I need help! Wife issues

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Sorry to hear about all this hh. I will remember you in my prayers. I had a bad feeling about this as I followed the thread, that is why I stopped posting. I wish for your sake that I was wrong.

Remember to lean on the Lord to get you through the hard times ahead.
 
Keeping you in prayer hurthusband. This is obviously a very difficult time for you. When you feel ready you may want to seek out some support from people who have gone through, or are going through, similar troubles.

God bless you +
 
I am very disappointing after reading your story but i would like to suggest you that where is love than there is no chance to Suspicion but i think your wife is cheat with you. You should do same thing which your wife doing now after that your wife will realize that what is true love.

ropa para hombres
 
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Pray The Holy Rosary and Jesus’ Rosary (nothing is ever ‘over’ despite the term ‘divorce’). My parents divorced and they got back together after 7 years realising that the grass is not always greener on the other side and the wonderful loving honest qualities in one another, however most importantly, both Catholics who came back to their relationship with God and practiced together again.

In the meantime, visit a counsellor my Brother in Jesus, attend a Mens group, join up with Church support groups and participate (regardless of the pain you are feeling at present), walk daily, do not sink into depression, set out new itineraries and daily agendas for yourself which includes meeting new people and assisting other people which will take your mind off your own temporary painful period. God does not want us to divorce, however God may have known this was going to occur during your Marriage and may just be expanding your horizons, taking you out of your comfort zone giving you opportunities to assist other people during your life in the interim period while your Wife grows and learns more about herself.
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I think we have very good advice already in the topic.

I would just add that there is no true happiness without God. Our first commandment is to love God above all things, and that includes loving Him more than your own wife/husband.

For my own experience I would say that every single time that a couple puts Christ in the center of the marital life, they win. Christ is the infinite source of all love to which you can always go back for, when the love for your spouse fails somehow.

In this sense, it will never be enough to regain your marriage on the basis of “doing nice things” to your wife, like taking her to dinner, talking nice to her, buying her gifts, etc. Your marriage will continue to be unhappy as long as God is not the center of it, for BOTH you and your wife. In your heart, God must stand above your wife. And in her heart it must be then same. When that happens, your marriage will be safe, and you will be happy again.

Don’t force it on her. Invite God to your marriage, and ask her nicely to do the same.

Invite your wife to pray with you. Invite her to go to the mass with you. Invite her to bless the food before lunch and dinner. Invite her to let God get into your marriage, and things will work better.

God bless you and your wife!
 
It was mentioned in a previous post way back, but absolutely read the Dr Dobson book Love Must Be Tough. Probably the only hope that there is at this point is to embrace that approach.
 
eonporter said:
I think we have very good advice already in the topic.

I would just add that there is no true happiness without God. Our first commandment is to love God above all things, and that includes loving Him more than your own wife/husband.

For my own experience I would say that every single time that a couple puts Christ in the center of the marital life, they win. Christ is the infinite source of all love to which you can always go back for, when the love for your spouse fails somehow.

In this sense, it will never be enough to regain your marriage on the basis of “doing nice things” to your wife, like taking her to dinner, talking nice to her, buying her gifts, etc. Your marriage will continue to be unhappy as long as God is not the center of it, for BOTH you and your wife. In your heart, God must stand above your wife. And in her heart it must be then same. When that happens, your marriage will be safe, and you will be happy again.

Don’t force it on her. Invite God to your marriage, and ask her nicely to do the same.

Invite your wife to pray with you. Invite her to go to the mass with you. Invite her to bless the food before lunch and dinner. Invite her to let God get into your marriage, and things will work better.

God bless you and your wife!
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I wish my atheist husband will become like you some day 👍
 
My heart is breaking for you. I know what it feels like, and it is by far one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. The people in CAF are praying for you. Please draw close to the sacraments.
 
HH,

I am so sorry to hear this news. I was truly excited when the two of you were going to Retroville but scared when you weren’t included in therapy from the get-go. I so feel for you and will offer my rosary for you tonight. I am truly hoping this is just a glitch in life and that she will see what she’ll be losing.

