I need help with my daughter

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humble_maid

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Hi,

I am sitting here typing away, and all I can concentrate on is the loud cries of my teenage daughter. She is sore because she has been punished indefinitely. Let me explain briefly; my DH and I gave the benefit of the doubt to our daughter when it came to school. She never had any homework; she simply stated that she had done it at school. We also told her to review any new info that she would learn or read a few pages in a book. We continually reminded her and encouraged her; sometimes with impatience other times with compassion. First term came up and the results were horrible. She failed miserably all but 2 courses. (she has 7 in all). Her average was in the fifties or less. My husband and I flipped. Now, she is to not go to the mall on Fridays with her friends. Not only did she fail miserably but she has a nasty attitude towards authority and demonstrates this flagrantly towards us. In school, teachers say that she is ok. What is up? Her friends all failed except one. They dress, well, like teenagers, but she started to clean up her act. They act unappropriately and use sexual language that I only heard adults speak; and even this I find offensive. Till now she doesn’t speak like this on her facebook but I worry.

I brought up my girl, with Catholic values and went to church every Sunday, we pray as a family etc. It is far from perfect, but I thought I gave her a good foundation. Now I am feeling helpless. There is a part of me that understands her pain and another part that remains resolute. I cannot give in to her. She threatens us if we don’t allow her, then she goes into a crying fit. Are we being to aggressive in our tactic. Should we let her out with her friends( which I feel have polluted her mind) but she defends them staunchly. I know them well but I fear that she is going on the wrong path. She is good but can be done right mean. What do I do?

Please help, I pray for her but we constantly but heads.:confused:
 
Does she have a learning disability ?
What do her teachers say at conferences ?
How was she doing at midterms ?
Do you check her progress online?
What does she say when you ask her what she thinks should happen ?
What does she see in her future?
Was she previously a good student?
 
Catholic90 said:
Does she have a learning disability ?
What do her teachers say at conferences ?
How was she doing at midterms ?
Do you check her progress online?
What does she say when you ask her what she thinks should happen ?
What does she see in her future?
Was she previously a good student?
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I second these questions. There seems to be a lot of information you’re not giving us. In some ways I get the impression that you are not so much disciplining her for real discipline issues, but expressing your disappointment that she is not living up to your expectations you have for her. If she feels too much pressure, this may wane from her ability to perform. It may also make her feel like she is never good enough to receive your love and that you will bar her from friends. She may be depressed. She may have low self esteem. This whole thing may cause her to rebell more and for her friends to feel like its their job to tell her not to listen to you and to save her from you.

Overall, I’d say that if you trusted her and she’s struggling in school, the first thought you should have is “Why is she struggling?” and to have a heart to heart with her about it and to work together on a solution. Be there to support her. If she’s struggling with self discipline, tell her that you’ll be there to hold her more accountable, not to deprive her of joys in life merely when she doesn’t meet your expectations of her. That may mean monitoring home work, monitoring how much time she spends online, and helping her to identify the problem areas in her life so that she can learn to balance her life accordingly. After you establish rules, then if she violates those specific rules (spends too much time online, stays out past curfew) than you’ve got things to ground her for. I would be very careful about grounding her for grades though. Grades can be affected by multiple factors beyond just discipline issues and that can do more harm than good.
 
humble_maid said:
Hi,

I am sitting here typing away, and all I can concentrate on is the loud cries of my teenage daughter. She is sore because she has been punished indefinitely. Let me explain briefly; my DH and I gave the benefit of the doubt to our daughter when it came to school. She never had any homework; she simply stated that she had done it at school. We also told her to review any new info that she would learn or read a few pages in a book. We continually reminded her and encouraged her; sometimes with impatience other times with compassion. First term came up and the results were horrible. She failed miserably all but 2 courses. (she has 7 in all). Her average was in the fifties or less. My husband and I flipped. Now, she is to not go to the mall on Fridays with her friends. Not only did she fail miserably but she has a nasty attitude towards authority and demonstrates this flagrantly towards us. In school, teachers say that she is ok. What is up? Her friends all failed except one. They dress, well, like teenagers, but she started to clean up her act. They act unappropriately and use sexual language that I only heard adults speak; and even this I find offensive. Till now she doesn’t speak like this on her facebook but I worry.

