I need help

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muffinmojo

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My girlfriend and i are both Catholic and we both want and try to serve God, but we keep doing lustful and inapproriate things together. It’s almost every time we are together, we go somewhere alone and think we’re just going to hug and have some nice time together, but it ends up with some bad, bad, bad things. Today we got kicked out of a mall parking garage by mall security who saw us on the cameras. I’m at my wits end. My girlfriend is already depressed and the fact that we keep doing these things has driven her to the point of at least thinking about suicide. I am so broken and hurting, i can’t believe us and myself, why i can tell her that ‘we won’t do this again’ and it keeps happening, why i always seem to let it happen when she is just starting to be happy again, and why its so hard to remember the promises we made in the moment. We are each other’s only real friend, so that makes it even worse. I just dont know what to do. I know something has to change, i know this can’t go on, but i know that this girl is something very special and she knows i am to her as well. We’ve been dating for two and half years, and we’ve been through a whole lot, especially family problems and some serious issues. But this is not only driving us apart, its driving us insane…I feel so trapped and enslaved by my sin and lust and the fact that no matter how much i pray and tell God im going to do better and tell her im going to do better and no matter how much we talk about it and try to keep from going places alone, we are just so weak and it keeps happening. I’m sorry this is so long but i have no where else to go and no one else to talk to. if any of you can give us any advice i would appreciate it…i think though that leaving her and breaking up even to make us better isn’t an option because really, her family is broken and i’m the only person she has that cares and makes her happy, at least some times. thank you in advance…and im sorry if this is rambling or confusing.
 
we go somewhere alone and think we’re just going to hug and have some nice time together, but it ends up with some bad, bad, bad things.
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if a patten has developed,*** and it has,*** how can you pretend you’re just going to hug?

you know better. so the thing is, Don’t Go Places Alone. if you go places alone, at least be honest: ***let’s go make out, sin against God and each other, and feel like crud about it later, OK? ***

Pope John Paul II said, " An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded. "

if you and she have no other friends, then volunteer. together, alone, however, but give yourselves away to the needy people of God. Mall? spend the afternoon at the children’s hospital or the nursing home.

if you want your relationship with your girlfriend to enjoy blessings from Your Heavenly Father God, don’t sin with her.
 
As was said before, the answer is simple - do not be alone together. Meet in public places, do not be alone in the car together (meet her or bring someone along). When you are at your house or her house, stay in the living room where people are. Sit on the front porch. Go to youth group events at the Parish, hang out at museums or the library - public places.

When you meet, pray a rosary together as the first thing you do. Do not talk on the phone in while you are in bed, only talk on the phone in a public area of the house.

Grow in virtue, go to confession OFTEN.
 
My heart breaks for you my friend. Remember that we are all not perfect, we all mistakes, and that Gods love is ETERNAL.

He wants us on His side again!

I’m only 29, I know excatly how it feels! It can be so hard sometimes, and sometimes even our girlfriends can be the ones who are apply pressure to us!

In the words of CS Lewis, “If you fall, pull yourself up, dust off, and try again.”

Know that you can do it.

Don’t feel bad about about some kissing and cuddiling! Remeber that Chaste does not mean nothing!

God bless you my brother!
 
I agree with “Don’t go places alone together.” Avoid the situations that cause temptation. Consider having dates at Eucharistic Adoration, if she is interested. And volunteering also sounds like a great idea 🙂

Ask the Holy Spirit to be your constant chaperone. Then any time temptation comes about, smile and say no - you’ll know God will be watching, 'cuz that’s just what you asked of Him 😃

Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation frequently, and encourage your girlfriend to do the same. Going the first time will be the hardest, but it will be a great source of strength for you.

Pray for her frequently - the Rosary is very powerful. Pay especial attention to the Second Sorrowful Mystery, the Scourging at the Pillar. It is commonly believed that Jesus suffered at the Pillar especially for sins of the flesh - so offer this up. The Divine Mercy Chaplet is also very powerful, and shorter - it may be easy for you to pray it, and maybe even together.

Also read 1 Corinthians Chapter 6 and meditate upon it. And remember, as you do, that Christ suffered to remove your sins from you, as far as the East is from the West (sorry, don’t have the Bible passage for that one). Nothing puts you or your girlfriend beyond God’s love.

