I need some help...with religious OCD

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TreKai

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Hi all…I wanted to type this as soon as I could because I am just lost and I feel like all hope is lost. 😦

So, I am homeschooled in a Catholic-based program. Last year around January, I was writing a paper about what happens after death. I did have a reference book to write from, but instead, I went online to answer these questions for the paper. To make a long story short…I came across many anti-catholic websites. I saw many YouTube videos, articles, and other online forums that said plainly “Catholics will burn for eternity”. When I read these…I felt as if i had to know more, so I just looked more and more at these articles and videos. I could not control myself. Watching some of these videos it was as if I was paralyzed with fear. I literally could not move! Again…This was about a little more than a year ago. However, the damage has been done. Ever since then, I have been so on edge.

Those videos and sites have given me severe anxiety even to now. I do have my good days, but when it is bad, it gets worse. Now I cannot find the difference between what is sinful and what is not. When I pray, for example, I feel that it is somehow a “Sacrilegious prayer” and that I have committed a grave sin. However, if I refrain from praying, it is also a grave sin. If I go to communion, I often think of those videos from last year. “Is this idolatry?” Then my Catholic side comes in and says. “What if you are receiving this in mortal sin?”. Adjust one more thing to add. No matter if I ask for forgiveness or not, whether I try and to the right thing, the same 9 words always come to mind. “What does it matter…I’m going to hell anyway.”

I truly truly fear God. I fear him to the point where (as sad as it is…) I feel more like a slave than a servant. I do love him, but I feel so forced to do all of these things or else.

Can anyone explain this to me? Is there any way I can cope with this without a therapist? What is going on here? Hope you all have a great day guys! Thank you!
 
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Pray the prayer of St. Faustina over and over and over again.

“Lord Jesus, I trust in you.”
 
TreKai said:
Is there any way I can cope with this without a therapist?
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You really, really need to see someone about this. It isn’t healthy to have these thoughts, and you don’t have to have them. A trained professional will not only help you, but will be able to teach you the skills you need to help yourself.

Speak to your parents, if you haven’t already. Tell them how you feel. Talk to your Priest as well, and ask about getting a Spiritual Director.
 
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No, no, no! This is really bad advice for someone with OCD! OCD thrives off repetition and ritual. This will make her fear stronger and more real. Yes, Spyridon is correct, say the prayer, and pray a lot, but don’t say it over and over especially not to calm the thoughts or fear. This is similar to telling someone whose obsession is germs to just wash their hands more, eventually they’ll end up scrubbing bleeding hands. It will turn into a compulsion ( obsessive Compulsive), which is food for the beats. Don’t do compulsions. In fact, that’s the only way to cure OCD, is to not do the compulsions.This is why I don’t think it’s a good idea to come on ( well intentioned) sites with questions about mental health. It can be really counterproductive to healing the wound because, especially OCD, is extremely misunderstood and unknown even to medical professionals. It can’t even be treated by every therapist. What’s more, if you follow the wrong advice, you’ll only get worse, and worse. You need a good Catholic therapist who specializes in OCD and a good priest. Most people on here don’t know about it, haven’t gone through it, and though their intentions are good, may make it worse. This is a brain issue that affects the soul. You need proper help :).
I have Pure-O OCD 😉
 
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Every one of these videos is based on misinformation, maliciousness, and extreme anti-Catholic bias (bordering on bigotry).

You should talk to someone about this, but I promise you that merely being Catholic is not going to get you sent to Hell. Quite the opposite, as being a faithful, practicing Catholic is the surest way to make it to Heaven. (You really should speak to someone though. A good parish priest, or even a Catholic councilor, if you’re able.) Also, always bear in mind that even if you have sinned in some way, God is always waiting to welcome you back with open arms. There is nothing you can do that will cause Him to cut off the font of grace and refuse to forgive you.

If you want a good reason to ignore these videos it is this: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Contrary to modern usage, this phrase is specifically regarding the judgment of person’s soul. No person can say that anyone is going to Hell.

Ignore those idiots, and pray for them. They are extremely misguided, and trafficking in such bile is harmful to their souls. Pray for them.
 
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During my conversion, I had many convictions and feelings that what I was doing was wrong. My Protestant background and conspiracy theory videos on YouTube troubles my mind and spirit. But I just pressed through, prayed the rosary, and let go. When you let go, God takes control. Now I’m at more peace with Catholicism. Peace my friend
 
As Prodgl Architect says, the videos are made by misinformed people, doing the Devil’s work.
They are easily dismissed.

However, your anxiety sounds to me to be severe. It’s not a good idea to try to cope with that without professional help from a doctor or a mental health professional.
CAF is not permitted to give medical advice.

Please talk to your parents or some other trusted person who can help you get the help you need.
 
This! If it’s OCD she knows her fear makes no sense. She knows it’s not true, her brain is just stuck ( OCD is sometimes called “The Brain Lock”). Reassurance and the wrong advice from good people will only fan the flame and make it worse. Take it from someone whose had this thing for 12 years and nearly became disabled because of it. I’m sorry for posting again, it’s just I know how easy it is to make OCD a wildfire in the brain, and I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone. Get proper help please!
 
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Hi Jessica!

Thank you for your comments! Do not appoli=ogize for posting twice! I do not mind one bit! It proves that you want to help! That is great! I just this site joined today, so I am still finding out how everything works! HA HA! Sorry for the later response!

