I need prayers please

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Dymphna78

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Please pray for my purity and mental health, I am worried. I was sexually abused as a small child and sexually assaulted as a teenager. I thought I had dealt with it but lately I have been having many horrible urges and thoughts that I know are related to these events. I hate myself and want to be punished. I have been going to an online chat room for the purposes of cybersex and allowing men to use and abuse me, in whatever horrible way they want and they think of some really horrible ways. After reading what they say I will masturbate. I get no feeling of pleasure at all, mental or physical, from any of it. It never “feels good”. I have a loving and holy sex life with my husband (he knows about the abuse but not about this and it would break his heart and that would kill me). I feel like a crazy person with a split personality.

I don’t want to do this but I feel like it’s what I deserve because I am unclean and disgusting for what happened to me as a child and that it’s necessary. I worry about hell all the time and don’t know how to avoid it because even worrying about hell is a sin, everything is a sin. I feel like God turned his back on me and threw me away when I was a child and this life is only a precursor to the eternity I will be spending in hell.

I am a faithful Catholic, I try to do everything I’m supposed to and more, I have a lifelong devotion to Mary and love God but feel he does not love me. When this urge comes on I pray but it doesn’t go away. I pray and pray and pray and go to confession and take communion afterwards and try to be good and holy but it doesn’t matter. Mass is empty, adoration is empty. I used to have a spiritual advisor but he told me I was molested (beginning at age 3) because I was unclean and evil was attracted to me. I have not been able to bring myself to find another one.

Please pray for me that I can stop this, and so that I can feel some peace about this life and the next and feel God’s love, if it exists.
 
I will pray for you.

I don’t know what kind of spiritual advisor that was, but the advice was wrong, or opinion, or whatever he or she said, it was wrong, and you should not believe any of it.

Do not cease praying, ask God to take this from you, ask Him for grace to overcome.

Bless you, I will pray that your suffering cease soon.
 
**You poor thing. I have been afflicted with Schizotypal Personality Disorder from childhood
abuse. I will PRAY for you. Mary loves you. Feel free to private message me for advice.
Praying in East Iowa.

**
 
God loves you so much, sweetie. Know that He is with you in this struggle, every step of the way. I’ll be praying for you.

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the LORD is with thee.
Blessed art thou amoungst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
JESUS.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Saint Maria Goretti, pray for us!
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Thank you all, so much.

I had the urge just now but came here instead and seeing your prayers is strengthening me more than my own ever have.

It happens more when I am feeling lonely and sad, I don’t know why I want to make myself feel even worse.

My spiritual advisor was a priest, I always respected him and thought him a very good and wise and holy man, and I think that made his words hurt more (and harder to shake, I felt like it was God speaking through him). I was later helped a lot by another priest with advice given during confession, but moved away from the area. I miss him.

I also started to pray today for the men (and women) in this chat room. It is just one room on one site and there are so, so, SO many of them, it’s truly scary. And while some of the men seem “normal” there are far too many that are interested in underage roleplay, or sexual violence, or both. I pray that they stop what they’re doing as well, do not hurt anyone in real life, and if they were hurt themselves they can heal as well.
 
See, it sounds like God is moving in you already just from the short time you have been here on the forums 👍
You know the enemy is a liar and wants to keep you down. Fight for your life don’t let him! :knight2:
It sounds like you are a very kind and loving person trapped in a box. You can get out of the box with some spiritual and professional help. That is what has worked for me and I highly recommend it :D.
The path to wholeness is not easy but well worth it. The Lord has a plan for all of us, and we have to find out what that is even if we have to ‘go through’ some really hard times. The glory of that is when we are well and whole, we can help others who have or are going through something similar.
I hope this has helped you a little bit.
I will pray for you and feel free to pm me if you’d like 😉
 
Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the LORD is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
JESUS.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Thank you so very much for your prayers and kindness. I fell on Thursday (complete with a few suicidal thoughts after 😦 but not on Friday. This has been a daily temptation, sometimes more than once a day, so that is an improvement.

We’ll see what happens this week. I am looking into going into therapy again. It was very helpful to me in the past but I haven’t been for years.
 
Dymphna78 said:
Thank you so very much for your prayers and kindness. I fell on Thursday (complete with a few suicidal thoughts after 😦 but not on Friday. This has been a daily temptation, sometimes more than once a day, so that is an improvement.

We’ll see what happens this week. I am looking into going into therapy again. It was very helpful to me in the past but I haven’t been for years.
Click to expand...
Please talk to your counselor and please DO come here on a regular basis. We here at CAF love you, and want what is best for you. To commit suicide is to give up the belief that God loves you and wants to be close to you. Please DO NOT commit suicide. Pray to God for His love and help. And talk to us at CAF, we truly care about you.