Encourage your girlfriend to get the help she needs to recover from her depression. Encourage her to talk to a priest, counselor, parents, and her doctor if she hasn’t already, and encourage her to follow their advice and support her if she finds it difficult.

This painful time is showing you that you currently lack the spiritual strength you need to be the spiritual head for your future wife - who may be this very girl you love so much. Ask God to give you that strength, and embrace this as a chance to practice your future role as a husband in leading your wife to holiness. From what I’ve seen, it won’t necessarily get any easier when you get marry - the temptations to fail as a leader will just take different forms.

When you get through this, you will be a stonger, holier man. If you can, thank God for the pain you feel, that calls you back to Him.

I hope this gives you some ideas. I went through something similar once, and we were able to repair the relationship between us, as well as my own relationship with God. Neither of us had severe depression, but otherwise the situation was quite similar.

The peace of Christ be with both of you,
-LFL
 
I like what monicatholic says about giving your time to others. Working on a project to help other people, or just any project to use your creativity, will allow you to focus your mind and take you on a healthy path together. It will also allow you and your girlfriend to get to know each other on a deeper level. It is difficult to know yourself, let alone another person at any age unless you work at it.

Try not to be too hard on yourself either. Recognize a mistake, or something that you feel poorly about, resolve it and move on. Try not to revisit the past over and over. Guilt helps us know when something isn’t right, it helps us kind of stay on track sometimes, but if we get too deeply in it, it isn’t healthy.

Focus on what the two of you have in common other than being attracted to each other, and family issues, or recent difficulties.

Finally, if your girlfriend is even slightly depressed, she needs someone else safe to talk to. Not you. You love her and that’s wonderful, but she needs to get her feelings out and let them go. There are so many services available to teens who need to talk. Your school counselor should be able to recommend someone, as well as someone from your Church.

Prayers are with you.
 
I just read an article, it’s in Spanish though, that says that teenagers engage in sexual activities because of a rupture in family relations.

I believe this is true in your case for what you told us.Sex is a very strong thing and you desperately need each other because you have no one else like you said.

I friend of mine used to say that if you “adopt” someone in need of love, all your problems seem to vanish. By adopting I mean caring for. For example, as someone mentioned earlier, visit a nursing home, an orphan children home or the like and pour your love into them. Your heart will be satisfied for the need of loving and the two of you will have a more mature relationship.

God bless you
 
take measures to break the pattern that you are in, don’t be alone together, no kissing, no hugging if it has led to sinful behavior. In other words back track your physical relationship in a severe way. ask God to give you the grace to truly love her and that means sacrificing the physical relationship for a chaste relationship. Find someone to be accountable to–maybe a priest that you can check in with frequently/confession.
 
muffinmojo said:
My girlfriend and i are both Catholic and we both want and try to serve God, but we keep doing lustful and inapproriate things together. It’s almost every time we are together, we go somewhere alone and think we’re just going to hug and have some nice time together, but it ends up with some bad, bad, bad things. Today we got kicked out of a mall parking garage by mall security who saw us on the cameras. I’m at my wits end. My girlfriend is already depressed and the fact that we keep doing these things has driven her to the point of at least thinking about suicide. I am so broken and hurting, i can’t believe us and myself, why i can tell her that ‘we won’t do this again’ and it keeps happening, why i always seem to let it happen when she is just starting to be happy again, and why its so hard to remember the promises we made in the moment. We are each other’s only real friend, so that makes it even worse. I just dont know what to do. I know something has to change, i know this can’t go on, but i know that this girl is something very special and she knows i am to her as well. We’ve been dating for two and half years, and we’ve been through a whole lot, especially family problems and some serious issues. But this is not only driving us apart, its driving us insane…I feel so trapped and enslaved by my sin and lust and the fact that no matter how much i pray and tell God im going to do better and tell her im going to do better and no matter how much we talk about it and try to keep from going places alone, we are just so weak and it keeps happening. I’m sorry this is so long but i have no where else to go and no one else to talk to. if any of you can give us any advice i would appreciate it…i think though that leaving her and breaking up even to make us better isn’t an option because really, her family is broken and i’m the only person she has that cares and makes her happy, at least some times. thank you in advance…and im sorry if this is rambling or confusing.
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Brother. In all seriousness.