My goodness! Twelve years of this!? I thought one year was bad! I have the utmost respect for you! Goodness, gracious! Dealing with this for so long must be hard! Thank you for reaching out to me! Yes! OCD is quite like a wildfire in the brain! The thing is with me is that I can’t figure out whether something is being looked at through the OCD filter or not. I actually sometimes do not know if it is true or not. Do you get what I mean?

I completely understand…I did talk with a trusted religion teacher about it (I am not normally one to cry but I was in tears about this 😦 ), and she did tell me to talk to a parent and a priest about it. I did so with the priest quickly. I did feel a bit better after that, but OCD never goes away that simple. I think we both know that.

Today is going pretty okay. I’m glad I could join this website, as I felt like a bomb ready to explode this morning! HA HA!

Thank you again for all of your tips and ideas!
TreKai

P.S. I’m a guy. HA HA! That’s quit alright though! My name does seem to be bewildering!
 
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Hi all!

Thank you all so very much for responding! I will respond to ya’ll as soon as I can! I just do not have very much time now! HA HA! Thank you all again! God bless you!
 
Yes, definitely get help. I’ve had OCD for a while and went several years before really telling anyone about it, and looking back now it’s incredible just how much of a negative impact it had on just about every aspect of my life all that time. Living in constant irrational fear and feeling that nothing can be done except feed the doubts further is just awful.
 
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I’m sorry for calling you a girl 😅, and yes! I understand completely! It’s the doubting disease for good reason! It makes you doubt your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and your character. I bet sometimes it feels like you want to believe these things, like an impulse of sorts. It is true that it never goes away for good, but good help can make it better. Go and explore, I just opened my account recently, and so far I really like CAF. I hope you find good help soon, and please take care of yourself! You can do this!
 
The Rosary is repetitious, but maybe that is exactly what you need. To meditate on the mysteries of Christ. This is good positive repetition, focus on Christ. Do not worry. Remember at every mass the priest says to God to keep us from all useless fear and anxiety. Maybe a good Catholic psychologist can help. I feel for you and will pray for you. All those videos you watch were a lie, strengthen your faith, read about the Saints or their writings. Do not worry!
 
Yes, I say the Rosary daily. That’s not the kind of repetition that is harmful to OCD.I recommend the Rosary, The Divine Mercy Chaplet, and the Chaplet of Seven Sorrows. They will help you immensely. It’s compulsive repetition. The kind that is done over and over with no other purpose other than stopping the obsession and anxiety. But the Rosary is not mindless, empty repetition. It’s meditation on the life of Our Lord and Lady. I’ve found it helps mine a lot.

I feel like I need to give examples to make it more clear. For example, I use to repeat nonsense phrases in my mind and prayers over and over and over and over all day nonstop to “cancel” the thoughts. One example would be “ praised be me my sweet Jesus, praised be my seeet Jesus, praised be my sweet Jesus”. Over and over and over and over night, evening, day, and even in my sleep. I would say “no,no,no, I don’t want it”. The problem with short prayers is that they can become compulsive very easily. My sister ( who also has OCD) used to make the sign of the Cross compulsively. The Rosary requires one to sit and to be mindful of the mysteries and words, it’s very hard for it to be compulsive. The problem with compulsions is that they are like a drug, the more you do them, the more you need them to calm the obsession. You need more and more and more to quiet the thought. It makes it stronger. This is why they are so dangerous.
 
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Hi Jessica. I too like CAF; it’s like a kind of spiritual direction, if you don’t already have that available.
anyway, I’ve had scruples my whole life as well; never thought there was anything wrong in trying to be good.
My compulsive behaviors that used to be, are things that i wouldn’t want to do anymore-like constantly weighing myself for the same weight; or frequent hand washing; consolidating medicine bottles, and then re-ordering constantly to make sure it was the most current dose- i mean, a lot of anxiety.
But that’s the thing. In the effort to be good-perfect- anxiety looks like a “well-informed conscience”. Which it isn’t if you are constantly in fear. Your “well-informed conscience” will lead one astray instead of close to God.
 
Nice to meet you Margaret! And yes! This is exactly what it is, and scruples are just one side of the coin. The whole thing becomes more complicated when any one of the other themes collides with the scrupulous mind and it creates a bomb. My compulsions were and have always been mental, which is why my kind of OCD is called Pure-O, but it’s the farthest thing from pure. I could have been sitting with you in silence all day, looking calm, or even laughing,and on the inside I was ripping myself apart the whole time. It’s time consuming soul destroying behaviors that feed the inner bully OCD is. I honestly think that OCD will either serve Our Lord to make the Catholic sufferer a saint because of the intense mental and physical suffering that comes with it, or it’ll lead to despair that paralyzes and greatly harms the soul of the person if help is not found.
 
I’ll share this video because I think as a community, as Catholics, we need to be well informed on mental health issues so we can help our friends, family, and even fellow parishioners who are suffering from these things. Also, sometimes we don’t know we have something until we hear about it. Her videos are awesome guys! Check them out if you have OCD or know someone who does.

 
In my routine, all ocds involved pleasing God, even though the compulsions were about secular matters, eg hand washing. So in a way it was all, and in some ways still is, all about religious scruples.
 
When i started realizing that it was anxiety and not conscience involved, then i sought spiritual direction. And there were different ones along the way. Most of them helped, and i learned some things; but other directors didn’t seem to be the 'right fit".
And drugs like paxil, and Zoloft-which i’m on- help with ocd. So it lessens the anxiety as well. Do you still have therapy /direction for your issues?
 
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