I need help! Wife issues

[qui_est_ce]

Martin, I feel your pain. I really do. I’ve been told that my wife has been unhappy for 12 years. Hmmmmm … she was never unhappy that I knew of. It’s just something that she tells people now along with the tid bit that I’m a “mean” person. Just not true. These women have to say something to cover their butts for the sins that they have committed, and to somehow justify to themselves that what they’ve done is ok. Well guess what? It’s not ok. I’ve even had people tell me that we’ll remain friends. Not going to happen. Why would I be friends with someone who has betrayed me like this? I have a little more self respect than to remain friends with someone who has hooked up with a thrice married catfisher who has done the same thing in the past. Friends? Really? I’m not sure what I’m going to do when my kids get married. Am I going to have to sit next to her? Am I going to have to dance with her? I’ll do anything for my kids, but I have my limits. My son graduates from college next May back in Missouri. I’m sure she’ll be there, but I don’t plan on asking her to join in the graduation festivities with my side of the family unless my son asks me to invite her. Forgiveness is a difficult thing. It shows me how great God is that he can forgive people for things that they’ve done. I struggle with that.

The pain is still fresh for you. You will find yourself willing to do whatever you need to do for your kids.

I have a long story I’ll share later when I have more time.

My daughter graduated (in Springfiedl, MO) in May. Her dad, (lives in CT) who had done NOTHING in support (it stopped when she turned 18), hadn’t visited her ONCE at school, never gave her dime for books or spending money, (he’s loaded btw) turned up at her graduation. I sat next to him at the ceremony. We parents had a party for her and her roommates at her house. We all chipped in. He showed up to the party too. When I told him his share he seemed surprised. I was like who do you think is paying for all this food and wine, idiot? He said, “well, I just gave her $100.00 last night.” WHAT???

I was gracious to him. Of course, he thought he was the star of the show and that he was so awesome that he deserved all this graciousness. I don’t even care. Let him think what he wants. None of it is true.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Want to add, he did give me two children. When I find it hard to pray for him, I just thank God for my children. They are a real blessing, even when they were teen-agers!

 

[hurthusband]

The pain is still fresh for you. You will find yourself willing to do whatever you need to do for your kids.

I have a long story I’ll share later when I have more time.

My daughter graduated (in Springfiedl, MO) in May. Her dad, (lives in CT) who had done NOTHING in support (it stopped when she turned 18), hadn’t visited her ONCE at school, never gave her dime for books or spending money, (he’s loaded btw) turned up at her graduation. I sat next to him at the ceremony. We parents had a party for her and her roommates at her house. We all chipped in. He showed up to the party too. When I told him his share he seemed surprised. I was like who do you think is paying for all this food and wine, idiot? He said, “well, I just gave her $100.00 last night.” WHAT???

I was gracious to him. Of course, he thought he was the star of the show and that he was so awesome that he deserved all this graciousness. I don’t even care. Let him think what he wants. None of it is true.

Your daughter knows and that’s all that matters.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Your daughter knows and that’s all that matters.

Yes she does. Both of my children figured it out a long time ago.

 

[Martin66]

HH, and Christine (easier to type than your member name ), I wish my resoluton was stronger. My wife has done a great job of making me look like the bad guy to all the members of our school and church community. I am an “abuser” and she escaped an abusive marriage. I on the other hand have not told anyone about Don outside of our families and this forum.

I had Don give a deposition in my attorney’s office, and he had the audacity to tell me “hello” in the hallway like we were old friends. With school starting soon, I am tempted to embarrass the heck out of him if he tries to address me at any school function. “Why hello Don, I haven’t seen you since your deposition. How are you? How is my wife? Are you still dating her and sneaking around with her? Have you filed for divorce from your wife yet? My, what a piece of work you are!”

My attorney said to lay low and be patient until the divorce hearing, but I am so angry still that I can’t tolerate his presence. Also, I refuse to not go to school functions because he might be there. He is the one who should be ashamed (along with my wife), not me.

 

[qui_est_ce]

HH, and Christine (easier to type than your member name ),

Perfectly fine, that’s why I include in my sig.

I wish my resoluton was stronger. My wife has done a great job of making me look like the bad guy to all the members of our school and church community. I am an “abuser” and she escaped an abusive marriage. I on the other hand have not told anyone about Don outside of our families and this forum.

I had Don give a deposition in my attorney’s office, and he had the audacity to tell me “hello” in the hallway like we were old friends. With school starting soon, I am tempted to embarrass the heck out of him if he tries to address me at any school function. “Why hello Don, I haven’t seen you since your deposition. How are you? How is my wife? Are you still dating her and sneaking around with her? Have you filed for divorce from your wife yet? My, what a piece of work you are!”