PRAYER FOR THE GIFTS
OF THE HOLY SPIRIT
(Written by Saint Bonaventure)
We beg the all-merciful Father through Thee,
his only-begotten Son made man for our sake,
crucified and glorified for us,
to send upon us from His treasure-house the Spirit of sevenfold grace,
Who rested upon Thee in all His fullness:
Code: 
the spirit of wisdom, 
enabling us to relish the fruit of the tree of life, which is indeed thyself; 

the gift of understanding: 
to enlighten our perceptions; 

the gift of prudence, 
enabling us to follow in Thy footsteps; 

the gift of strength: 
to withstand our adversary’s onslaught; 

the gift of knowledge: 
to distinguish good from evil by the light of Thy holy teaching; 

the gift of piety: 
to clothe ourselves with charity and mercy; 

the gift of fear: 
to withdraw from all ill-doing and live quietly in awe of Thy eternal majesty.
These are the things for which we petition.
Grant them for the honor of Thy Holy Name,
to which, with the Father and the Holy Ghost,
be all honor and glory, thanksgiving, renown,
and Lordship for ever and ever.

Amen.

PRAYER TO ST. ANTHONY
FOR EMOTIONAL HEALING
St. Anthony, dear friend and heavenly guide,
be present to me now,
and let me know your compassion.
Pray to our dear Lord for me,
that I may experience calmness and peace in my emotions.

Help me to grow in faith and hope.
Protect me from all that displeases God,
and obtain for me serenity of mind and spirit.

I place all my confidence in you, St. Anthony,
and I pray for mercy,
grace and God’s gently goodness.

Amen.

God Bless you Dymphna. Hang in there, things WILL get better.
 
Thank you so much, magdelaine. I love that St. Anthony prayer. I’ve not heard it before.

I do need professional help (as well as spiritual). My favorite aunt committed suicide not long ago and I can’t believe those thoughts still cross my mind when I know the incredible pain caused by her death.
 
Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the LORD is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
JESUS.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :crossrc:

Saint Dymphna, pray for Dymphna78. :crossrc:
 
Hail Mary
full of grace,
the LORD is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
JESUS.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and that your pain was compounded by the words of an unqualified counselor. He could not have been more cruel if he tried, and what he said is a lie.

I know a-lot of people who have been through very similar situations to yours. Here’s a list of resources you may find helpful:

rainn.org/ (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network. This one has good information, links, and an online hotline)
1-800-656-HOPE (hotline for rape and sexual abuse survivors)
1-800-999-9999 (9-line, crisis line)

Your reactions are not at all uncommon. You’re having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. The statistics say that 1/4 girls are sexually abused in some way before their 18th birthday. You aren’t bad or dirty. Abuse is the result of sickos who like to prey on children.

Now, self destructive behavior is not going to help you. Remember, Satan wants you to believe you are bad and destined for Hell, because he wants you to have that belief become a self fulfilling prophecy. He’s the same one who inspired the abuse you suffered. You are not destined for Hell. You have a choice. Of course, God understands what is happening and He will help you. Remember to pray, surround yourself with positive people, and remind yourself as often as possible that you are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect. God created you in His image, and He died for you! Of course He loves you!

I recommend the Book of Job for inspiration. If you haven’t read heard of it, here’s some of the highlights: Job was a good man, and Satan told God “of course he never sins or curses you. You’ve given him everything! Take it away, and he’ll curse you to your face.” So God put Job in Satan’s power. Satan killed all of Job’s children, destroyed all of his wealth, covered him in agonizing boils, and gave him nightmares so he couldn’t even escape when he slept. Many of Job’s neighbors blaimed Job for his troubles, insisting something bad in him must have caused him to suffer so. Job believed God must hate him. But, because Job tried really hard to do the right thing, God rewarded him abundantly in the end, restoring everything he had taken from him. Don’t give up! You can recover, even if it takes a long time and a-lot of effort. I’ve seen people in your shoes rise from the ashes and create better lives for themselves. You can, too!

I am praying for you.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :crossrc:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen. :crossrc:

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou oh Prince of the Heavenly Host by the power of God cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen. :crossrc:

Saint Dymphna, holy patron of those with mental illness, pray for Dymphna78. Amen. :crossrc:

Dearest Jesus, you love those who love you. Dymphna78 loves you. Please be her guardian and care taker in this world and lead her to Heaven when her time comes to be with you.

Most merciful Jesus, please have mercy on those who would violate your precepts and hurt children. Amen. :crossrc:

Heavenly Father, you are the perfect Father. You are our most loving Heavenly Father and you love us with such love that you sent your Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us on the cross a cruel death so that we may achieve eternal happiness with you in Heaven. Please, Heavenly Father, lead Dymphna78 through her life so that she may have the best life that she can through you and one day come to be with you in Heaven. Amen. :crossrc:

Holy Spirit, you are the Comforter that Christ, our Savior, promised us. Be with Dymphna78 in her hours of darkness and console her when her soul is weary. Amen. :crossrc:
 
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