I need help ending a Fornicating relationship

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Jenny1987_25

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Hello Everyone,

I need help ending a relationship because we are committing fornication. Every time I break up with him, I get a lot of anxiety and go look for him
again. The toughs of losing him I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I feel so glued with this guy. He is the first guy I ever had sex with. When I met him, I was suffering depression due to things that happen in my life in that time. We immediately clicked and we started fornicating right away.
I feel guilty, dirty, lonely. I have become more selfish, superficial, less sensitive. Because this sin is keeping me away from God. I was living chastity and I was a virgin in high school and through out college. I was only in relationships that were chaste. But after I fell in depression and suffer anxiety and panic attacks, I though my life was over, I had nothing else left, I gave in to the sin. Since then I haven’t been the same. I have tried praying the rosary, praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, go to confession, go to retreats, I even went to psychotherapy with 3 therapists but I always end up going back with the guy and sin.
I have talk to him about it, he said will respect me. But when we are together he seduces me and I fall. He is non-practicing Catholic, and I feel our relationship is more superficial and revolves around fornication. He tells me if I leave him, he has a lot of opportunities to date any woman he wants, he even told me he will show me their pictures so I can see they are attractive girls. I went to see a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety prescribed me Cymbalta, but my family discourages me from taking the medication because they its only going to numb me and that I have a spiritual problem not psychological.
I used to be very strong in my faith, I never drank or partied in my college years (I went to a very liberal college), and I kept my feet grounded. I want to be the same girl I used to be. Now I am a total wreck, I lie to hide my sin to my family, I pretend someone I am not, all of this is destroying me.
I know I can get out of this with the Help of Mary and Jesus, but I am a chicken and I am very afraid of ending up alone.
Please pray for me :o
Jenny
 
Well, you have two choices, either end the relationship or don’t.

If you want to end it then break it off, get back in to counseling, and take your meds. It’s none of your family’s business what you’re taking for any condition, so don’t let that get to you.

He’s right though, in breaking up with him he will be free to date anyone he wants, and I’m sure that some of his options will be very attractive. Of course its manipulative of him to say that and to show you their pictures, but it is the truth. Work to accept that. As soon as you can say “Yes, I’m going to dump him and he’s going to find some other pretty girl” and be at the very least ok with it, he will have lost his power over you. Picture him with other women. Force yourself to think of him taking Scarlett Johansson on a date, and learn to be ok with it.
 
I am concerned about the fact that your family tells you to not take your medicine. Please follow your doctor’s instruction, especially of there could be side effects to not taking your meds.

I would really advise you to stop seeing this guy. One reason that I see is that you seem unable to do what you want to do (stop fornicating).

Go to confession and try to forgive yourself as well.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Well, you have two choices, either end the relationship or don’t.

If you want to end it then break it off, get back in to counseling, and take your meds. It’s none of your family’s business what you’re taking for any condition, so don’t let that get to you.

He’s right though, in breaking up with him he will be free to date anyone he wants, and I’m sure that some of his options will be very attractive. Of course its manipulative of him to say that and to show you their pictures, but it is the truth. Work to accept that. As soon as you can say “Yes, I’m going to dump him and he’s going to find some other pretty girl” and be at the very least ok with it, he will have lost his power over you. Picture him with other women. Force yourself to think of him taking Scarlett Johansson on a date, and learn to be ok with it.
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I would add that it’s more than manipulative, it’s cruel to taunt her insecurities by saying, “I’ll find someone prettier” and threaten to show her pictures of them. Really cruel.

I might be biased, I had an abusive relationship in my early 20’s, but he sounds like he is emotionally abusing her. He is fine without her, he can find someone better, while she is feeling afraid that he will. I hope he doesn’t, for the sake of the poor next girl.

I remember those feelings too well. My ex told me exactly what behaviors he would not tolerate me to do, or I would get hit. I felt that I was in this terrible vortex where you don’t see reality, until I had the courage to break up with him.

Get the courage, stop seeing him.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
Hello Everyone,

I need help ending a relationship because we are committing fornication. Every time I break up with him, I get a lot of anxiety and go look for him
again. The toughs of losing him I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I feel so glued with this guy. He is the first guy I ever had sex with. When I met him, I was suffering depression due to things that happen in my life in that time. We immediately clicked and we started fornicating right away.
I feel guilty, dirty, lonely. I have become more selfish, superficial, less sensitive. Because this sin is keeping me away from God. I was living chastity and I was a virgin in high school and through out college. I was only in relationships that were chaste. But after I fell in depression and suffer anxiety and panic attacks, I though my life was over, I had nothing else left, I gave in to the sin. Since then I haven’t been the same. I have tried praying the rosary, praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, go to confession, go to retreats, I even went to psychotherapy with 3 therapists but I always end up going back with the guy and sin.
I have talk to him about it, he said will respect me. But when we are together he seduces me and I fall. He is non-practicing Catholic, and I feel our relationship is more superficial and revolves around fornication. He tells me if I leave him, he has a lot of opportunities to date any woman he wants, he even told me he will show me their pictures so I can see they are attractive girls. I went to see a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety prescribed me Cymbalta, but my family discourages me from taking the medication because they its only going to numb me and that I have a spiritual problem not psychological.
I used to be very strong in my faith, I never drank or partied in my college years (I went to a very liberal college), and I kept my feet grounded. I want to be the same girl I used to be. Now I am a total wreck, I lie to hide my sin to my family, I pretend someone I am not, all of this is destroying me.
I know I can get out of this with the Help of Mary and Jesus, but I am a chicken and I am very afraid of ending up alone.
Please pray for me :o
Jenny
Click to expand...
Hi Jenny, I think you need to follow your psychiatrist’s advice and take your medication. Once you start feeling stronger and more like yourself, it will be easier to let go of this relationship. Your thinking process is not clear at the moment, because of the depression and anxiety. You are reaching out for what is easiest and closest, sometimes people try drugs or alcohol but you have gone toward this man and sex. Sex releases powerful chemicals in your brain and that can make breaking up difficult even if you are not depressed.

