I Need Some Advice.....

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Antonius_Lupus

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I received the Holy Mystery of Repentance at my Roman parish yesterday. Once again I came to the Lord Jesus with my sins, and once again in His great mercy He has justified me and made me holy.

However many of these sins that I confessed to Christ are sins that I have repented of before. This fact has brought to my attention that there are deep habits of sin entrenched in my life that I need to work with the Holy Spirit in order to eradicate. Most of this revolves around my propensity to fall into sexual sin, something that is truly difficult for me.

In some ways my past as a Pagan, I believe, has damaged me. You must understand my brothers and sisters that Paganism encourages total sexual “liberation.” As a Pagan I saw things, and did things, that as a teenager as young as I was stay with me to this day.

One of the things that I was exposed to was homosexuality (For the record, I am a guy).

I think I may have a propensity for bisexuality (in the sense that I experience attraction for both the same and the opposite sex). My priest knows about these inclinations but he has not commented on them, other than to urge me to pray and do penance.

What can I do? Homosexuality is such an abomination to the LORD God, it cries to Heaven for vengeance.

Am I alone in this?

Whatever the case may be, I early await the responses I get. Many of the posters here are IMO wiser than they realize and have been disciples of the Lord Jesus much longer than I.

I ask for your advice, thought, and above all; prayers.

KYRIE IESOU CHRISTE, YEHTOU THEOU, ELEISON MEI, TON AMARTOLO. AMEN. :signofcross:
 
Hey

You should try listening to or reading Christopher West’s explaination of Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. He goes into detail about different sexual sins and I THINK he touches on homosexuality too. Just search it on google and i’m sure you can find it. hope this helps!
 
Also, via Google you can find the apostolate “Courage”. They are Catholic and may provide you some support and guidance.
 
Thanks for all of your advice. Yeah, when I was waiting for y’all to get back to me I swear everytime I took a look to see if I had any responses my adrenaline began to rush. That is the first time I have ever admitted to anyone person (other than my priest) that I have same-sex attractions.

When I started my forays into Neo-Paganism, I thought that it would be a wonderful way to escape the responsibility of being a child of God. I was confident that the Christian warnings that said Paganism was a Satanic religion were just superstitious mumbo-jumbo. It all sounded so “right” at the time: going back to the relgion of my fore-fathers, the “Way of the Gods.” At first it was fun and freeing, no rules, no authority. Heck! Even the gods and goddesses didn’t tell me what to do! And yet I was enslaved by what I thought was my freedom. Now I am paying the price for my apostasy.

Sometimes, I cannot see God’s mercy. All I can see is my sin, my hypocrisy, and my faithlessness. People always tell me that God loves me, and while I want to believe that this is true I still doubt it. You read in the OT about how God destroyed Sodom for homosexuality. You read about how he promised destruction to the Israelites if they broke the Torah. How he urged the Israelites to kill every last man, woman, and child (even the animals) in the cities of the Canaanites.

And then when you get to the NT, it all changes! God become loving and merciful, sending His own Son to die for the sins of the world. What about me? Me personally?

Did Jesus think of me as He bled to death on the Cross? Was I the object of His passion?

I cannot feel His love. I feel empty, stale, worn down. I remember how when I went to receive the Holy Mystery of Repentance I was clinging to the statue of Jesus in the sanctuary begging God to reveal to me His love for ME. Not the world, but ME.

Even as I type this I feel a twinge of guilt…It sounds so selfish doesn’t it? But that’s what I desire, all I want is just for God to tell me:

“I love YOU.”
 
Antonius Lupus

years ago, when I fell into a paticular habit of sin, and I had to go to confession often, I finally went to confession at a monastery where I asked the priest, why I’m so weak in this area of my life?

His answer, made all the sense to me.

“Until the reason for not committing the sin, becomes stronger than the desire, you will fail.”

So, how to get to the reason for not committing the sin.

You can read the Church’s teaching, all you want, it won’t help.
You can read what others have written about it, including the Saints. It won’t help. For in these things, you will gain knowledge of the intellect, but not in the heart, where the will of desire is.

The only way, and it worked for me is, prayer. I’m talking about contemplative prayer. Through quiet meditative prayer, which leads to contemplation, where I was drawn to the love of Christ, who dwells within. Once the love of Christ becomes stronger than the desire, the temptation was easier to over come. The grace Jesus gave me, when resting in His presence, helped me to overcome the habit of committing this sin.

God Bless
Jim
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Antonius Lupus

years ago, when I fell into a paticular habit of sin, and I had to go to confession often, I finally went to confession at a monastery where I asked the priest, why I’m so weak in this area of my life?

His answer, made all the sense to me.

“Until the reason for not committing the sin, becomes stronger than the desire, you will fail.”

So, how to get to the reason for not committing the sin.

You can read the Church’s teaching, all you want, it won’t help.
You can read what others have written about it, including the Saints. It won’t help. For in these things, you will gain knowledge of the intellect, but not in the heart, where the will of desire is.

The only way, and it worked for me is, prayer. I’m talking about contemplative prayer. Through quiet meditative prayer, which leads to contemplation, where I was drawn to the love of Christ, who dwells within. Once the love of Christ becomes stronger than the desire, the temptation was easier to over come. The grace Jesus gave me, when resting in His presence, helped me to overcome the habit of committing this sin.

God Bless
Jim
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Thank you Jim. Very helpful!
 
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