in me some wrongdoing that they had committed. One of my friends told me that he had a learning disorder. The other friend confided in me some problems she was having in her love life. My subsequent motivations for revealing these secrets were selfish. There was not good reason for me to repeat them.

Having said all that, I don’t think my bringing it up to the two persons at this point would do any good to those persons. I have to admit, though, that is not my only reason for not wanting to bring up these things. I would, as I previously wrote, be embarressed and afraid to bring them up.

I actually have not been carrying these things around for seven years, but only just remembered I had done them. I was recently reading a guide sheet for examing one’s conscience before confession. The sheet broke down each commandment, and listed possible actions and thoughts that would violate each. One of the questions to ask oneself when considering the Eighth Commandment is “Did I reveal secrets I was asked not to?” I’m paraphrasing there, but that’s the gist of it.

I think my sins mentioned here probably fall under the category of “gossip.” At the very least, I’ve learned of the potential damage gossip (and derogatory speech) can do, and will certainly work to avoid doing it in the future. Once you start committing the sin, it becomes a habit, and it’s difficult to break it.

Thanks again for the advice! My fear and guilt will weigh on me a while longer. I just hope it will be resolved soon.

God bless!
 
God has already forgiven you for your sins when you told Him you were sorry. Restitution in a case like this would be that you have remembered your guilt and made a decision not to do things like this again. I would be willing to bet you remember it whenever you are on the verge of doing it again. :o
I think everyone remembers times when they are completely embarrased about their behavior, and this is just something that keeps us on our toes! Whenever I think of someone I’ve hurt and never had a chance to make it up, I stop and pray for that person, and ask God to give them a special blessing that day for the suffering that I caused. If we are to believe what we are told, we are both forgiven, and our prayers for others are important. Beyond that, let it go, and be open to teaching that these are the kinds of things that cause us sorrow, whenever you have a chance.
God be with you, your conscience makes you His friend and ours.
 
Thank you iserve. I appreciate the advice, and the advice of all the others who have posted. I’m still a little worried that I’m not doing enough, but hopefully the feeling will pass.

God bless.
 
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