I need some help with my invalid marriage...very confused and very depressed

[lindeno]

It couldn’t have been as crucial as she says or she wouldn’t have married him outside the Catholic church without getting the annulment first.

Obviously she exaggerated the need for an annulment or she would have never married him without it.

Please, please do not put words in my mouth! I really don’t think there was any need to write that particular post? Does it help? NO. I was 22 when we got married and didn’t realize how important it was to get married in THE church. I never exaggerated anything. How can you exaggerate something that you didn’t [at the time] really know anything about?

 

[lindeno]

Yes there is judgmental attitudes here.

lindeno,
He did not break his promise to you. You voided the promise when you married without the annulment.

I never said that he broke his promise.

 

[lindeno]

I couldn’t tell from your post what was involved in you mentioning the annulment to your dh. Was it just casual, or did you tell him what you have said here? It may be he doesn’t realize how much this has been bothering you. If that is the case, tell him, and that you didn’t realize at first how important it really was to you.

I mentioned it casually a couple times and he said that he had no problem doing that and even said that he had a letter from his ex wife to her ex boyfriend that she wrote the day before my dh’s and her wedding. I honestly did not realize that I couldn’t get married until after their marriage was annulled. I was wrong. I understand that now so that’s why I’m asking for advice.

 

[Ginger2]

Please, please do not put words in my mouth! I really don’t think there was any need to write that particular post? Does it help? NO. I was 22 when we got married and didn’t realize how important it was to get married in THE church. I never exaggerated anything. How can you exaggerate something that you didn’t [at the time] really know anything about?

I was stating how it probably appears to your husband.

You said he agreed but now refuses to get the annulment, thus placing blame on him at this point.

You sound like you are excusing yourself because you were young and in love and blaming him for not getting the annulment. That is unproductive - especially since your husband was under the impression that you couldn’t get married without the annulment and now after you are in fact married, you are complaining about an annulment that, from where he stands, was never necessary.

Why is it not necessary? Because the point of the annulment was so you could marry But you are already married.

You need to realize that your behavior and attitude toward him for not getting an annulment is going to drive you farther apart.

Here is how to fix the mistake, admit to your husband that you made this mistake and you need him to help fix it.
This is how to get your husband on board!

Or you can continue in this same pattern which is only escalating the problem.

Fix the problem or make it worse, the choice is yours.

And I pray God for your sake the church doesn’t pronounce your marriage forever invalid.

BTW, This is the OP:

…Before we got married, my husband said that he would be willing to have his first marriage annulled but now when I mention it he acts like I’m crazy,…

 

[Bluegoat]

I mentioned it casually a couple times and he said that he had no problem doing that and even said that he had a letter from his ex wife to her ex boyfriend that she wrote the day before my dh’s and her wedding. I honestly did not realize that I couldn’t get married until after their marriage was annulled. I was wrong. I understand that now so that’s why I’m asking for advice.

But more recently, have you discussed it in a way that he understands that it is really bothering you? If not, he may really not know that it is - husbands can occasionally be very obtuse about such things, and tend to assume your feelings stay the same as they were.

Also, you need to find out just what it is that makes him not want to bother now. If you can get him on the same page as you, it will make everything much simpler, but you need to speak very openly with him. Because he doesn’t really get the reasoning, you will really have to spell out how it is affecting you personally, which is something that he should care about.