I need help

[roxylu]

I had thought that I was getting better about not feeling so down about my relationship. However, last night I was online looking at one of my old friend’s blogs and I noticed that she had some pictures of her and my ex. They looked like they were on a date and now I am just feeling unsecure. I had told myself that I would not worry about my ex’s life anymore because he chose not to have me involved in it anymore. It’s just hard for me to think that he has already moved on and forgotten about me.

I know that I have God helping me because I mostly feel at peace with things. It is just those little moments that make me sad. I suppose it’s just something I need to live with. However, it hurts me to see my ex giving into temptations like that. I do not remember him ever being the kind of guy who just goes out with other girls, but I suppose he’s changed.

Anyways, I know this is not something to dwell on. I should be looking at all of the positive things going on in my life. And I am not saying that I am not thinking positively. However, I find it hard to sometimes. If I am not on here looking at prayers or reading my Bible, I find it really hard to not think about my past.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could do to move on? Are there any specific prayers that anyone knows of that I could say for peace or hope?

Thank you all so much.
I know that this does not seem as important as the situations that other people are in, but this has affected me so much.

God Bless You All
-Roxanna

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi roxy;

I’m sorry you are feeling down sometimes about this. It does take time to get past the pain of a broken relationship. It can also be possible that you didn’t really know your bf as much as you might have thought you did. I think that can be a tough spot to be in–when we feel like we really knew someone, but after the relationship is over, did we really? I have experienced that before.

I highly recommend praying the Rosary and before each decade, present a particular intention to Mary, and ask for her prayers. I have found the Rosary to be such a gift and blessing! Also, I would suggest praying the Divine Chaplet, and contemplating on the sufferings of Christ, and uniting yours with His. That is most humbling, and free-ing. I prayed that today, and my fears of the unknown with our present economy, (for example) seemed to vanish. Also, there are a lot of great cd’s that have different prayers for different intentions…I have found some good ones on amazon.

God will always help us when we call on Him (even when we don’t, He is there, carrying us through our challenges!)…He is our greatest hope. He is a heart surgeon, of the best kind–healing broken hearts everyday.

I’m happy that you have a sense of peace about things. Just know, it’s ok to feel sad now and again–this ended recently, and it takes time.

God bless,

Sharon

 

[roxylu]

I’m sorry you are feeling down sometimes about this. It does take time to get past the pain of a broken relationship. It can also be possible that you didn’t really know your bf as much as you might have thought you did. I think that can be a tough spot to be in–when we feel like we really knew someone, but after the relationship is over, did we really? I have experienced that before.

I have been feeling as if I never really knew him. I keep thinking that God wanted me to really see that this one young man was not the right one for me. I am thankful for seeing that.

Thank you for your advice

 

[whatevergirl]

I have been feeling as if I never really knew him. I keep thinking that God wanted me to really see that this one young man was not the right one for me. I am thankful for seeing that.

Thank you for your advice

The pain of what you are presently going through, is not in vain. God takes all of our pains, and spins them into something good for us. You’re welcome, and I pray that your healing process leads you closer and closer to the Lord, everyday. Take care!

 

[Trishie]

Roxanne, it’s understandable that you feel unsettled. You ex’s moving on is a continuing rejection of you. That hurts. It says you didn’t matter that much. But you do. Someone very dear to me, even though he called off the marriage because he couldn’t take a range of things any longer, still feels rejection and betrayal, which was present in the marriage in various ways. The sense of betrayal comes from the knowledge that you weren’t loved as you deserve to be, and also that he is becoming what he would not become for you.

My dear one is amazed at the changes in his ex, and even the changes in himself. Alone, she has come alive. He’s taken longer but he is more vital than he’s been for 17 years. Either person can feel betrayed by the other’s lack of love and his or her beneficial changes, but it’s especially painful to the one who is taking longer to recover.
Relapses are natural, and you will continue to recover, I’m sure. Things come in waves, you’re fine, and then a wave knocks you over, but you get up again, wash off the wet sand and get dry again. You’re a great girl.

 

[roxylu]

Roxanne, it’s understandable that you feel unsettled. You ex’s moving on is a continuing rejection of you. That hurts. It says you didn’t matter that much. But you do. Someone very dear to me, even though he called off the marriage because he couldn’t take a range of things any longer, still feels rejection and betrayal, which was present in the marriage in various ways. The sense of betrayal comes from the knowledge that you weren’t loved as you deserve to be, and also that he is becoming what he would not become for you.

My dear one is amazed at the changes in his ex, and even the changes in himself. Alone, she has come alive. He’s taken longer but he is more vital than he’s been for 17 years. Either person can feel betrayed by the other’s lack of love and his or her beneficial changes, but it’s especially painful to the one who is taking longer to recover.
Relapses are natural, and you will continue to recover, I’m sure. Things come in waves, you’re fine, and then a wave knocks you over, but you get up again, wash off the wet sand and get dry again. You’re a great girl.

Thank you for your encouragement. I am so happy that God lead me to CAF. I cannot even remember what it was that brought me here, but I am thankful.

 

[kristleful]

Roxanne,

Have you heard the song “By Your Side,” by Tenth Avenue North? If you haven’t, or even if you have, close your eyes, ask Jesus to give you comfort, then listen to what He tells you in that song. When I’m really sad and feeling alone or unloved or missing my ex-boyfriend, that song makes me feel so loved that I cry.

