I need help! I can’t handle this

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bigmistake

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It’s chrisrmas Eve and all I want to do is be happy with my family instead I feel awful about what happened. I feel like I don’t deserve my family. I don’t deserve to be happy. I just want to cry. How do I make it through the Holidays. I haven’t told my wife, and I know many on here feel I was assaulted, but I feel awful. I know telling her now would ruin Christmas for everyone. Someone give me the strength to carry on. Please tell me it’s going to be ok.
 
Have you been to confession yet? If not, go to Mass early and ask Fr to hear your confession/.
 
We went this morning. I know that what happened to me was more than likely sexual coercion, but it’s a lonely place to be without someone to talk to about it. I’ve prayed every day about this. Posting on here help because it gives me a place to vent my sadness. Otherwise it’s bottled up in me.
 
Good, you have been to confession. That is all you can do for now. Every time it pops into your mind, say “Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your forgiveness.” Repeat every second of every day if you must.

When you go back to work after the holidays, I really believe you should speak to an attorney and ask his opinion about disclosing this to your boss/Human Resources. With the climate in the US today, men are considered guilty with no chance to be proven innocent when it comes to sex and the workplace. Your attorney will be able to give you advice. Do that before you make any sort of decision about who else to tell.
 
I just hate feeling like this. I have considered getting legal advice. The reality is she would gain much traction accusing me, but as you said in today’s world she really wouldn’t need any. I’m afraid if I tell my wife she will confront this woman and she will follow through with her threat to ruin me. Let’s face it at that point she would have leverage. All I would have is some texts and maybe hotel security footage showing she came to my room afterwards.
 
I see what you all are saying is seek legal advice before I confess to my wife and she sets something in motion that can’t be stopped.
 
Correct. Regardless of your contrition you must assume that the worst could occur.
TheLittleLady said:
Priest

Attorney

Counselor
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It’s a terrible situation but nothing should be said during the Holidays. Once your ducks are in a row then proceed with attempts at reconciliation.
 
And with a lawyer I could sit my wife down and explain.

Do lawyers do free consults? I don’t think I could pay without her knowing I went to a lawyer.
 
Big,

If you live in or are near a large city, contact the local Bar Association and ask if they have any members who will do pro bono consults.

Stuart
 
So I really doubt I have enough evidence to prosecute. But I’ll still talk to a lawyer. What then? Do I tell my wife I was coerced but can’t prove it. I do have some text, but the only real good one is where she says “you think I took advantage of you, if that helps you deal. Fine. I took advantage of you, you didn’t want it. Fine”

That’s about it for proof.
 
My experience is that an attorney will give you a free 15 minute consult. I’ve done this several times over the years. It’s to help you decide if you have a case or what your next step should be.
God bless.
Please enjoy Christmas with your family and remember Christ came to dig us out of all the mess we were in without him. He is our peace.
 
Just feels like I’m stuck. I know what happened, but can’t prove much of it. I also don’t see this woman coming after me either. Only if I came after her. I really think she was just looking to feel better because she was upset about her marriage. She told me that she had a similar experience with her best friend (a female) and now that woman doesn’t talk to her. I feel for her because she is clearly a damaged individual. Sadly I am now part of her story. I want to move on and enjoy my family. I don’t want to deal with this at all. I’d rather just move on. And never see her again.
 
It is not about prosecution. It is about protecting yourself from losing your job over sexual harassment/misconduct or even worse criminal charges of sexual assault.

An article on Reuters a week or so ago, a law firm is now advising their clients to simply resign in these situations because the legal climate right now will not accept anything less. This is serious business.
 
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bigmistake said:
It’s chrisrmas Eve and all I want to do is be happy with my family instead I feel awful about what happened. I feel like I don’t deserve my family. I don’t deserve to be happy. I just want to cry. How do I make it through the Holidays. I haven’t told my wife, and I know many on here feel I was assaulted, but I feel awful. I know telling her now would ruin Christmas for everyone. Someone give me the strength to carry on. Please tell me it’s going to be ok.
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Satan is trying to rob you of your birthright in Christ - righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. It is imperative that you not give in to these temptations and emotions. Do not let your “feel awful” be the root of your decisions and behavior.

The bottom line is that we do not deserve any of the good gifts God has given us, salvation, our family, joy, etc. These things are a free gift of God by graice, through faith, not of our own works. Acknowledge that you don’t deserve these things, and thank Him for his gifts, then open yourself to receive them most fully.

You cannot grasp the joy God has for you when you have both hands full hanging on to guilt that has already been forgiven in Christ. Let go of the negativity and grasp Christ instead! Act “as if” you are a freed child of God. Celebrate His birth into your heart and into the world. Don’t let the devil rob you of your birthright.
 
Single best post I have read. This morning as my kids were opening gifts and I started feeling sad, then both my sons hugged me for the first gift we gave them, and it all washed away. I felt like a good person again. I hadn’t read this post till just now, but it’s exactly what God did for me. I’m going to reference this post a lot when I need it. Can’t let Satan take over my heart!
 
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