I brought up my girl, with Catholic values and went to church every Sunday, we pray as a family etc. It is far from perfect, but I thought I gave her a good foundation. Now I am feeling helpless. There is a part of me that understands her pain and another part that remains resolute. I cannot give in to her. She threatens us if we don’t allow her, then she goes into a crying fit. Are we being to aggressive in our tactic. Should we let her out with her friends( which I feel have polluted her mind) but she defends them staunchly. I know them well but I fear that she is going on the wrong path. She is good but can be done right mean. What do I do?

Please help, I pray for her but we constantly but heads.:confused:
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I hate to sound dense, and don’t at all mean to be negative in anyway but step 1: talk to her. Genuinely talk to her about what’s going on in her life. Try your best. (I’m not saying you aren’t.) See what happens and then come back and report! 👍
 
From what you said you are doing, no…you are doing the right thing. It is her responsibility to keep her grades up. She is just showing you the drama-side of teenagerdom and it can be volatile at times and make you feel like the worst parent in the world, while I probably weigh into that too much, it is a manipulation tactic to try to get off the hook.

Talk to your youth director. Sometimes other adult leaders in that area can help where she won’t listen to you. Besides, it helps to have a network of support from others who know what you are talking about.

She is responsible for her grades and when she isn’t acting responsibly, then she takes herself back to a younger set of rules…now some of the behaviors are common, and hopefully temporary. Look at your own lives and see if there is anything that needs to be worked on that might be causing her some stress, and also listen carefully to what she is saying.

When my daughter went through 9th grade, it was a transition from a Catholic school to public and it is a tough year for them. 8th was bad too because they were on top of the world being 8th graders, so lots of clicks and junk started then too, because we know as adults when we start to think better of ourselves than others, we start to sin.

Go to confession, find examination of conscience for her age, but only offer to take her. She might not go. You go though, and offer. Try to be patient. You both need grace during this time and since you are the grown one…you have more of a clue in this area.

If your church has youth conferences, send her to those. Catechesis and formation are always important, even when she has bad grades. I pray the prayer of St Michael for the kids in our youth group…and for my own. It is worrisome this time of their lives when they stop acting like they need us, and they think they are grown. The truth is, in their grown up looking bodies, they are still children who need to play.

maybe she would be interested in going for a walk with you or taking the dog for a walk or walking to the store. My kids sometimes need that from me. Try to keep your head about you. Show tough love but kindness too. don’t let your harsh words be the only words you speak.

peace and prayers…(((Hug)))
 
How old is she?

“Teenager” could mean anyone between the ages of 13 and 19.

To me, parents’ responses to a 13-year-old who is undergoing huge hormonal surges and multiple changes in her body and emotions, and who has just come out of elementary school and being a “little girl playing with dolls” would be very different than parents’ responses to an 18-year-old who is (usually) somewhat used to having a period and dealing with hormones and who is approaching young adulthood and legal emancipation age.

Also, a 13-year-old is just out of elementary school and into middle school, and everything is new and different, especially the difficulty level of the schoolwork. Also, changing classes takes some getting used to, and knowing out to manage the heavy homework load is an adjustment. Depending on the young lady’s preparation or lack of preparation for middle school in grade school, she may struggle with all these changes. This doesn’t merit punishment, but training and encouragement.

If an older teenager who has previously been doing well in school came home with 5 out of 7 failing grades, I would hear sirens, see red lights, and smell really bad vibrations, and I would be wide awake and scared! My first thought would be drugs, and my second thought would be some kind of sexual abuse or even rape, or perhaps just loose sexual behavior that she entered without having the maturity to deal with it.

Sorry to be so alarming, but a “good student” does not just suddenly plummet into the netherworld of bad scholarship for no reason other than simple teen rebellion.

