I need help! Wife issues

[qui_est_ce]

Well I moved out last Friday. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve done everything I can, but it seems that my wife never stopped having contact with the scumbag. She’s under a spell. This guy has had three wives and he has used all of them for his own personal gain. One he married to get on her healthcare because he needed an operation. Another he married to get a job. My wife is oblivious to what’s going on. Yesterday she met with a lawyer to file for divorce. I meet with a lawyer on Monday to start protecting myself. The kids did not spend mothers day with her or her mom.

Sometimes God uses pain and suffering to draw us closer to him. I’m sorry that your marriage had to come to this. You will not be able to figure her out. Work on your relationship with the Lord.

Divorce is hell. Trust in the Lord, put all your faith in Him.

That sounds easy to say, but I have gone through it, with little kids. The only way I survived is by trusting in Him. He does not fail.

The next step is forgiveness. Now is not that time for you. I am still struggling with forgiveness 15 years later, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” WOW.

My kids turned into wonderful awesome young adults. I’ll be going to my youngest’s college graduation tomorrow. My son and I will drive there together. What a blessing my children are! I wouldn’t have had them if I had not been married.

God bless you.

 

[hurthusband]

HH, sorry to hear about this. I would look into suing this man in civil court once your divorce is finalized as he is the main cause of all of this, especially after what you said about him being married before. This guy has to be stopped/pay before he gets somebody hurt or even killed.

I myself would instill the fear of God in him the old fashioned way.

I look at it this way…any woman who could leave the man who took care of her and stood by her side through thick and thin for a bunch of BS is not worth crying over or fussing about any more. Doesn’t matter how long the marriage lasted or how much you loved her…time to start healing and move on with your life.

One more thing, should she ever decide to come back and you accept her back everything will be different…nothing will ever be the same.

Good luck.

God bless and much peace!

Mike

What would I sue him for? What grounds??

 

[clem456]

HH, **sorry to hear about this. I would look into suing this man in civil court once your divorce is finalized as he is the main cause of all of this, especially after what you said about him being married before. This guy has to be stopped/pay before he gets somebody hurt or even killed.

I myself would instill the fear of God in him the old fashioned way. **
I look at it this way…any woman who could leave the man who took care of her and stood by her side through thick and thin for a bunch of BS is not worth crying over or fussing about any more. Doesn’t matter how long the marriage lasted or how much you loved her…time to start healing and move on with your life.

One more thing, should she ever decide to come back and you accept her back everything will be different…nothing will ever be the same.

Good luck.

God bless and much peace!

Mike

No, no and triple no. Leave him be, unless you have something productive to accomplish in talking to him. Nothing desroys peace like a desire for retribution. You’re not married to this man, there’s not point.

 

[Martin66]

Don’t try to take matters into your own hands. I fight this battle every day with my wife’s paramour. It’s not worth it, and you will wind up in jail. He will end up where he was going to end up anyway - with your wife. Brother, you and I are living the same life. My wife too is under a spell. I am told that I am a handsome man, and in great shape physically. I am kind and a devout Catholic. My wife is involved with an older, overweight, slovenly man who is not practicing any faith. Everyone in her family is dumbstruck as to why she is doing this. Logic is not part of the process!

Move on, in faith, and find the life God intends for you. I am on this road now. It’s not easy, but I can rest easy knowing that I didn’t leave the marriage, she did. And my stress level is much better now. Life is getting better.

Please see the link I sent you earlier regarding antidepressant side effects. Your wife and mine both used these drugs an had the same reactions. This won’t help you save your marriage, but it may help you feel better knowing you are not alone, and you did NOTHING to cause this. If your journey is like mine, you will soon hear how the paramour and relationship was your fault, and how you were never a good husband or father. This is justification for her immoral actions. I found out that my wife is a pathological liar, and in her mind she cannot make distinctions between the truth and lies anymore. She can fool counselors and therapists, and even priests. She tried to have me arrested on an assault charge in January, and if not for her parent’s intervention with the police officer I would have indeed gone to jail. She is that convincing!

 

[qui_est_ce]

No, no and triple no. Leave him be, unless you have something productive to accomplish in talking to him.** Nothing desroys peace like a desire for retribution**. You’re not married to this man, there’s not point.

Good advice. See my post about forgiveness.

 

[Mikeydell]

What would I sue him for? What grounds??

It’s called an “alienation of affections case.” After further research it seems that the courts frown on those, and very few states allow cases like that. Hey, it was a thought!

Just remember one thing HH…KARMA does exist and it gets 'em ALL in the end! Be prepared for her to come back one day begging for your help.

Here’s a truism for you…when a door closes a window opens! Good luck!

God bless and much peace!

Mike

 

[hurthusband]

Memorial Day Weekend was a disaster. The first time in years that we did not go on our annual family camping trip. This is not fun.

