I need advice

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ineedofmercy

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I’ve been struggling with my fear for years now and no matter how many times I try to be done with it I can’t

I’m afraid to ask to go to confession

My family hasn’t gone in awhile and doesn’t normally go

So me asking to go would out of the ordinary and raise questions
I don’t want to have to deal with that
I can’t seem to make myself do it

But I have such a big pile of mortal sins all because I’m addicted to a sin and too afraid to ask to taken to confession

I know my sins are going to ruin my life and it’s the source of my sadness
I’ve built up a huge pile of punishment for myself
And I will probably miss Mercy Sunday this year so I will never feel free for punishment

Being without sanctifying grace is so painful and restricting

And even if I make it to confession
I will likely fall again because even entertaining the wrong thought is a mortal sin

I wish there was an easier way
Any advice
I’ve felt trapped for years just praying with a weak heart

Thank you
 
ineedofmercy said:
I’ve been struggling with my fear for years now and no matter how many times I try to be done with it I can’t

I’m afraid to ask to go to confession

My family hasn’t gone in awhile and doesn’t normally go

So me asking to go would out of the ordinary and raise questions
I don’t want to have to deal with that
I can’t seem to make myself do it

But I have such a big pile of mortal sins all because I’m addicted to a sin and too afraid to ask to taken to confession

I know my sins are going to ruin my life and it’s the source of my sadness
I’ve built up a huge pile of punishment for myself
And I will probably miss Mercy Sunday this year so I will never feel free for punishment

Being without sanctifying grace is so painful and restricting

And even if I make it to confession
I will likely fall again because even entertaining the wrong thought is a mortal sin

I wish there was an easier way
Any advice
I’ve felt trapped for years just praying with a weak heart

Thank you
Click to expand...
Confession can be done anytime from now for Divine Mercy Sunday. Many Parishes will be doing extra confessions before Mass on that Sunday so people can participate. There will be, no doubt, many like you, struggling with it all.

Cant you get to a Mass on the Saturday night Vigil or the Sunday?

Could you sit with a trusted Family member and explain you would like to do this for the Easter season, no need to mention why, except practicing your Faith during this time.

We all fall again and again. Thats ok. We ask and are forgiven as much as needed. Its ok to be a sinner, we all are, even Pope Francis says he is.!
 
Can you say to your family that you are obligated, as a Catholic, to go to confession at least once a year, and this is typically done during lent?
Code of Canon Law:
Can. 989 After having reached the age of discretion, each member of the faithful is obliged to confess faithfully his or her grave sins at least once a year.
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Do an examination of conscience, perhaps following this guide:

beginningcatholic.com/catholic-examination-of-conscience

Have courage, go to confession and be at peace. Feel free to mention any anxieties or your state of mind you are experiencing to the priest. He deserves more than just a list of sins. God bless you.
 
When you go to confession, you’ll feel a million times better. I promise you. Do whatever you can to get to confession. You won’t regret it.
 
#1: Go to Confession (no matter what)

#2: Addictions (if admitted to AS an Addiction) reduces mortal sins down as lesser sins (keyword: culpability)

#3: Reply here after you’ve succeeded
(I want to know how you made out)
 
Estevao said:
**Can you say to your family that you are obligated, as a Catholic, to go to confession at least once a year, and this is typically done during lent?
**

Do an examination of conscience, perhaps following this guide:

beginningcatholic.com/catholic-examination-of-conscience

Have courage, go to confession and be at peace. Feel free to mention any anxieties or your state of mind you are experiencing to the priest. He deserves more than just a list of sins. God bless you.
Click to expand...
Say to your family that you’d like to go to monthly confession.
 
CatholicSpirit said:
#1: Go to Confession (no matter what)

#2: Addictions (if admitted to AS an Addiction) reduces mortal sins down as lesser sins (keyword: culpability)

#3: Reply here after you’ve succeeded
(I want to know how you made out)
Click to expand...
#1, yes.

Disregard the other two. The second statement can really only be made by your confessor after he hears your confession,and the third is none of our business.
 
If you have a godparent or confirmation sponsor ask them to take you.
 
ineedofmercy said:
I’ve been struggling with my fear for years now and no matter how many times I try to be done with it I can’t

I’m afraid to ask to go to confession

My family hasn’t gone in awhile and doesn’t normally go

So me asking to go would out of the ordinary and raise questions
I don’t want to have to deal with that
I can’t seem to make myself do it

But I have such a big pile of mortal sins all because I’m addicted to a sin and too afraid to ask to taken to confession

I know my sins are going to ruin my life and it’s the source of my sadness
I’ve built up a huge pile of punishment for myself
And I will probably miss Mercy Sunday this year so I will never feel free for punishment

Being without sanctifying grace is so painful and restricting

And even if I make it to confession
I will likely fall again because even entertaining the wrong thought is a mortal sin

I wish there was an easier way
Any advice
I’ve felt trapped for years just praying with a weakexplain that every time heart

Thank you
Click to expand...
could a friend take you maybe?

