I need help and advice

[ineedofmercy]

i’m struggling still with porn addiction and many reasons probably contribute to this
i’m afraid of telling anyone because of how they might react
i’m afraid of asking to go to confession because my brother will know why i want too
i’m afraid to refuse communion because of how people will react and what they will think i did and possibly forced to take it anyway

i need some advice on how to escape this its making my life a living depression and i’ve sometimes done well made it a month or 2 but then fallen again
i appreciate all advice and prayers thank you

i know this might seem like a silly situation but i need to get my life back because this is my one big failure holding me back
and i hate myself for it

 

[guiltyofdoubt]

My friend, I know your feeling. I wish I could give you good advice, but I am in much the same situation. The difference is I don’t hate myself for liking porn or lust, but I do feel damned for it and unable to stop. I feel like confession is pointless since I just do it over and over again, so making an Act of Contrition is a lie. I am sorry you are miserable, truly. It seems that so many are. I hope you find the answer you seek.

 

[pianistclare]

Go to confession and seek absolution, and the advice of the priest.
No one should make you feel awkward about going to confession. It’s just not their business. Don’t be afraid.
This instance is precisely what it is for. The priest has heard everything.
You need to receive communion to strengthen your resolve to break this habit.
God bless you.
Just go.

 

[marlap2]

I was a commentator for many years. As I was on the altar during Communion, I saw many people come up for a blessing, and not communion. (In our church, if you are not properly disposed to receive the eucharist, you are invited, along with other Christian churches, to come up for a blessing.) I was always so pleased to see people who, in their humility and understanding of who they are receiving (Jesus), came up for a blessing. To me, it showed a beautiful, honest, albiet a little broken, soul. I always prayed for them.

Never be afraid to sit in your place, (or go for a blessing). You will not elicit as much judgment from people, as you will elicit prayers for you.

Praying for your continued journey towards complete repentance and healing.

 

[AttendeDomine]

i know this might seem like a silly situation but i need to get my life back because this is my one big failure holding me back
and i hate myself for it

IMHO, you need to make a commitment to three things … today, right now, at this very moment:

(1) You want to love Jesus, even as you recognize you don’t love Him nearly as much as you ought.

(2) You want to go to Heaven and be with Him for all eternity.

(3) You want to be a great Saint.

If you don’t actually want these things, then ask Jesus for the grace of wanting them.

I think we sin gravely for lots of reasons. But too often we’re more prone to blame our weakness versus admitting that these three things are not real goals in our lives. You can go to daily Mass and pray the Rosary each evening but yet not have a real desire for these things, at least not to any significant degree.

… and then, when temptations come, because these desires are not planted deeply, the temptations simply blow them away, and we have to start over.

So make the commitment.

… and to quote Mother Angelica, don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. Coming from the world, that’s a huge compliment, because the world has no idea what it’s doing.

 

[WJeffrey]

Why would your brother make the connection between your confession and your porn addiction? I doubt porn is your only sin. Your brother is probably more concerned about his own sins than he is about yours.

God is well aware of your porn problem. The Priest has many in his flock who regularly watch porn. He has heard it all before.

So if God knows about it, and the Priest has heard similar stories many times, you might as well confess and get it off your shoulders. It sounds like your shoulders are tired from carrying around your guilt over porn.

The only way to get rid of an addiction is to admit that you have the problem. When you do that, you can then focus on fixing the problem.

You sound like you are a young adult. If you are, one way to end the porn consumption would be to find a girlfriend. Why don’t you focus on that instead of women who are acting on the internet. Meeting a real woman who isn’t acting, who has a brain, and wants a relationship with you will be a lot more satisfying than watching a porno actress.

 

[WJeffrey]

Tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. That would be a really good time to go to confession. Why don’t you do the requirements for the indulgence.

If you do that, it solves your brother problem as well as your guilt issues.

 

[ineedofmercy]

Why would your brother make the connection between your confession and your porn addiction? I doubt porn is your only sin. Your brother is probably more concerned about his own sins than he is about yours.

God is well aware of your porn problem. The Priest has many in his flock who regularly watch porn. He has heard it all before.

So if God knows about it, and the Priest has heard similar stories many times, you might as well confess and get it off your shoulders. It sounds like your shoulders are tired from carrying around your guilt over porn.

The only way to get rid of an addiction is to admit that you have the problem. When you do that, you can then focus on fixing the problem.

