I need help with my sexuality

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Oruwaith

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I am a 17 year old guy and am struggling with these homosexual feelings. I won’t go into too much detail, but, I will at least say that I developed a habit of looking at X rated sites that were homosexual. This went on for years. During this time, I developed another habit, but I will omit that since it may be inappropriate for these forums. After many years, I finally started to snap out of it and would try to kick the habits. Sometimes I would be successful, but I would fall back into them later.

Now that I am fairly clean ( i.e. not looking at those sites for a while), the feelings stayed, as well as the images. I want to be heterosexual, but the feelings and my body say otherwise. Any advice?
 
Oruwaith said:
I am a 17 year old guy and am struggling with these homosexual feelings. I won’t go into too much detail, but, I will at least say that I developed a habit of looking at X rated sites that were homosexual. This went on for years. During this time, I developed another habit, but I will omit that since it may be inappropriate for these forums. After many years, I finally started to snap out of it and would try to kick the habits. Sometimes I would be successful, but I would fall back into them later.

Now that I am fairly clean ( i.e. not looking at those sites for a while), the feelings stayed, as well as the images. I want to be heterosexual, but the feelings and my body say otherwise. Any advice?
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Did you have homosexual feelings before looking at gay porn? By feelings I mean beyond just sex, as if you could genuinely love a man.
 
Then it is quite probably a side effect of the addiction, the feelings will take years to go away if they ever do. Unfortunately there is something called neuroplasticity which can cause actions that cause “pleasure” to be hardwired into the brain especially at a young age like you.

Prayer and fasting are good, I recommend talking with your spiritual director.
 
As a bisexual woman in her 30’s who has had same-sex attraction since I was a small child, I would say it is best not to assume your feelings will go away. Even though I am happily married to a man, my feelings for women still persist. There is a really high rate of depression and suicide among those who try to “change” their sexuality. It is best to look for groups or counseling to manage your feelings. Remember same-sex attraction isn’t sinful, but it is sinful to act on those feelings. What I have found most helpful is talking to someone who you really trust who can relate and understand. You should be particularly careful with this because many will “out” you and you have to deal with the consequences, not them. I know from previous experience. I do not say these things to scare you, I just want to prevent bad things from happening to others who struggle with same-sex attraction. Who knows, maybe you will even find yourself attracted to a woman one day. Anything is possible. I would just be sure to be prepared for any outcome.
 
With Man things are impossible but with God all things are possible.

Do the right thing according to the Church teachings about our sexuality

I read reading the Bible can take those images out of our minds in time

Our bodies are all in decay and we fall short of glorifying God with our bodies

But as we walk no longer in darkness and as children of darkness but walk according to the light and as Children of light we put away our former life of indulging in every sort of fantasies of the flesh and sexual immorality and the desires of the flesh

walk with God as you are doing and you will keep performing His will

If you keep on the right track God will help ,keep and prevent you from performing things contrary to his will

And he will be compassionate to your same sex attraction and will deal with it accordingly and help you through it and perhaps even past it

trust yourself into Him
 
I will pray for you Oruwaith. You can overcome this! 🙂
 
JoArtist said:
As a bisexual woman in her 30’s who has had same-sex attraction since I was a small child, I would say it is best not to assume your feelings will go away. Even though I am happily married to a man, my feelings for women still persist. There is a really high rate of depression and suicide among those who try to “change” their sexuality. It is best to look for groups or counseling to manage your feelings. Remember same-sex attraction isn’t sinful, but it is sinful to act on those feelings. What I have found most helpful is talking to someone who you really trust who can relate and understand. You should be particularly careful with this because many will “out” you and you have to deal with the consequences, not them. I know from previous experience. I do not say these things to scare you, I just want to prevent bad things from happening to others who struggle with same-sex attraction. Who knows, maybe you will even find yourself attracted to a woman one day. Anything is possible. I would just be sure to be prepared for any outcome.
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I am sorry to here that someone betrayed your trust. I will likely confide these things with the priest at my church.

Thank you for the advice!
 
I’m in a similar situation to you, though I’m 28 and have been working at change for almost a decade now and with God’s help have made a ton of progress. This weekend helped me a lot: peoplecanchange.com/jim/ God bless
 
I’m good friends now with someone I met at a retreat a few years ago and it sounds like they were in a fairly similar position to you at age 17. But instead of having looked at X rated websites they were taken advantage of by older males as they grew up. I hadn’t heard about neuro-plasticity before but it makes complete sense going by the way my friend talks about it; he has always been attracted to women as well but it’s like it’s been put in his brain at some point that he’s attracted to men as well when he doesn’t feel he actually is (if that makes sense?).
He found that if he acted on these homosexual urges that he absolutely despaired and felt like he would always have these homosexual urges and would always act on them, wishing he could be someone else without these urges.
Now that he doesn’t act on these urges through the help of fortnightly confession, the Rosary, Sunday Mass of course and the same weekly prayer group I go to, he doesn’t actually feel gay any more. He still has temptations now and then but these are no where near as frequent as when he in the vicious cycle of acting on them.
I’m sure that there are some people who have the homosexual inclination whom this wouldn’t help at all but it sounds like it is this neuro-plasticity which is causing you these urges, not your psychological make up. Try not to dwell on the fact that you were in this habit of viewing X rated sites; one of the most fundamental (and amazing) principles of Christianity is that you can always turn a fresh page.
As long as you keep praying, especially asking for the strength to place your life in God’s hands and for the strength to follow His plan then you’ll be absolutely fine; He does have an awesome plan for everyone. Whether His plan for you will be to raise a healthy happy family one day with a wife you truly love or to perhaps join the priesthood one day, He’ll reveal it to you soon enough; don’t be afraid !

