I Need Help!

[felra]

deb1:

IF I read the above post correctly, there is a certain act the woman’s husband wants her to perform, that might ‘spill his seed’, but she says that it isn’t right. All right, I am confused. I understand about masturbation, but are we talking about mutally pleasuring one’s spouse? Isn’t that just foreplay? PLease tell me that once I become Catholic that sex just becomes plain intercourse. I would like to apologize to the above poster if I misread her words or if I have accidently just made her feel bad. THis just made my head spin.

Masturbation is masturbation is masturbation …becoming married does not make licit mutual masturbation in service of “mutually pleasuring one’s spouse”. In the loving act of marital intercouse, it is licit for the female to climax before or after the man has climaxed inside his wife. I suggest giving the below book a thorough read to answer all your questions and an appreciation for God’s gift of sexuality in the marriage covenant.

Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching – by Christopher West

 

[RCMom]

Deb

you did not make me feel bad. This makes MY head spin. I am so confused on the topic too. If pleasuring me is ok (i.e. it is permissible if I climax outside of intercourse) then he does not see why pleasuring him is not. I feel that doing a pleasuring act for him (regardless of which specific act it is) is ok AS LONG AS we finish the act (i.e. he climaxes) inside of me. But he doesn’t really agree with that. He sees his masturbating as fulfilling a “need” to release himself. Either he brings himself to climax or I do it. If I don’t do it, than he will. I am confused about what is ok and what isn’t. I DON’T want to leave him unfulfilled, but I don’t want to do something immoral either. I guess there are two separate issues here, but they are all based upon his “need” to masturbate. Sorry for being so blunt here. I think I need to read Christopher West’s book. Maybe it will clear things up.

J

 

[felra]

RCMom:

Deb

you did not make me feel bad. This makes MY head spin. I am so confused on the topic too. If pleasuring me is ok (i.e. it is permissible if I climax outside of intercourse) then he does not see why pleasuring him is not. I feel that doing a pleasuring act for him (regardless of which specific act it is) is ok AS LONG AS we finish the act (i.e. he climaxes) inside of me. But he doesn’t really agree with that. He sees his masturbating as fulfilling a “need” to release himself. Either he brings himself to climax or I do it. If I don’t do it, than he will. I am confused about what is ok and what isn’t. I DON’T want to leave him unfulfilled, but I don’t want to do something immoral either. I guess there are two separate issues here, but they are all based upon his “need” to masturbate. Sorry for being so blunt here. I think I need to read Christopher West’s book. Maybe it will clear things up.

J

Your husband sounds immature and adolescent in his self-focused/gratifying behavior. If anything, this should be a basis for insisting upon change on his part, or your active refusal to condone or enable his childish behavior that is totally unbecoming of a married adult man.

Time to dig in your heels and not relent to his childish pleas? (I don’t mean to sound rude or presumptuous for that matter, just trying to help give you some perspective).

 

[RCMom]

I am not sure what you are recommending…that I refuse any and all intimacy until he stops?? I admit, this HAS taken a large toll on our marriage AND on our marital bed. We are not nearly as intimate as we could be, because I am turned off by this. But I can’t MAKE him stop. It is something that he needs to WANT to do. As SPIRITISWILLING has pointed out, even when you want to stop, it can still be hard. (By the way, sorry I have hijacked your post!)

J

 

[deb1]

RCMom:

Deb

you did not make me feel bad. This makes MY head spin. I am so confused on the topic too. If pleasuring me is ok (i.e. it is permissible if I climax outside of intercourse) then he does not see why pleasuring him is not. I feel that doing a pleasuring act for him (regardless of which specific act it is) is ok AS LONG AS we finish the act (i.e. he climaxes) inside of me. But he doesn’t really agree with that. He sees his masturbating as fulfilling a “need” to release himself. Either he brings himself to climax or I do it. If I don’t do it, than he will. I am confused about what is ok and what isn’t. I DON’T want to leave him unfulfilled, but I don’t want to do something immoral either. I guess there are two separate issues here, but they are all based upon his “need” to masturbate. Sorry for being so blunt here. I think I need to read Christopher West’s book. Maybe it will clear things up.

J

Ok. I understand now. Actually, I can’t imagine having sex without intercourse, so you and I are on pretty much the same page. Because I am only begining my journey as a Catholic, my reasons were purely selfish. It just seemed empty to have sex without intercourse. By the way I wrote this post twice trying not to be too explicit. Shew!

 

[deb1]

felra:

Masturbation is masturbation is masturbation …becoming married does not make licit mutual masturbation in service of “mutually pleasuring one’s spouse”. In the loving act of marital intercouse, it is licit for the female to climax before or after the man has climaxed inside his wife. I suggest giving the below book a thorough read to answer all your questions and an appreciation for God’s gift of sexuality in the marriage covenant.

Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching – by Christopher West

I will try and get this book, maybe this payday. Thanks. I would love to continue the conversation in more detail, but I think that I would get banned because there is no way to do so without getting explicit. SOmetimes, I wish some of the females on this board were sitting around my kitchen table drinking coffee with me, then I could ask all the questions that I want.

 

[RCMom]

SOmetimes, I wish some of the females on this board were sitting around my kitchen table drinking coffee with me, then I could ask all the questions that I want.

You and me both!!! Who ARE we supposed to ask these questions to? One of my new friends from Mom’s group and I have been trying to discern some of these issues on our own…not an easy task. I too am hoping Christopher West’s book will help. I just ordered it used on Amazon for $6. Maybe after you read it we should discuss it together? Feel free to email/send me a private message if you are interested

J

 

[Sir_Knight]

Don’t think he can PM you as it appears that his account was banned. Wonder if it was because of starting this thread

 

[RCMom]

I was actually replying to Deb and her comment that she wished the females here were sitting around her kitchen discussing this topic, not the original poster when I said she should PM me. I hope he was not suspended because of this post. I have posted just as much, if not more, than he did (no disprespect intended to anyone). I am just trying to get some answers. He seemed like he was genuinely trying to stop a harmful, immoral activity…I don’t think he should be punished for that.

j

 

[Corinthians]

RCMom:

I am not sure what you are recommending…that I refuse any and all intimacy until he stops?? I admit, this HAS taken a large toll on our marriage AND on our marital bed. We are not nearly as intimate as we could be, because I am turned off by this. But I can’t MAKE him stop. It is something that he needs to WANT to do. As SPIRITISWILLING has pointed out, even when you want to stop, it can still be hard. (By the way, sorry I have hijacked your post!)

J

Refusing any and all intimacy will make the problem worse. I don’t have the solution, I’m just saying…