You sound like you are a young adult. If you are, one way to end the porn consumption would be to find a girlfriend. Why don’t you focus on that instead of women who are acting on the internet. Meeting a real woman who isn’t acting, who has a brain, and wants a relationship with you will be a lot more satisfying than watching a porno actress.

i think the fact that i am single is how the temptations are so strong the devil tells me that this will make me feel loved and it doesn’t.
my brother is my best friend and i know he will know we are close but i hide this from him because it may hurt him.
i’m not afraid of the priest i want confession more than anything right now but i am afraid to ask thankfully i think my sister is going in a few weeks for a church event.

 

[ineedofmercy]

I was a commentator for many years. As I was on the altar during Communion, I saw many people come up for a blessing, and not communion. (In our church, if you are not properly disposed to receive the eucharist, you are invited, along with other Christian churches, to come up for a blessing.) I was always so pleased to see people who, in their humility and understanding of who they are receiving (Jesus), came up for a blessing. To me, it showed a beautiful, honest, albiet a little broken, soul. I always prayed for them.

Never be afraid to sit in your place, (or go for a blessing). You will not elicit as much judgment from people, as you will elicit prayers for you.

Praying for your continued journey towards complete repentance and healing.

i’m afraid of the questions my family will ask as why i wasn’t worthy and i fear how sad it will make me when they react and don’t understand.
i’m afraid i will feel trapped by temptation and a family that is sorry for me but knows that i did that.
i wish i had a friend i could tell all this too and help me out i know i have Jesus but he doesn’t intend for me to walk alone i would tell my brother but i’m afraid because i respect him for him not doing it and he may feel sad knowing that i did this

 

[ineedofmercy]

My friend, I know your feeling. I wish I could give you good advice, but I am in much the same situation. The difference is I don’t hate myself for liking porn or lust, but I do feel damned for it and unable to stop. I feel like confession is pointless since I just do it over and over again, so making an Act of Contrition is a lie. I am sorry you are miserable, truly. It seems that so many are. I hope you find the answer you seek.

i wish i had advice that could help
i hate myself because i put myself here and know i’m afraid to go to confession and afraid i will just fail after i also missed mercy Sunday too.
i hate myself for taking the temptation after days of avoiding it, i hate myself for laking the courage to refuse communion and ask to go to confession, and i hate myself because i ruined my own life and made myself depressed in a way
i never used to cry but now i cry often and usually cry where no one can see me out of fear again because i hate embarrassment and awkwardness

 

[WJeffrey]

If you really want to quit the porn, when you wake up make a commitment not to watch porn until midnight. If that is too long, make a commitment not to watch it for an hour. When that hour is over, make a commitment not to watch it until midnight or for another hour if necessary. When you get to midnight. Make a commitment not to watch it until midnight the next day.

Repeat this process.

If you do this process one day at a time for the rest of your life, you will never again watch porn. Remember, you can always quit for one day. All of those one days add up very quickly.

This is how you beat an addiction.

 

[ineedofmercy]

If you really want to quit the porn, when you wake up make a commitment not to watch porn until midnight. If that is too long, make a commitment not to watch it for an hour. When that hour is over, make a commitment not to watch it until midnight or for another hour if necessary. When you get to midnight. Make a commitment not to watch it until midnight the next day.

Repeat this process.

If you do this process one day at a time for the rest of your life, you will never again watch porn. Remember, you can always quit for one day. All of those one days add up very quickly.

This is how you beat an addiction.

thank you i try to do this
i’m doing ok so far but fail still
i’m so glad there are people who care
thank you

 

[ccmcmg]

My advice:
Don’t watch porn today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, or yesterday. Just don’t do it today. Start over again tomorrow. I myself have my own powerful temptations/sins, and if I worry about living the rest of my life without committing that sin, I tend towards giving up today. If I only decide right now, not to do it today, then it’s a shorter battle.

The devil is holding you hostage on this; the Sacrament of Reconciliation will free you from that and those feelings of shame. Go behind the screen if you need to. However, when I had to confess some of my most shameful sins, I accidentally had to confess face to face (he’d walk out to let us know he was in the other confessional, and I was next…he’d already seen me, so I figured no sense in hiding). It was VERY helpful. Not only does the Grace and Compassion of God AND the priest pour out onto you, it helps hold you accountable.

You might watch porn again. Why? Because we’re all sinners, yourself included. Do your best to avoid the temptation, avoid the sin. If or when you do, start over the next day. Immediately ask God for His Forgiveness.

Rhetorical question: Are you watching on the TV or computer? Are you lonely, hungry, drinking, under the influence of a drug (legal or illegal)? Remove yourself from those situations or circumstances. What is triggering you to watch it? Reading a book or seeing certain shows/movies? You need to avoid those as much as possible. Fast forward through those pages, or those scenes in regular shows/movies. Do you have issues with women? Study on some GOOD women; do you like to read? Read about righteous, holy, Christian women. Change your perception. Many people who watch porn think of others (men and women) as objects, not as fellow human beings…

You wouldn’t want people looking at pictures or videos of your mom, sister, aunt, grandma, daughter, cousin…the women in porn are those women to someone.