If the teenager is in the middle teenage years (14, 15, early 16 before the driver’s license), I would suspect that she is just going through a very NORMAL rebellious phase that all teenagers go through. Parents need to be careful not to cross the line into “harshness” in their discipline. Instead, they need to sit down with their daughter and work out TOGETHER a better plan so that she can have the freedom that she naturally and rightfully craves, but is still fulfilling her school, home, and church responsibilities.

In our house (we raised two daughters), privileges were earned. They started earning those privileges when they were little girls and obeying us. As they got older, they earned more freedom. As long as the girls did well in school, went to church, and obeyed our simple house rules (e.g., curfew), they had all kinds of privileges (staying overnight with friends, going to the mall, using their cell phones, driving, etc.). It was only when the violated our trust that they lost privileges, but they honestly didn’t do that very often.
 
Hi,

I am going to write more later on today, or else I am going to be late. In brief, she is 14 yrs old and has no known learning problems, besides she did get some 90’s in her grades, even in math; she doesn’t put the effort. She says she hates us and wants to die. I am afraid. Had a sleepless night. I have hurt her verbally in using hateful words which I regret deeply and apologised to her and have had talks with her. She hangs with kids from notorious backgrounds( parents in jail, living with boyfriends etc) I don’t hate them, I even try to help them but they only want to have fun. They have no other impulse. I have to go. Thanks for the replies. I have to reread them carefully. Also she doesn’t want to be implicated in the church. She goes because she has to.😦
 
I would suspect drugs and alcohol if she has had good grades prior to this and now they are bad. The bad attitude, along with her company, point to drugs and alcohol as possibilities. Tough love. She will hate you, but that is OK.

If she threatens suicide, consider checking her into a mental health unit. That is to be taken very seriously.
 
Struggling with my own 14 year-old daughter right now. (Is something in the water???)

I don’t have any guidance, just prayers and hugs! :hug1:
 
humble_maid said:
Hi,. She says she hates us and wants to die. I am afraid. Had a sleepless night. I have hurt her verbally in using hateful words which I regret deeply and apologised to her and have had talks with her.
Click to expand...
get her and yourselves into counselling immediately. Make the call today. When you are losing it that is a sign the whole family needs help. you don’t say if this is a sudden change this school year, or an ongoing thing. Any change that dramatic is a trouble sign that needs immediate response, and by your own admission you are like so many of us parents, in need of professional guidance.
 
Some quick thoughts:

Change her friends group immediately. She may scream and kick about this, but she will thank you later.

No facebook, no internet until her grades are in the 80s. Don’t settle for less!

Consider moving her to another school. Get a tutor. Try to move her into honors classes in the next year or two so she isn’t with these friends.

Find a counselor NOW to evaluate your daughter. Your pediatrician is a good starting place as is your local Catholic Charities or parish priest. Get a Catholic counselor. A diagnosis of mental illness would change many things, and the sooner you would know that the better you can love and care for your girl.

If her language is overtly sexual, she is probably engaged in sexual activity in some way. Do any of her friends include older boys? Put the kabash on those relationships now. Think about telling her doctor what might be going on, perhaps a physical exam is necessary to make sure your girl is not harboring any sexually transmitted diseases.

What are her gifts and strengths? Every child, every teen, every soul must feel a certain competency and excitement about something tangible that makes life enjoyable or they will gravitate to anything, usually bad things. There is a phrase “An idle mind is the devils workshop” which is truest when it comes to teens. This is important: IT IS YOUR JOB TO SEEK OUT YOUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTERS UNIQUE GIFTS AND TALENTS AND HELP HER DEVELOP THEM. Not every child is a born prodigy so we parents must tend to our children’s strengths and gifts and help them grow. Is it volleyball? Sewing? Baking (and this is the absolute funnest and easiest way to do something creative and have a fast result), playing an instrument, soccer, theater? You have to help her find a wholesome activity and make it happen for her. This will enable your daughter to meet good people who share her interests. I would not let her do “party” hobbies like Frisbie golf or skateboarding, which seems to be an excuse to walk around drinking beer and throwing a disc. Stay away from things that have that sort of culture.

