I Need Help!

[GF_Girl]

I have a problem, something that I regret more than anything; that is once I learned about it. I did not know that masturbation was wrong in the Catholic sense, because I read that it was good. And I never knew what masturbation was until I reached my 20’s. But I realized that I have masturbated since I was about 13 or so with blankets. I also read that pornography was good to see what you liked, but I did not know that either were sins. I want to confess my sins, but I cannot face the priest at my church, and with a new glass door, I do not want people to see me in case I cry. What can I do? I want to be closer to God, but I feel that this is standing in my way! Worse is that I never understood how dangerous the internet was, I thought it was talking to a computer basically in my head. But I was talking dirty to a guy on the internet, and now regret it, I am so scared that he may want to find me now. What should I do. Can I ask you to please pray for me? Thanks to all who answer!

 

[R_C]

First of all, I send a kind prayer on your behalf.

Remember always that a priest during the Sacrament of Reconciliation acts in persona Christi. What this means is: you are not confessing to a man, but to Christ Himself. It is Christ who listens to your confession, and it is Christ who says: “I absolve you”. So you have no reason to feel ashamed to confess anything, in fact, that is not a matter of humbleness, but a temptation from the adversary meant to separate you from Christ.

It is also not nice that you should worry about others seeing you cry. Others should not concern you in the secrecy of confession. Nobody will be paying attention to your confession. I know of someone who often cannot help it and cries when he hears the Liturgy of the Word at Mass, other times after receiving the Holy Eucharist. He wishes he could be hidden somewhere in a little corner, alone with Christ…but he is not ashamed of what Christ evokes in his heart, he does not care of what the people may think of him…

My advice is simple: confess as soon as possible.

I do not know if you are or not in a state of mortal sin, due to possible lack of full knowledge. It is probable, but I do not know. However, this I do know: only through the grace of the Holy Spirit - be it the sanctifying grace or a temporary auxiliating grace - we can repent and desire to confess. The Lord truly stands, knocking at the door. Do not make Him wait any further: confess, dear sister, and sin no more.

In order to grow holier, I recommend to meditate a lot on our heavenly Mother, the Blessed Virgin. Meditate on her ineffable purity, and you will detach yourself from all lust, with God’s grace. Also pray for the help of and meditate on the life of saints such as St. Maria Goretti (the young martyr of chastity) and St. Therese of Lisieux (the little flower whose diary has lead many to great holiness).

To develop a healthier knowledge of the virtue of chastity and how it does not consist in repressing what God has given us, but in finding an equilibrium and a peace through self-mastery, you may want to learn more about the “theology of the body” by Pope John Paul II.

Finally, as I promise you my prayer, I invite you to confess and receive Holy Communion very often (confessing - though it is not required - even venial sins and imperfections) and to try to spend some time in Eucharistic adoration before the Blessed Sacrament.

Pax Christi tecum!

“Don’t be afraid, I am with you.” (Is 41:10)

http://www.saintbonaventureparish.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sacrament_first_communion.jpg

 

[ReachingFaith]

My advice is less prayer and more advice…if you think you may have been communicating with a “dirty” person, shut off the communication. Did you give him personal information? Does he know where you live? If you are afraid of him, get help from someone who can help you, i.e., authorities. Don’t talk to anymore people on the internet!! That sounds stupid and easy, but its such a confusing environment. However, if he has personal information from you, or you feel threatened, speak up.
Editing: I see that you say you were talking dirty to him. In any case, what I said still applies. How much information did you give him?

 

[ReachingFaith]

As far as the sins, you didn’t know that they were until recently? So don’t worry that you’ve been living in sin. Now you are aware, so it is your job to get it over w/ and confess them. It is hard, I’m not going to lie to you! but you can do it, and the priest will not think less of you. Trust me. You’ll feel so much better in exchange for a few minutes of yuckiness.
sending prayers your way…

 

[Joe_5859]

I, too, offer my prayers.

Confession is a great way for us to grow in the virtue of humility, to be sure! It can be tough, especially with these types of sins. But God will be there with you to support you and the graces of the Sacrament are well worth it.

If the idea of going to your priest in your parish is that paralyzing to you, you can always go to a different nearby parish where they don’t know you. That may cut down on some of your anxiety.

Yes, the internet can be a dangerous place in certain respects. Praise God that you have encountered the truth and are ready to conform yourself to it. God is merciful and He loves you more than you can imagine.

God bless!

 

[louisak]

Try not to feel discouraged - if you honestly didn’t know it was wrong, then you were not at fault.

Breaking a long-time habit is difficult, perhaps especially relating to chastity. Many people are in this situation, you will often find discussions of it on these forums. As I said, beware of discouragement, this is your biggest obstacle. The Devil will use feelings of discouragement to trip you up. Remember that God loves you, more than you can understand, and He wants to help you. He understands how hard it is, just keep relying on Him all the time. Don’t dwell on the past, focus on moving ahead. Pray often - the more you pray, the more God can come into your heart and strengthen you.

I will pray for you too

 

[In_Training]

I agree…try not to feel discouraged. There are people who have way more serious problems than that and are still welcome at church. For example, instead of empathizing with your situation, I can’t stop thinking how hot that is…

Most if not all people have a similar issue as you, so don’t sweat it. Nobody’s perfect.