Turn off the TV/computer. Turn on the radio, especially to a Catholic podcast (Tune In Radio has some amazing Catholic radio stations; available on Apple and Android.)

Put a ‘family friendly’ filter on your computer. Google Matt Fradd; he also has some information on this website.
mattfradd.com/breaking-free-from-porn-a-5-step-battleplan/
mattfradd.com/
Block the channels on your TV. Randomly put in a code with your eyes closed so you have no chance at knowing it.

Pray when you are tempted. Hold the Rosary. Ask St. Michael or any saint you are close to, in addition to God, to fight this temptation FOR you. Don’t engage or debate with the temptation; allow the Holy Ones to do that for it. Turn it over to them if you can, at that moment.

I don’t know how old you are, or how this struggle affects your relationship with your brother. Is he Catholic? Is he older than you? If you are both adults, I’d research Matt Fradd until I had him memorized, and if you feel the need, share that with your brother. Accountability can be key.

Along with the Matt Fradd information, I encourage you most HIGHLY to make an appointment with a priest; perhaps the one at your parish, or find one on our diocese’s website that you might be able to relate to. Maybe make a regular appt to meet with him, for counseling AND for confession at the same time.

St. Augustine can be a wonderful saint to lean on for sins of this nature. He lived a MUCH MORE decadent life before he finally turned to God, and is now a saint. AMEN AMEN AMEN!

And thank you, for allowing me to remind myself how to resist the temptations, not just of flesh, but in other sins as well. Prayers with you.

 

[ineedofmercy]

My advice:
Don’t watch porn today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, or yesterday. Just don’t do it today. Start over again tomorrow. I myself have my own powerful temptations/sins, and if I worry about living the rest of my life without committing that sin, I tend towards giving up today. If I only decide right now, not to do it today, then it’s a shorter battle.

The devil is holding you hostage on this; the Sacrament of Reconciliation will free you from that and those feelings of shame. Go behind the screen if you need to. However, when I had to confess some of my most shameful sins, I accidentally had to confess face to face (he’d walk out to let us know he was in the other confessional, and I was next…he’d already seen me, so I figured no sense in hiding). It was VERY helpful. Not only does the Grace and Compassion of God AND the priest pour out onto you, it helps hold you accountable.

You might watch porn again. Why? Because we’re all sinners, yourself included. Do your best to avoid the temptation, avoid the sin. If or when you do, start over the next day. Immediately ask God for His Forgiveness.

Rhetorical question: Are you watching on the TV or computer? Are you lonely, hungry, drinking, under the influence of a drug (legal or illegal)? Remove yourself from those situations or circumstances. What is triggering you to watch it? Reading a book or seeing certain shows/movies? You need to avoid those as much as possible. Fast forward through those pages, or those scenes in regular shows/movies. Do you have issues with women? Study on some GOOD women; do you like to read? Read about righteous, holy, Christian women. Change your perception. Many people who watch porn think of others (men and women) as objects, not as fellow human beings…

You wouldn’t want people looking at pictures or videos of your mom, sister, aunt, grandma, daughter, cousin…the women in porn are those women to someone.

Turn off the TV/computer. Turn on the radio, especially to a Catholic podcast (Tune In Radio has some amazing Catholic radio stations; available on Apple and Android.)

Put a ‘family friendly’ filter on your computer. Google Matt Fradd; he also has some information on this website.
mattfradd.com/breaking-free-from-porn-a-5-step-battleplan/
mattfradd.com/
Block the channels on your TV. Randomly put in a code with your eyes closed so you have no chance at knowing it.

Pray when you are tempted. Hold the Rosary. Ask St. Michael or any saint you are close to, in addition to God, to fight this temptation FOR you. Don’t engage or debate with the temptation; allow the Holy Ones to do that for it. Turn it over to them if you can, at that moment.

I don’t know how old you are, or how this struggle affects your relationship with your brother. Is he Catholic? Is he older than you? If you are both adults, I’d research Matt Fradd until I had him memorized, and if you feel the need, share that with your brother. Accountability can be key.

Along with the Matt Fradd information, I encourage you most HIGHLY to make an appointment with a priest; perhaps the one at your parish, or find one on our diocese’s website that you might be able to relate to. Maybe make a regular appt to meet with him, for counseling AND for confession at the same time.

