I need help! Wife issues

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Irishmom2 said:
Beautiful post. Will offer prayers for you hurthusband. for this weekend to bring about some healing for both of you. God bless you.
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Irish Mom, long time no hear from. Thanks so much for your support.
 
Hi Hurthusband. I am new to the forum but the pain I see in your story is all too familiar to me. Just know that you are not alone and that there are other good people out here who are praying for you. I don’t have any answers for you, I don’t have any for myself – I wish I did. Jesus taught forgiveness and tolerance and these are hard, hard hard lessons to learn. Whatever happened between your wife and this other person, it’s NOT your fault. Yes, take 100% of the responsibility for the conditions in your marriage and take 100% responsibility for YOUR reaction to those things (in my case, I became depressed, sullen, withdrawn, just not a lot of fun to be around) but ZERO% responsibility for how your wife reacted (whether or not anything “happened” – it certainly seems like she was looking elsewhere for the closeness and companionship that should have come from within her marriage). I won’t burden you with all of my story but I found out about my wife’s affair when it had already been going on for a year (I saw an email between them explicitly discussing it. I had suspected, of course but how do you make that accusation without 100% certainty?). She told me she was in love with him and not with me and she even said “God wants me to be happy”. I know you feel like you’re in hell right now. I know the feeling in your stomach, lying awake at night, not eating and the feeling like you just want to lie down on the floor in the middle of the supermarket (well, maybe not you but I’ve felt that). Know that Jesus loves you. Know that you’re not alone – I know it feels like you are. God bless you.
 
Thanks for the support. I really need it. Thanks so much. The thing is, I have good days and bad days. I pray all the time for so many things. Too many to list right now. But I know one thing for sure - we’re either going to be together or we’re not. My kids are still going to love me. They know that I’ve been doing everything I can to keep the family together, I’ve told them to have good relationships with their mom, and that their mom is having issues right now and so am I, that need to be resolved. Today is a good day. No anxiety, I ate this morning, I don’t feel like I’m going to cry today, so yeah, right now I’m ok.
 
I see that you are going to retrouvaille this weekend. That’s a step. I don’t know in what direction but its a step and at least it’s movement. I’ll pray for your family. Best to you.
 
hurthusband said:
Thanks for the support. I really need it. Thanks so much. The thing is, I have good days and bad days. I pray all the time for so many things. Too many to list right now. But I know one thing for sure - we’re either going to be together or we’re not. My kids are still going to love me. They know that I’ve been doing everything I can to keep the family together, I’ve told them to have good relationships with their mom, and that their mom is having issues right now and so am I, that need to be resolved. Today is a good day. No anxiety, I ate this morning, I don’t feel like I’m going to cry today, so yeah, right now I’m ok.
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One of my favorite qoutes is:
“Doing the right thing is it’s own reward”.
It’s really hard to sacrifice for people when your emotions tell you to give up, or lash out and blame her or even yourself. Good for you and God bless you.
 
I’m assuming that Retrouvaille is a step towards God. I’m pretty sure the Holy Spirit is going to do some incredible things with the people who are open to the possibilities of reconciliation. I’m fired up for this weekend.
 
Is your wife attending the retreat with the intention of reconciling? It sounds like she keeps going back and forth. I’m praying that you find healing in your marriage.
 
Evania said:
Is your wife attending the retreat with the intention of reconciling? It sounds like she keeps going back and forth. I’m praying that you find healing in your marriage.
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That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?🤷
 
I will be paying for you and your wife this weekend that the Holy Spirit enriches your retreat and sends blessings on your marriage. Also, wishing you a very Happy St. Patrick’s Day (from this very Polish girl).

God bless.
 
Waiting to hear how it went this weekend, hurthusband. I hope that some good came out of it for both of you.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Waiting to hear how it went this weekend, hurthusband. I hope that some good came out of it for both of you.
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I thought the weekend went very well. I poured my heart out. I never shared so many feelings before in such a short period of time. I listened to every presentation and put all of my efforts into putting the tools into practice. Its going to be a lot of work.
 
HH, you can only change yourself. 🤷 Put your wife and the rest in God’s hands.

God Bless You :signofcross:
 
Glad you had a good weekend HH. Are you closer to understanding what is lacking in the marriage, currently, for your wife?
 
hurthusband said:
No. I am not closer to understanding what is lacking in the marriage for my wife.
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Would she agree to joint counselling? Where the counsellor can help her vocalize her frustrations? I have the impression (those please correct me if I am wrong) that you are doing most of the talking at the moment, and you probably need to find a find of shifting that so you’re doing most of the listening for a while - but obviously that can only happen when your wife feels safe and comfortable enough to do the talking.

God bless you both - you are both in my prayers.
 
We go to weekly joint couples therapy and she goes to individual therapy once a month. I’m convinced that menopause, thyroid issues, depression, are all playing a part in this. A big part. My life is a roller coaster, but I keep telling myself that I have to be the calming influence. If I’m as unstable as she is, we have no chance.
 
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