Volunteer volunteer volunteer. Find a place where your daughter and her father can do service together. Your daughter definitely needs more time with a good man, your husband needs to step up his time with her immediately. Serving others makes people grateful for what they have been blessed with and also people contact is generally positive because the help is so needed. Soup kitchens are great places to work. So are animal rescue shelters, and food banks. Stay away from homeless people. Your daughter does not need to be around unstable men especially, and also women who are really bad role models.

In some ways, you and your husband have neglected your daughter with inaction, indifference or naivete’. How could you be so out of touch with her academics that her report card was a surprise? Our society is not like the past where a parent could practically ignore their child and the child could turn out fine. Parents need to be on top of everything in order for the average child to not only succeed but to be happy, or at least as happy as a teen can be. Get on line and do some research into what parents are doing to ensure a bright future for their children. At risk children (I would say your daughter is at risk) need even more intervention. Make time for your daughter.

Check out this book:

amazon.com/Countdown-College-Step—Step-Strategies/dp/0965608689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324047125&sr=8-1

Your job is to rearrange your time and your schedule so that your daughter sees your love for her, her behavior reflects a lack of love for self and possibly her sensing (incorrectly) that you do not love her either.

You must reform your life in many small ways and several big ways to tell, in effect, your daughter that she is valuable and important, and that good things will be hers if she make the right choices as a youth.

Regarding sexuality, here is a book my fourteen year old daughter read last summer, just before she started her freshman year of highschool. It is called Soulmate by Jason Evert and it a loving, gracuous, and truthful discussion aimed at teen girls (but wonderful for anyone). It will help them understand the true desires of their hearts and goals for their lives in a Catholic way without being too preachy:

amazon.com/Find-Your-Soulmate-Without-Losing/dp/0983092303

I want to reiterate that at this point, most of the work to be done must be done by you. Blaming, being angry and resentful, and any words that tear down your daughter must be avoided. Say a rosary every day for her and ask God to give him the grace of sacrificing yourself (mainly time, energy) for the good of your daughter. If you are sincere and can keep the anger out of the picture, your precious daughter will sense your love for her. Pray and go to Mass. I know that you are on a hard path and I cannot promise that it will get better right away. Give yourself plenty of time to listen to her. You are the most important person in her world. Be worthy of what God has entrusted you with by putting aside your own emotions and focusing on a different direction with your daughter. Finally, pray with your daughter. Don’t push the religious on her, but pray with her at night or before you talk. Again, your sincere heart will help her trust you again.
 
I would add that you should prayerfully read anything you can find about St. Monica and her son St. Augustine. Never give up hope! When I feel powerless over the poor choices my children sometimes make (and my kids make countless mistakes), I remind myself and tell the Lord that I gave Him my children at the Sacrament of Baptism for his protection and care and that I expect Him to keep His promise and bring them to Heaven (in spite of me!). This pushes the crushing weight of failure off of me, and onto God who bears it so much better than I. Next, I pray to my children’s “Fab Four” their patron saints plus Guardian Angel for extra help. Have a Mass said for your child. Or go to Mass for your child. It makes a difference.Finally, never forget the goodness of fun times shared together. Laughing, humor, silliness all have tremendous appeal, especially to youth. You have to rearrange your priorities to help this child so that she has hope for her future.
 
I don’t know I’m not a parent, but I was one of those troubled teens. I never showed up for school (wonder how I was never charged with truancy), never did one lick of homework (still passed me) and was a constant emotional wreck the entire way through with suicide and all and hating everything and everyone.

I hate to say it, but this was what the public school system did to me. I was forbidden to solve my problems in school (Zero-tolerance policy, or what I call "The greatest thing to murder more kids second to abortion) and was told “tell a teacher” who did nothing but make things worse and I was living in a prison. So all that anger, hate, frustration, sadness all got bottled up inside and turned inward and I lashed out at loved ones. It wasn’t till I was set free from those evil little rotten jerks at that prison (sorry but it’s been my experience kids 9-18 yrs. can be some of the most sadistic creatures ever) that I finally began to heal and here I am now.

