I need help! Wife issues

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hurthusband said:
I moved out 3 months ago. I felt like I was being used to pay the bills. We were living in separate bedrooms and no progress was being made. I felt like I had to leave to protect myself and to let her know that I am serious.
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I’d love to hear from TUCDOC. We watched for over a year as he tried to keep his marriage together.
 
yes, hurthusband. If you do a search for his thread, you can read it.

It’s called Wife has given up. There is also a part 2.
 
So the wife came over to my studio apartment yesterday. She owed me money and I told her that she needed to drop it off, that I wasn’t goiong to come and pick it up. I wanted her to see where I live and where our son is spending his Summer. It’s a pretty small place for two grown men. I told her that I’ve worked non stop for the last 26 years and all I have to show for it is a studio apartment. Then there was some talk about switching cars. Something about me promising to give her the 4runner. I reminded her of the promises that we made when we got married. That she promised to love, honor and cherish, forsaking all others til death do us part. Guess what? She’s not asking for the 4runner now.
 
hurthusband said:
So the wife came over to my studio apartment yesterday. She owed me money and I told her that she needed to drop it off, that I wasn’t goiong to come and pick it up. I wanted her to see where I live and where our son is spending his Summer. It’s a pretty small place for two grown men. I told her that I’ve worked non stop for the last 26 years and all I have to show for it is a studio apartment. Then there was some talk about switching cars. Something about me promising to give her the 4runner. I** reminded her of the promises that we made when we got married. That she promised to love, honor and cherish, forsaking all others til death do us part. Guess what? She’s not asking for the 4runner now**.
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Good one! 🙂
 
Every week for the last month I’ve been asking the wife if the papers are ready so I can pick them up and get on with the divorce. I keep hearing that she has to do this or she has to do that. What’s her deal? I’ve even offered to help her with whatever she needs. I hate living in limbo. Friends and family say I should just go ahead and file, but this was never what I wanted and I don’t feel that I should have to pay $450.00 for the filing fee.
 
hurthusband said:
Every week for the last month I’ve been asking the wife if the papers are ready so I can pick them up and get on with the divorce. I keep hearing that she has to do this or she has to do that. What’s her deal? I’ve even offered to help her with whatever she needs. I hate living in limbo. Friends and family say I should just go ahead and file, but this was never what I wanted and I don’t feel that I should have to pay $450.00 for the filing fee.
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Yep…it’s got to be a long drawn out production…all the neighbors, family, coworkers must know and be in her corner first. And when it is done and she files her true intentions will be known.
 
She has a coworker, her mom, and the p.o.s. guy in her corner. Everyone else has told her she is making a huge mistake. The kids have told her don’t come around if she hooks up with the guy.:doh2:
 
It honestly sounds to me that she isn’t serious about filing. Either that, or she’s starting to doubt whether this is what she really wants.
 
Samson01 said:
Yep…it’s got to be a long drawn out production…all the neighbors, family, coworkers must know and be in her corner first. And when it is done and she files her true intentions will be known.
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Sadly this. Many prayers.
 
Evania said:
It honestly sounds to me that she isn’t serious about filing. Either that, or she’s starting to doubt whether this is what she really wants.
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I doubt it. Read the many threads here. Especially Wife has given up. It’s a long tortuous process.
 
If my experience is at all similar to yours, she definitely wants to file and is trying to completely justify in her mind that your marriage is over and it’s your fault. That will give her the strength to do what she knows is wrong. My wife demonized me in her mind so that she could justify filing, on Valentine’s Day, and also live with the fact that she had stepped outside of our marrige and broken her vow to God and me. Overnight I became an abusive husband, despite the fact that there is no evidence at all of this. I loved my wife dearly, and cherished her as a blessing from God.

Pray for strength, and know that it is going to get worse before it’s better. As someone said to me, stay on the high road, but don’t give in on anything that is important to you because you feel sorry for her or still have feelings. You will be manipulated and you will lose. No human being knows you better than your wife. This includes your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and how she can best manipulate you for her gain. I say this from experience, not just my own opinion.
 
It could be a power issue. She will file when she’s darn ready, and you can’t control her.

Another thing could be that she is baiting you into filing, so she will appear to be the wounded party in the marriage. It also could be that she is trying to save on the filing fees. It is NOT because she is having second thoughts. Read your own posts if you are starting to doubt her intentions.
 