If you do something stupid tonight and your girl friend gets hit by a car on the way home from your place, not having gone to confession, she could die in sin. Is this love?

If you do not end up marrying each other, right now there is another person out there for you who looks forward to receiving your body on the wedding night… you want to take away the gift of your self and give it to someone who is not your wife?

If you want to be a godly man, one day a leader of your household, and a man who has respect from his wife and children, you gotta start acting like that man today. If you dont take charge of this its going to cause resentment and suffering a long time and in so many ways. Would you like your gf to continuously ask herself inside: “why is he robbing me… why does he not protect me?” A man should reflect the love of Jesus to his wife… right now you are acting unlike Jesus, because you don’t lead your beloved in holiness safely to her destination.

I know the weakness, I know the struggle and more than that I know that sin is hell and there is not one moment of pleasure that is worth the hell you suffer in this life when you fornicate. And yes. Fornication is not only full intercourse.

For more advice and huge encouragement to be the man you are supposed to be go to

chastity.com/ … go to ROMANCE WITHOUT REGRET and listen to the Public High School Talk. This will open your eyes… better yet, listen to it together and make the commitment to LOVE. Start seeing with the eyes of love that says: “How much love can I demonstrate”, instead of “how much pleasure can I steel before it gets too obvious?”

Do not let this continue… you cant win this situation if you close your eyes and go with it. You have to decide today that you want to be on the team of winners. Sometimes its hard to imagine we can end up among the loosers and wont get a second chance… but if you are unchaste today you WILL BE among those people who can never tell your children: “I waited”.

Many of us on this thread would love to have what you have. Do not throw it away. If you are not ready to be chaste then seperate from your gf until you are or make some really hard rules starting today.

Peace.
 
muffinmojo said:
My girlfriend and i are both Catholic and we both want and try to serve God, but we keep doing lustful and inapproriate things together. It’s almost every time we are together, we go somewhere alone and think we’re just going to hug and have some nice time together, but it ends up with some bad, bad, bad things. Today we got kicked out of a mall parking garage by mall security who saw us on the cameras. I’m at my wits end. My girlfriend is already depressed and the fact that we keep doing these things has driven her to the point of at least thinking about suicide. I am so broken and hurting, i can’t believe us and myself, why i can tell her that ‘we won’t do this again’ and it keeps happening, why i always seem to let it happen when she is just starting to be happy again, and why its so hard to remember the promises we made in the moment. We are each other’s only real friend, so that makes it even worse. I just dont know what to do. I know something has to change, i know this can’t go on, but i know that this girl is something very special and she knows i am to her as well. We’ve been dating for two and half years, and we’ve been through a whole lot, especially family problems and some serious issues. But this is not only driving us apart, its driving us insane…I feel so trapped and enslaved by my sin and lust and the fact that no matter how much i pray and tell God im going to do better and tell her im going to do better and no matter how much we talk about it and try to keep from going places alone, we are just so weak and it keeps happening. I’m sorry this is so long but i have no where else to go and no one else to talk to. if any of you can give us any advice i would appreciate it…i think though that leaving her and breaking up even to make us better isn’t an option because really, her family is broken and i’m the only person she has that cares and makes her happy, at least some times. thank you in advance…and im sorry if this is rambling or confusing.
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You sound young… teenagers perhaps? First off, stop beating yourselves up over this. Nature is calling the shots when you two are alone. Shaming yourself over natural human behavior is only going to make you feel like something is wrong with you. It’s not okay to hae sex before marriage, but is is a very powerful and natural human behavior. Also, the last thing you need is a pregnancy. If you don’t want this to continue, you’ll have to avoid private places with her. No exceptions!

Secondly, bad family situations are a big red flag for future problems if you two get married without getting a good deal of counciling beforehand. Any family problems in your backgrounds will spring forward and be manifest in your own marriage. These usually stay hidden during courtship.

You don’t have to abandon the relationship, but you do need to slow down and open your eyes to the potholes in the road ahead. We all have them!
😉
 
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