I need prayers for my pending divorce

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Brothers and Sisters in Christ, My wife of 5 years told me about a week ago that she wanted a divorce. It was completely shocking and unexpected. Her family even called me asking what happened because she showed no signs of being upset or unhappy with me. We are not the perfect marriage couple, but I know that we try hard to be. I pray every day to be a good husband and a good father. After this happened, I felt abandoned not only by my wife, but my faith. I am so involved in ministries at church and even was going through the proces of being a deacon. As for my wife, she is a Catholic but her spirituality really wasn’t there. She did not attend mass a lot because she said she prays on her own. I tried to tell her that brings prayers to this special place would be so much better, and that she could participate in the eucharist with me. She really never agreed to that. We were both married in the catholic church, baptized and confirmed also.

I feel horrible thinking the things I am thinking. My wife says that there is nothing that can get us back together because she does not want to work on things. She said she fell “out of love” with me. A few days last week in adoration I found my self looking at Jesus and asking him why he would do this to me. I dedicate my life to serve him and worship him. And I get a wife who does not want to stay married to me. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that we love so much and I know that we will love her more than anyone else. Brothers and sisters, I’m just asking for some advise on how to make it through this . I have no one else to turn to besides God. Thank you for your time. God Bless
 
jscofield said:
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, My wife of 5 years told me about a week ago that she wanted a divorce. It was completely shocking and unexpected. Her family even called me asking what happened because she showed no signs of being upset or unhappy with me. We are not the perfect marriage couple, but I know that we try hard to be. I pray every day to be a good husband and a good father. After this happened, I felt abandoned not only by my wife, but my faith. I am so involved in ministries at church and even was going through the proces of being a deacon. As for my wife, she is a Catholic but her spirituality really wasn’t there. She did not attend mass a lot because she said she prays on her own. I tried to tell her that brings prayers to this special place would be so much better, and that she could participate in the eucharist with me. She really never agreed to that. We were both married in the catholic church, baptized and confirmed also.

I feel horrible thinking the things I am thinking. My wife says that there is nothing that can get us back together because she does not want to work on things. She said she fell “out of love” with me. A few days last week in adoration I found my self looking at Jesus and asking him why he would do this to me. I dedicate my life to serve him and worship him. And I get a wife who does not want to stay married to me. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that we love so much and I know that we will love her more than anyone else. Brothers and sisters, I’m just asking for some advise on how to make it through this . I have no one else to turn to besides God. Thank you for your time. God Bless
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I pray for you.
There is something you can do.
But, as always in these cases, I prefer that you say whether I want to talk about it or not.
She said that “She said she fell “out of love” with me.”. That is a lot of what she said and i may comment on it on detail.
I am ready to do it here or in private message or private email.
God bless You.
 
So sorry for your pain. Keep praying. God knows what is best. Perhaps its for the greater good. I know that sounds not right, but keep close to god, and some day you be be strong and happy again.

Perhaps in time your wife will have a change of heart. I really wish both of you could seek counseling. It is quite helpful. Perhaps you could seek some alone.
 
Try “The Love Dare.” It’s not specifically Catholic but it has worked for many people when a spouse is indifferent or has “falling out of love.” You do 40 days of giving to your spouse, without conditions.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I would try to slow things down and ask for counseling, even if you have to demand it through lawyers. Do not give up yet, God can work miracles. And God is not doing this to you. People have free will in this world and we cause ourselves and others a lot of pain that God would not want us to experience. Do not blame God - look to Jesus - he was dying for our sins yet he never got angry at His Father for what he was going through.
 
I really feel your pain right through the computer. There is such a feeling of terrible brokenness when one spouse wants to do what is right, and the other spouse takes the easy way out. I went through every feeling you are having. I am remarried now to a REAL catholic man, perfect.? No way, but he tries hard when things get tough.
Private msg if you’d like. Mary
 
Jscofield,
I am so sorry to hear th
at you are going through this; I am going through something similar. My wife and I would have been married 18 years this summer; I found out in October of last year that she was having an affair for over a year and a half. She also left the church several months prior to the affair starting as she knew where things were going. We were even in counseling where she was explaining that it was me that did not seem interested in our marriage, and she was still meeting and sleeping with this other guy who was also married. I only discovered by finding e-mails she was sending to him and him to her – very explicit e-mails about what they have done together and to each other, and also my soon to be ex that she was in love with him and wanted him to leave his wife for her and they could be married.

Needless to say I also felt the same as you, why would God let this happen to me. Then I realized that God did not cause this, she was tempted and made her choice to act as she did. Even after I found out the truth she was still staying in contact with him. I also thought and still think some very horrible things about her, but I try to pray and ask for strength not to think such things, and yes it does not always work for me.

Do not loose faith or start to blame God for the actions of another person. I also was angry not only at her but with God I am ashamed to say. But it is with the strength from God that I am starting to recover. I do now give thanks to God for showing me the truth before things got much worse, as in her keep meeting with the other guy, or even someone new. Or even worse bringing home something to me that there is no cure for.

And like you I am also strong in my faith, after I found out the truth she would come up with a new excuse each week or so. Even after all the excuses she came up with on why she had the affair, aside from the real one that she is very selfish and thought she could get away with it. She latched on to the one that I could not deny – that I put God first in my life. And I always will regardless of what other people do.

Again I am truly sorry for your pain and I do understand what you are experiencing and I do pray that you find strength in God. Remember God will always be there for you, and so will us here on the forum.

Hold strong Brother.

Winter
 
I wanted to thank my fellow brothers and sisters on the forum. It is so hard for me sometimes to think about who I can talk to about this. It is truly by the grace of God that I can find comfort in people that I have never met, but share the same faith as I do. I miss my wife every day and I still pray to God that his holy spirit come down upon my wife to show her that this covenant was not only made to God, but to each other. Hopefully in time this will help us. If it doesn’t I know that God’s wisdom will still help me move forward with my life. I just ask you all to maybe just say a prayer not only for my family and I, but for our fellow brother and sisters in Christ who have helped me through this most difficult time in my life. God bless all of you.
 
jscofield said:
I wanted to thank my fellow brothers and sisters on the forum. It is so hard for me sometimes to think about who I can talk to about this. It is truly by the grace of God that I can find comfort in people that I have never met, but share the same faith as I do. I miss my wife every day and I still pray to God that his holy spirit come down upon my wife to show her that this covenant was not only made to God, but to each other. Hopefully in time this will help us. If it doesn’t I know that God’s wisdom will still help me move forward with my life. I just ask you all to maybe just say a prayer not only for my family and I, but for our fellow brother and sisters in Christ who have helped me through this most difficult time in my life. God bless all of you.
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Praying for you here. Do not give up - never give up. Work on any chance at reconciliation whatsoever. The ramifications of a divorce on a family are unfathomable and last a lifetime.

That being said, and more specifically because you are a man, you must defend yourself as best you can in the legal system, and you must steel yourself for a very difficult road ahead. The entirety of the civil divorce apparatus is anathema to sacramental marriage and the family life called you to lead; by its nature it is adversarial and is a less-than-zero sum game (the operation is rigged for the benefit of the routine participants, the lawyers, judges and court personnel). Unfortunately there is little to nothing you can do about it as the money follows custody, and unless you can prove that your wife is an axe murderer, she will be able to lever the courts to grant her custody of your daughter. It will not take her long to figure this out (if she hasn’t done so already). Don’t look for any practical help from your pastor or local family life office. Sorry to be so pointed, but you need to know.
 
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