I need some advice on dealing with a difficult priest!

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GratiaPlena said:
Several months after he came, he said to me…“I don’t like to meet new people.” that is a quote!
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I don’t like to meet new people either, actually.

Misanthropy doesn’t make a bad priest. In fact, some of Catholicism’s finest saints were first-rate grumps. St. Jerome comes to mind first, but there are many.

If it’s an issue, take it up with him directly or call the chancery. But if he’s been a priest for a while, it’s probably likely that the bishop and the chancellor have heard a lot about him already. Priests are assigned to parishes for a reason. I’d bet he’s got some talent or reputation in another area that made the bishop think he’d be important in your parish: maybe he’s a cash-hawk and has a history of straightening out budgets from other spendy pastors; maybe he’s a strict liturgist, there to bring a wandering Mass atmosphere back down to Earth; maybe he’s a catechesis-purist and doesn’t think that the PSR is on the right track-- I don’t know.

The point is that the bishop, chancellor and the Holy Spirit put people in their places for their own reasons. Pray that you will find a way to love him and pray that he will find a way to show his love to you.
 
GratiaPlena said:
Our priest has been at our parish for 6 months and is very difficult to work with, hard to approach, mean, not humble, doesn’t want to be involved and doesn’t like to meet new people. He does want to discuss anything after Mass, in the hallways and doesn’t want private meetings either. He is now giving us difficulty regarding the sacraments. He does talk with parishioners after Mass, and the elderly and children are just left out. He doesn’t want to make sick calls, he doesn’t want to spend any money on PSR. We have lost 1/2 our members in 6 months~!!! HELP!!!
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Give it some time–but you may have to consider changing parishes if things don’t improve. We endured a priest like this for four years and it just generated negative energy in us. We eventually changed parishes and haven’t looked back. We are much happier now!
 
Have you tried writing the Bishop in the area, not to rat him out, but to find out why he was assigned there? Maybe, he has some difficult times and is afraid- or maybe he was hurt at a previous parish.
 
dianeofcdc said:
Have you tried writing the Bishop in the area, not to rat him out, but to find out why he was assigned there? Maybe, he has some difficult times and is afraid- or maybe he was hurt at a previous parish.
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I don’t know about the original poster’s situation, but in my situation, the Bishop is fully aware of all the damage that my former priest is doing or has done. Many people have complained or wrote letters. It doesn’t seem to matter. It seems that once a man is ordained a priest, he can pretty much do whatever he wants.
 
sheila0405 said:
Do you live in the Philadelphia area? Sounds like a similar priest in that Archdiocese who made my daughter cry. She and her then fiance attended morning Mass together. He accused them of sleeping together because they were at the church so early. Even though they came in separate cars, he assumed there was hanky panky going on just because they arrived early at the church. When my daughter tried to talk to him about it, he refused to have any conversation with her. They eventually left that parish. Now they are married and have found a nice parish to attend which is not far from their home.

I hate to say this, but I would be among those who left. If you have children, do you really want them to have this priest having an influence on them? :confused:
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Shame to say, but some of the priests are horrible
 
Hugh_Murray said:
Firstly he maybe very shy.Secondly if he is not humble how did you arrive at this conclusion?.
Sometimes the best approach is to catch the priest when he talking with someone where ever: excuse your self be polite and propose your question for a meeting regarding your particuliar concernswhen you have done tihs stand quietly, humbly and wait for a reply look him straight in the eye.If he does not respond in the same manner you are probably right you all have a problem.
You could ask someone whom you know this Priest speaks too and ask them to give him a little nudge in the direction, but don’t give up.This may be a challenge for you to practice your assertivenees skills with out bullying the line is thin maybe sometimes blurred.
Lastly it is not your fault that this Priest is behaving this way.He may have had a bad experience un his last Parish.Most of all pray for your GOOD FATHER he may need them more than you might imagine.Don’t go behind his back to speak ill of him this will not do your spiritually any good, in fact it will stunt your spiritual growth. be forgiven
Code: 
                      Let me know how you got on 
                             Your brother in Jesus and Mary
                                             Hugh:
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I have seen some priests who form a clique with only certain members of the parish, not a lot, But I have seen it
 
withwind said:
Could you give at least 3 examples?
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I second this. Lets have some examples of this Priests alleged bad behavior. Not wanting to spend hours talking with every single member of the congregation, which seems to be a big deal to this poster, really doesn’t equal being a bad priest. Lets hear some of the real bad stuff that he has done.👍 Lets hear how negative and mean he really is.

Otherwise, I would be tempted to write this one off as just a case of personal dislike for the Priest onthe part of the poster…
 
Free_Radical said:
I don’t know about the original poster’s situation, but in my situation, the Bishop is fully aware of all the damage that my former priest is doing or has done. Many people have complained or wrote letters. It doesn’t seem to matter. It seems that once a man is ordained a priest, he can pretty much do whatever he wants.
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Who knows for what real reason a man becomes a Priest
 
Not all priests are pastoral by nature. Is he a newly ordained priest? You could notify the Parish Council, and they could approach him about your concerns. I presume you are not the only one who has this difficulty with him.

Perhaps the Parish Council could ask Father what he would feel comfortable with as far as interaction. I think shyness is probably the culprit, too, however, he may have already been attacked by parishioners in a not so gentle fashion.
 
I my self have had trouble getting along with some priests. I found that having a mediator such as another priest or deacon can help. I learn would also write my Bishop and let him know of the troubles in the parish and see if the bishop has not already appointed some one as a mediator for the people in the parish and the priests. Also pray pray pray for the priest, the other members of the parish and for your self that God will heal you all and make you all peaceful and loving toward one another. I´m not saying that you are not loving but as has been said before maybe their are things going on that you do not know of. One of the priest i had trouble with before was from over seas and was having trouble adjusting to live in America with us. I found this out by contacting my Bishop and talking with others. My Bishop was glad to help us he had a Deacon help us. So do not be scared to seek guidances from your Bishop on this matter I´m sure your Bishop wants to know what is going on.
 
