I need help! Wife issues

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qui_est_ce said:
I couldn’t have said it better. Divorce is living Hell, especially for the children.

Society tells you divorce will solve your problems and makes it “easy” to get one.

I swear our marriage counselor was a divorce counselor. He said he’d never seen a marriage as bad as ours. It was bad, but it’s not like he was hitting me or the kids, or was a drunk or a philanderer.:rolleyes:
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Thread winner.
 
Samson01 said:
hurting;10815280:
Yeah, I’m finding that out. Was told that lawyers are experts at separating you from your money…I’m glad you mentioned the pension/retirement…that is financial info I don’t have concerning her job…I have to take that into consideration prior to any mediation. I got counsel this morning and was told she put me in a very difficult situation, which I knew anyways. Looks like it is cut and dry 50/50 on marital property, I’ll have to pay half of her credit card debt, maybe some of her student loans, and child support based on minimum wage…even with her making six digits. It burns my head about the credit cards because of her purchases to benefit her Bo…there’s no way to prove that unless I get detailed statements and she can say anything to write it off. So all in all, I loose my family, have some capital under 80k, debt I can’t pay, and payments every month for six years. I’m really on the edge of loosing it.
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Don’t rush. I am not an attorney and have no knowledge of your state’s rules, but how the hell could you be on the hook for her student loans? Is your state an equal distribution or an equitable distribution one? Demand the credit card statements and audit every single line item - unless the debt can be shown to be clearly tied to the support of your household or related to the marital property you should fight it, subject to a cost benefit analysis (no use spending more on attorney fees than you’d get back in avoided debt). I’d assume that both parties have to file some type of affadavit of financial position - the credit card statements should be demanded as supporting documents thereto.
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hurting said:
Not sure of the laws in Samson’s state, but there is a huge financial incentive for one party to get primary physical custody (this is what drives divorce in many cases). The tender years doctrine, which posits that children need their mother more than their father, informs the proceedings of the U.S. system.
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Not gonna complain about that one - it worked for me.🙂
 
hurting said:
Don’t rush. I am not an attorney and have no knowledge of your state’s rules, but how the hell could you be on the hook for her student loans? Is your state an equal distribution or an equitable distribution one? Demand the credit card statements and audit every single line item - unless the debt can be shown to be clearly tied to the support of your household or related to the marital property you should fight it, subject to a cost benefit analysis (no use spending more on attorney fees than you’d get back in avoided debt). I’d assume that both parties have to file some type of affadavit of financial position - the credit card statements should be demanded as supporting documents thereto.
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Good advice.

fix those quote brackets, though!
 
qui_est_ce said:
Sadly.
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I would never, ever advise someone experiencing marital troubles to seek counseling from anyone other than a priest. The helping professions are not allowed to recognize absolutes in morality. To the extent that marital strife is shot through with moral implications, one can not hope to get positive results from a system and/or practitioners that /who don’t recognize them.
 
hurting said:
Qui -

I hope you can see though how there is a bit of unfairness in the whole arrangement, or at least the potential for it, right?
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Oh, it’s unfair all right. In my case, it worked in my favor. EXH did not get physical custody. I did let them go visit him every single Christmas, even though we were supposed to trade holidays. Finally, when they were about 13 and 16, they said they wanted to spend Christmas with Mom for a change. Boy, did EXH ever get mad!
 
hurthusband said:
First Father’ Day apart. This is going to be awkward.
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Hurthusband, you are still the same dad you always were. That hasn’t changed. Your children know that and will honor you in their own way. Enjoy your day. God bless you and have a laid-back relaxing day. 🙂
 
Spend the day with your kids and do something special and creative. Maybe you can create a new tradition. Make it a good day in spite of everything else that’s going on. God Bless you!!!
 
Saturday evening my youngest daughter got her teaching credential. My family and I went to the ceremony. My wife and her mother and my grandson were also there. They brely acknowledged me even though my entire family greeted them and hugged them. It was pretty discouraging that my family could be so warm towards them and they could barely acknowledge my presence.

Fathers Day was great. I spent the day with my kids and my side of the family. Good food and good times. The only thing missing was someone at my side.
 
hurthusband said:
Saturday evening my youngest daughter got her teaching credential. My family and I went to the ceremony. My wife and her mother and my grandson were also there. They brely acknowledged me even though my entire family greeted them and hugged them. It was pretty discouraging that my family could be so warm towards them and they could barely acknowledge my presence.

It will get weirder. Be prepared.

Fathers Day was great. I spent the day with my kids and my side of the family. Good food and good times. The only thing missing was someone at my side.
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Just spent my third post-separation/divorce. I’d really like to say it gets easier, but I’m not sure it has for me anyway. Hang in there.
 
