I Need Help!

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SpiritIsWilling

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Hey there everyone!

This is a bit embarassing, but I need people’s help on this one.

Masturbating is a big problem for me. I’m trying my hardest to quit, but sometimes I just can’t help it. I used to do it every day, sometimes more than once. I have since seen the gigantic error in my ways, and I feel as though I have betrayed God, slapped Him in the face so to speak. I’m worried that since I used to do it so much, God is perhaps fed up with me, and my prayers to Him don’t really matter.

Back to the point though. I’m trying my very hardest to quit, and I can go about a week without doing it. But then then “stress” builds up and I crack. When I’m done, I get so mad that i start cursing at myself, becasue all my progress was fr nothing, and I let God down again.

Can I have some suggestions on how to stop? And I would appreciate any prayers to help me quit this terrible thing.
 
Don’t watch TV shows that have sexual overtones, or listen to music under the same auspices. Sometimes I’m flipping thru channels and land on channels like VH1 and have to turn it because I start getting “ideas.” Also, don’t let yourself be alone, when I get the urge I go to talk to one of my roommates. Also, read Scripture, or books of inspiration. Boredom is the biggest motivator of masturbation.
 
Regular/daily physical exertion to burn off the tension and exra energy you have. Involve yourself in healthy, wholesome same age relationships and also with adults who model chastity and wholesomeness. Cut off any visual stimulation for impure thoughts.Keep yourself accountible to a confident–either priest, mature adult.Channel you energies, and yes, boredom and too much solitary time is a big tempter. Do a forum topic search, there has been plenty of previous threads regarding this same topic. :twocents:
 
Take confession seriously; do not receive the Eucharist if you have sinned in this way and not confessed it. This is a very powerful help. It may not be an instant “cure” but you should see your frequency diminishing. A novena to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal is also very powerful.
 
A priest once told me that just because we fall back into sin does not mean there has been no progress. Making sin less and less frequent in your life is progress.

Make frequent use of the sacrament of reconciliation.
 
Hi,

I can sympathise with what you are going through, my advice would be to start praying the Rosary when ever you feel the urge coming on and also praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and really meditate on the prayers and you will find that the urges start to go away. I recommend doing the Divine Mercy Novenas this week followed by the Divine Mercy Prayer each day to keep this temptation at bay.

Regular confession is very important also.

There is no limit on the amount of prayers you can say in a day 😉
 
Thanks everyone. And I do say a decade of the Rosary every night and I say the Divine Mercy Prayer just about every day.

It feels so good to be making progress, and I hate to fall back into the sin again.
 
You’d be surprised how often this topic seems to come up on the Forums. Do a search–there is a lot of good advice buried in previous posts.
 
I don’t really have any advice, but just wanted to say that I will pray for you. I think it is tremendous that you WANT to stop. That is the first hurdle to overcome. My husband has a problem with masturbation almost to the point of an obsession with it. But he is not ready to stop and he blames it on me not fulfilling his needs. I am guessing that from the replies you are single, so you are in a somewhat different situation than we are. But I did want you to know that you are not alone.

To respond to one of your comments - I do not think God ever gets fed up with us as long as WE continue to want to make a change. That is a human emotion! God is always loving and always forgiving. Continue to pray and I hope it will get easier for you!

J
 
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RCMom:
My husband has a problem with masturbation almost to the point of an obsession with it. But he is not ready to stop and he blames it on me not fulfilling his needs.
J
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I hope that your husband is getting help (does not sound like it). The fact that he is not yet ready to stop and that he blames you, indicates that YOU need to take some initiative to get healthiness in your marriage. I suggest starting with your priest, then next see an orthodox Catholic therapist who specilizes in addictive behavior. Otherwise, you run the risk of this unacceptable behavior contaminating your marriage further. Decisive action on your part appears in order (unless you are not fed up enough about it).
 