St. Augustine can be a wonderful saint to lean on for sins of this nature. He lived a MUCH MORE decadent life before he finally turned to God, and is now a saint. AMEN AMEN AMEN!

And thank you, for allowing me to remind myself how to resist the temptations, not just of flesh, but in other sins as well. Prayers with you.

you seem to be in my same situation i’ve done alot of things you’ve and all help alot when i think about going for a month i fail, i love Matt Fradd he gets it, i’m not afraid to go face to face with my priests anymore because i trust them and they are my friends.
i only fear shame from my parents and loved ones knowing
i love St.Augustine and Josemaria now because they know
my brother is Catholic and he is my twin so as you can tell telling him i did something we both promised not to do might embarrass me but if i was to tell anyone it would be him
i met a non catholic christian girl on the internet and when i talked with her i wasn’t as tempted because i knew what a good girl could be and i think of her sometimes to stop myself
whenever i feel misunderstood i think about God and how he cares and knows exactly and more how i feel
i would like to talk more with you in the future if that would be ok because you seem to understand my situation

 

[ccmcmg]

you seem to be in my same situation i’ve done alot of things you’ve and all help alot when i think about going for a month i fail, i love Matt Fradd he gets it, i’m not afraid to go face to face with my priests anymore because i trust them and they are my friends.
i only fear shame from my parents and loved ones knowing
i love St.Augustine and Josemaria now because they know
my brother is Catholic and he is my twin so as you can tell telling him i did something we both promised not to do might embarrass me but if i was to tell anyone it would be him
i met a non catholic christian girl on the internet and when i talked with her i wasn’t as tempted because i knew what a good girl could be and i think of her sometimes to stop myself
whenever i feel misunderstood i think about God and how he cares and knows exactly and more how i feel
i would like to talk more with you in the future if that would be ok because you seem to understand my situation

I’m so glad that those on this site are able to help and lift you up, to help you remember that you are not alone, not in any way, in any sin.

Although I don’t know that I’m the right support system for you, I will gladly send you an message here. As I said, even though I don’t struggle with the same particular sin, there are many variations that creep up for everyone. My own struggles are different, but the advice I gave can work for many temptations. I never realized how pervasive ‘sex sells’ was in this culture until I returned to the Faith 3 years ago.

God bless you!

 

[Gliggle]

It’s so humiliating and awkward going to confession for this stuff, I know it myself! But make yourself go, and offer up the humiliation as a share in Jesus suffering on his cross. Including the humiliation you will feel from your brother too. The humiliation will also in itself start to act as a deterrent from the behaviour instead of a deterrent from confession. Also you are actually providing a good example to your brother (whether he is older or younger), even though it may not feel that way. Eventually you will find you have strength to resist these sins, and it will happen less and less, and one day you will have no interest, I promise you! The grace which comes from confession is amazing, even when the priest is not understanding (offer this up too!). We are so lucky to have this available to us, please go frequently.

 

[fred_conty]

Incentive(s) are the reason(s) someone quits an addiction. If there are enough reasons on the positive powerful side to stop, then the addiction can be controlled. But usually what happens is that the addiction is so strong that the list of reasons to stop seem weak.

And this is where you need God’s help. He can supply you with a reason that seems strong enough to make you want to quit. This can be with any addiction. A person does not see any great reason to stop because the addiction is so attractive. Ah, but God can sometimes tweek our thinking and help us see that there is a reason greater than the addiction.

For example hurting our loved ones. It doesn’t seem like enough to make a person quit, until one day God gives a fresh insight into what this is really doing. Then suddenly, the person WANTS to quit. It really is just that simple. God makes it seem different than what we saw before.

God loves you no matter what you might do and wants your salvation because he has washed you in his own blood. His desire is that you be with him forever. He went to great extreme personal cost to himself to pay for all your sins so that you might one day be with him in happiness. So as long as you are alive, you may go to him and beg him to help you love him as you want so very much. Ask him often thru the day, "Lord help me to WANT to stop. This is different than saying, “Lord help me to stop”. Because you are the one that has to desire to stop, then you will stop. So say, “Lord help me to WANT to stop” over and over. Even if you subcomb to the temptation, still say that prayer. And one day you will find yourself throughly wanting to stop. And that will be the day you will know to turn to him and thank him with all your heart.

