I need help !

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crazyage3

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I love my husband and he is a great friend. Unfortunately, I’m not in love with him and never really have been. I keep praying for God to help me with this and help my feelings grow for him, But it has been five years and still nothing.
Any suggestions?
 
crazyage3 said:
I love my husband and he is a great friend. Unfortunately, I’m not in love with him and never really have been. I keep praying for God to help me with this and help my feelings grow for him, But it has been five years and still nothing.
Any suggestions?
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Love isn’t a feeling… it’s a continuing decision followed by multiple actions. Perhaps I don’t understand what you mean when you first say, “I love my husband…” and then say, “I’m not in love with him…” Humor me, I’m male.
 
Tietjen, I think the OP means something like… you might love your dog, for example, but you’re certainly not “in love” with your dog. Or, you love your mother and father, but you are not “in love” with them. Furthermore, you might love your best friend, but you’re not in love with him/her. It is very possible to love someone, but not be in love with them, and I’m pretty sure that’s what the OP means.

To the OP: You need to seek counsel with your priest and with a marriage counselor; yes, I recommend both. There is no other advice I can give to you, but I will pray for you at Mass this morning.
 
kettle said:
Tietjen, I think the OP means something like… you might love your dog, for example, but you’re certainly not “in love” with your dog. Or, you love your mother and father, but you are not “in love” with them. Furthermore, you might love your best friend, but you’re not in love with him/her. It is very possible to love someone, but not be in love with them, and I’m pretty sure that’s what the OP means.

To the OP: You need to seek counsel with your priest and with a marriage counselor; yes, I recommend both. There is no other advice I can give to you, but I will pray for you at Mass this morning.
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Gottcha. Spousal love as opposed to brotherly love. 👍 Thank you and please forgive my ignorance.
 
crazyage3 said:
I love my husband and he is a great friend. Unfortunately, I’m not in love with him and never really have been. I keep praying for God to help me with this and help my feelings grow for him, But it has been five years and still nothing.
Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
Crazyage… Best of friends can be best of lovers, if you let it be. I suggest meeting with your priest, counseling, and doing whatever it takes to preserve your marriage. I don’t know if you have ever been divorced or close to someone going through one… they are the most horrible thing in the world!

Another thought… 5 yrs and not in love? What is holding you back? Love as another poster put it is a series of affirmative actions but not a fleeting emotion. Perhaps reading Good News about sex and marriage would not be out of line here. I find many people think there should be this crazy in love emotional thing going on in a marriage… that is a burn out path in my humble opinion.

We choose to love and be loved.
 
crazyage3 said:
I love my husband and he is a great friend. Unfortunately, I’m not in love with him and never really have been. I keep praying for God to help me with this and help my feelings grow for him, But it has been five years and still nothing.
Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
since you ask, move beyond seeing love as an emotion, to love as an act of the will. to love your husband, do loving things for him without grumbling, without thinking of what you are giving up, without expecting thanks or appreciation, but altruistically. Speak lovingly–guard your tongue above all else. Speak well of him to others, always praise him, never denigrate him, and never reveal what should be private to third parties. Act every day in every way as if you were “in love” with him.

enjoy and build on your friendship, it is the foundation of love.
 
thanks, i will seek counseling…although we have gone through it before! we’ll see! Thanks again everyone!
 
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