All I can say is do all you can to help her by talking with her, kids sometimes really need someone who genuinely cares (not some lame paid Guidance Councilor) to talk to about their problems without fear that they are going to get punished too. Show her love and give it.

As for the friends, I’m sorry but you are going to have to find a way to covertly get her to have better friends. My grandmother use to say “Birds of a feather, flock together” and it’s true one of my earliest friends was a bully and guess what I became after being his friend…a toady. So yes, those we hang around do affect how we live our lives. Judging from her by what you’ve said, the whole “I’m your Parent and you will obey me and not see those people again.” will only blow up in your face and get her more grounded in these unhealthy attitudes and attributes.
 
humble_maid said:
Hi,

I am sitting here typing away, and all I can concentrate on is the loud cries of my teenage daughter. She is sore because she has been punished indefinitely. Let me explain briefly; my DH and I gave the benefit of the doubt to our daughter when it came to school. She never had any homework; she simply stated that she had done it at school. We also told her to review any new info that she would learn or read a few pages in a book. We continually reminded her and encouraged her; sometimes with impatience other times with compassion. First term came up and the results were horrible. She failed miserably all but 2 courses. (she has 7 in all). Her average was in the fifties or less. My husband and I flipped. Now, she is to not go to the mall on Fridays with her friends. Not only did she fail miserably but she has a nasty attitude towards authority and demonstrates this flagrantly towards us. In school, teachers say that she is ok. What is up? Her friends all failed except one. They dress, well, like teenagers, but she started to clean up her act. They act unappropriately and use sexual language that I only heard adults speak; and even this I find offensive. Till now she doesn’t speak like this on her facebook but I worry.

I brought up my girl, with Catholic values and went to church every Sunday, we pray as a family etc. It is far from perfect, but I thought I gave her a good foundation. Now I am feeling helpless. There is a part of me that understands her pain and another part that remains resolute. I cannot give in to her. She threatens us if we don’t allow her, then she goes into a crying fit. Are we being to aggressive in our tactic. Should we let her out with her friends( which I feel have polluted her mind) but she defends them staunchly. I know them well but I fear that she is going on the wrong path. She is good but can be done right mean. What do I do?

Please help, I pray for her but we constantly but heads.:confused:
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  1. Never punish for an indefinite period. It is too wide-open for a teenager. You need specific goals for her to achieve by certain dates, in order to win back her privileges.
  2. You and your husband should maintain a matter of fact attitude (not easy, believe me, I know!) when you are discussing these matters with her. Be calm, do not “flip out.” She has chosen to let her grades slide, and now there are consequences. She LIED to you about her homework, and now there are consequences (she can’t be trusted).
  3. Give her the choice to either do her homework or lose more privileges. She is going through a somewhat normal (although not pleasant) stage of teen rebellion. You can help it resolve more quickly by not reacting to her angst and provocation.
  4. Get parenting advice from a counselor who can suggest things you should say, and shouldn’t say. You already know that getting upset and calling her names isn’t going to help the situation. Practice her responses, you play her and have your husband play himself, and really try to anticipate what she will say and how you will respond. If you are ready for her nasty comments, they will not take you by surprise and wound you, and cause you to want to strike back.
  5. DO NOT let her drive you to tears!!! You can cry in private if you have to, but DO NOT let her bad attitude cause you to cry in front of her. She wins if you are more upset than she is.
  6. As long as she is more upset than you are about her life, things can change. If you are more upset about the situation than she is, what incentive does SHE have to change things?? She has to feel the pain of her choices.
  7. I would not forbid those friends. In fact, I would invite them to the house as often as possible after she is off the main restrictions. She cannot see them outside the house without shadowing however. This has worked for many parents. Once the friends are fully accepted by the parents, suddenly, they aren’t quite as attractive to be around.
  8. Always keep the “nuclear option” on hand for true emergencies. But don’t deploy unless you are certain the situation is dire. A lot of teenagers will threaten to harm themselves, and many do not mean it. You will have to be the judge of that. Our son cried to his girlfriend so much that we were abusing him, that either she or her parents called Child Protective Services on us. That was HIS nuclear option, and once it was underway, he was pretty horrified at what happened. Of course we were not abusing him and he knew that. We stayed calm but all that time, I was looking into boarding schools, wilderness camps etc. If he could not turn things around, I was prepared to have him removed from our home and sent to a long-term school or rehab (one concern is that if the teen IS NOT currently using drugs, a rehab can get him/her into drug use just through contact with addicts).
  9. One more time: DO NOT let your daughter’s choices drive YOU crazy. Use all support you have. If you have family members that are helpful to you, USE THEM. One alternative for us would have been a family member who had a working farm, and would have taken our son for the summer or even a year.
  10. She may really fail until she decides it’s her life and her responsibility. Let her fail. Again, it has to be HER pain, not yours.
 