Here’s a link to the Myspace page where you can hear it for free if you don’t have Itunes: myspace.com/tenthavenuenorth

It will immediately start playing the song when it opens the page.

You are very loved and in my prayers.

 

[Christy_Beth]

You can also go to youtube.com to play music. I have a list of stuff I like to play. Of course, it’s mostly stuff I’ve heard on the radio. You might want to find if there’s a christian radio station near you. There can be so much support through there.

Oh, and my favorite song for when I’m feeling down? “Draw me close” by Michael W. Smith.

 

[LSK]

And there is nothing wrong with being a little mad at him once in awhile…just don’t dwell on it…being sad can get to be as addictive and being angry…take turns at both and try putting your feet in cold water while you do it…I have no idea why but it would be something different to do, right?

Ok…so sometimes you have to laugh too.

 

[roxylu]

Thank you all for the great advice!

The songs are great!

I’m not sure about the putting my feet in cold water thing, though. hehe

But overall I am feeling better. My roommate and I stayed up late last night talking about how I don’t need someone who makes me feel bad. I know that I deserve better.

Most important of all, I know that God has someone better planned for me.


Thank you all!

 

[roxylu]

I am beginning to question the relationship I had with my exboyfriend. This afternoon I learned that he has a new girlfriend. It is with a girl that he promised me he didn’t like. He did not tell me about it. Instead, I was left to assume that they were together because of pictures on a blog. I called him to talk about it because I wanted him to be honest with me, but he answered the phone and then hung up when he realized it was me. I later got a weird text message that I am sure is from his friends. It said this, “I guess last night meant nothing to you!” Which is random because I haven’t seen him in two weeks. I am almost sure his friends sent that because they have never liked me for him.

Anyways, long story short…I can’t get myself to stop thinking that I was lied to for so long. He was never honest with me. Even now he is not honest even though he said he wanted to remain friends. It’s painful to me to see this happen. Mostly because I know the girl he is dating now and I know that she is going to be a bad influence on him.

I am sorry this is so long. I just don’t have anywhere else to let my feelings out. That girl I mentioned just broke up with her boyfriend recently, too. He is my friend, but when he found out my ex and his ex were together…he decided he didn’t want to talk about that anymore because he wants to forget it. Me…I can’t stop thinking about it.

I mostly just needed to get this off my chest. I am sorry because I know other people have bigger problems than this. However, this is really affecting me.

 

[Trishie]

Roxanne, I’m so sorry.
This is another wave, you know. Grieving comes in waves.
I guess we have to look at what we’re learning each time a grief wave knocks us over, with the new knowledge in the bitter salt in our mouths. How can we learn, how can we grow from this particular wave and this particular realization? How can we heal from this?

With love and prayer…

 

[JHaas07]

Almost all of us have gone through this at one point or another. I know it is very difficult. It is easy to struggle with this nowadays do to the internet and all the sites that allow you to peek into peoples lives via pictures etc… Prayers are sent your way. Time will heal all wounds!

 

[chevalier]

Roxy, my prayers, and also in a way, an optimistic message. Things like that happen, it’s time to move on and you’re all the wiser now. I’ve been lied to or otherwise treated less than fairly in such situations many, many times and, practically speaking, my so called romantic life has been a stream of such. But I don’t care. Frankly, it takes more than that to bring me down. Actually, I’m smiling or even chuckling as I’m writing this, because the past is overcome and the future is yet ahead. Courage and you’ll win. I was about to say, “courage and you’ll do fine”, but doing fine isn’t the end of our ambitions, right? People lie, people walk out of their promises, only God doesn’t. But there are certainly people who do that less or less intentionally, or they at least aim to be dependable. Find a guy who is true to his word and you get that part done. At any rate, you’re probably going to be out of the pool now for some time and that’s good because you need some rest and you’re going to benefit from it, spiritually and otherwise. But after that, you’ll know a bit more about men and a bit more about what to seek and what to avoid.

Time to avoid the “cool” and associate with the old-fashioned and the “boring”? We all have it and we’re all probably to a lesser or greater extent susceptible to the instinct of associating with those people, lifestyles and ideas that are popular, “hip”, in line with current fashion and whatnot. I catch myself doing that, too, or worse, I catch myself trying to be one, sometimes, even though I’ve always been known as the reactionary. This is basically an extension of the concept of highschool “cool kids”. Those that have the little something that makes them trend-setters, but it doesn’t always goes in line with intelligence or hard work. Or care. When we get over this, we’re doing little more than pursuing our dreams and doing the thing we want, not the thing that’s fashionable or, basically, other people want. When people decide to be Catholic, that has more to do with grace than with merit, of course, but doesn’t it mean pursuing what’s greater, better and more real, instead of the current trends? It’s like crossing the step between “wish I could” and “I did!” Why not do the same in the romantic regard? Not saying you aren’t, but maybe it’s time to throw yourself on bigger waters and say a more resounding no to the concept of a relationship that just is, to the concept of making too costly compromises just to be with someone or to have someone to be with?

Think what you want in a man and don’t settle for less. At this point in your life, you know that, “knows my wishes before I open my mouth,” is not on the list, so there’s little danger in this. I suppose your list will open with quite Christian virtues and while it will include certain quite mundane things, that is fine. And good. “Stays with me when I am taking two hours to pick my new shoes,” is perfectly all right a position on that list.