I need help! Wife issues

  • Thread starter Thread starter hurthusband
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Hi hurthusband

I’ve just read through the thread, and coming to it new I can really read the progress for you both over the last few weeks. I imagine there’s still going to be ups and downs for you both so I’d say try to keep an eye on the longer term progress rather than judging each day as good/bad. My prayers are with you both, that you continue to rebuild your marriage and that you’re both blessed with happiness. mutual support and love.

God bless +
 
Michael_Allen said:
Hi hurthusband

I’ve just read through the thread, and coming to it new I can really read the progress for you both over the last few weeks. I imagine there’s still going to be ups and downs for you both so I’d say try to keep an eye on the longer term progress rather than judging each day as good/bad. My prayers are with you both, that you continue to rebuild your marriage and that you’re both blessed with happiness. mutual support and love.

God bless +
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Here’s the thing, its hard to keep track of the long term progress while just trying to get through the day. My wife is in therapy but the therapist doesn’t want to see me because he knows I’m not going anywhere. I’d still like my voice to be heard, but I respect the doctor/patient relationship, Retrouvaille is in two weeks, so that’s the long term goal that I’m looking towards right now. Last night I had a terrible dream that everything was over and I was standing in the middle of the street alone. Not a good feeling.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Hey Sam, you need to read everything before you post. You don’t seem to have read everything.
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I’ve read the thread. I find much of the “advice” appalling. The man’s wife was cheating on him, the man’s wife dragged his daughters into her scheme to hide it from him, the man’s wife is playing nice with him now that she has been caught. All caught up? :rolleyes:
 
SamH said:
I’ve read the thread. I find much of the “advice” appalling. The man’s wife was cheating on him, the man’s wife dragged his daughters into her scheme to hide it from him, the man’s wife is playing nice with him now that she has been caught. All caught up? :rolleyes:
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Sam, you’re a big help. Thanks so much.
 
SamH said:
I’ve read the thread. I find much of the “advice” appalling. The man’s wife was cheating on him, the man’s wife dragged his daughters into her scheme to hide it from him, the man’s wife is playing nice with him now that she has been caught. All caught up? :rolleyes:
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Your advice was to kick her out on the street and change the locks.

Obviously, you missed the part about marriage vows. Two wrongs don’t make a right. When one partner is weak it is the other’s responsibility to be strong, not throw their hands in the air and walk away. If God has given him the gift of grace to forgive, why does that anger you?

I too have to wonder what your deal is.
 
SamH said:
I’ve read the thread. I find much of the “advice” appalling. The man’s wife was cheating on him, the man’s wife dragged his daughters into her scheme to hide it from him, the man’s wife is playing nice with him now that she has been caught. All caught up? :rolleyes:
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Sam, I rather think your advice was appalling. I find it a beautiful testament to his wedding vows that Hurt is working so hard to preserve his marriage. I wish everyone took their vows that seriously.
 
SamH said:
I’ve read the thread. I find much of the “advice” appalling. The man’s wife was cheating on him, the man’s wife dragged his daughters into her scheme to hide it from him, the man’s wife is playing nice with him now that she has been caught. All caught up? :rolleyes:
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Hi Sam -

You can find from many of my started threads in this forum I’m in very similiar situation. I can witness that charity and loving my wife have paid off far better than the alternative, particularly with children involved. My comments on this thread have been what’s worked for me. If that is not the case for you, I’d also be curious to hear your comments. If you too are having a struggle in your marriage, I would gladly offer it up in my prayers as well.
 
Hurt,

I get a little nervous that your wife’s counselor is not willing to listen to you voice simply because “you are not going anywhere.” I would still think, as you said, it is important to have your voice heard and to be able to express other feelings or concerns you have while having a neutral party present.

Is this the only reason s/he gave for not including you?

Offering my rosary for your intentions.

God bless.
 
90Domer said:
Hurt,

I get a little nervous that your wife’s counselor is not willing to listen to you voice simply because “you are not going anywhere.” I would still think, as you said, it is important to have your voice heard and to be able to express other feelings or concerns you have while having a neutral party present.

Is this the only reason s/he gave for not including you?

Offering my rosary for your intentions.

God bless.
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No, she has mental health issues as well and her first two visits were to establish a baseline of her personal history. Not saying that I won’t be asked to participate at some point because I don’t know for sure. I just haven’t been asked to participate so far.
 
Well done for sticking by your vows and by your marriage HurtHusband

I’m not saying what your wife did was right, and I’m not saying everything is going to be easy now, but many marriages would have failed by now through lack of forgiveness and commitment. You are in my prayers.
 
