I Need Advice

[pianistclare]

Sounds like a good outcome. Sorry, but it does!

(except that he will try to speak to you again. I’d count on it.)

Make it a clean break. Don’t speak to him again. Don’t answer any correspondence from him. You’ve made a decision for good reasons and you need to stick to it.

yup. He hung up because he’s a scammer.
That’s what they do when the person they’re stinging catches on.
You’ll be fine. Much better, actually. God bless you.

 

[Bluesprite333]

Hi Friends,

I need advice, but please be kind, because I feel in a vulnerable state talking about these things. It is about a long-distance relationship and I don’t want to talk in front of my friends, because I will ruin this guy’s reputation.

So, the case is the following - he is a full time student, doing a master’s degree and has financial difficulties. He also has a history of drug abuse, although he is almost clean now. (He admits he has fallen twice last year, when his friend committed suicide.)

He had a long-term relationship with a bit older woman (8 years) and she helped him a lot to get out of this condition. While he had his BA he was almost of all the time living with her, because she has her own apartment, he has converted to faith at some point of time and he says he was living in chastity since then. She also became sick, so he was taking care of her. But for the whole time since the break up, he has been living without her just 2 years, when he was in another city doing a master degree and then all the time coming back to her. Recently since we started writing to each other he again moved back to her for a while, because he could not afford to pay for an apartment. He has now decided to come and visit me in my country for a month, and told her that and she was very upset and threatened him, that he will lose a lot of friends. I asked him and he explained, that most of the friends are not aware that they are just friends with this woman. Also I found out that he has been speaking with her every week and visiting her, and going out with her on social gatherings, it seems to me too much for a friendship after a broken romantic relationship. But on the other hand he has been completely honest with me about her name, that he considers moving to her for financial reasons, etc. Just one more thing is though, that he does not speak with me, when he is there, because he does not want to hurt her feelings.

I also wrote to her on FB, and she has told him about it, but did not reply anything to me.

So, I am wondering, is it possible that he is living with her just as a friend or is that very highly improbable? Should I grant him the benefit of doubt and allow him to come to my country and spend time with him or not? He says he wants to visit and to introduce me to his parents and he is so serious about marriage and even pushing me to do it sooner rather than later.

My brother thinks that he will only wants to have me in order to use me to support him financially, and he would even marry me for that purpose. But I am not quite sure, he seems very dedicated to his study and hard-working person, just at this point of time not very well established.

I don’t know what to do… He only speaks romantic things, and when I am concerned about something spends hours reassuring me, and even if I hurt him or insult him in something he is very patient and only approaches me gently until I realize my mistake. I have no concerns about the way he treats me at all.

I wouldn’t trust him if I were you. a) He’s living with a woman and has lived with her for many years (not good). b) That woman is jealous of you (he can’t speak to you in front of her (also not good)) c) He’s in another country (difficult to get a read on him) d) He has a sketchy past.

The signs are all there - staring you in the face. You can be nice to him - but I wouldn’t take it any further. If I were you, I would let him go.

 

[agnes_therese]

he hang up on me and said he does not want to speak to me ever again. And I still love him and care about him, what a contradiction.

I can’t live with myself now…

Oh, he WILL speak to you again. Or at least try – you need to refuse. He’ll probably wait a little while to make you feel really bad. He may even hint at suicide. THAT IS WHAT THESE USERS DO. Do not fall for it! Completely cut off contact, and go on with your life. You deserve so much better than this.