And remember, “The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not protect you”

Hope this totally longwinded post has been of some use, I’ll definetely be keeping you in my prayers.
 
According to the bible, our Christian life is supposedly not about fighting sins (as in plural) anymore, because Jesus has redeemed us and has paid the price for our sins (plural). The sin as in singular refer to sin of unbelieve/ God’s enemy/ sin as a spirit. Sins as in plural refer to our day to day sins. Sin of unbelieve is the cause of our day to day sins.

Even so it seems that in real life we always struggle with sins. However, the bible say that our real struggle is a struggle of faith. This faith is about believing that Jesus really has died for our sin & sins so that we (believers) have also died of our sins and are now God’s beloved.

The problem is our conscience. Our conscience accuse us when we commit our day to day sins. Thus stopping definitely will apease our conscence. However, as we all are still sinners in our flesh, Jesus has died for our sins. And because the sin (singular) is the cause of our daily sins, the focus must be in the fight against unbelieving that Jesus has not died and rose again (meaning that your sins has not been forgiven and therefore you are still a sinner “sin is alive in you” and therefore you commit those sins).

Romans
2:15 … Their conscence, speaking within them also shows it, when they condemn or approve their actins.
2:16 The same is to happen on the day when God, according to my gospel will judge people’s secret actions in the person of Jesus Christ.
3:20 … What comes form the law is the consceousness of sin.

1John
3:19 Then we shall know that we are of the truth and we may calm our conscience in His presence
3:20 Everytime it reproaches us, let us say: God is greater thatn our conscience, and he knows everything
3:21 When our conscience does not condemn us, dear friends, we may have complete confidence in God
3:21 Then whatever we ask we shall receive, since we keep his commands and do what pleases him

And this is the NEW COMMANDMENTS Jesus gave (no longer the old testament Moses Ten Commandments) :

1John 3:22 His command is that we believe in the Name of his Son Jeus Christ and that we love one another as he has commanded us.

The continuity of St. Paul’s letters to the Romans:

Romans
3:21 Yet, now we are told how God makes us just [righteous – francisca] as He wants us to be without the law…
3:22 God makes us righteious by means of faith in Jesus Christ, and this applied to all who believe without distiction of persons.
3:25 …So God show us how He makes us righteous. Past sins [plural – francisca] are forgiven** which God overlooked till now. [and here is our future of freedom from sin & sins – francisca] For now he wants to reveal His way of righteousness: how He is just and how He makes us righteous through faith in Jesus.******
 
Oruwaith said:
I am a 17 year old guy and am struggling with these homosexual feelings. I won’t go into too much detail, but, I will at least say that I developed a habit of looking at X rated sites that were homosexual. This went on for years. During this time, I developed another habit, but I will omit that since it may be inappropriate for these forums. After many years, I finally started to snap out of it and would try to kick the habits. Sometimes I would be successful, but I would fall back into them later.

Now that I am fairly clean ( i.e. not looking at those sites for a while), the feelings stayed, as well as the images. I want to be heterosexual, but the feelings and my body say otherwise. Any advice?
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I think that was just ‘exploring’ which apparently many in the adolescent age do. (According to a priest I know) Just stop thinking about it. If you constantly worry about it then you can develop a huge anxiety over it (homophobia), which people struggle with at times.
 
Author Henri Nouwen had homosexual attractions though he remained faithful to his vow of chastity as a priest. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Nouwen
He was an amazing writer because he really figured out what St. Paul meant when he wrote that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. I know this doesn’t answer your question on whether or not your attraction will go away but I hope it helps. Henri Nouwen’s books were the first Christian books that ever spoke to me as someone who felt very jaded and critical towards the Christian faith. Nouwen’s struggles gave him a rare humility and empathy towards people in general- rare but very powerful virtues. Maybe I wouldn’t be a Christian, let alone a Catholic today if it hadn’t discovered Nouwen’s books.
 
Eric_Prine said:
Author Henri Nouwen had homosexual attractions though he remained faithful to his vow of chastity as a priest. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Nouwen
He was an amazing writer because he really figured out what St. Paul meant when he wrote that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. I know this doesn’t answer your question on whether or not your attraction will go away but I hope it helps. Henri Nouwen’s books were the first Christian books that ever spoke to me as someone who felt very jaded and critical towards the Christian faith. Nouwen’s struggles gave him a rare humility and empathy towards people in general- rare but very powerful virtues. Maybe I wouldn’t be a Christian, let alone a Catholic today if it hadn’t discovered Nouwen’s books.
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Sublimation of intense passion can be a very powerful thing especially creatively
 
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