This is not a good man, Jenny. He is using you. He would not tell you that he will be seeing other, more attractive women if you break up with him, if he were a good man. That is very cruel of him and he knows it will keep you where he wants you. If you were stronger you could scoff at him and tell him, “So what? Do what you want to. I am still breaking up with you.” He knows the mental frame of mind you are in.

The anti-depressants will help you get back your strength, so you can tell him goodbye. You will be in my prayers.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
Hello Everyone,

I need help ending a relationship because we are committing fornication. Every time I break up with him, I get a lot of anxiety and go look for him
again. The toughs of losing him I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I feel so glued with this guy. He is the first guy I ever had sex with. When I met him, I was suffering depression due to things that happen in my life in that time. We immediately clicked and we started fornicating right away.
I feel guilty, dirty, lonely. I have become more selfish, superficial, less sensitive. Because this sin is keeping me away from God. I was living chastity and I was a virgin in high school and through out college. I was only in relationships that were chaste. But after I fell in depression and suffer anxiety and panic attacks, I though my life was over, I had nothing else left, I gave in to the sin. Since then I haven’t been the same. I have tried praying the rosary, praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, go to confession, go to retreats, I even went to psychotherapy with 3 therapists but I always end up going back with the guy and sin.
I have talk to him about it, he said will respect me. But when we are together he seduces me and I fall. He is non-practicing Catholic, and I feel our relationship is more superficial and revolves around fornication. He tells me if I leave him, he has a lot of opportunities to date any woman he wants, he even told me he will show me their pictures so I can see they are attractive girls. I went to see a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety prescribed me Cymbalta, but my family discourages me from taking the medication because they its only going to numb me and that I have a spiritual problem not psychological.
I used to be very strong in my faith, I never drank or partied in my college years (I went to a very liberal college), and I kept my feet grounded. I want to be the same girl I used to be. Now I am a total wreck, I lie to hide my sin to my family, I pretend someone I am not, all of this is destroying me.
I know I can get out of this with the Help of Mary and Jesus, but I am a chicken and I am very afraid of ending up alone.
Please pray for me :o
Jenny
Click to expand...
If you are suffering from depression, you need to continue seeing your doctor; he has the skill and education to help you, and you should take your medication. Your so called “boyfriend” is using you for sex and you must cut off all contact with him immediately. So what if he goes out and gets another girl; he is poison to you and your spiritual life and the sooner he is gone, the better for both of you.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I might be biased, I had an abusive relationship in my early 20’s, but he sounds like he is emotionally abusing her. He is fine without her, he can find someone better, while she is feeling afraid that he will. .
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I agree with you! when I read the OP post, the first thing I though is that he is emotionally abusing her. He is trying to break her self esteem and he is manipulating her. To the OP: First, take your medications. If a doctor prescribed you medications you need to take them. It is not your family’s business, they are not doctors, so please please take your medications. Second, speak to a priest and a counseler or a therapist. I do think you need some therapy. And finally and most important, start repeating to yourself every single day: this guy is emotionally abusing you, he doesn’t love you and you deserve something better than him. Don’t let him manipulate you! It may seem difficult but if you take your medications, seek professional help and do lots of praying it is perfectly doable.
 
Thank you so much everyone for your advice and feedback :). True, This guy has been manipulating me emotionally, is just so hard to see it and I don’t know why I am so afraid to end the relationship. When I tell him how I feel about fornication, he makes me feel guilty.
I started depression a couple of years ago, and I have been afraid to take medications, plus I am Hispanic, and in my community meds. are frown down upon. I have goals and projects that I want to accomplish in my life, and this relationship and the depression is not helping me to accomplish my goals and dreams.
I’ll get off work early today, and I;m going to adoration so God can help me :).
 