I keep hearing that she’s going to file for divorce. I finally told her to just let me know and I’ll go pick up the paperwork. Don’t worry about having me served with the papers. It’s a forgone conclusion that it’s going to happen now. When I saw her and her mom on Saturday they both looked terrible. It has to be a terrible burden to carry that guilt and shame around and know that everyone knows what you’ve done and what you’re up to. I continue to pray for her and still text her once in a while to have a nice day. She wants to switch cars with me, but I’m hestitant because I think that when I get served I’ll be stuck with the car that I don’t want.
 
hurthusband said:
She wants to switch cars with me, but I’m hestitant because I think that when I get served I’ll be stuck with the car that I don’t want.
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I’d day don’t do it; you don’t owe her her preference in cars.
 
hurthusband said:
I keep hearing that she’s going to file for divorce. I finally told her to just let me know and I’ll go pick up the paperwork. Don’t worry about having me served with the papers. It’s a forgone conclusion that it’s going to happen now. When I saw her and her mom on Saturday they both looked terrible. It has to be a terrible burden to carry that guilt and shame around and know that everyone knows what you’ve done and what you’re up to. I continue to pray for her and still text her once in a while to have a nice day. She wants to switch cars with me, but I’m hestitant because I think that when I get served I’ll be stuck with the car that I don’t want.
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I would suggest not making any of this convenient for her. I’m not saying don’t be uncharitable, just don’t make anything having to do with divorce easy, let that be her responsibility. You don’t have to carry that cross.

How are you doing in your journey with Christ? It’s great you continue to pray for her, but please pray for yourself and let the Lord fill you with His mercy. I know that takes time.
 
Saturn5 said:
I would suggest not making any of this convenient for her. I’m not saying don’t be uncharitable, just don’t make anything having to do with divorce easy, let that be her responsibility. You don’t have to carry that cross.

How are you doing in your journey with Christ? It’s great you continue to pray for her, but please pray for yourself and let the Lord fill you with His mercy. I know that takes time.
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This x1,000. Divorce is horrible and the initiators of illicit ones (from the Church’s view) need to pay the price for their misdeeds.

As to your wife looking horrible - again, it will probably get worse. She has no idea of the heartache that is coming, even or perhaps especially for herself. When it does start to settle in, expect her animosity toward you to amplify as she has to rationalize all of the hurt she is causing (she will have to make you out as the bad guy to salve her own guilty conscience).
 
hurthusband said:
I keep hearing that she’s going to file for divorce. I finally told her to just let me know and I’ll go pick up the paperwork. Don’t worry about having me served with the papers. It’s a forgone conclusion that it’s going to happen now. When I saw her and her mom on Saturday they both looked terrible. It has to be a terrible burden to carry that guilt and shame around and know that everyone knows what you’ve done and what you’re up to. I continue to pray for her and still text her once in a while to have a nice day. She wants to switch cars with me, but I’m hestitant because I think that when I get served I’ll be stuck with the car that I don’t want.
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Keep whichever car you want. You have been the bigger person all along. She made the choice to do what she wants, now let her live with what she has done, no matter how terrible and guilty she feels. You do not have to keep doing and doing. It has not gotten you anywhere. Only contact her as necessary, not to wish her a nice day. She didn’t care about you having a nice day, let alone a nice life.

Keep your eyes on God and get on with your life. Your children will see you as strong and dependable faithful parent to them. I wish you all the best hurthusband.
 
my wife and i were separated for 4 months. she cheated on me many times, and at one time had a text thing going with a man. I found out after checking the phone bill. I know your pain, and know exactly what you are going through. It is hard, your mind races, you want to believe your wife is honest, but I have learned the hard way that secrets from her “friend” will be around for a long time. My wife gave me the same reasoning that she needed to decide what she needed to be happy. That is her way of stalling and buying time, trying to figure out how to juggle you and her male friend. You need to confront her at every point, get her email passwords and see her phone records whenever you want to. She has blown your trust and now she has to realize if she will not be totally honest, you have the right to check in on her dealings. I hope and pray you dont separate like i did. I have 3 girls,and it was the most painful time of my life. If you wish to PM me, feel free. I wish you the best and I will pray.
 
t68ware said:
my wife and i were separated for 4 months. she cheated on me many times, and at one time had a text thing going with a man. I found out after checking the phone bill. I know your pain, and know exactly what you are going through. It is hard, your mind races, you want to believe your wife is honest, but I have learned the hard way that secrets from her “friend” will be around for a long time. My wife gave me the same reasoning that she needed to decide what she needed to be happy. That is her way of stalling and buying time, trying to figure out how to juggle you and her male friend. You need to confront her at every point, get her email passwords and see her phone records whenever you want to. She has blown your trust and now she has to realize if she will not be totally honest, you have the right to check in on her dealings. I hope and pray you dont separate like i did. I have 3 girls,and it was the most painful time of my life. If you wish to PM me, feel free. I wish you the best and I will pray.
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I moved out 3 months ago. I felt like I was being used to pay the bills. We were living in separate bedrooms and no progress was being made. I felt like I had to leave to protect myself and to let her know that I am serious.
 
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