I’ve posted this elsewhere, but this is how my fiancee and I were able to stop:
  1. Recognition of the gravity of the sin. Masturbation is a mortal sin; a mortal sin separates us from God to the extent that unless confessed, we will go to hell! Masturbation is a sin against one’s own body, and a primary gateway to lust. It is evil on every level. How could we not do everything possible to rid ourselves of this - not for a month at a time or a few months at a time - but forever? Thus, we would exercise sufficient prayer and willpower to keep ourselves from masturbating, and we would avoid occasions of sin at all costs. (Also note that masturbation doesn’t HAVE to be mortal, but it’s always grave; there are factors that mitigate some of the guilt. That’s no excuse, though!).
  2. Neither my fiancee nor I could bear the dirtiness, shame, and sheer sense of separation from God that resulted after masturbation. We knew that nothing good ever came from it, and we had tremendous guilt that lasted for weeks sometimes, if we masturbated.
  3. We also recognized how much masturbation hurt each other. To be blunt, it’s a violation of trust and a betrayal of chastity, in which we are called to preserve ourselves for our future spouse. I would never want to betray my fiancee so much as to give in to destructive lustful temptations and lie to her with my mind and body.
  4. Vowing to each other to stop, being open about our “struggles,” and being accountable to each other also helped tremendously. Accountability really helps, which brings me to point five:
  5. Confession. Always go to confession, and always face the sinfulness of what you’re doing with a priest. Don’t hold anything back in the confessional.
Finally, let me make two suggestions, as I’m afraid it sounds like this was an easy struggle, which I can assure you it wasn’t at times. First, something that I discovered really did the trick was simply drawing - in ink - crosses on my palms; that always reminded me to stop if I ever felt tempted http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif Second, if you’re ever tempted, make the sign of the cross (out loud) and say, “Lord save me or I perish,” out loud. This should instantly draw your mind to God and off of temptation. Then immediately go and distract yourself. Do not entertain lustful thoughts, etc. In my experience, the terrible sin always started with the occasion of sin (and willfully entering an occasion of mortal sin is a mortal sin itself!).

I’d like to add that it might also help to think that God is, in a way, challenging you. When you resist sin and temptation, the beauty of your soul increases. God wants us to be perfect, and we want to perfect our souls. Perhaps you can view overcoming masturbation as a challenge that will help cleanse your soul.

Edit: Also, I don’t think it’s beneficial to be under the impression that “stress” builds up if you don’t masturbate. That’s simply not true. Nothing “builds up.” Temptation and guilt will slowly decrease, however 🙂
 
Thank you everyone for all the help. I also found something else that works for me. It may sound dumb, but it helps.

When I get tempted I go to my Xbox and play some Halo 2. I like to think that every alien I kill is a demon that I killed by not sinning. Whatever works, right?
 
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SpiritIsWilling:
Thank you everyone for all the help. I also found something else that works for me. It may sound dumb, but it helps.

When I get tempted I go to my Xbox and play some Halo 2. I like to think that every alien I kill is a demon that I killed by not sinning. Whatever works, right?
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Hah, that’s a neat little trick 😃

Oh, and I forgot to mention: Put holy things where there is temptation. For example, if you’re tempted while watching television, put a picture of Jesus or Mary around the television. Wearing a cross or scapular might also help.
 
I hope that your husband is getting help (does not sound like it). The fact that he is not yet ready to stop and that he blames you, indicates that YOU need to take some initiative to get healthiness in your marriage. I suggest starting with your priest, then next see an orthodox Catholic therapist who specilizes in addictive behavior. Otherwise, you run the risk of this unacceptable behavior contaminating your marriage further. Decisive action on your part appears in order (unless you are not fed up enough about it).
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I am DEFINITELY fed up with it…and unfortunately he is not getting help. I have spoken to our priest about this - both during confession as MY sin (I feel partially responsible since I am apparently not fulfilling his needs) and outside of confession. He has recommended marriage counseling but my husband is not ready for that yet. (He doesn’t flat out refuse to go, but comes up with hundreds of excuses why he can’t/won’t). In fact, I am pretty sure it has only been recently that he has begun to confess it, and will only confess it behind the screen…obviously it is a sensitive (embarassing??) issue for him. I pray about it daily and ask him to pray about it also. I pray both for him to have the power to stop and that I can be a better spouse to him. The problem is that my husband sees it as a necessity. Either he does it for himself or I do it. Apparently intercourse is not enough for him, because he feels he has to do “all the work” and although he does derrive pleasure from that, it is not enough?? But I feel that anything that “spills/wastes the seed” so to speak is immoral. This is where we obviously need some help, and from someone who understands the Church’s stand on this topic. It is hard to talk to the priest about this…can he relate? He is not married?! How do I go about finding someone who can help??
 