 

[smitty75]

I’m afraid you are going to experience these feelings each time there is a holiday, birthday, or special day that you, and your wife used to share. After having lost my wife of 50 years in April, so far the worst has been mothers day. That was truly the pits. But, they say it will get easier, but so far my grief has only gotten worse. I’m going to grief counceling, but so far, that hasn’t helped very much.
Good luck in your efforts,
Tom

 

[qui_est_ce]

I’m afraid you are going to experience these feelings each time there is a holiday, birthday, or special day that you, and your wife used to share. After having lost my wife of 50 years in April, so far the worst has been mothers day. That was truly the pits. But, they say it will get easier, but so far my grief has only gotten worse. I’m going to grief counceling, but so far, that hasn’t helped very much.
Good luck in your efforts,
Tom

It’s like a big void or hole. It can only be filled with Jesus.

 

[Irishmom2]

Memorial Day Weekend was a disaster. The first time in years that we did not go on our annual family camping trip. This is not fun.

I am sorry to hear that, but now is the time to start palnning some new things instead of just missing the old. Maybe for Father’s day, you will have your children over and start your own special day of celebration, different than whatever you did in the past. Don’t wait to see what they plan, you make the plan as you want them.

Gid bless you and guide you, hurthusband.

 

[hurthusband]

I am sorry to hear that, but now is the time to start palnning some new things instead of just missing the old. Maybe for Father’s day, you will have your children over and start your own special day of celebration, different than whatever you did in the past. Don’t wait to see what they plan, you make the plan as you want them.

Gid bless you and guide you, hurthusband.

That’s a great plan. None of the kids spent any time with her on Mother’s Day. New traditions. That’s a great idea.

 

[lily22]

She is having an emotional affair. It’s cheating.

I would take some space from her. Don’t try to make things worse by confronting her and making her feel bad or upset. It’s HER choice and her decision to cheat on you and tell everybody except you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

I would take some space from her and tell her you want to work things out, but you need some space. If she drops the relationship, you would be willing to talk, but she may rebound and go back to it if she doesn’t get into a recovery meeting for lust, or whatever is bothering her, for a few years.

She lied, covered up stuff, says it’s nothing, hid phone bills, tells everyone but you, hid a MAN as a woman, she’s not hiding from you, he’s hiding from GOD. If she has to come clean with you, it’s like, she has to be honest with GOD. And she is two-faced

Don’t recommend anything— I would, however, go to confession, fast (sound like you are!) and hang out with good guy friends, not the kind that will steer you in an impure direction. Who knows, maybe she will figure things out…

I would above all, be happy and do lots of things that make you happy right now. Read the bible, go to a movie, go on a walk, plant out in the garden, go visit relatives, build a great relationship with your parish, buy something nice for your kids, take your kids on a nice event… etc confide in one or two people, but then you just have to let her go if she’s gonna lie to you…

 

[lily22]

If she wants to go to this other guy, I would just say ok bye. see ya. you will be completely done with all the lies…

 

[Samson01]

Hurthusband, sorry things are rough but glad you are getting some peace. In my own pending separation and divorce I’m finding out more and more how deceitful my wife is/has been. It’s been quite a wake up call. I’m making every move to protect myself now, volunteering nothing. Apparently she has looked at me as an enemy for some time. Just about everything she has said has been a lie and when she sees she’s not making headway threats are made concerning custody and property. I’m just gathering everything concerning records that I can waiting for her ambush move she is planning. The hardest thing for me is to admit she has no care at all for anything I want…I thought she was working with me in panning out mediation, but that is not her intentions…good luck to you.

 

[hurthusband]

Hurthusband, sorry things are rough but glad you are getting some peace. In my own pending separation and divorce I’m finding out more and more how deceitful my wife is/has been. It’s been quite a wake up call. I’m making every move to protect myself now, volunteering nothing. Apparently she has looked at me as an enemy for some time. Just about everything she has said has been a lie and when she sees she’s not making headway threats are made concerning custody and property. I’m just gathering everything concerning records that I can waiting for her ambush move she is planning. The hardest thing for me is to admit she has no care at all for anything I want…I thought she was working with me in panning out mediation, but that is not her intentions…good luck to you.

I’m pretty much in the same boat, but I grabbed a lot of paperwork when I moved out, and now she can’t find everything she needs. Too bad for her. I have a couple of cards that I haven’t played for leverage. Info that she wouldn’t want people to know about. Mothers Day was lonely for her since our kids didn’t spend any time with her. You’d think she would get a clue about how her behavior has affected her relationships with me, her kids, her family and her friends, but its like these women are on drugs. Their judgement is so bad. Don’t they know their lives are going to take a turn for the worse?