Martin66 said:
If my experience is at all similar to yours, she definitely wants to file and is trying to completely justify in her mind that your marriage is over and it’s your fault. That will give her the strength to do what she knows is wrong. My wife demonized me in her mind so that she could justify filing, on Valentine’s Day, and also live with the fact that she had stepped outside of our marrige and broken her vow to God and me. Overnight I became an abusive husband, despite the fact that there is no evidence at all of this. I loved my wife dearly, and cherished her as a blessing from God.

Pray for strength, and know that it is going to get worse before it’s better. As someone said to me, stay on the high road, but don’t give in on anything that is important to you because you feel sorry for her or still have feelings. You will be manipulated and you will lose. No human being knows you better than your wife. This includes your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and how she can best manipulate you for her gain. I say this from experience, not just my own opinion.
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Martin66 said:
It could be a power issue. She will file when she’s darn ready, and you can’t control her.

Another thing could be that she is baiting you into filing, so she will appear to be the wounded party in the marriage. It also could be that she is trying to save on the filing fees. It is NOT because she is having second thoughts. Read your own posts if you are starting to doubt her intentions.
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Sad but true. What helped me most in the process was putting my trust in God.

There are so many Bible verses that say to put your trust in God, not in the ways of the world. But I have to get to work. 😊
 
Martin66 said:
If my experience is at all similar to yours, she definitely wants to file and is trying to completely justify in her mind that your marriage is over and it’s your fault. That will give her the strength to do what she knows is wrong. My wife demonized me in her mind so that she could justify filing, on Valentine’s Day, and also live with the fact that she had stepped outside of our marrige and broken her vow to God and me. Overnight I became an abusive husband, despite the fact that there is no evidence at all of this. I loved my wife dearly, and cherished her as a blessing from God.

Pray for strength, and know that it is going to get worse before it’s better. As someone said to me, stay on the high road, but don’t give in on anything that is important to you because you feel sorry for her or still have feelings. You will be manipulated and you will lose. No human being knows you better than your wife. This includes your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and how she can best manipulate you for her gain. I say this from experience, not just my own opinion.
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There is so much wisdom in the paragraphs above. I will reiterate my previous advice that the acrimony is just beginning. As the true horror of this thing unfolds - and it will take years for it to do so - your wife will have to rationalize her decision to herself and everyone around her. She will make you out to be the bad guy more and more and more.

It has been almost three years since my wife filed and a year since the decree was issued. I have watched carefully as she hardened her heart over that time period, going from the stance that the breakdown was at least somewhat mutual to its current state that it was 110% my fault. I know she had doubts when she first started down the path, the the process itself is designed to produce one outcome only.

This whole thing is a “much less than zero” sum game. Gird your loins.
 
Well … I’m girding my loins. Supposedly she got the papers from her lawyer and just has to review and sign them. After that I guess I’ll be served. I offered to go to mediation or counseling. We’ll just have to wait and see.
 
HH…ALWAYS expect the unexpected! 😉

Question: down the road (say a year or two from now) would you want to get back together if she has a change of heart?

Before you answer: SEE THE FIRST LINE! 👍

God bless and much peace!

Mike 🙂
 
Mikeydell said:
HH…ALWAYS expect the unexpected! 😉

Question: down the road (say a year or two from now) would you want to get back together if she has a change of heart?

Before you answer: SEE THE FIRST LINE! 👍

God bless and much peace!

Mike 🙂
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A year or two from now I’ll be off the market. Men like me don’t grow on trees you know. I have good women after me already. There are a lot of good single women out there, but not so many good single men. The numbers are in my favor.
 
hurthusband said:
A year or two from now I’ll be off the market. Men like me don’t grow on trees you know. I have good women after me already. There are a lot of good single women out there, but not so many good single men. The numbers are in my favor.
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do those good women a favor and don’t start rebound dating. seriously. it will not end well.
 
hurthusband said:
A year or two from now I’ll be off the market. Men like me don’t grow on trees you know. I have good women after me already. There are a lot of good single women out there, but not so many good single men. The numbers are in my favor.
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umm…😃
(kidding)
Fairwinds said:
do those good women a favor and don’t start rebound dating. seriously. it will not end well.
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Seriously, this…
 
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