My attorney said to lay low and be patient until the divorce hearing, but I am so angry still that I can’t tolerate his presence. Also, I refuse to not go to school functions because he might be there. He is the one who should be ashamed (along with my wife), not me.

You know what? I think people know. People having affairs always think nobody knows, but they do.

Divorce is hard hard hard HARD. Don’t pretend it can be done easily. It is the break-up of a family, a sacred covenant.

Take the high road, as you’ve done already. AND REMEMBER TO TRUST IN THE LORD! Read the other thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=815733

 

[cheezey]

Perfectly fine, that’s why I include in my sig.
You know what? I think people know. **People having affairs always think nobody knows, but they do. **

Divorce is hard hard hard HARD. Don’t pretend it can be done easily. It is the break-up of a family, a sacred covenant.

Take the high road, as you’ve done already. AND REMEMBER TO TRUST IN THE LORD! Read the other thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=815733

This is the understatement of the decade.
I know of someone who genuinely thought the affair(s) were known only to other individual.
Oh, if he only knew how many knew and were snickering behind his back for thinking he could be so slick. One jig was up when two married women, friends, talked of their affairs to each other only to discover it was with the same man.
Sometimes, ya gotta wonder.

But please, Martin, take the high road. It is tempting, sure, but please, try to keep cool.
Ultimately better that way.

 

[hurting]

HH, and Christine (easier to type than your member name ), I wish my resoluton was stronger. My wife has done a great job of making me look like the bad guy to all the members of our school and church community. I am an “abuser” and she escaped an abusive marriage. I on the other hand have not told anyone about Don outside of our families and this forum.

I had Don give a deposition in my attorney’s office, and he had the audacity to tell me “hello” in the hallway like we were old friends. With school starting soon, I am tempted to embarrass the heck out of him if he tries to address me at any school function. “Why hello Don, I haven’t seen you since your deposition. How are you? How is my wife? Are you still dating her and sneaking around with her? Have you filed for divorce from your wife yet? My, what a piece of work you are!”

My attorney said to lay low and be patient until the divorce hearing, but I am so angry still that I can’t tolerate his presence. Also, I refuse to not go to school functions because he might be there. He is the one who should be ashamed (along with my wife), not me.

You should not step within 1,000 feet of your wife or her paramour unless legally required to do so or at a very public function with your kids (and preferably then with a levelheaded friend at your side). Only bad can come of close interaction.

 

[hurthusband]

HH, and Christine (easier to type than your member name ), I wish my resoluton was stronger. My wife has done a great job of making me look like the bad guy to all the members of our school and church community. I am an “abuser” and she escaped an abusive marriage. I on the other hand have not told anyone about Don outside of our families and this forum.

I had Don give a deposition in my attorney’s office, and he had the audacity to tell me “hello” in the hallway like we were old friends. With school starting soon, I am tempted to embarrass the heck out of him if he tries to address me at any school function. “Why hello Don, I haven’t seen you since your deposition. How are you? How is my wife? Are you still dating her and sneaking around with her? Have you filed for divorce from your wife yet? My, what a piece of work you are!”

My attorney said to lay low and be patient until the divorce hearing, but I am so angry still that I can’t tolerate his presence. Also, I refuse to not go to school functions because he might be there. He is the one who should be ashamed (along with my wife), not me.

Just curious, what was the purpose of Don’s deposition? What did you gain by deposing the guy? I live in California. It’s a no fault state. I’ve thought about doing the same thing with the guy that my wife is involved with, but what’s the point? Seems like it’s just something that would cost more money and have no affect on the outcome.

 

[qui_est_ce]

This is the understatement of the decade.
I know of someone who genuinely thought the affair(s) were known only to other individual.
Oh, if he only knew how many knew and were snickering behind his back for thinking he could be so slick. One jig was up when two married women, friends, talked of their affairs to each other only to discover it was with the same man.
Sometimes, ya gotta wonder.

But please, Martin, take the high road. It is tempting, sure, but please, try to keep cool.
Ultimately better that way.

God does have a sense of humor!

 

[cheezey]

God does have a sense of humor!

Yeah, I laughed out loud when a student made an innocent joke and added, “I am married” and he said, “Well, no point because I am, too.” It was all I could do not to say out loud, “Oh, like that has stopped you before…”
Seriously, is the word “NO” non existent to some people?

 

[Irishmom2]

Perfectly fine, that’s why I include in my sig.
You know what? I think people know. People having affairs always think nobody knows, but they do.