SpiritIsWilling,

My prayers are with you. It sounds like you have an addiction – all addictions are similar in a way that you use sex, food, alcohol, drugs, whatever, to meet some needs that are being neglected. For example, people often engage in addictive behaviors for comfort – an interpersonal need that they should be getting met through friendships, romantic relationships, etc. So my point is, ask yourself – what is the real underlying reason you masturbate? What emotions and feelings are your triggers? Is it the way you deal with problems? Do you use it to numb yourself from experiencing your true feelings? What needs are not being met in your life?

While it’s important and very commandable that you want to stop masturbating, I think it’s important that you discover what your real issues are and deal with them as well. Otherwise, one addiction often is replaced with another… Just words of caution.
 
** Masturbation is a mortal sin; a mortal sin separates us from God to the extent that unless confessed, we will go to hell! Masturbation is a sin against one’s own body, and a primary gateway to lust.**

I am not a Catholic, so please understand I mean no disrespect with this question.

WHY exactly is this such a big deal? Presuming it’s done in the privacy of ones home, of course.

Thank you.
 
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RCMom:
I am DEFINITELY fed up with it…and unfortunately he is not getting help. I have spoken to our priest about this - both during confession as MY sin (I feel partially responsible since I am apparently not fulfilling his needs) and outside of confession. He has recommended marriage counseling but my husband is not ready for that yet. (He doesn’t flat out refuse to go, but comes up with hundreds of excuses why he can’t/won’t). In fact, I am pretty sure it has only been recently that he has begun to confess it, and will only confess it behind the screen…obviously it is a sensitive (embarassing??) issue for him. I pray about it daily and ask him to pray about it also. I pray both for him to have the power to stop and that I can be a better spouse to him. The problem is that my husband sees it as a necessity. Either he does it for himself or I do it. Apparently intercourse is not enough for him, because he feels he has to do “all the work” and although he does derrive pleasure from that, it is not enough?? But I feel that anything that “spills/wastes the seed” so to speak is immoral. This is where we obviously need some help, and from someone who understands the Church’s stand on this topic. It is hard to talk to the priest about this…can he relate? He is not married?! How do I go about finding someone who can help??
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IF I read the above post correctly, there is a certain act the woman’s husband wants her to perform, that might ‘spill his seed’, but she says that it isn’t right. All right, I am confused. I understand about masturbation, but are we talking about mutally pleasuring one’s spouse? Isn’t that just foreplay? PLease tell me that once I become Catholic that sex just becomes plain intercourse. I would like to apologize to the above poster if I misread her words or if I have accidently just made her feel bad. THis just made my head spin.
 
I find keeping yourself busy helps out a lot and exercising works wonders too. When you start having these thoughts, quickly dimiss them and pray simple prays like the “Hail Mary” or “Blessed Be” over and over. Go out and run for a half an hour or forty five minutes. That should work.

Read the Bible more and watch EWTN if you have it, ask your cable co. for it if you don’t. Pray the Rosary for strength against your temptations. You know also, but 'The Passion" and when you get the urge throw it on and watch the scourging scene.

I wonder if women have this same problem.
 
Me_and_My_Tribe said:
** Masturbation is a mortal sin; a mortal sin separates us from God to the extent that unless confessed, we will go to hell! Masturbation is a sin against one’s own body, and a primary gateway to lust.**

I am not a Catholic, so please understand I mean no disrespect with this question.

WHY exactly is this such a big deal? Presuming it’s done in the privacy of ones home, of course.

Thank you.
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Human sexuality is a divine gift, granted for two reasons: procreation and the expression of conjugal love. Whatever we try to tell ourselves, selfish use of this incredible gift necessarily diminishes our respect for this gift. To seek sexual pleasure as an end in itself not only strips it of its primary purpose (the creation of new life), it tells your spouse (or future spouse): “I don’t need you.” This is the very antithesis of God’s plan for conjugal love.

Some theologians have written that the biblical expression of this properly-ordered love, “and the two become one flesh”, is actually a parallel to the inner life of the Trinity, where the love between the Father and Son is so strong and real it begets a third Person, the Holy Spirit. In the same way, conjugal love between a husband and wife begets a child. When viewed in this light it becomes much more difficult to see masturbation as anything but an abuse and a sin.
 
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