 

[smitty75]

I feel very sorry for each one of you. What with all the trouble you’re having with deceitful wives, all the lying, sneakiness. It can leave you devastated. At one time, each of you, and your wives, recited your marriage vows, together. It’s a crying shame for marriages to fall apart like that.
I have a little different situation. My wife, and I were married for 50 years. I knew before I married her that she had had a very traumatic childhood. A loving brother killed when she was 8, a father who was the first one on the scene when they called about somebody being electricuted on a power pole, a brother who couldn’t stand her because when she was born, he lost all the attention. Her father turned to drinking, and became very mean when he was drunk. So, my wife’s vision of men was not good at all. Not to be trusted, fear around them, always waiting for something bad to happen. And, then, she was born 12 years after her brother. She thought she was a “mistake”. a baby born at the change of life, and who wasn’t wanted.
At a very early age, 6 or 8 or so she said, she turned to “self satisfaction” as a way to get the love that was missing in her life. To her, sex was love, and therefore she could give herself love any time she wanted. Needless to say, that soon turned into an addiction. An addiction that she carried throughout her life. Our sex life was always lacking in intimacy. The addiction forbid intimacy, because from that, her whole outlook might be exposed.
She led two lives. One, a mother of four children, which she did a masturful job of raising. A great cook, and home maker as well. But, in those 50 years she only came to me for sex one time, in about our third year of marriage. Never again. That was too close to the addiction being found out. Then, she led the life of a sex addict, driven to self-satisfaction throughout her life. The councellers all say that with that kind of addiction, it’s not whether or not you’re going to do it, it’s where, and when, will the next opportunity arrive.
Bless her heart, she’s gone now. Died from a medical mistake, and a bacteria contacted in the hospital. I certainly wasn’t expecting something like that to separate us, but it has, and for good. There will never be another time to fuss, and make up, which by the way she got all hot and bothered with that, because she knew we’d always make up, and have sex. But, she would not ask. No way.

 

[Samson01]

I’m pretty much in the same boat, but I grabbed a lot of paperwork when I moved out, and now she can’t find everything she needs. Too bad for her. I have a couple of cards that I haven’t played for leverage. Info that she wouldn’t want people to know about. Mothers Day was lonely for her since our kids didn’t spend any time with her. You’d think she would get a clue about how her behavior has affected her relationships with me, her kids, her family and her friends, but its like these women are on drugs. Their judgement is so bad. Don’t they know their lives are going to take a turn for the worse?

Its a tough situation for sure. It can be extremely difficult not to seek revenge…there are no winners in a divorce I can see. Just try to lesson the impact and transition well…

 

[Samson01]

I feel very sorry for each one of you. What with all the trouble you’re having with deceitful wives, all the lying, sneakiness. It can leave you devastated. At one time, each of you, and your wives, recited your marriage vows, together. It’s a crying shame for marriages to fall apart like that.
I have a little different situation. My wife, and I were married for 50 years. I knew before I married her that she had had a very traumatic childhood. A loving brother killed when she was 8, a father who was the first one on the scene when they called about somebody being electricuted on a power pole, a brother who couldn’t stand her because when she was born, he lost all the attention. Her father turned to drinking, and became very mean when he was drunk. So, my wife’s vision of men was not good at all. Not to be trusted, fear around them, always waiting for something bad to happen. And, then, she was born 12 years after her brother. She thought she was a “mistake”. a baby born at the change of life, and who wasn’t wanted.
At a very early age, 6 or 8 or so she said, she turned to “self satisfaction” as a way to get the love that was missing in her life. To her, sex was love, and therefore she could give herself love any time she wanted. Needless to say, that soon turned into an addiction. An addiction that she carried throughout her life. Our sex life was always lacking in intimacy. The addiction forbid intimacy, because from that, her whole outlook might be exposed.
She led two lives. One, a mother of four children, which she did a masturful job of raising. A great cook, and home maker as well. But, in those 50 years she only came to me for sex one time, in about our third year of marriage. Never again. That was too close to the addiction being found out. Then, she led the life of a sex addict, driven to self-satisfaction throughout her life. The councellers all say that with that kind of addiction, it’s not whether or not you’re going to do it, it’s where, and when, will the next opportunity arrive.
Bless her heart, she’s gone now. Died from a medical mistake, and a bacteria contacted in the hospital. I certainly wasn’t expecting something like that to separate us, but it has, and for good. There will never be another time to fuss, and make up, which by the way she got all hot and bothered with that, because she knew we’d always make up, and have sex. But, she would not ask. No way.

Im sorry things were that way. It seems that you have a peace about it though. I’m going to seek an annulment with the Church. I don’t think I can heal unless my soul is unbound to hers…

 

[Irishmom2]

If she wants to go to this other guy, I would just say ok bye. see ya. you will be completely done with all the lies…

lily, you really need to read the whole thread…

 

[Irishmom2]

That’s a great plan. None of the kids spent any time with her on Mother’s Day. New traditions. That’s a great idea.

Its a tough situation for sure. It can be extremely difficult not to seek revenge…there are no winners in a divorce I can see. Just try to lesson the impact and transition well…

hurthusband and Samson, you both sound like upstanding guys. You know, that saying really is true: “Living well is the best revenge.” And by living well, I mean living without the stress and the emotional roller coaster lives you have been leading. I wish you both a peaceful life with your children around you.God bless you both.