I need to come here and vent before I lose my mind!

[KCT]

Since she doesn’t take hints, you may have to nicely tell her that her frequent calls are causing problems at home. Maybe give her one set time to call if she has house questions. (“Mondays around 3pm are good if you want to call then.”)

If you don’t want her even doing that, be up front. Let her know if you’re going to block her e-mails, stop taking calls or stop returning calls.

Even if she has problems, you should still be kind when you break if off. —KCT

 

[gardenswithkids]

…Gardenswithkids,

Well, alot of people tell me I am a very good decorator. It’s something I just have a passion for, and I can just walk into a room and invision things. Having said that, I have NEVER encountered anyone who wants to copy exactly what I have, well…until her. I have bounced around ideas to anyone who will ask for my opinion because they like my style, but have never had anyone want to be just like me:blush: . It just seems creepy that she is so obsessed with me…

Yes, I agree that it’s creepy and weird to copy exactly. But it’s a little less weird if other people also want your decorating ideas. Still creepy.

… I agree that I can’t win with her. I feel bad after the 4th or 5th message and eventually call so that I don’t look like a witch. She would totally play the victim and say ‘I was just trying to be nice’ if I ever came out and said how she irritates me.

Thanks to everyone else who responded. I just told my hubby that I am no longer answering the phone or returning any more of her calls. He said if she leaves a message, HE will call her back. I hope that she backs off by us doing that. I really don’t want to have to resort to changing my phone # or being downright rude and ugly.

From what I remember of those Pavlov’s dogs experiments, rewarding behavior with occassional treats encourages more of the behavior–even more than if the behavior was always rewarded. Since you called back after four or five messages, you unintentionally encouraged her to keep leaving you messages. Your not answering the phone or returning her messages personally and letting your husband deal with her seems wise.

 

[dixieagle]

I agree with most of the posters - time to break things off cleanly and protect your privacy and family life. Put on “call block” so that she can’t get through, categorize her email as spam and pretend she does not exist. You can only be taken advantage of if you allow it; you’ve already taken too much of this.

I think you’re right that you’re probably fine with regard to the house and any spiteful lawsuits, but keep a folder or her past emails praising the house, have a copy of the inspection results on file, or get one if you don’t have it; that would cover any of those bases nicely.

If she does anything else (like showing up again) I would not hesitate to get a restraining order. Keeping a file will be helpful in this regard; document everything!

(I think it was REALLY creepy that she showed up at your new house! Crazy!)

Good luck in this; I’ll say a prayer for you (and for her.)

 

[joeybaggz]

All the suggestions are good ones. I am afraid however that in the end you are going to find that legal action is going to be necessary. Odds are you are going to need a restraining order.
Harsh as it sounds, you might be doing this woman a favor. If she is mentally unstable, it might prompt those who care for her to realize she needs help.

On the other hand, you might come home and find a rabbit boiling on your stove. (not meant to be funny)

I suggest talking to the police and possibly the state’s attorney in your area. It wouldn’t cost you anything to access these people (that’s what you pay taxes for). The public attorney might give you some very cogent advise.

Be careful, protect yourself and your family. This sounds like something more that just an overzealous busybody.

 

[Island_Oak]

Have you simply considered asking her not to call you any more? It seems far more simple, direct and honest than all the changing phone numbers, etc., suggested before. You two have nothing in common save a real estate transaction. She sound lonely but not necessarily insane. Politely tell her the house is hers to figure out from here…you have other responsibilities and interests that demand your time and attention. IF she persists…then go ahead and consider a different number.

 

[Quackers]

Oh, your post totally reminded me of something ( I told you I could go on and on about her! ). When we moved back to our hometown, we built a new house. The exact same day my alarm company was installing my alarm system and giving me the demo, she showed up at my new house ! I have NO CLUE how she found out my address or where I was building because we weren’t occupying the residence yet! She whipped out her camera, and took pictures of my cabinets when I wasn’t looking and ended up having her cabinets in my old house (her house) faux finished to look like my new house. That is just insane!!!

You guys always make me feel better. Thanks for letting me vent. Now, I am off to get my children from that horrible school I make them attend I’ll check back later.

When I first started reading this thread, I thought this woman was just rude, but after reading this post, I now think this woman has a serious problem. This sounds like stalking. If this were happening to me, I would simply ask this woman to stop contacting me. I would make it clear that I desired no further contact with her, via email, telephone, or in person. I would explain to her the type of upset she had brought into my life as a result of her actions. I know it’s virtually impossible to tell someone something like this without being unfriendly, but I would make every effort to be as tactful as possible. I would do this either via email or telephone, not in person. (She most likely isn’t violent, but it never hurts to play it safe.) I would also keep all the emails that I sent to her, and any responses she sent me. I would keep any phone messages she left for me as well, just in case. If she reacted badly or still refused to cease contact, I would go to the local police station and issue a restraining order against her. You may also want to consider changing your phone number. There will probably be a nominal charge, and you will have the inconvenience of having to give your new number to your friends and family, but it would ultimately be worth it. You may also want to consider blocking her emails, or establishing a new email address.

I know that telling someone to basically get out of your life is never a pleasant thing to have to do, but this woman obviously needs to be directly told to leave you alone. (Sorry, but I want to reiterate, do so as tactfully and in as nonconfrontational a manner as you can. Let yourself cool down first. You might want to wait a few days.) She’s proven that she just doesn’t “get” the many hints you’ve thrown at her. You have no obligation to answer questions about your former home, and you have no obligation to be her friend or tolerate her unwelcome intrusions and criticisms regarding your faith or your children. I’m at a loss regarding anything else to say right now, so God bless and I hope this works out well for you and your family.