I understand that some families can be difficult about it. everytime I go to confession, I get asked what I confessed to the priest and if I was saying bad stuff about my family.

obviously, I am not there to talk about someone else’s sins, only my own but it just takes way too much energy having to try to explain that every time.

at least I can get there on my own though.

if it doesn’t work out that your family take you, try to find someone else who can do it without being nosy about your reasons for going
 
Estevao said:
Can you say to your family that you are obligated, as a Catholic, to go to confession at least once a year, and this is typically done during lent?

Do an examination of conscience, perhaps following this guide:

beginningcatholic.com/catholic-examination-of-conscience

Have courage, go to confession and be at peace. Feel free to mention any anxieties or your state of mind you are experiencing to the priest. He deserves more than just a list of sins. God bless you.
Click to expand...
I’ve tried and prayed for courage but I just don’t have it yet
Asking is so scary even my brother agrees he’s wanted to go but asking is just so risky

I hoping at a church event I can find a way
Or my friends will have a confession outing or something

If I go and ask them they will bother me on why I’m suddenly interested in it
Sure maybe I do it and I’m bothered by them
But it just looks so painful

The devil probably makes me fear it so I won’t ask

I hope I can soon
But still even with all my good merits returned I think I will still be drowning in debt and not feel safe for a year or so
 
angell1 said:
could a friend take you maybe?

I understand that some families can be difficult about it. everytime I go to confession, I get asked what I confessed to the priest and if I was saying bad stuff about my family.

obviously, I am not there to talk about someone else’s sins, only my own but it just takes way too much energy having to try to explain that every time.

at least I can get there on my own though.

if it doesn’t work out that your family take you, try to find someone else who can do it without being nosy about your reasons for going
Click to expand...
My parents would know if a family member took me and ask why I didn’t just “ask them”

My parents aren’t bad Catholics either they just avoid confession for some reason
Probably lazy and don’t care (not on purpose)

I have a Catholic huge group of friends
I keep hoping they will have a youth confession outing or something

There is this one church event that has confessions but there were no priests one time by the time I got the nerve to go , one time I didn’t mostly cause my siblings would wonder why, and I missed it this month
So maybe I can then

I hope that whatever good I’ve done helps work of the temporal punishment and that after confession I don’t fall into my addiction for awhile

Thanks for the advice
I will try and let you know
 
Talk to God about your fears. Ask him for strength and courage. And if you need a way to get there, ask God to guide you.

Praying for you.

Jesus, I trust in You.

God Bless You.
 
angell1 said:
could a friend take you maybe?

I understand that some families can be difficult about it. everytime I go to confession, I get asked what I confessed to the priest and if I was saying bad stuff about my family.

obviously, I am not there to talk about someone else’s sins, only my own but it just takes way too much energy having to try to explain that every time.

at least I can get there on my own though.

if it doesn’t work out that your family take you, try to find someone else who can do it without being nosy about your reasons for going
Click to expand...
A. A friend taking you is a great idea. I used to spend the night at my friends house and go to church with them.

B. I’ve had family members get nosy about my confessions. I’m an adult. With some people it NEVER ends. You can tell them as angel alluded to that it’s an opportunity to discuss your spiritual growth in addition to confessing even minor sins. That confession is healthy. Carl Jung stated that people who went to confession regularly didn’t seem to suffer from neurosis. (Even if you’re confessing whoppers, it’s none of their bees wax, unless the priest tells you to tell them which is HIGHLY unlikely!!! Ha ha ha!)

C. You are in my prayers, and God Bless you inom!
 
If you never ask, the answer is always no. Go to confession. Praying for you.
 
Crusaderbear said:
If you never ask, the answer is always no. Go to confession. Praying for you.
Click to expand...
One time I asked when we were going cuz I was so scared of my sin

And my mom acted all smug and mocking me “why do you have something you need to confess” in a smug nosy tone
I could see her trying to guess if I actually did.

We probably weren’t going to go that year because we only went when we needed to for religious Ed
And when I went I fell again less than a week after and if I asked to go again it would basically make it obvious I’m addicted to porn

It’s a lot more difficult than it sounds

My brother who doesn’t even know about my sins and doesn’t need to go confession
Wants to go too but he doesn’t ask because he’s also afraid
 
I am assuming, from your descriptions, that you (and your brother) are teens living at home, and so do not have the ability to go to Confession on your own.

I am so sorry to hear that your parents have been uncooperative when you have asked. Part of their responsibility to you is to provide for your religious needs, and, as Catholic Christians, that includes Confession when needed. And it is none of their business what you need to confess! Everybody sins, and nobody, not even parents, have a right to know what sins somebody is bringing to the Sacrament.

My humble advice to you is that you should ask. I know that is difficult, and I know you assume (quite possibly correctly) that they will not take you even if you do ask, but you need to do your part.

If they ask why, just say that Catholics are supposed to confess regularly (minimally once per year, but many recommend once per month or more). You do not have to tell them your sins, nor should you. You might even suggest setting it up on a schedule – “I would like to confess once per month; can we plan to go on the second Wednesday of each month?”

Remember, you can go to Confession even if you are not conscious of any mortal sins. Some people go regularly whether they ‘need’ it or not. So your parents should not assume that, because you want to do it regularly, it must therefore be because of some habitual sin. Yeah, that could be the reason, but it’s none of their business and they shouldn’t assume it!

