I need help.

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Alycin

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Let me start off by saying that I am not yet Catholic… at heart, maybe, but not officially.

A year ago I went to treatment at Rosewood Ranch for bulimia. I was doing okay for a while but I had completely fallen away from God before I started treatment. During the three months I was there, my heart had begun to heal and I began to open up to Him again.

Somewhere between coming home from treatment and now, I relapsed in my eating disorder. I want to give myself to God completely but it’s been I feel very out of control. I have tried to pray and ask for help but at the same time I feel like I’m not praying enough cause a lot of my time is spent binging and purging. I want to stop but I feel trapped in the cycle.

I know I should tell my parents or someone what’s going on but I feel a lot of guilt over it because my parents spent so much money for me to go to treatment before, and now I feel like I failed. I feel like this eating disorder is the BIGGEST obstacle I have as far as giving myself completely to Christ goes. I want to with all of my heart but I can’t seem to get myself out of the cycle.

I also feel like I have to be committing a terrible terrible sin. I mean even though I know that it IS a sickness/addiction, I still feel like I am not trying hard enough or that if I just had more will power, I could do this.

I want to begin to pray the Rosary again because when I was praying the rosary every day (several months before I went to treatment) I was doing a little bit better, although not completely.

I just don’t know what to do. All I want is to be completely in God’s hands and I want to be able to do what Christ wants me to do… so what am I doing wrong?
 
Alycin said:
Let me start off by saying that I am not yet Catholic… at heart, maybe, but not officially.

A year ago I went to treatment at Rosewood Ranch for bulimia. I was doing okay for a while but I had completely fallen away from God before I started treatment. During the three months I was there, my heart had begun to heal and I began to open up to Him again.

Somewhere between coming home from treatment and now, I relapsed in my eating disorder. I want to give myself to God completely but it’s been I feel very out of control. I have tried to pray and ask for help but at the same time I feel like I’m not praying enough cause a lot of my time is spent binging and purging. I want to stop but I feel trapped in the cycle.

I know I should tell my parents or someone what’s going on but I feel a lot of guilt over it because my parents spent so much money for me to go to treatment before, and now I feel like I failed. I feel like this eating disorder is the BIGGEST obstacle I have as far as giving myself completely to Christ goes. I want to with all of my heart but I can’t seem to get myself out of the cycle.

I also feel like I have to be committing a terrible terrible sin. I mean even though I know that it IS a sickness/addiction, I still feel like I am not trying hard enough or that if I just had more will power, I could do this.

I want to begin to pray the Rosary again because when I was praying the rosary every day (several months before I went to treatment) I was doing a little bit better, although not completely.

I just don’t know what to do. All I want is to be completely in God’s hands and I want to be able to do what Christ wants me to do… so what am I doing wrong?
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Dear Alycin,
The very first thing you need to do is to tell your parents that you are binging and purging again and tell them you are scared that you are out of control. Your parents love you and they would much rather have you tell them what is going on now than to find out later. Besides the program you were in might have some sort of guarentee that would get you back in for free or for a discount. When your sick with such a thing you Alycin you can not let guilt stop you from communicating with those who love you. You can die from bulemia, it’s not fair to keep it hidden and not allow those who love you to help you, You really need to tell them.

Meanwhile pray whenever you can. Everytime you are able to stop from binging and purging you should thank God and Mary. Just say thank you in your head. When you give in and purge say “help me.” in your head to God and to Mary.

Meanwhile I am wondering, Do you feel, in your heart, that your problem is more spiritual in nature or physical?
 
I think it is more psychological than anything else but I’m not positive. Thank you for your reply.
 
I’m going to second the other poster. Please, please tell your parents. As a mother of 4 daughters, I can tell you that if you were my daughter, I would want to know, and no, I would not be angry, or anything like that. I would look at it as a positive sign that you felt that you could come and confide in me. At this point, don’t get into the spiritual guilt, that will just drag you down further. You have an illness, and it needs to be treated and looked at through that lens.

Please know that I’m praying for you right now, and please, please, go talk to your parents. If you need support, you’ve got it here.

Hugs and prayers,
 
Alycin said:
I just don’t know what to do. All I want is to be completely in God’s hands and I want to be able to do what Christ wants me to do… so what am I doing wrong?
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Maybe you are doing nothing wrong…except quitting before the miracle happens. OK, have you talked with a counselor about some sort of self-help group, 12 step or otherwise, to incorporate into your recover?

Perhaps your Priest might give you some leads.

Ask The Venerable Matt Talbot for his help.

Google for the book "The Matt Talbot Way to Sobriety which has a speciakl chapter on dealing with food addictiions.

