I need marraige advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter Angie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Angie

Guest
My husband goes out a few hours with his friends without inviting me. I feel that it’s disrespectful to our marraige, especially since our time together is so limited due to our job schedules. Any helpful advice or thoughts? Should a spouse make last minute plans with a friend and not welcome their wife/husband?
 
Last edited:
I’m new to this whole forum, but my only advice would be to communicate. I’m sure if he knew it hurt your feelings he wouldn’t do it. Through honesty, maybe a better compromise could be reached.
 
(Welcome @Tessolas!)

I don’t know if I would say what he is doing is disrespectful to your marriage, but it may be thoughtless if goes out without letting you know. That being said, do you not want him to have any time with friends alone, or is it what he does with his friends you object to? Do you spend time with your friends alone?
 
Last edited:
I have communicated my feelings to him. He gets upset and tells me I’m acting like his mom
 
I hope you don’t mind OP, but I moved this thread into Family Life so you can get some good advice.

How much time do you spend together? And how much time does he spend with his friends compared to with you? I think a lot of it comes down to expectations.
 
Last edited:
And maybe you are without realizing it?
How long have you been married?
Maybe this is more about you desiring more time with your husband, but you are instead complaining about his time with his friends. That is two different things.
 
I spend time with my friends but not during his days off. He works 2 weeks on and off 6 days. We have a few full days together and some days when we might just be able to have dinner together. He’ll decide to use one of those dinner days to go to a bar and have some drinks with his friends.
 
So does he see them once every two weeks for an evening? I don’t really see a problem with that, unless I’m reading you wrong.
 
What would you like to see from him then? Would you like it if he never saw his friends? Saying you don’t see your friends when he is off is not the same thing.
 
Sometimes it takes a while for someone to communicate effectively (him, not you). In a kind way continue to let him know you love him, that he needs his friend time, but the way he’s doing it hurts you. Best to you.
 
Yes, about once every 2 weeks with his friends.
and maybe 3 days every two weeks with me.
 
I want him to see his friends. These are friends he’s had for over 10 years. I don’t know what’s a good compromise because I feel my husband and I have a small amount of time to spend together.
 
Angie said:
Yes, about once every 2 weeks with his friends.
and maybe 3 days every two weeks with me.
Click to expand...
So, if he is off for 6 days, and they see him once, what is he doing the rest of the time?
 
If his days off fall on a weekend then we’ll pick up my step daughter and do different family things together. Well spend at a least a day alone together and go to church together. If His days off fall on the weekday he’ll stay productive during the day, working on cars, doing yard work I’m at work so I’m not sure exactly how he spends his entire day. I have no problem with him being with his friends while I’m at work.
 
Sounds more like the core is you have not enough time in general. Is there change in your working situations possible? Maybe middle term?
 
Well, everyone needs friends who aren’t their spouse. And if this was an occasional thing then I wouldn’t worry. The problem is if it’s regular and it cuts the time you have together.

In that case maybe tell him how you feel.
 
His time with his friends seems reasonable to me. You did say last minute though which does not. I would ask to be let me know in advance if he was planning on going out.
 
Wouldn’t his friends be working the same time you are though?

I agree with Alice, maybe you can adjust your work schedule somehow?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top