I need help with my marriage

[IwillfollowHim]

I do not look at pornography or engage in masturbation. My spouse and I follow church teaching in our marriage and we are open to life in our sexual relationship. But I am feeling a disordered temptation and I think it is lust? I am always thinking about sex with my husband. I don’t feel like it is frequent enough and sometimes I spend much of my day thinking about what I can do to stimulate his arousal for me. I am only attracted to my husband sexually and I do not list after other men but it is really preoccupying my mind in a frustrating way. I do not lust after his body exactly but rather his person. I find everything about him sexy, including his mind and personality and I am ashamed and annoyed that it is such a struggle for me. I am embarrassed to admit this and don’t know what to do? I am looking for advice or suggestions on how to handle this. I have talked to my husband and he says he will try to be more sexual with me but he never actually increases our frequency, despite my attempts to initiate them… also i am concerned that if i continue to feel “neglected” in this area, that my temptation may increase or tend toward another more sinful direction. Prayers for me. Thank you.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is not a sin to be attracted to your husband or to desire marital relations with him.

It sounds as if you guys are not in sync either physically or maybe emotionally. In the very best marriages, desire ebbs and flows. It can be frustrating when you are flowing and he is ebbing

Do you guys have kids, are you able to have date nights? What did you guys find fun to do when you were dating?

You might pick up Matthew Kelly’s book “The 7 Levels of Intimacy” it is a good, solid Catholic book.

 

[IwillfollowHim]

I ordered the book as immediately as you mentioned it. I read Matthew Kelley last Lenten season and appreciated his perspective…

I do not think we are out of sync emotionally as we talk A LOT and both have a relatively high level of emotional intelligence… but I will remain aware of any discrepancies because of your suggestion. We are definitely physically “off” but i am not aware of all the ways that we are.

As for children, yes, we have a few and one on the way. We have a date night once a month and it usually involves dinner out, a movie or a shopping trip and a coffee. When we dated we talked a lot and went out to eat too. We used to email quite a bit as well.

I understand my attraction to my husband is not sinful, but the physical desire CONSUMES me, much like someone would be distracted by their addiction. i am also so physically aroused that I am afraid sexual sin will become a problem for me. I feel like it is unusual for a woman to have this problem because i have heard of men longing for sexual attention from their wives and feeling neglected and anxious when they do not receive it but i am experiencing these issues in a real way and i am so confused as to why? Is it psychological? Spiritual? Physical? I feel broken and I’m not sure how to fix it…

 

[Cruciferi]

When in doubt please consider seeking some marriage counseling!

 

[AdamP88]

It sounds like you have a normal desire to have sex with your spouse. Perhaps you should tell him how you feel?

 

[Greenfields]

I’ve read this can be common I during pregnancy too,with surges in hormones.Some go the other way.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I understand my attraction to my husband is not sinful, but the physical desire CONSUMES me, much like someone would be distracted by their addiction. i am also so physically aroused that I am afraid sexual sin will become a problem for me. I feel like it is unusual for a woman to have this problem because i have heard of men longing for sexual attention from their wives and feeling neglected and anxious when they do not receive it but i am experiencing these issues in a real way and i am so confused as to why? Is it psychological? Spiritual? Physical? I feel broken and I’m not sure how to fix it…

Pregnancy hormones can have a big impact on libido! And each pregnancy may be different.

It is good that you are aware there is a temptation, keep talking to your husband about your needs. Maybe he is worried that with kids/pregnancy you are not “in the mood”?