Counseling sounds mandatory at this point. By a therapist, if possible… and a Priest on the side wouldn’t hurt, either.

I wish people would treat therapy more like a regular check up, rather than an aberration only for those who are so broken down as to “need it.” There ought be no stigma attached to mental health anymore than there is one for physical health, but there is, and it keeps people from getting the help that they need.
 
HI,
My name is Diane, a mother of seven beautiful children. I am deeply sorry to hear of your struggles with your daughter and will pray for your family. We have a 17 year old daughter who is dating someone that we disapprove of. We came to the disapproval when we checked out his Face Book profile. We were told that he would “clean up” is Face Book. That lasted awhile, but things we disapproved of would end back on Face Book. One of his friends had posted a picture of him acting in a totally inappropriate manner. We had reached the point that we did not want her involved with him anymore. The threat of her leaving home was next. We broke down and told her that she would only be able to see him on weekends, for at the same time her school work is getting further and further behind. We home school and have given her more and more time to get caught up. Once we became stricter and did not back down, she chose to leave our family and go live with her boyfriend’s family. We talked with a friend who is in the law enforcement field and he gave us his advice. We still have legal rights as parents until she reaches the age of 18. We first met with the boyfriend’s parents and discussed what we believed is best for our daughter. We went to the house she was staying at and brought her home. It is great to have her home, but many challenges lay ahead. We have only 4 months until she is 18 years of age and pray her relationship with this young man ends! Please keep our family in your prayers for we will do the same for yours. God Bless!
 
A little update,

First I would like to thank all those who have taken the time to offer prayers and advice, thank you. Secondly, something nice happened. As you know she was sobbing away, that night; usually I would go and see her, but this time I let her be. I gave her, her space and she finally fell asleep. The next morning, I waited for some explosion of emotions to blow up in my face, instead she was quiet and came up to me and said that she was sorry for blaming me and other stuff( i won’t mention). I told her in a gentle voice, that I do this for her own good and that I love and want her to be happy; she must understand that it is not indefinite, her punishment, so long as she changes her grades and acts responsibly. It turns out that her one of her bf couldn’t go to the mall that Friday either, so that made it easier on her. Still, my motherly instinct tell me that her friends are not a good influence. I don’t like to judge others but the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree.

Now a little overview. I have always been watchful over my children. The changes in her were gradual but has escalated since starting highschool. More so, since she has started menstruating. The hormones are crazy. The drama is crazy. Her and her friends make a big deal about nothing. Usually my daughter was level headed, and for the most part, still is. However, she does things that aren’t always kosher. Ok, so she is not perfect; but I definitely disapprove of certain things her friends do. She tells me that she knows it is wrong, and even tells them. Sometimes they listen and sometimes not. But how long before she becomes comfortable with such behavior before she does likewise?

I taught her about chastity, drugs, boys, God’s commandments, the dangers of STD’s and reckless behavior. Heck I even had JW’s come over and study for some time so as to have a better influence. Please don’t judge me. I have friends in this cult that I love but I disapprove of their doctrines. Their teachings on love and teen sexuality is more in line with the youth than what our local churches are doing or lack of it.

My daughter needs a role model. The JW’s friend has very chaste and strong girls. For a time their presence was helping. All the Catholics around me are liberal, even hateful towards the teachings of the Church. The parish priests are so out of touch with this age group that I proposed to start a group. We will see where that goes. Last time I spoke with the priest he was going to start a youth group. I sent my daughter to counselling, it was working and then I stopped. I will find someone again. It was helpful.

