I need guidance in my life

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daironman

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HI everyone,
I usually don’t believe in using this kind of method with my problems, but I honestly feel alone in my quest for answers. This is a last ditch effort which hopefully yields some fruit. I’m a man currently in my early 20s, that works for the Army. From the outside looking in I have a pretty sweet job. I’ve accomplished some cool things since I’ve been in to include Ranger School and Sniper School. However, I constantly feel like there is no dignity at my workplace. I feel isolated and I’m starting to mentally break down. I feel isolated because I have the desire to be a man of God and do his will, but this type of environment does not cultivate a strong true faith. Additionally it’s very hard to stay motivated, when I joined to fight (for good causes and to help), but no opportunities to do that present themselves. Early on I had some growing pains in my job and it left a lot of hatred towards me by some individuals. I can’t seem to shake that stigma about myself. And every time I work with my colleagues I’m just seen as the “idiot”. I’ve reached out to outside Catholic groups but have had adverse expirences. One group seems to be a bunch of guys not unlike the men I work with. Heavy drinking guys that don’t honestly care about the faith. The guys I work with are much worse. Sleeping around, heavy drinking etc… other local Catholic groups seem a bit odd. They live with much fear of the world and seem to lack a true join in Christ. Just seems fake to me. I’m by no means perfect and have my own flaws, but I just wish I had some strong men to mentor to me. I know I’m supposed to be the light to others, but I honestly feel like I need a light myself. So basically.
  1. I feel like my work place has no dignity, I have trouble building community in this place that I’ve invested a lot of myself to. I honestly have no peace here. The Catholic community here is not much better. I feel isolated.
  2. I really need direction from a Man, I have a great father, but I feel like I’ve had to figure out this world by myself. I want to be a light for others, but I need a light myself.
 
Hi, daironman.
I was in the 82nd AB infantry at your age, and can relate to what you are saying.
Hang in there, brother. You’re standing in the gap being a devout Catholic in that environment. I know how crude everything is in that company you’re keeping in a combat-ready unit. Keep Jesus close, always, and try to just let the nonsense of being in that environment roll off of your back. Take time for your prayers.
Remember, you only signed up for probably 3-4 years, and are probably well into it by this time. Make the most of your situation, and know that you’ll have served your time and be outta there not too far down the road. Take every day as it comes.
And you’re not an “idiot”. People say stupid things, and a company of 100 young smart-asses is surely no exception. Don’t listen to it.
Hey, I suffered a back injury during my sevice and it wasn’t long before I was being called a “slug” for being injured.
I know it can be tough, but don’t let that crap bother you.
You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and you’re actually doing alright right where you are at. What you are going through now will pass. God is with you, growing you. Hang in there, and hold to your faith, always.

Neil
 
Pray. Read spiritual books by the saints. Avoid perfectionism when it comes to your image and reputation because the logical conclusion to that is an eventual nervous breakdown.

Your service time is limited and then you can move onward to a different phase of your life, stronger as a result of your difficulties. Abandon any lingering feeling that you can control other people. You cannot. Sin in the world is inevitable. Be at peace in your soul.

Peace.
 
Perhaps meet with a counselor on base. There is more going on here than spiritual matters. Your self esteem has taken a hit by those that refer to you unkindly as an idiot. A counselor may be able to help you work through other questions you have as well.
 
St. Basil the Great sent St. Gregory of Nazianzus to a wretched backwood town called Sasima. St. Gregory considered it a blow to their friendship. St. Basil said it was impossible to find a church adequate to his (St. Gregory’s) nature, therefore “let him be a bishop who gives dignity to his See, and not one who gains his dignity from it. For it is the part of a truly great man not only to suffice for great things but even by his own capacity to make little things great.”
 
You are not an idiot. I suggest talking to a trusted priest or counselor. Just keep praying and know it will get better.
 
Your post feels like you are looking for peer support: at the workplace, from social groups or family members. Not the best approach IMO. Look interiorly. Focus on God. Pray and meditate. Like St Teresa of Avila said: whoever has God lacks nothing, God alone suffices.
 
We are made to be in a community, not just “God ‘n’ me.” Daironman has a valid desire: even the saints had mentors (spiritual directors).
 
Dairon, have you contacted the military archdiocese? They may be able to direct you to someone appropriate.

