I Need To Be Heard, Please Read If You Can

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AspiringToJoyfulness

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Hi there; I’m very confused and also very nervous posting here. All my life I’ve been drawn to nuns and everything Catholic, despite being raised non-religious. At the same time I’m a very messed-up person. I have bipolar disorder, agoraphobia, extreme anxiety disorder and PTSD, struggle with heroin/opiate addiction (off and on), am deeply involved in the occult and Satanism, and all the other things that go along with those. I’ve attempted suicide twice since 2015; not as a gesture, to just stop existing. I managed to mess that up too though. I think if I could get my courage up, I would check out a Catholic church except I am living with my fiance, who is a rabid atheist and has said he would lose respect for me if I ever became a Christian (that was the only thing that would). When he’s at work (I’m on SSD for my mental issues), I like to watch movies and documentaries on nuns and the church. I can’t drive on my own and I am too scared to mention any of this to my fiance because I know it would hurt him deeply. I love him very much and he takes care of me.

I also struggle with the idea of having to find birth control, abortion (never had one) and homosexual relationships sinful. I could find them wrong intellectually because the Church does, but in my heart, from a secular standpoint, I don’t feel a change of heart; I hope that doesn’t turn you against me, it’s not willfulness, I promise. My fiance also has a vasectomy which I know is against Church teaching; I really struggle with the idea of having children and frankly wouldn’t mind a celibate life, were it only me. I also struggle with understanding the Bible and finding it useful. I’m not unintelligent, but I sure feel like it when I try to read the Bible. I just can’t get the hang of it. I don’t know why I’m telling some strangers this… I guess because I haven’t got a soul I could tell in the real world. I guess I just want to be heard and maybe someone will have some advice for me. Thank you for reading and sorry for all those semicolons!
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
In my opinion, you need to step back a moment and take a deep breath. Then you can tackle one or two of the issues at a time. The Catholic church is NOT like the movies you are watching…it is an ordered set of beliefs to help you achieve salvation. Likewise, the Bible is a guide to salvation and its history throughout time.

As far as not “feeling” a sin, it is probably because you have a poorly formed conscience. If you haven’t studied something, how are you going to know about something…

I once was told “we are all broken” and I very much believe that. Some more than others, but we all have issues.

That being said, I think the first thing I would do is stop all involvement in the occult. Let your mind clear and then look at the next step…which is probably going to be speaking to your fiancé. If he truly loves you he will want what is best for you. It will be difficult for both of you but the rewards are eternal…

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
I prayed for you.
From a distance I think you romanticize with the idea of religion and before your fiancee who now you say is the one keeping you out of faith (even though, by what you say, it’s not him, it’s actually you who are confused) you never took the time to dwell in what you call your obsession. So maybe you should be honest with yourself and assume your choices in life as yours. Probably your fiance sees this disturbing you greatly and is discouraging you to go back to religion so you don’t get hurt. It is said that those who have faith have the capacity of moving the hearts of atheists too toward God. So when we don’t it’s because we are not that faithful actually.
I pray you stay away from your addictions and find balance in your life and a nurturing way of returning to church.
May God protect you.
Amen
 
First thing to do is to turn away from the occult and Satanism that you are practicing … I will pray for you.

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
†
❤️
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
†
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen.
†
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness and snares
of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the
power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other
evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.
Amen.
†
St. Thérèse of Liseux Prayer From “Story of A Soul”
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
Amen.
†
Lord, thank you that you are with me right now.
Your love surpasses all fear.
I give you the anxiety I feel.
I surrender all my worries to you.
Clear my mind;
Calm my heart;
Still my Spirit;
Relax my being, that, I may
always glorify you in everything
I write, speak and do.
Amen.
†
Jesus, Help Me
Thank You, dear Lord Jesus.
Amen.
†
Prayers said. All will be well. Do not fear, the Lord is protecting you.
Do not be lonely, your guardian angel is beside you.
Be comforted, Mother will watch over you, and the
Holy Spirit will guide you.
Amen.
†
Prayer Against Depression
By St Ignatius of Loyola
O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.
Amen.

†

Let Nothing Disturb You
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.
Amen.
†

My Jesus,
I believe that You are
present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and
I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive
You sacramentally, come at least spiritually
into my heart. I embrace You
as if You were already there and
unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated
from You.
Amen.
†
Thank You dear Lord Jesus, always and
everywhere, for everything.
Amen.
†
Jesus, I trust in You.
Amen.
❤️
†
Pier
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
 
St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided. inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen
 
Abortion is wrong because life is sacred. One of the ten commandments is “You shall not kill”. When one gets an abortion, they are not even giving the child a chance at life. They’re cutting off any hope of the baby getting a fair shot at life. The book of Genesis says that we are made in God’s image. I believe that an unborn child bears the image of God; it’s developing as a unique creature.

Same-sex relationships are wrong because it’s a corruption of what God designed us to do. God designed our father Adam to be with the proper partner, which was a woman. Homosexuals are not hopeless-- they just need to repent of their sins, in the same way that a drunkard or a liar need to repent of their sins.

Changing the subject here. I would say that the first thing you need to do is to give up Satanism. That path will only lead to sin and God’s judgment.
 
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I thank you deeply for your prayers and advice. I will continue to mull over my next steps and try to clear my head.
 
Your destiny is solely in your hands. You need to make some tough choices here and stick to them. Start by talking to God. It should help!

Good luck in your search.
 
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