I need some male perspective

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LookingForFaith

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Hey guys! I know I haven’t been posting a lot, but I have lurked around and read a bunch of threads…but now I do have a question.

There is this guy that I take karate with. He is funny, smart, attractive, and kind. We have a ton in common…we are both Catholic, we both love History, debating, reading the same things, karate and we both are quite geeky.

Now, we aren’t in a relationship, but I REALLY like him and I think he might have feelings for me too. But we are both reserved and shy as well.

So here’s the question…I really want to ask him out for a cup of coffee or something. However, as a Catholic man, do you think HE might want to be the one to ask me? I have never been in a relationship with another Catholic before, (Heck I’ve never been in a REAL relationship before…I’ve been in relationships, but not serious ones.) And I kind of don’t know a Catholic man’s perspective on things, as I hardly know any Catholic/Christian men!

So Catholic/Christian men…would you ever want to be the one asked? OR would you want to go the more “traditonal” route and ask the girl out?

Thank you!!
 
I think a lot of guys would just be relieved to have someone else do the asking out, for once! it really can be nerve wracking.

But I wouldn’t really call coffee a date, so it probably wouldn’t be offensive to him if he is a traditional type guy. Coffee is nice, noncommittal, and tasty. 👍
 
Probably differs from guy to guy. Personally, I am attracted to women who take initiative, though I’m quite happy to take the initiative myself 😃

Eamon
 
ChiRho said:
I think a lot of guys would just be relieved to have someone else do the asking out, for once! it really can be nerve wracking.

But I wouldn’t really call coffee a date, so it probably wouldn’t be offensive to him if he is a traditional type guy. Coffee is nice, noncommittal, and tasty. 👍
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True, but this isn’t for all guys. I may not be the best to give advice for this, but for some guys, a girl asking them out would be a big turn off. So with that being said, maybe the OP would be best to wait just for a little bit anyway. What you should do this, give little hints that you are attacted to him, and hopfully he see them and ask you out.

Guys always like to do the chasing. They always want to, at least from what I have heard.
Don’t worry, pray to God about it. He will make things right if you leave it in his hands.
 
I’ll probably wind up waiting anyway…

In every single one of my previous relationships, I was the one who made the first move…even though I am a pretty shy person, I wasn’t too worried about the possibility of rejection…but with him…it’s so different. There are actual feelings here.
 
Art321 said:
True, but this isn’t for all guys. I may not be the best to give advice for this, but for some guys, a girl asking them out would be a big turn off. So with that being said, maybe the OP would be best to wait just for a little bit anyway. What you should do this, give little hints that you are attacted to him, and hopfully he see them and ask you out.

Guys always like to do the chasing. They always want to, at least from what I have heard.
Don’t worry, pray to God about it. He will make things right if you leave it in his hands.
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it could go either way, and I agree some guys tend to be very traditional (myself included), but I think the proposed activity “hey we should get coffee” is less heavy of a situation than “let’s go to dinner and the opera, I’ll pick you up at 6” 😛

Either way, if you both like each other enough, it probably won’t be a dealbreaker either way.

good luck
 
At least this Catholic guy doesn’t mind being asked out, I say go for it!
 
LookingForFaith said:
I’ll probably wind up waiting anyway…

In every single one of my previous relationships, I was the one who made the first move…even though I am a pretty shy person, I wasn’t too worried about the possibility of rejection…but with him…it’s so different. There are actual feelings here.
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Well, then again if you really have such strong feelings for him, then nothing should stop you. Just try to find the right moment for it! Good luck.
 
I am a woman but I still would like to answer your post. Whether or not you ask him out, is totally your decision. I do however want to caution you about one thing. Women sometimes end up making men feel controlled. Whether the woman is controlling for real or the guy is just over sensitive to a woman’s request is a topic for another post. So, if you do decide to ask him out, I strongly recommend doing it is a casual way so as to not appear controlling. Also, if the date goes well and you ask him out again and the second date goes well again and you keep on asking him out… And on and on, that would be a red flag. Just make sure that eventually there is more of a balance and you are not always the one doing the asking

CM
 
Go for it! It sounds great!

And if your in NH, and your that cute little redhead in MY karate class-The answer is a heck yes!
 
heres a stupid question

does he even like coffee?

if he does like coffee, then go for itm its a low key situation
 
Rascalking said:
Go for it! It sounds great!

And if your in NH, and your that cute little redhead in MY karate class-The answer is a heck yes!
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Sorry…I’m in MA and am a cute little blonde. 🙂

and to Montalo, he does. 🙂
 
Oh and to Cmscms, thank you for your perspective too! I didn’t mean I JUST wanted a man’s view, and what you said was very appreciated. I don’t want to appear controlling, just into him. I would definately do it casually for the first date. Lol
 
I would say go for it. Asking girls out can be a very hard thing for shy guys. By inviting him for coffee, it shows that you are interested in spending time with him, and then he will feel more free to invite you out for a date. As a guy, I would defiantly like to have some idea if a prospective date is interested before asking her out.
 
I don’t think it’d be too intimidating to ask him out to coffee. I mean, even if you were just friends you could do that, so it’s not so in your face.

Good luck!
 
I am puzzled by that fact that you know quite a lot about him but haven’t even had a cup of coffee together. If you have shared that much with each other in Karate class, then yes, ask him if he would like to stop somewhere for coffee or dessert or something like that after class. No pressure, not a date, just two people who like each other (apparently) getting together for a little casual conversation.

Make it dutch or your treat. If he protests that you’re buying, just say: “You can get it next time.” (assuming that at that point you want a next time). From what I can read from your comments, he’ll be flying.

Good luck to you both.
 
hmmm… Here is a though to keep it really casual, would it be possible after Karate class to say something like. ‘do you need to head straight home or do you have time to grab a coffee’ And then perhaps insert some reason like. I really need to talk to you about that store where you said I could get good shoes for karate or something else that you need his adivce for.
 
cmscms said:
hmmm… Here is a though to keep it really casual, would it be possible after Karate class to say something like. ‘do you need to head straight home or do you have time to grab a coffee’ And then perhaps insert some reason like. I really need to talk to you about that store where you said I could get good shoes for karate or something else that you need his adivce for.
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You could, but do you need a reason? And don’t necessarily wait until the end of class. Take the first opportunity, such as during another conversation.
 
*My two cents…do not do the asking. :o I would definitely strike up conversation with him, to show friendliness and interest…but do not do the asking. It’s one thing if you have a friendship going, but for a woman to ask a man out of the blue out on a date…I never think that’s a good idea, or necessary. I have heard tales of woe from too many female friends over the years who have done this, and it was always something they regretted. Made them feel like the aggressors throughout the relationship. (was their words to me) I think men should be the ones to ask…maybe I’m old fashioned…but that’s the way I am when it comes to romance.

Just my two cents…*
 
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