I need advice

[ajn2003]

I am 29 years old and found out a few weeks ago that my girlfriend is pregnant. I feel I am lucky because I truly feel she is the one, and I felt this way before I found out. But I would be lying if I said I am not stressed out or scared. I am. I went to confession and told the priest, he advised me not to rush into marriage just because she is pregnant. She is not Catholic, but she is very devout in her faith. We have talked about going a Priest for pre-marital counseling, as well as a Protestant Christian counselor, and a regular counselor. We want to make sure that when we marry it is for the all the right reasons, and I have no doubt that we will. I guess I am just looking for advice. My priest told me that I can go to Communion, because I went to confession. Anyways, any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Hi and welcome to the forums!

My advice is similar to your priest’s–don’t rush into marriage but DO rush in and give your girlfriend all the support you can right now. Marriage may not be God’s plan for you, but being a good parent and a supportive boyfriend most definitely is.

How far along is your girlfriend? Has she started going to the dr. yet? What about ultrasounds? See if you can go with her to these (provided she’s ok with it). Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming being pregnant, so all the support you can give her by being there for her would be great.

Also, see if there are things you can do to help her feel better–she probably is dealing with morning sickness or will be soon. Offering to get her things she is craving, helping her out if she’s feeling too exhausted, doing some of her responsibilities for her (washing her dishes, doing her laundry, her grocery shopping, running her errands) are all ways that you can show that you care about her and the baby. Growing a baby takes a lot from a woman so try to see if you can take on some of her responsibilities so she can rest more if she needs to.

And good for you for going to confession and accepting this situation like a man! I think you are off to a good start to being a good father…and if the counseling works out…maybe a good husband too!

 

[Norseman82]

I am 29 years old and found out a few weeks ago that my girlfriend is pregnant. I feel I am lucky because I truly feel she is the one, and I felt this way before I found out. But I would be lying if I said I am not stressed out or scared. I am. I went to confession and told the priest, he advised me not to rush into marriage just because she is pregnant. She is not Catholic, but she is very devout in her faith. We have talked about going a Priest for pre-marital counseling, as well as a Protestant Christian counselor, and a regular counselor. We want to make sure that when we marry it is for the all the right reasons, and I have no doubt that we will. I guess I am just looking for advice. My priest told me that I can go to Communion, because I went to confession. Anyways, any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

I’m a male who happens to have been raised in the traditional no-nonsense “you break it, you bought it” mindset, so my advice might come off as harsh and like cold water on your face, but it has to be said. I know that many clergy nowadays do not want to marry people if there is a pregnancy, but let’s face it, at 29 you are not a wet behind the ears teenager; hopefully you are at least established in some line of work. Also, I want you to ask yourself what will happen if you DON’T marry the girl you knocked up. Will the mother have to raise the child by herself, perhaps having to do shared custody and the kid joining the ranks of the millions who play the “who has custody of me this weekend” game? Is that a way for a child to grow up? Also, if you don’t marry her, are you going to expect some other guy to clean up after the mess you made (and before anyone jumps all over me, I’m not referring to the child as a mess, but let’s face facts, the child is being put into a messy situation) while you go around having your fun knocking up other women - lather, rinse, repeat?

Also, here is a USCCB document on why children need married parents:

usccb.org/laity/marriage/children.shtml

 

[LSK]

I have to tell you that I tend to agree with Norse…you are 29 years old. That is not a youngster. You are a grown man. You know how babies are made. It is great you went to confession and I am sure you are now willing to lead a chaste and celibate life until you are married.

You both should begin pre-marriage classes at your local parish right now. Yes, you put the cart before the horse, so to speak (not that your child’s mother is a horse - you know what I mean) but it is now time you both face the fact that, as grown ups and Christians, if you are ready to have sex you are ready to be parents and you are, therefore, ready to be married.

Congratulations, Daddy! You are both in my prayers.

 

[Eileen_T]

You should only marry if BOTH of you agree it is till death do you part. Otherwise the kid becomes a statistic anyway.

Having said that, my daughter is about to marry the father of her second child and this man does not love her son the way his own father does.

A friend of my husband’s once referred to his stepson as “another man’s dregs”.

It is true. It is part of the age we are living in. Get it sorted out with your girlfriend before you marry, and may God Bless you all.

 

[Christy_Beth]

What a sad story. I agree with the others. You should have known better. But, get very through counseling before getting married. This may sound harsh, but, what if you find out that this isn’t “the one”? Yes, you do need to take responsibility for this. But not to the point where everyone involved is miserable.