Please know that you are in my prayers.
 
hurthusband said:
I can only do so much. If she says its over, what can I do? I literally got sick to my stomach after she said its over. I had to go to the bathroom and my bowels emptied out, that kind of sick. And then I felt like I had hypothermia. That’s never happened too me before. I continue to pray all day, but there’s another force at work here that I’m fighting.
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I know exactly what it feels like. Every part of my body physically hurt. It feels like a bad dream that you can’t wake up from. I remember waking up every morning and realizing it wasn’t a dream, this was my reality. It gets better with time. Honestly, it took me years to accept that it was over.

I wouldn’t beg or plead. She’s made up her mind. If her mind is going to change it will have to be her idea. In my experience, the more you ask her to go to Mass with you or pray with you, the more she will be pushed away.

Read the book “Runaway Husbands.” It applies to both husbands and wives. It won’t fix anything, but it will help you understand the possible reasons why this happened. It helped me to realize that no matter what I did or who I was, he was going to take the path he did. In other words, while I am far from perfect, it wasn’t “me.”
 
SamH,

I need to apologize when I criticized one of your negative posts. I guess I was very naive in my thinking. I have mostly been surrounded by people in very solid marriages, but that also means I wouldn’t see the same or any warning signs like you did. I’m very sorry. I will never assume like that again.
 
Guineviere said:
I know exactly what it feels like. Every part of my body physically hurt. It feels like a bad dream that you can’t wake up from. I remember waking up every morning and realizing it wasn’t a dream, this was my reality. It gets better with time. Honestly, it took me years to accept that it was over.

I wouldn’t beg or plead. She’s made up her mind. If her mind is going to change it will have to be her idea. In my experience, the more you ask her to go to Mass with you or pray with you, the more she will be pushed away.

Read the book “Runaway Husbands.” It applies to both husbands and wives. It won’t fix anything, but it will help you understand the possible reasons why this happened. It helped me to realize that no matter what I did or who I was, he was going to take the path he did. In other words, while I am far from perfect, it wasn’t “me.”
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This is great advice. Even though it’s hard, don’t beg or plead for her back. Do not get me wrong, I am praying hard that she changes her mind. Keep in mind though that chasing someone who doesn’t want to be chased will push them farther away. Please give her space, and hopefully she will see what she’s giving up. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. In the meantime, draw strength from the sacraments, and continue to pray for her. Please consider visiting this website: divorcebusting.com. It helped bring my husband and I back together after our divorce, and my hope is that it will help you too. Her books are wonderful.

Peace be with you and God Bless!
 
Evania said:
This is great advice. Even though it’s hard, don’t beg or plead for her back. Do not get me wrong, I am praying hard that she changes her mind. Keep in mind though that chasing someone who doesn’t want to be chased will push them farther away. Please give her space, and hopefully she will see what she’s giving up. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. In the meantime, draw strength from the sacraments, and continue to pray for her. Please consider visiting this website: divorcebusting.com. It helped bring my husband and I back together after our divorce, and my hope is that it will help you too. Her books are wonderful.

Peace be with you and God Bless!
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Went to Staions of the Cross on Friday and when I got home she asked me how it was and we had a nice talk about how I felt about it. Also talked about mass for an hour after I got back on Sunday evening. That’s encouraging to me. We spent a good amount of time with each other during the weekend just enjoying each other’s company and we also had some emotional talks about us. Seems like every time I’m in church I have a “religious awakening” lately. Lent is really on my mind throughout every day. The season of forgiveness and renewal is especially meaningful this year.
 
HH,

Please realize that I am asking this out of love and concern for you and your feelings. First, it sounds like your wife is no longer attending church. Is that the case? Or might you be going separately? Have most of your conversations been about church, or have the two of you been able to talk about “the two of you”? I ask this because I am hoping your wife isn’t staying on a neutral topic as a means of avoiding talking about the more pressing issues in your marriage. This is only food for thought.
 