And don’t ever give up. Never despair.
 
hey

although i’m not sure of any specific advice i could give u, i would say that u should tell your parents and try and talk to a priest or nun.

after that i’d say that lots of ppl go thru this type of addiction and ur not the only one. however, u must CONFIDENTLEY call on God and he WILL deliver u. i’ve found that the most important thing in life is to rely on God. I do this by praying everyday about my addiction, as well as saying a rosary and trying to hear God’s voice.

read Matthew 6: 25-34 and Matthew 7: 7-11

rest confidentley knowing that if u call on God, he WILL answer u!
 
Alycin,

Please get some professional help for dealing with Bulimea. Make an appointment with your Dr asap so he/she can refer you to the right treatment center for this physical and psychological disorder.

Also, don’t be afraid of speaking to your parents about this. They will be able to help you in a way that we aren’t able to. You cannot go through this alone. They will be able to give you the support that you need in person. Yes it’ll probably make them worry, but that’s a part of being a parent.

Spiritually, I want to let you know that God is always in control of your life and that you are His. Don’t despair after an attack. He is always near you and He loves you unconditionally. Ask Him to take control of the situation you find yourself in before you throw up and after. Keep doing this until you believe it! “Jesus I trust in You” is a great quick and easy little prayer that will help you. 🙂
 
I also feel like I have to be committing a terrible terrible sin. I mean even though I know that it IS a sickness/addiction,** I still feel like I am not trying hard enough or that if I just had more will power, I could do this.**
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This is part of the problem right here. I have this problem in dealing with other sins of my own. I think what we have to do is to certainly try our best, but recognize that we need God, and it’s not just an effort we need to make on our own. We need to trust God, and depend on Him, not just on our own will power.

I can’t really give you too much more advice, except to PLEASE tell your parents. The sooner you tell them, the better. I am certain that your parents love you, and would want to know if you have fallen, so that they can do whatever they can to help you. Again, as I said earlier, don’t just rely on yourself to conquer this. Rely on God, and rely on those that He has placed around you to help you.

Peace and God bless.
 
First of all, remember that it is NOT YOUR FAULT! It is probably the devils fault, and I will pray that God will banish him from your life.I don’t know how else to help you, but this letter from God might make you feel a little better-
www.matmice.com/home/godslove2007

Good luck!
 
I will be praying for you. I think you should tell your parents, they do love you and would move heaven and earth to help you. When you get the urge to binge and/or purge just say “Mary take over” and you will be amazed how she will help you. God Bless.
 
Thank you all so much for your help and support and prayers. Today has been a good day so far and I am going to pray, pray, pray so that it continues to go well and also for the courage to talk to my parents about it.

Thanks again. 🙂
 
Alycin said:
Thank you all so much for your help and support and prayers. Today has been a good day so far and I am going to pray, pray, pray so that it continues to go well and also for the courage to talk to my parents about it.

Thanks again. 🙂
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I am glad Alycin. We are all here for you if you need us. I really want you to tell your parents, we all do. They want to know. You know it is actually a sign of healing if you do. A person on their way to health takes steps like this to seek help because they know they need it. Remember that, it should give you courage. In order to heal you have to recognize the need for help and ask for it when necessary. You can do this!

Love,
Sarah

BTW - Tonight, before I go to bed, I will pray for you to find the strength to talk to your parents, and to heal. God bless you!
 
Glad you are doing better. The best I can say is you need to be proud of your body and not worry about what others think. Set your goals and follow through. Also if you have a fun hobby or activity you enjoy, spend more time on that if you have time. God loves you and with His help you can over come your obsticle.
 
Dear Alycin -

Tell your parents - and “be not afraid”, as the angels told the shepherds in Bethlehem. Also, tell your parents how concerned you are about it yourself - it will show them responsibility.

As for the rosary, at a time like this one goes through cycles that range on both ends of the spectrum. Stumbling - failing - rebinging, etc. - makes us more depressed, panicky, etc. Don’t panic if you can’t say a rosary. The road you are traveling getting back from bulemia is one that requires not only self-discipline but help from Above and here on earth.

Don’t shut family, friends - or God and Our Lady out…If you can’t say an entire rosary, try one decade. When you feel like purging, try one decade instead - not a whole rosary, since I believe your need to purge food will be feel like an emergent thing, and you don’t want to panic - (I’m not bulemic but I’ve learned hard lessons by panicking…) So, just one decade of the rosary. Try one at night while you’re trying to fall asleep, as well.

May God and Our Lady Bless You for trying so hard -
You WILL succeed with their Heavenly Guidance,
Conservative
 
Alycin,

I understand what you’re saying. I struggle with depression. When you have a problem you struggle with on a daily basis, to be able to focus on your salvation (a distant event) is difficult.

Although I came into the Church almost two years ago, I’m not feeling very Catholic right now.

It’s all very hard, but we must continue to focus on both aspects of our lives.
 
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