Divorce is hard hard hard HARD. Don’t pretend it can be done easily. It is the break-up of a family, a sacred covenant.

Take the high road, as you’ve done already. AND REMEMBER TO TRUST IN THE LORD! Read the other thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=815733

Glad I read your post before just jumping in an answering. I was going to say the same thing to Martin. Everyone knows, you don’t need to say anything. And eventually, the truth alwys comes out and people will remember you as the good guy, the wronged party and the one that took the high ground. God bless you.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Glad I read your post before just jumping in an answering. I was going to say the same thing to Martin. Everyone knows, you don’t need to say anything. And eventually, the truth alwys comes out and people will remember you as the good guy, the wronged party and the one that took the high ground. God bless you.

 

[hurting]

Just curious, what was the purpose of Don’s deposition? What did you gain by deposing the guy? I live in California. It’s a no fault state. I’ve thought about doing the same thing with the guy that my wife is involved with, but what’s the point? Seems like it’s just something that would cost more money and have no affect on the outcome.

I wondered the same thing. A very quick perusal of the interwebs suggests that there are only a handful of states that still have statutes allowing these suits.

 

[hurthusband]

I wondered the same thing. A very quick perusal of the interwebs suggests that there are only a handful of states that still have statutes allowing these suits.

If I had unlimited funds I’d probably drag the guy in and make a spectacle, but I don’t. She called me last night wanting to use my truck and trailer to go camping. I told her that I was very hesitant but if she would tell me where my truck and trailer were going and who would be using them I would think about it. She got very defensive and said it wasn’t my business, so I said its my business when my assets are involved. I’m in full on protect mode now. I was a good husband and father for 24 years. I know I was. She can’t take that from me. I haven’t even used the trailer all Summer because I need time to sort things out. We bought that trailer to use with our kids and grandkids together. She doesn’t get it.

 

[hurting]

If I had unlimited funds I’d probably drag the guy in and make a spectacle, but I don’t. She called me last night wanting to use my truck and trailer to go camping. I told her that I was very hesitant but if she would tell me where my truck and trailer were going and who would be using them I would think about it. She got very defensive and said it wasn’t my business, so I said its my business when my assets are involved. I’m in full on protect mode now. I was a good husband and father for 24 years. I know I was. She can’t take that from me. I haven’t even used the trailer all Summer because I need time to sort things out. We bought that trailer to use with our kids and grandkids together. She doesn’t get it.

Even if you’re in a state that allows alienation suits, the judge would not likely see favorably on you using the courts to make a spectacle out of someone.

As to your assets, are you sure these things are yours and yours alone? The being titled in your name doesn’t really mean anything unless perhaps you owned them prior to marriage.

 

[hurthusband]

Even if you’re in a state that allows alienation suits, the judge would not likely see favorably on you using the courts to make a spectacle out of someone.

As to your assets, are you sure these things are yours and yours alone? The being titled in your name doesn’t really mean anything unless perhaps you owned them prior to marriage.

You are right. I should have said our assets.

 

[hurting]

Glad I read your post before just jumping in an answering. I was going to say the same thing to Martin. Everyone knows, you don’t need to say anything. And eventually, the truth alwys comes out and people will remember you as the good guy, the wronged party and the one that took the high ground. God bless you.

Let’s hope that’s how it turns out. It’s probably better to assume that people simply don’t care as much as we might think that they do. They’re busy with lives and problems of their own. In the end this may not be such a bad thing.

 

[hurting]

You are right. I should have said our assets.

If the law sees them as truly jointly owned by both of you, you should tread lightly on trying to prevent her from using them. My guess would be that you don’t have much ground to stand on with the camper, unless you routinely use it for work. You may have an argument on the truck if it’s the vehicle you primarily drive and/or need it for work. If she offers to let you drive her car (the car she normally drives even if you jointly own it) while she uses the truck, I’d expect that your attorney would tell you that’s what you have to do.

Please read my read my earlier posts - this is going to get ugly.

 

[hurthusband]

If the law sees them as truly jointly owned by both of you, you should tread lightly on trying to prevent her from using them. My guess would be that you don’t have much ground to stand on with the camper, unless you routinely use it for work. You may have an argument on the truck if it’s the vehicle you primarily drive and/or need it for work. If she offers to let you drive her car (the car she normally drives even if you jointly own it) while she uses the truck, I’d expect that your attorney would tell you that’s what you have to do.

Please read my read my earlier posts - this is going to get ugly.

My answer is always, “Let’s be cordial. I didn’t ask to be put in this position.” Then her voice goes up two octaves.