90Domer said:
HH,

Please realize that I am asking this out of love and concern for you and your feelings. First, it sounds like your wife is no longer attending church. Is that the case? Or might you be going separately? Have most of your conversations been about church, or have the two of you been able to talk about “the two of you”? I ask this because I am hoping your wife isn’t staying on a neutral topic as a means of avoiding talking about the more pressing issues in your marriage. This is only food for thought.
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No, she is not attending church right now. I believe that is temporary, for now. We talk about everything … everything.
 
If you have an opportunity watch the movie Fireproof. I would recommend you watch it by yourself.
The movie shows a marriage that is on the rocks although the details are not the same as yours, and how healing takes place. The message is sacrificial love. Not the grasping desperate possessive love, but selfless love, solely for the good of your wife. Don’t love with the expectation that you will be reimbursed with something like affection or the affirmation of your marriage. Our vocation in marriage is to love and serve one another as Christ loves us. Look at the cross. We don’t stop loving because we are not being rewarded.

Protecting yourself is the antithesis of love. Use common sense of course… if she is stealing from you then loving her means helping her to stop that.

This has worked in my own marriage when I thought my wife was far away from me. After a long struggle to “win her back”, I just started serving her, doing the dishes, helping her family, looking out for her in disinterested love. What I discovered was I was the one who had strayed. Your mileage may vary.
 
clem456 said:
If you have an opportunity watch the movie Fireproof. I would recommend you watch it by yourself.
The movie shows a marriage that is on the rocks although the details are not the same as yours, and how healing takes place. The message is sacrificial love. Not the grasping desperate possessive love, but selfless love, solely for the good of your wife. Don’t love with the expectation that you will be reimbursed with something like affection or the affirmation of your marriage. Our vocation in marriage is to love and serve one another as Christ loves us. Look at the cross. We don’t stop loving because we are not being rewarded.

Protecting yourself is the antithesis of love. Use common sense of course… if she is stealing from you then loving her means helping her to stop that.

This has worked in my own marriage when I thought my wife was far away from me. After a long struggle to “win her back”, I just started serving her, doing the dishes, helping her family, looking out for her in disinterested love. What I discovered was I was the one who had strayed. Your mileage may vary.
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Please forgive my schoolgirl crush, but I watched Fireproof because I was always fond of Kirk Cameron. I never expected to get out of the movie what I did. I loved it! It allowed me to help my husband be a better husband and to appreciate all the little things, even if he does mess up once in a while. And also to love him with sacrificial love, which I was falling short on big time. It really was a fantastic movie. I hope you check it out.
 
clem456 said:
If you have an opportunity watch the movie Fireproof. I would recommend you watch it by yourself.
The movie shows a marriage that is on the rocks although the details are not the same as yours, and how healing takes place. The message is sacrificial love. Not the grasping desperate possessive love, but selfless love, solely for the good of your wife. Don’t love with the expectation that you will be reimbursed with something like affection or the affirmation of your marriage. Our vocation in marriage is to love and serve one another as Christ loves us. Look at the cross. We don’t stop loving because we are not being rewarded.

Protecting yourself is the antithesis of love. Use common sense of course… if she is stealing from you then loving her means helping her to stop that.

This has worked in my own marriage when I thought my wife was far away from me. After a long struggle to “win her back”, I just started serving her, doing the dishes, helping her family, looking out for her in disinterested love. What I discovered was I was the one who had strayed. Your mileage may vary.
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👍👍
 
hurthusband said:
Went to Staions of the Cross on Friday and when I got home she asked me how it was and we had a nice talk about how I felt about it. Also talked about mass for an hour after I got back on Sunday evening. That’s encouraging to me. We spent a good amount of time with each other during the weekend just enjoying each other’s company and we also had some emotional talks about us. Seems like every time I’m in church I have a “religious awakening” lately. Lent is really on my mind throughout every day. The season of forgiveness and renewal is especially meaningful this year.
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It’s good to hear you’re talking a lot to each other. It’s fantastic also that amid the strife you can still see Lent as a period of renewal.

God bless you both +
 
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