and I hope this is the right forum!! In 1984 I had a daughter who was born out of wedlock. The Mgsr. who I “grew up” with in my home church refused to baptise her because I was not married. Several of the newer priest, too, refused to perform the rite of baptism. Finally I did find a deacon who baptised her. Now 25 years later I am in school and writing a paper on this experience, but I cannot find any documentation to explain why our experience was what it was…can anyone either tell me, or point me in the right direction to something written that would assist the understanding of this? Thank you all for your help!
PS Although I eventually left the church because of this situation, my daughter is still very involved in the church that at one time shunned her…pretty ironic!
Tamskaggs
See the Code of Canon Law #868 (the 1983 version which applies here)
The reason why you can’t find any documentation is because no such documentation exists.
Baptism can be delayed (put off to a future date) if the parents do not give their consent, but that’s not the case since you requested it.
Baptism may be delayed only if there is no “founded hope” that the child will be raised in the faith. The fact that the parents are not married is not, in and of itself, a legitimate reason to delay or refuse baptism.
This is a very personal issue. Refusing strictly because you were not married would not be legitimate, but refusing because he had no hope that you would raise her Catholic would be a reason to delay the baptism until he had such hope. Please don’t take offense at that. I don’t mean to imply that you didn’t have the intention (I don’t know you now, didn’t know you then, and it’s not my place to judge your intentions 24 years ago), I’m only explaining what the reasons might have been.
I mentioned above that the 1983 Code of Canon Law applies here. The date is important because it replaced the 1917 Code (of which I don’t have a copy handy). It might be that in the 1917 code, if the parents weren’t married the baptism was delayed, and perhaps, because of the timing, the priests were working from their previous knowledge of the old laws which did not apply. I’m not sure. I’ll look into that, though, if it helps with your research.
I wish you the best on your paper. I hope and pray that you can find it in your heart to remember that Christ and His Church DO want you back, and are always ready and willing to welcome you back. The Church never shunned either you or her. Perhaps (and it’s not my place to judge here either), perhaps those individual priests shunned you, but Holy Mother Church never did.
