J
J_the_Centrist
Guest
I need people to pray for me because out of no where for the past few days, I am losing my faith very rapidly. I have been attending church weekly since a little before Lent and have been more happy than ever in finding faith, but now I am losing it very rapidly.
I am a recovering alcoholic and former Agnostic and my faith was ingrained with my alcoholic lifestyle when I came back to Christianity years ago. How? I used to watch religious films while drunk and I also felt that drinking kept me humble, which was just an excuse to continue to drink I know. I used to say that I would rather be a drunk Christian, than a sober Atheist, but now I feel like I am going back into the non-Theist camp and I have the bitterness to prove it.
Funny, the other day I said that people left the faith because of indoctrination, gullibility and rebellion in the adolescent sense and posted it on here, now I feel like those people who left and I may even leave again. I must admit that sometimes I hate non-Theists with much of that same invective that they seem to hate us, so perhaps this is a punishment from God for those feelings of hatred. I have felt that we would have to “fight the devil with the devils weapons”, in other words if they hate us we should hate them in return. How else do we fight them when they mock our intelligence, values, and even humanity in many cases? With smiles? I am an educated person, still young, and until recently I have felt that the more educated I become, the more strengthened I became in my faith, now I don’t know. Perhaps this whole thing was a “high” as a result of me withdrawing from my alcoholic lifestyle and now the honeymoon is over, I hope not, because I know that I will never be that happy again.
As an Agnostic I hated Christianity and even wished people of faith harm and I know many non-Theists wish us the same, being involved in academia I am certain of it. I wanted to use my education to defend the faith, now even if I do stay, I can’t see defending it with smiles and saying “I’ll pray for you.” No, I am NOT suggesting becoming violent, but being more confrontational and not passive the way MOST Christian leaders are today.
I was not going to write this at all and was just going to go to bed, but I decided otherwise. I feel better already and not so depressed and my faith has grown during writing this post, but I would still appreciate it if all those reading this would just devote at least two seconds of their time and pray for me and not just for me, but for everyone going through this. Thank you and God bless you all.
Sorry for the all over the map post, when you are emotionally jumbled I suppose you post in this manner, I also suppose that there are errors in grammar as well and I also apologize for that. Being that I am not writing a term paper and I am very tired I will leave the post as it is. God bless you all.
I am a recovering alcoholic and former Agnostic and my faith was ingrained with my alcoholic lifestyle when I came back to Christianity years ago. How? I used to watch religious films while drunk and I also felt that drinking kept me humble, which was just an excuse to continue to drink I know. I used to say that I would rather be a drunk Christian, than a sober Atheist, but now I feel like I am going back into the non-Theist camp and I have the bitterness to prove it.
Funny, the other day I said that people left the faith because of indoctrination, gullibility and rebellion in the adolescent sense and posted it on here, now I feel like those people who left and I may even leave again. I must admit that sometimes I hate non-Theists with much of that same invective that they seem to hate us, so perhaps this is a punishment from God for those feelings of hatred. I have felt that we would have to “fight the devil with the devils weapons”, in other words if they hate us we should hate them in return. How else do we fight them when they mock our intelligence, values, and even humanity in many cases? With smiles? I am an educated person, still young, and until recently I have felt that the more educated I become, the more strengthened I became in my faith, now I don’t know. Perhaps this whole thing was a “high” as a result of me withdrawing from my alcoholic lifestyle and now the honeymoon is over, I hope not, because I know that I will never be that happy again.
As an Agnostic I hated Christianity and even wished people of faith harm and I know many non-Theists wish us the same, being involved in academia I am certain of it. I wanted to use my education to defend the faith, now even if I do stay, I can’t see defending it with smiles and saying “I’ll pray for you.” No, I am NOT suggesting becoming violent, but being more confrontational and not passive the way MOST Christian leaders are today.
I was not going to write this at all and was just going to go to bed, but I decided otherwise. I feel better already and not so depressed and my faith has grown during writing this post, but I would still appreciate it if all those reading this would just devote at least two seconds of their time and pray for me and not just for me, but for everyone going through this. Thank you and God bless you all.
Sorry for the all over the map post, when you are emotionally jumbled I suppose you post in this manner, I also suppose that there are errors in grammar as well and I also apologize for that. Being that I am not writing a term paper and I am very tired I will leave the post as it is. God bless you all.
Sorry I did not comment sooner and yes I do have some light to moderate anger issues when it comes to our enemies, I promise you all that I am working on that. I will comment more on the posts in a few days, it is very late and its way past my bedtime at the moment so that will have to be postponed. May Gods peace be with you all!!!