We had one that was ill, but mean and tyrannical with it…We switched parishes
 
I have been in this situation. We left and continue to pray for that priest. It is a difficult situation, but God gives all of us the grace needed for our vocation. I would not be allowed to act inappropriate for my position and I don’t believe we should enable others to either.
 
We had the same situation at our Parish just recently. It turned out that our priest did have some serious issues. Something was brought to the attention of our Bishop that resulted in the priest being removed. It was a very difficult time and we are still feeling the effects of the 6 months the priest was here. Good luck!
 
Sure, pray for the priest, and for your community and own family too. But too often praying for the priest is offered as the whole answer. The Church herself provides much more that you can do. Here are some ideas IN ADDITION to those already offered:
  1. Give simple feedback to the priest on how he comes across “You sound angry today, Father. Are you?” Let him talk…you may learn more.
  2. Find out what parish he came from and contact some of the people in that parish. Find out how they dealt with him. What worked? What didn’t?
  3. Document! Document! Document! If you and others don’t write it down when it happens, it is almost as if it didn’t happen. At the very least your later memory will be suspect, for good reason.
  4. Find out who in your diocese is on the Priests’ Personnel Board, and try to see advice from one of THOSE priests, not the pastor down the road.
  5. Protect the spiritual AND social life of the community. Father won’t come? Have the spaghetti dinner anyway! Have the coffee hour after First Communion! Invite a guest speaker! He won’t promote a bible study? Hold one in your own home with great aids like Jeff Cavins’ “The Great Adventure BIble Study.” Invite the priest but don’t make it be his burden. Show him that you have a parish life without him; make him either want to join you, or not, but at least your parish life will continue. Try to get permission to use parish facilities, but if he won’t let you, try renting from the protestant church down the street, from the fire hall, the library or a restaurant. But KEEP your parishioners together. Do an email newsletter that keeps everyone up to date on what is going on if he isn’t communicative. You may not be able to use the name of the parish (like St. Patrick’s Parish News) but you can call it something like Parishioner News, or The Irish Saint’s Family; you get the idea. People leave not only because of the priest but feeling that they are all alone. FLOCK TOGETHER! People leave one family at a time and sometimes aren’t noticed until the numbers (attendees and $) drop. Don’t let that happen. Often they lose their faith as well.
  6. Some priests are just bad priests. Those may not all be bad people. Some have guilt they can’t live with. Some have pride they can’t handle. Some bishops are so strapped for vocations that they put up with anything. But the laity has rights. Start with liturgical celebrations. If he is not in accordance with the GIRM and Redemptionis Sacramentum, note it. Liturgical abuse is very significant, much more than someone’s opinion if he or she were treated nicely.
  7. Learn what your rights are. The Code of Canon Law provides for removing priests and one need not prove that person was a bad person, or committed a civil crime or denigrated the Eucharist. Losing half of one’s parishioners shows an incompetance and incapability of leading that parish. If this really happened, it is not only a right but may well be a duty for the laity to do something about it. Holy Mother Church, in her wisdom, provides the means through Canon Law. For a great article on removing a priest, go to
catholiccanonlaw.com/opinions.htm

and select the article on Removal of a Pastor. You might also want to read about Associations of the Faithful. Ultimately, you may need to engage a Canon Lawyer for your pastor’s removal. I wouldn’t wait very long. It just gets worse; I know from my own parish. A priest can begin to feel empowered in his abuse and by then you lose the parishioners who would have been most willing to do something about it.

You said you were looking for advice, so I wanted to offer some. Hopefully it will be helpful to you.
 
I am an old lady and my adult son who is very active in his church said to me one day…“If a priest is being rude to you are saying inappropriate things to you… just walk out of the confessional.”

I decided that I would use that advise also when talking with priests after mass.
I asked a priest for some help on a personal matter and I could tell he wasn’t comfortable in helping me with that matter so I asked another priest who did help me.

I view priests as being on my level… we are all God’s children and I think that no one is better than me including priests.
I treat them as normal human beings with all of their goodness and also flaws.
We all work for God in our own way.
 
It is really hard to say what to do at the same time most of what is going on behind closed doors we are not aware of, maybe he is having issues that he is dealing with or he has had some experiences that have caused him to become (name removed by moderator)ersonable to perishioners of all sorts.
It is horrible that he does not want to speak to you especially if it is important. I would give it some more time and if nothing changes consider going to another perish where you can chat with a priest that will listen to you and to what you have to say.
 
Has anyone else here noticed that the OP disappeared from the discussion after being asked to provide a few examples of this Priests alleged mean behavior?:hmmm:

I do believe that speaks volumes in and of itself.
 
I think the OP has taken our advise and has moved on most likely to another church.

I would do the same if I was her because why put up with a mean person when we are free to move on to meet nicer priests.

All the advise in the world is not going to change the difficult priest or the OP.

Most of us ask for advise and then we do what we want to do.
Sometimes we just need a sounding board and not really wanting an answer. Maybe just sympathy…empathy…
 
LaLucia said:
I think the OP has taken our advise and has moved on most likely to another church.

I would do the same if I was her because why put up with a mean person when we are free to move on to meet nicer priests.

All the advise in the world is not going to change the difficult priest or the OP.

Most of us ask for advise and then we do what we want to do.
Sometimes we just need a sounding board and not really wanting an answer. Maybe just sympathy…empathy…
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Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes silence tells a lot more than words.
 
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