God made the earth, all the birds, fish, animals, the land, oceans, mountains, sky, clouds, storms, earthquakes, forests, rain, rivers, and men. He can certainly move you, without batting an eye, to want to quit. He is all powerful and can even move you. But you must show him you believe in him and continually say that prayer irregardless of what you may do, tiring as it may be, and as trying on your faith as anything ever will be. “Jesus, I trust in you.” “Help me to WANT to quit.” He is just waiting for you to turn to him in a meaningful way. He has every reason to grant your request, but he wants to be sure you really mean what you say and trust him. Turn to him, he is the one to free you.
Even if you do not feel like saying the prayer, say it anyway. Just keep turning to him and saying that prayer. If you don’t give up on him, he will not give up on you.

 

[ineedofmercy]

It’s so humiliating and awkward going to confession for this stuff, I know it myself! But make yourself go, and offer up the humiliation as a share in Jesus suffering on his cross. Including the humiliation you will feel from your brother too. The humiliation will also in itself start to act as a deterrent from the behaviour instead of a deterrent from confession. Also you are actually providing a good example to your brother (whether he is older or younger), even though it may not feel that way. Eventually you will find you have strength to resist these sins, and it will happen less and less, and one day you will have no interest, I promise you! The grace which comes from confession is amazing, even when the priest is not understanding (offer this up too!). We are so lucky to have this available to us, please go frequently.

i’m not afraid to go to confession
i’m afraid to ask because i just know they will know something is up
luckily my sister i think will go soon for a church event so maybe i can go then

 

[ineedofmercy]

Incentive(s) are the reason(s) someone quits an addiction. If there are enough reasons on the positive powerful side to stop, then the addiction can be controlled. But usually what happens is that the addiction is so strong that the list of reasons to stop seem weak.

And this is where you need God’s help. He can supply you with a reason that seems strong enough to make you want to quit. This can be with any addiction. A person does not see any great reason to stop because the addiction is so attractive. Ah, but God can sometimes tweek our thinking and help us see that there is a reason greater than the addiction.

For example hurting our loved ones. It doesn’t seem like enough to make a person quit, until one day God gives a fresh insight into what this is really doing. Then suddenly, the person WANTS to quit. It really is just that simple. God makes it seem different than what we saw before.

God loves you no matter what you might do and wants your salvation because he has washed you in his own blood. His desire is that you be with him forever. He went to great extreme personal cost to himself to pay for all your sins so that you might one day be with him in happiness. So as long as you are alive, you may go to him and beg him to help you love him as you want so very much. Ask him often thru the day, "Lord help me to WANT to stop. This is different than saying, “Lord help me to stop”. Because you are the one that has to desire to stop, then you will stop. So say, “Lord help me to WANT to stop” over and over. Even if you subcomb to the temptation, still say that prayer. And one day you will find yourself throughly wanting to stop. And that will be the day you will know to turn to him and thank him with all your heart.

God made the earth, all the birds, fish, animals, the land, oceans, mountains, sky, clouds, storms, earthquakes, forests, rain, rivers, and men. He can certainly move you, without batting an eye, to want to quit. He is all powerful and can even move you. But you must show him you believe in him and continually say that prayer irregardless of what you may do, tiring as it may be, and as trying on your faith as anything ever will be. “Jesus, I trust in you.” “Help me to WANT to quit.” He is just waiting for you to turn to him in a meaningful way. He has every reason to grant your request, but he wants to be sure you really mean what you say and trust him. Turn to him, he is the one to free you.
Even if you do not feel like saying the prayer, say it anyway. Just keep turning to him and saying that prayer. If you don’t give up on him, he will not give up on you.

i will try this thank you
this addiction and given me a sad outlook on my future and is holding me back
this sadness is the devil trying to tell me not matter what i will be sad and never be free
i know my life is just starting and more sadness and loss is to come and that on top on addiction will be overwhelming so i must escape
i look at the world and know a war is coming so i must prepare my soul to leave gracefully
pray for me that i may focus on whats important and not what the devil says will make me smile when it only makes me cry
thank you

 

[fred_conty]

i will try this thank you
this addiction and given me a sad outlook on my future and is holding me back
this sadness is the devil trying to tell me not matter what i will be sad and never be free
i know my life is just starting and more sadness and loss is to come and that on top on addiction will be overwhelming so i must escape
i look at the world and know a war is coming so i must prepare my soul to leave gracefully
pray for me that i may focus on whats important and not what the devil says will make me smile when it only makes me cry
thank you

Look forward to the day of your freedom for it will happen because of your loving request.

The respectful sign of the cross over yourself made in honor of the blessed Trinity will block out an ongoing temptation.

Sprinkling of holy water in your room every so often helps.

But the faithful petition of prayer will bring down his mercy on you. He desires this with all his heart. Just give him an invite to do it and keep your hope. And do it with all your might and strength. Put your emphasis on him and not on your problem. He is the answer.