Michael1966 said:
Well done for sticking by your vows and by your marriage HurtHusband

I’m not saying what your wife did was right, and I’m not saying everything is going to be easy now, but many marriages would have failed by now through lack of forgiveness and commitment.
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Thanks, it won’t be because of lack of commitment or forgiveness on my part. I’m not perfect either. Nobody is. We’re all flawed. Recognizing each other’s flaws and still loving each other hasn’t been our issue in the past.
 
Saturn5 said:
Hi Sam -

You can find from many of my started threads in this forum I’m in very similiar situation. I can witness that charity and loving my wife have paid off far better than the alternative, particularly with children involved. My comments on this thread have been what’s worked for me. If that is not the case for you, I’d also be curious to hear your comments. If you too are having a struggle in your marriage, I would gladly offer it up in my prayers as well.
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Nice insult, perhaps you should pray for forgiveness instead. :rolleyes:

I’ve not had these kinds of struggles in my marriage but I have spent years working with children and have dealt with many adults that think only of themselves and care little for those around them. In this case the children are adults and were somehow forced to help their mother conceal her inappropriate relationship with another man from their father. I don’t have much tolerance for people that go out of their way to inflict pain on everyone they "love” so they can get what they want, when they want how they want. That level of selfishness doesn’t sudden appear one day and disappear the next. It’s an ongoing situation that has existed for years and only goes into hiding until its safe to act out again. I’ve watched mothers (and fathers) scream for forgiveness when caught inflicting various forms of torture to their family – then turn around and repeat the behavior when they thought no one would notice. Human nature being what it is tells me that this probably isn’t the first time for the wife nor will be the last. It’s just the first time she got caught.
 
SamH said:
Nice insult, perhaps you should pray for forgiveness instead. :rolleyes:

I’ve not had these kinds of struggles in my marriage but I have spent years working with children and have dealt with many adults that think only of themselves and care little for those around them. In this case the children are adults and were somehow forced to help their mother conceal her inappropriate relationship with another man from their father. I don’t have much tolerance for people that go out of their way to inflict pain on everyone they "love” so they can get what they want, when they want how they want. That level of selfishness doesn’t sudden appear one day and disappear the next. It’s an ongoing situation that has existed for years and only goes into hiding until its safe to act out again. I’ve watched mothers (and fathers) scream for forgiveness when caught inflicting various forms of torture to their family – then turn around and repeat the behavior when they thought no one would notice. Human nature being what it is tells me that this probably isn’t the first time for the wife nor will be the last. It’s just the first time she got caught.
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ESP is truly a gift, cherish it. In fact this gift may be unique to you and God.

Back to the topic at hand, forgiveness and committment is the Christian way for marriage? Or do you have another take on that?
 
My story is very much like hurthusbands (3,000 texts in two months). But I had also caught them together. Last year February 11, 2011 I confronted her and she agreed to no contact. The next three months were just heavenly. Better than the relationship had been in years. Thought we were going in the right direction. Only to later find out that on February 22, 2011 (Ash Wednesday) when she left on a ski trip to Colorado with her sister, she was actually skiing with him.

My advice…be very careful and observant and vigilant. She just continued to find new way to communicate and meet. What I have been through over the last year has been unbelievable. She really had me believing things were over, but the relationship continued and grew much much deeper.
 
SamH said:
Nice insult, perhaps you should pray for forgiveness instead. :rolleyes:

I’ve not had these kinds of struggles in my marriage but I have spent years working with children and have dealt with many adults that think only of themselves and care little for those around them. In this case the children are adults and were somehow forced to help their mother conceal her inappropriate relationship with another man from their father. I don’t have much tolerance for people that go out of their way to inflict pain on everyone they "love” so they can get what they want, when they want how they want. That level of selfishness doesn’t sudden appear one day and disappear the next. It’s an ongoing situation that has existed for years and only goes into hiding until its safe to act out again. I’ve watched mothers (and fathers) scream for forgiveness when caught inflicting various forms of torture to their family – then turn around and repeat the behavior when they thought no one would notice. Human nature being what it is tells me that this probably isn’t the first time for the wife nor will be the last. It’s just the first time she got caught.
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So your experience makes you an expert on my situation. Not. I’ve worked in the public and with kids for years as well. I’ve seen solid families and broken families, good marriages, and bad, kids who have a lot of support at home, and kids who have no support at home. Trust me, I’ve seen it all. So all of my experiences combined have led me to where I am right now.
 
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