Also, I don’t know if this would work, but it seems like people involved in perpetual Adoration might be serious Catholics. Maybe look there?
 
daironman said:
I really need direction from a Man, I have a great father, but I feel like I’ve had to figure out this world by myself. I want to be a light for others, but I need a light myself.
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Here are some tips, regarding guidance:
  • In regards to life, and its meaning, remember that life is but the seeking of God. We seek the Good, we are made to, yet, we are most often blinded by our materiality. We are constantly bombarded by material “goods,” which, we have to remember, are but transient. The principle each man should have is that we seek God,
    Him alone, and should not be content with a mere mirror of His Goodness.
    If we form a particular affinity for this world, it becomes our God. We forget
    and abandon God, instead settling for that which mirrors His Goodness. It is
    not surprising, in that case, that we feel a yearning for something more.
    While we receive the sacraments, if we do not place God first, we are not
    complete; nobody is complete without God.
  • In regards to sexuality, we have to acknowledge that it is a lesser communion, it is but material. It is the fulfillment of a part of our material selves, however, the fulfillment of our spiritual self is greater.
    Never should man’s lower nature harm his higher nature. In fact, why should man settle for a mirror of Goodness, when he can have Goodness itself? Disregard all sinful outlets for that passion, instead, offer your inclinations to God, and He, in His Goodness, will sustain you.
  • You’re not an idiot, as we are all idiotic to an extent, for idiocy is common to man, and even when one is excessively stupid, he doesn’t deserve to be called “idiot.” Seek to know God; Man is meant to be a saint, and nothing less.
If I may be of help, hit me @ServusDei2019,
and if you want, we may keep in touch by
email. I’d be happy to help you with any advice or insights I may offer.
 
@LawyersGunsAndMoney May be able to help you, OP. Always speaks sense
 
Hey dude, veteran here myself. I’m on my phone at the moment, but I’ll type out some thoughts when I’m at a computer. In the mean time feel free to PM me
 
There is some excellent advice here and I don’t pretend to have anything better.

Two quick thoughts, however: first, remember it’s only the biggest fools who don’t consider themselves fools (at least some of the time) - as others have said, when you think about it, we’re all pretty absurd; second, you might consider reading a “military saint”, one who has been through some of what you seem to be going through - St Ignatius is a good choice: a very tough character, full of all the strengths and weaknesses of that remarkable century in Spain, pride, self-assertiveness, hunger for wealth and glory, rough comrades…he saw it all…and yet was totally transformed through a deep experience of Jesus Christ.

And look what he did then.

My prayers are with you, brother.
 
Annie said:
We are made to be in a community, not just “God ‘n’ me.”
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Be careful not to base your decisions on what others think, for you will not be able to please everyone and may neglect God in the process.
Annie said:
even the saints had mentors (spiritual directors).
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Some of them spent many years as hermits. And this led to great spiritual growth in them.
 
I do not think you are thinking in a Catholic way. God made us to be in community, and having a mentor or community does not require that one based one’s decisions on what others will think; in fact, according to what he has written, Dairon wants the exact opposite, but realizes he is not…

…yet at the high degree of sanctity that those who chose to be hermits had attained, and is in need of human assistance.

You may be as holy as the EDFs, but I am not.

ETA bolded above
 
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Annie said:
I do not think you are thinking in a Catholic way.
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That is a bit strong. The beauty of the Church and its saints is that there are different ways to grow closer to God and there is certainly value in detaching oneself from the world and the influence of others. Anyway consider that my opinion I do not wish to continue this line of discussion.
 
For the benefit of others, I will say that there is a reason that we had lots of hermits in the Early Chirch, and then people started monastic communities instead. Being a hermit requires an already-developed high degree of holiness.

What the Church teaches is that we are made for community. Notice the Sunday obligation to meet with others to worship God.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone reaching out for help from others, and the lack of reaching out, and the individualistic tendencies in US society which pressure people to “be men, be strong,” etc. have not served us well.
 
daironman said:
And every time I work with my colleagues I’m just seen as the “idiot”
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First of all, if you have a Ranger tab, you are not an “idiot.” That’s a very tough qualification to earn.

Did the guys you work with all deploy together? If so, and you weren’t there, you’re probably never going to truly mesh with them. They had a formative experience together that you didn’t. Good news is this is the Army; people change out constantly.

As to the part where these guys drink and smoke and swear and chase women…well? I dunno what to tell you, other than try to be a little more serene about it. They don’t know better. They’re not necessarily bad people. Try to just laugh it off as much as possible. You can model good behavior in a quiet, friendly way without becoming the platoon scold.

Have you contacted the chaplain, as far as spiritual mentorship?
 
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Whenever you’re dealing with people whose company you’d rather not keep, the best advice I can think of is try to see the best in everyone around you, don’t complain, look for like-minded company in books from the past if that’s all that’s available to you.
 
Hi daironman,

Try not to compare yourself to others who many be Catholics in name only. Your main thrust is interior. Focus on YOUR relationship with God. A huge gift you are getting now, though it feels like anything but a gift is fodder for humility.

The way is narrow, and one of the essentials is humility, I can’t emphasize that enough. You will make it. You have our prayers.
 
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