If none of that is possible, then having a friend or trusted family member take you would be the next best alternative. If your parents ask where you are going, you will have to use prudential judgement to decide what to tell them. Normally I would say to be 100% honest – “We’re going to get dinner, and then we’ll swing by the church for Confession.”

But if you have a legitimate concern that they will forbid you from going, it may be necessary to withhold that part (as explained in the Catechism, there are times when we can use ‘discreet language’ or withhold information when it is necessary, without it being a sin). In which case, “We’re going to get dinner,” which is not untrue even though it is incomplete.

Obedience to parents is in all things but sin. You, as a Catholic, have the right to avail yourself of the sacraments when needed and when appropriate. And your parents have a responsibility to encourage and assist you. I am very sorry if they are not doing that.

I have no idea if any of this is helpful, but know that I am praying for you. And if you really can’t get to confession, through no fault of your own, know that God does not expect the impossible. You should go to the sacrament as soon as you are able (and refrain from receiving the Eucharist in the mean time).

God bless you.
 
I would ask my parents to take me to Confession. I wouldn’t care if they thought I was weird or not. That’s their duty.

OP, going to Confession is really the only answer. I’ve read these threads from you before, and I’m not quite sure what else you really are looking for.

Christ is more important than what mom or dad thinks of me. Christ is more important than how I feel. Christ is more important than my pride.
 
SimpleRosarian said:
I would ask my parents to take me to Confession. I wouldn’t care if they thought I was weird or not. That’s their duty.

OP, going to Confession is really the only answer. I’ve read these threads from you before, and I’m not quite sure what else you really are looking for.

Christ is more important than what mom or dad thinks of me. Christ is more important than how I feel. Christ is more important than my pride.
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I want to just tell myself to do it but whenever I try Its almost like touching a flame your body pulls you away because it’s painful

The only way to touch the flame is get courage and force yourself

I’m having a hard time just making myself do it

There’s this one event coming up where I could get to a confession and my brother would probably know and even if I tell him some other reason he will probably still think it

But I would rather him than anyone else in my family because I trust him even if he will be disappointed in me.

Thank you for the encouragement
I hope I can just do it and I hope it really does give me everything I need back
 
achmafooma said:
I am assuming, from your descriptions, that you (and your brother) are teens living at home, and so do not have the ability to go to Confession on your own.

I am so sorry to hear that your parents have been uncooperative when you have asked. Part of their responsibility to you is to provide for your religious needs, and, as Catholic Christians, that includes Confession when needed. And it is none of their business what you need to confess! Everybody sins, and nobody, not even parents, have a right to know what sins somebody is bringing to the Sacrament.

My humble advice to you is that you should ask. I know that is difficult, and I know you assume (quite possibly correctly) that they will not take you even if you do ask, but you need to do your part.

If they ask why, just say that Catholics are supposed to confess regularly (minimally once per year, but many recommend once per month or more). You do not have to tell them your sins, nor should you. You might even suggest setting it up on a schedule – “I would like to confess once per month; can we plan to go on the second Wednesday of each month?”

Remember, you can go to Confession even if you are not conscious of any mortal sins. Some people go regularly whether they ‘need’ it or not. So your parents should not assume that, because you want to do it regularly, it must therefore be because of some habitual sin. Yeah, that could be the reason, but it’s none of their business and they shouldn’t assume it!

If none of that is possible, then having a friend or trusted family member take you would be the next best alternative. If your parents ask where you are going, you will have to use prudential judgement to decide what to tell them. Normally I would say to be 100% honest – “We’re going to get dinner, and then we’ll swing by the church for Confession.”

But if you have a legitimate concern that they will forbid you from going, it may be necessary to withhold that part (as explained in the Catechism, there are times when we can use ‘discreet language’ or withhold information when it is necessary, without it being a sin). In which case, “We’re going to get dinner,” which is not untrue even though it is incomplete.

Obedience to parents is in all things but sin. You, as a Catholic, have the right to avail yourself of the sacraments when needed and when appropriate. And your parents have a responsibility to encourage and assist you. I am very sorry if they are not doing that.

I have no idea if any of this is helpful, but know that I am praying for you. And if you really can’t get to confession, through no fault of your own, know that God does not expect the impossible. You should go to the sacrament as soon as you are able (and refrain from receiving the Eucharist in the mean time).

God bless you.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice
One of my biggest ways of falling in to sin is fear and weakness (mostly receiving the Eucharist unworthily because I’m altar serving with my family watching)

I have what i think is a good heart and world view
But I’m just struggling because since I love people I fall into Lust easy and because I fear people I can’t fix it

I’m hoping I overcome this soon so I can be who God wants me to be
I just wanna make people happy

I need to put him first
I need to take a leap of faith
But it’s hard and scary

Thanks for the support and you’re right I just hope I’m brave enough to do it

Thanks for the prayers because I need them
Thank you
 
If you’re an altar server, would it be possible to ask the priest before or after Mass? That would eliminate the step of asking your parents to take you.
 
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