I will encourage my husband to do more family activities, since he is always working and so am I. I will take the time for her. If necessary I will homeschool her. The private schools are to expensive and many say that they are not much better. Besides she doesn’t have the grades to get in. Even if I forced her she would probably fail on purpose.

This is it for now. I do pray the rosary constantly for my family. I use to go to Adoration every Friday. I will continue to pray. Pray for me as well. Thank you and God Bless.
 
Daine said:
HI,
My name is Diane, a mother of seven beautiful children. I am deeply sorry to hear of your struggles with your daughter and will pray for your family. We have a 17 year old daughter who is dating someone that we disapprove of. We came to the disapproval when we checked out his Face Book profile. We were told that he would “clean up” is Face Book. That lasted awhile, but things we disapproved of would end back on Face Book. One of his friends had posted a picture of him acting in a totally inappropriate manner. We had reached the point that we did not want her involved with him anymore. The threat of her leaving home was next. We broke down and told her that she would only be able to see him on weekends, for at the same time her school work is getting further and further behind. We home school and have given her more and more time to get caught up. Once we became stricter and did not back down, she chose to leave our family and go live with her boyfriend’s family. We talked with a friend who is in the law enforcement field and he gave us his advice. We still have legal rights as parents until she reaches the age of 18. We first met with the boyfriend’s parents and discussed what we believed is best for our daughter. We went to the house she was staying at and brought her home. It is great to have her home, but many challenges lay ahead. We have only 4 months until she is 18 years of age and pray her relationship with this young man ends! Please keep our family in your prayers for we will do the same for yours. God Bless!
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I have a feeling my daughter will one day do the same. She already tells me she wants to leave when she is 18. The only thing I could do is to say that in life she can choose to do whatever, even go against her parents, free will, but she will be held accountable for her actions either in this life or the next. She must have a deep regard for God. She can hide behind her excuses or cover up her sins or be free with the world but the LORD will not permit it so. I try to install a sense of Fear of God. She should never disregard the teachings I give her; to respect the commandments… to honor thy mother and father… to not commit fornication, to respect your body as the temple of the HS. What else can we do? I speak to her friends and I will tell them the same thing. Maybe you should speak to the boyfriend and tell him what you don’t like and see his reaction. I pray for you too, and for all parents going through this.

God Bless

PS let me know what happens.
 
My daughters are 21 and 19, and I am so proud of them. What I always told them is “Right now I make the rules. Someday you will be on your own and will be free to make the rules as you like. That day will be when you are adults and have the experience to make good choices and live with the consequences. I am sorry if you don’t like it but it is my job as a parent and I take that job very seriously because I love you very much”. Obviously you are open to talking to your daughter and she should know you would like her to talk to you the way she would like to be talked to, as in with respect and consideration. The more your daughter acts with maturity (as in speaking respectfully and obeying her parents) the more you will treat her in kind.
Another thing we used to do is make lists. Fold a paper in half and write down what you like and don’t like about what is going on with her life and how she treats you. She should do the same, and feel free to note if she forgets to write on the side of things she like about her life that she has parents who love her and a nice home.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
My daughters are 21 and 19, and I am so proud of them. What I always told them is “Right now I make the rules. Someday you will be on your own and will be free to make the rules as you like. That day will be when you are adults and have the experience to make good choices and live with the consequences. I am sorry if you don’t like it but it is my job as a parent and I take that job very seriously because I love you very much”. Obviously you are open to talking to your daughter and she should know you would like her to talk to you the way she would like to be talked to, as in with respect and consideration. The more your daughter acts with maturity (as in speaking respectfully and obeying her parents) the more you will treat her in kind.
Another thing we used to do is make lists. Fold a paper in half and write down what you like and don’t like about what is going on with her life and how she treats you. She should do the same, and feel free to note if she forgets to write on the side of things she like about her life that she has parents who love her and a nice home.
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Thank you, I will try the list thing. I like it. Your example gives me hope. God Bless
 
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