 

[CompSciGuy]

It is also not nice that you should worry about others seeing you cry. Others should not concern you in the secrecy of confession. Nobody will be paying attention to your confession. I know of someone who often cannot help it and cries when he hears the Liturgy of the Word at Mass, other times after receiving the Holy Eucharist. He wishes he could be hidden somewhere in a little corner, alone with Christ…but he is not ashamed of what Christ evokes in his heart, he does not care of what the people may think of him…

Nor should he be… and honestly I think when I see something like this I cannot help but feel admiration. I wish I could have that kind of devotion to our Lord in the Eucharist.

 

[SecretGarden]

I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time. If you are uncomfortable with the glass, you can always arrange to meet the priest on another time location where the glass won’t be an issue. Finding a spiritual director that is a woman could also help you.

There are many ressources available both online and in book format that can help you. These are a few online:

amazon.ca/Every-Young-Womans-Battle-Sex-Saturated/dp/1578568560
christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/sexabstinence/7.34.html?start=1
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=135383
christiananswers.net/love/story-m-mast3.html

This segment part 1 could also help you.
youtube.com/watch?v=Pka0ijY5sqo

I also know theology of the body speaks of it. I don’t have a lot of time to do more digging but I was able to find this book:

books.google.ca/books/about/The_Theology_of_the_Body_Made_Simple.html?id=JmVEItWa7pAC&redir_esc=y

I hope this helps,

Good luck.

 

[GF_Girl]

My advice is less prayer and more advice…if you think you may have been communicating with a “dirty” person, shut off the communication. Did you give him personal information? Does he know where you live? If you are afraid of him, get help from someone who can help you, i.e., authorities. Don’t talk to anymore people on the internet!! That sounds stupid and easy, but its such a confusing environment. However, if he has personal information from you, or you feel threatened, speak up.
Editing: I see that you say you were talking dirty to him. In any case, what I said still applies. How much information did you give him?

I only told him my name and that i live in southern california and a posted a picture of my face. I also sent him a clearer one with an alternate email which i deleted but feat that if he wanted to he can look me up. I doubt that he will but i have always had an over-active imagination and cannot help worrying. I can be a bit of a worry wart at times, lol.

 

[GF_Girl]

\ist.

It is also not nice that you should worry about others seeing you cry. Others should not concern you in the secrecy of confession. Nobody will be paying attention to your confession. I know of someone who often cannot help it and cries when he hears the Liturgy of the Word at Mass, other times after receiving the Holy Eucharist. He wishes he could be hidden somewhere in a little corner, alone with Christ…but he is not ashamed of what Christ evokes in his heart, he does not care of what the people may think of him…

Actually, when people are in church they will actually sit where they can see whoever is in the confessional. When I am confessing it is a bit unnerving seeing some people looking at you while you are trying to confess to a priest. Awkward.

 

[ReachingFaith]

I only told him my name and that i live in southern california and a posted a picture of my face. I also sent him a clearer one with an alternate email which i deleted but feat that if he wanted to he can look me up. I doubt that he will but i have always had an over-active imagination and cannot help worrying. I can be a bit of a worry wart at times, lol.

don’t give out information of any personal nature over the 'net. I’m a young fry, and I know that. Be very careful. I don’t know how much interest he has in pursuing you, but don’t hesitate to get help if you feel threatened in any manner.

 

[jesuspsr]

Praying for you.

 

[jc4751]

I have a problem, something that I regret more than anything; that is once I learned about it. I did not know that masturbation was wrong in the Catholic sense, because I read that it was good. And I never knew what masturbation was until I reached my 20’s. But I realized that I have masturbated since I was about 13 or so with blankets. I also read that pornography was good to see what you liked, but I did not know that either were sins. I want to confess my sins, but I cannot face the priest at my church, and with a new glass door, I do not want people to see me in case I cry. What can I do? I want to be closer to God, but I feel that this is standing in my way! Worse is that I never understood how dangerous the internet was, I thought it was talking to a computer basically in my head. But I was talking dirty to a guy on the internet, and now regret it, I am so scared that he may want to find me now. What should I do. Can I ask you to please pray for me? Thanks to all who answer!

There’s nothing a priest hasn’t heard before, if he’s been a priest for very long. Priests, from my experience, do not view confession as a chance to hear everyone’s dirty laundry, but view it as a chance to help people be cleansed of their sins. If the priest has time, you can also make a private appointment to hear confession (I’ve done this in the past, particularly when I had to work all day Saturday).

As for crying in the confessional, who cares. Every one I’ve ever seen has a box of tissues there for a reason. We feel remorse at what we’ve done, and we feel joy at being lifted from the state of sin we were in, as what was cutting us off from God has been removed. Between the two, it’s a powerful experience, and I would guess that more than one “tough as nails” guy has broken down when confessing about things they deeply regret.

It takes some perspective to see pornography and masturbation for what they really are, instead of what popular culture dictates them to me. If you are married, they serve to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. If you are single, they serve as a distraction to keep you from seeing God and love reflected in sexuality, marriage, life, etc. Either is messing with God’s intended use of sexuality. We live in a world where personal, individual pleasure and self-satisfaction is the highest secular goal, something that is completely incompatible with Godly life.

 

[GF_Girl]

don’t give out information of any personal nature over the 'net. I’m a young fry, and I know that. Be very careful. I don’t know how much interest he has in pursuing you, but don’t hesitate to get help if you feel threatened in any manner.

What can I say, I had a moment of extreme stupidity and did not think of the consequences until it was too late. For that reason I ask you to pray for me. Thank You!