I need input from devout Catholics on this problem

[distracted]

Not at all. He learned basic moral values in his family. These were reinforced by his order. If he rejected them, he will reject you just as he is currently rejecting even God. We are not called upon to waste our time, but to proclaim the truth. You have done that and the ball is in his court. Allow God’s plan to unfold before you. In time, he will express contrition.

I suggest that you distance yourself from him and try not to subject yourself to it. The only good that can come from engaging him is to suffer for Christ’s name. But, prudence is required here: you do not want him to multiply his sin, but only to suffer the temporal price of it so that he may be lead to repentance.

We humans always seem to begin by doing something rather than praying something. Doing something is of the flesh, while praying something is of the spirit. At times, we must do something physical, but always we must pray. The antidote for spiritual rebellion is prayer in the Spirit. Saint Monica is a great patron in a case such as this.

americancatholic.org/features/saints/saint.aspx?id=1120

Christ’s peace be with you.

wow… I’m so glad i started this thread… I feel that i was far more lost… couldn’t see the forest for the trees… than i thought i was…

i really liked your 1st sentence… SO true… He learned moral values & now he seems to be throwing them away… which is his choice… and he rationalizes… nothing surprising there. All we humans do that to some extent or another… but this is a pretty big leap… going from religious life to fornication…

another thing that hit home was about doing something as opposed to praying something… I’ve been doing both but i see now i can’t do any more… i reallly should not feel builty for not responding… For one thing, i have nothing to say? i don’t believing in idle chit chat or talking just to be talking… There doesn’t seem to be any good reason to write back… So why the guilt?

this reminds me of a Mass reading i saw in the Missal… its coming up soon… about how God will punish those who cause others to sin… I feel that there are many people “in” my life who are cauing me to sin… (swear, feel hatred… stop focusing on Christ…etc…). I’m getting the feeling that ignorning these people is the lesser of 2 evils…

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

don’t you think he will get even MORE angry and belligerant if i dont respond???

Yeah maybe, but he only upsets himself by been like that if your not talking to him, maybe it will teach him to not be so nasty to people.

 

[baltobetsy]

"Dear young relative,

"Thank you for your note, Dear. I’m keeping you in my prayers.

"Love,
“Distracted”

 

[Mustang1971]

I agree that you should not be treated like a door mat. Maybe one way to handle this would be to write a simple response. I would tell him, that while you disagree with what he is doing, you have respected him all along. You could explain that you would like to stay in contact and be there for him, but he will need to respect you back. Two people can disagree, but there is absolutely no need for name calling and just plain rudeness. Finally I would give him one last warning, that if he keeps being nasty then you will not respond until he can talk to you respectfully. Then it is totally up to him how the situation continues.

 

[po18guy]

another thing that hit home was about doing something as opposed to praying something… I’ve been doing both but i see now i can’t do any more… i reallly should not feel builty for not responding… For one thing, i have nothing to say? i don’t believing in idle chit chat or talking just to be talking… There doesn’t seem to be any good reason to write back… So why the guilt?

When you feel like doing something, simply call to mind that prayer IS doing something. It is communicating with the only One who is in charge of the entire situation. In the parable of the prodigal son, recall that the father did not go in search of his son, but rather ran toward him only after the son repented (Luke 15:11-32). There is no better example for you.

As to guilt, the entire load of guilt was his, is his and will remain his. You are suffering only for speaking the truth. This is a blessing, but do not let it become your penance! As Advocatus Fidei said, it’s time to shake the dust off your sandals. Make him come to you - who have the truth and the way of righteousness.

this reminds me of a Mass reading i saw in the Missal… its coming up soon… about how God will punish those who cause others to sin… I feel that there are many people “in” my life who are cauing me to sin… (swear, feel hatred… stop focusing on Christ…etc…). I’m getting the feeling that ignorning these people is the lesser of 2 evils…

If this has become frustrating or maddening, there is now another reason to stop contact: the near occasion of sin. When praying the Act of Contrition, we promise to “avoid whatever leads me to sin”. Trust what we are saying: You have more than done your part.

I sometimes put this another way: You cannot pull him up. He can only pull you down.

Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[distracted]

Yeah maybe, but he only upsets himself by been like that if your not talking to him, maybe it will teach him to not be so nasty to people.

yes… i believe this is true…

its so hard for me to be… well, “cold” but the weird thing is, i get accused of being cold anyhow… just cuz i denounce fornication, which he thinks is an ok thing as long as… well, i guess as long as there is “love” involvd… but Define “LOVE”… People are usually selfish… They love those who do something for them… make them feel a certain way… and as soon as the person stops doing [whatever] the relationship deteriorates…

I have found out the hard (very hard) way that romantic “love” is sometimes the furthest thing from love that there is… & when you are truly yourself with some people, they hate you… meaning… i mean, in a relationshp, you should be able to show ALL your emotions (anger, etc) not just the ones the other person “wants”…

i could go on and on but gotta go…

thanks…

 

[distracted]

If this has become frustrating or maddening, there is now another reason to stop contact: the near occasion of sin. When praying the Act of Contrition, we promise to “avoid whatever leads me to sin”. Trust what we are saying: You have more than done your part.

I sometimes put this another way: You cannot pull him up. He can only pull you down.

Christ’s peace be with you.

for some reason i didn’t read this last part of your post (?)…

but that is so true about me not pulling him up but him pulling me down… Like i said… i feel the presence of the evil one when dealing w/ him & those like him, who attempt to justify their sins…

what is really scary is that this person used to be so orthodox… he would go around trying to “save” people… he would speak of the pains of Purgatory and that kind of thing…

i wish i knew more about how he got led astray… but he doesn’t seem to want to go there…

 

[po18guy]

for some reason i didn’t read this last part of your post (?)…

but that is so true about me not pulling him up but him pulling me down… Like i said… i feel the presence of the evil one when dealing w/ him & those like him, who attempt to justify their sins…

what is really scary is that this person used to be so orthodox… he would go around trying to “save” people… he would speak of the pains of Purgatory and that kind of thing…

i wish i knew more about how he got led astray… but he doesn’t seem to want to go there…

What is left? simply to pray for him, as he is truly lost. Peter wrote of this in 2 Peter 2:20. His state is now worse off than before he came to know Christ. He is a modern day prodigal, and must suffer the pains associated with his choice. When his sinful life leaves him filled only with sorrow and regret, he will have the occasion to repent.

It seems that the only way for you to avoid the near occasion of sin is to pray for him. In doing so, you will be in God’s presence rather than the presence of sin.

 

[JimG]

"Dear young relative,

"Thank you for your note, Dear. I’m keeping you in my prayers.

"Love,
“Distracted”

This is probably the best way to handle it. You have no control over him or his actions. If he wants to shack up with his honey, he will. But you can pray for him.

…This person is very disrespectful… calls me names… implies that because I’ve been celibate for a long time, I don’t know anything about romantic love… says that love is more importnat than doctrine (somehting to that effect) and etc… etc… etc…

What he really means is that his feelings are more important than real love. Keep praying, because when she dumps him he will be looking for sympathy. Resist the temptation to say “I told you so.”