Jenny, do not be afraid of anybody. Humans are simple humans, they can’t do anything if you have God in your life. Have faith in God, believe that he protects you and just work hard on your personal issues, as I said, look for professional help and follow their advice.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
…He tells me if I leave him, he has a lot of opportunities to date any woman he wants, he even told me he will show me their pictures so I can see they are attractive girls…
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So he’s going to replace you like a car that he’s totaled out, is he? What a piece of work! Repeat that revelation to yourself whenever you are tempted to spend any time with him. That outrageous way of trying to “hold on” to you–that is, informing you that you are entirely replaceable–deserves real anger as a response. He is talking about you as if you are an object there for his pleasure. (Note that he did not show you personality profiles or shows of affection of these other “replacement women”, only their pictures! :mad:)

Let us hope he was speaking out of his mind, but do not bet your life on it. Drop this man and do not look back. He is not the material from which faithful husbands are made. Perhaps he will realize his foolishness, and change his heart in time for his next courtship. Do not let him have another chance with you, though. Wish him well and let him go, permanently.
Jenny1987_25 said:
I went to see a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety prescribed me Cymbalta, but my family discourages me from taking the medication because they its only going to numb me and that I have a spiritual problem not psychological.
Click to expand...
Long-standing depression changes the chemicals in your brain. Treat the organic/chemical problem, use that opening to treat the spiritual problem, and then when you are back on your wheels, the anti-depressant may well become entirely unneeded. As it is, though, you are in the position of someone who asked God to save them from a flood who decides to wave off the rescue boats because you’re so sure God is going to save you. Vanity will get you nowhere: Don’t refuse treatment unless it is failing to help you heal. The pills will not replace spiritual healing. They’re more like a cast for a broken leg. The ideal is that when your interior self-talk and outlook changes, your brain can learn to make its own healthy balance of signaling schemicals again by itself.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
… When I tell him how I feel about fornication, he makes me feel guilty…
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Jesus did not die for us in order to make us feel guilty.
Quit listening to what everyone else says. Get into the red letters, and listen to the Lord.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
Thank you so much everyone for your advice and feedback :). True, This guy has been manipulating me emotionally, is just so hard to see it and I don’t know why I am so afraid to end the relationship. When I tell him how I feel about fornication, he makes me feel guilty.
I started depression a couple of years ago, and I have been afraid to take medications, plus I am Hispanic, and in my community meds. are frown down upon. I have goals and projects that I want to accomplish in my life, and this relationship and the depression is not helping me to accomplish my goals and dreams.
I’ll get off work early today, and I;m going to adoration so God can help me :).
Click to expand...
The longer your brain goes without the chemicals it’s not producing, the more likely you are to experience depression on a recurring basis. Ignore your culture and do what you need to do in order to take care of yourself. The quicker you get the treatment you need, the less likely you are to need it long-term.
 
Under the threat, “If you don’t sleep with me, I have plenty of other attractive options” lies your answer. Is this the attitude and values you want from you future spouse? NO! Move on, and pray for the women that come after you, they are all replaceable to him. You do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you this way, and if he is not husband material, why are you with him, chaste or not???

You deserve better, you can do better, this is not what God wants for you. All easier said than done, and an internet post is not sufficient to help you break your emotional need for his companionship, so go back to the therapist or find another one.

You are worth it!
 
Thank you everyone for your prayers and advice. 🙂
I just talk to the guy and broke things off, and he actually respected my decision.
I went to confession earlier, prayed the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet.
Tomorrow I can’t wait to go to mass and received the Eucharist. I am doing this to have a clean heart for God. Its hard but I do want to have the soul free from lustful sin
and I want to do the things right for God.😉
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
Thank you everyone for your prayers and advice. 🙂
I just talk to the guy and broke things off, and he actually respected my decision.
I went to confession earlier, prayed the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet.
Tomorrow I can’t wait to go to mass and received the Eucharist. I am doing this to have a clean heart for God. Its hard but I do want to have the soul free from lustful sin
and I want to do the things right for God.😉
Click to expand...
Thank God! 🙂

Being in a similar situation to you (very minor), I can tell you now that the immediate joy you will receive from God will be met with challenges from the devil, and its in those moments where you are truly tested. Develop a habit of prayer, daily mass and monthly confession and you will be better prepared to face those trials.
Don’t expect it to be all bliss though; God sends trials and tribulations as well as joy and comfort.

let us know how you feel down the track 🙂
 
Just two comments.

Build a daily walk with God in prayer and Bible study. Don’t miss days. This will help you resist temptation and make better decisions. If you make a mistake, work on your wall (in addition to reconciliation). Daily Mass is great. I am working on my wall as well.

Look at situations before entering them. Be willing to “pause and pray” before jumping in. Some situations are hard to get out of once you are in them, and the best way to not have a problem is to not go. This can include some dating situations, or getting in a car with people who drink and drive.

We are proud of you.

Good luck.
 
Jenny1987_25 said:
Thank you everyone for your prayers and advice. 🙂
I just talk to the guy and broke things off, and he actually respected my decision.
I went to confession earlier, prayed the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet.
Tomorrow I can’t wait to go to mass and received the Eucharist. I am doing this to have a clean heart for God. Its hard but I do want to have the soul free from lustful sin
and I want to do the things right for God.😉
Click to expand...
Yay!!! Now stand strong, and stay on the path to Jesus! The Eucharist will help you!

🙂
 
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