 

[mamacita]

You said that she homeschools her kids? How many kids? The reason I ask is because if she homeschools then she should be plenty busy to not need to be calling anyone.
I homeschool and it takes up a good amount of my day. Wasn’t on the phone today at all (was on the computer, but that’s because it is at the table where we do school). Also, I am only homeschooling one child right now and next year 2, so I can’t imagine having time to sit and talk on the phone or decorate for that matter. I might say something to her ( if you or your DH answers next time she calls) to the effect of “shouldn’t you be busy schooling the kids?” And see where it goes from there. Kinda sounds mean but then again she sounds rather annoying in my opinion:shrug:

 

[Atlanta_Jen]

Change your phone number and block her emails. This is bordering on stalking.

~Liza

Agreed. She’s a few fries short of a happy meal.

 

[monicatholic]

When I first started reading this thread, I thought this woman was just rude, but after reading this post, I now think this woman has a serious problem. This sounds like stalking.

it was the second post that did it for me, too. someone comes into my home uninvited with a CAMERA and sneakilly clicks away?

that’s trouble.

i’m in complete agreement with the distinctly legal actions suggested here. and i would inform her husband of her behavior, including copies of records, and inform him of the PPO. i would add one thing to my reptoire of solutions: whenever i felt sorry for her, angry at her, worried about her or wondered about her, i’d pray a Hail Mary for her.

that she may not be culpable for her behavior-- that this seems like fullblown mental illness makes her seem like she’s unknowingly BEGGING for prayers.

 

[mamacita]

Agreed. She’s a few fries short of a happy meal.

Oh my goodness, that’s one I haven’t heard before! LOL!! I love it!!

 

[Quackers]

it was the second post that did it for me, too. someone comes into my home uninvited with a CAMERA and sneakilly clicks away?

that’s trouble.

i’m in complete agreement with the distinctly legal actions suggested here. and i would inform her husband of her behavior, including copies of records, and inform him of the PPO. i would add one thing to my reptoire of solutions: whenever i felt sorry for her, angry at her, worried about her or wondered about her, i’d pray a Hail Mary for her.

that she may not be culpable for her behavior-- that this seems like fullblown mental illness makes her seem like she’s unknowingly BEGGING for prayers.

Yes, if someone had done that to me, I would definitely have been upset. Going into the OP’s home uninvited with the camera was just too invasive and outside the norm for my comfort. I hope legal action doesn’t become necessary, but the option should remain open just in case, in my opinion.

I agree with you too, regarding the Hail Marys. I neglected to mention this in my previous post, but this woman definitely needs prayers. I’m not a psychiatrist, but she seems mentally ill to me. I’ve known several people over the years who were afflicted with bipolar disorder, and their behavior fit the pattern that the OP has described.

Also, perhaps the OP could tactfully explain to this woman that they simply have nothing in common? That way, maybe it will be easier for this woman. Maybe she won’t think that the OP is trying to insult her, or insinuate that she’s not worthy of friendship. Just a thought, should the OP decide to speak to this woman directly about this.

 

[monicatholic]

Also, perhaps the OP could tactfully explain to this woman that they simply have nothing in common?

yikes, but that’s the problem, it seems. the camera-toting woman wants them to have very many things in common! in her eyes, they’re like twins.

twice i’ve been similarly (but NOT equally) followed, harassed, scrutinized. so long as i employed hints and politeness, both situations continued. with one gal, the more polite and guilty i behaved, the more hints i offered, the bolder she got.

my mother-in-law told me a story of packing up and moving from a neighborhood when her super-pesty neighbor drove her too far. she came home from grocery shopping to F-I-L looking weird and apologetic and saying, “I didn’t know what to ***do!” *** she found said SuperPest in the kitchen with M-I-L’s year-old baby (my husband) being bathed in the kitchen sink. said SuperPest, “I saw you leave and thought W could use a little help!”

 

[stayathomemom]

Ok, after a good night of rest, I am not feeling so grumpy.

But…this just keeps getting better and better. I had an email from her this morning, where she went on and on about how Lowe’s is having this awesome sale on Christmas decorations and listed e-v-e-r-y single thing she remembered and the prices on it. I have NEVER talked to her about wanting or needing this. I never talk to her about anything…just answer her questions and cut the conversation short. Apparently, that was what she called me for yesterday:shrug: . She ended the email by saying, “call me about the fireplace”, and left her cell #.

So, I responded back and told her that I have been very sick, and do not have time to call her. (I am so proud of myself for being so blunt! ) I also explained that she needs to call the gas company/fireplace company if she feels there is a problem because everything was in working order when we sold the house. I mean seriously…who sits in a house for 3 days wondering if there is a gas leak because she is smelling an odor? She is indeed, a few french fries short of a happy meal!

Oh, and Mamacita…she has 2 kids. The oldest is 1st grade age, and the youngest is two-ish. I have often wondered how she has time to homeschool considering how much she tries to contact me. Hmmmmm…

 

[stayathomemom]

my mother-in-law told me a story of packing up and moving from a neighborhood when her super-pesty neighbor drove her too far. she came home from grocery shopping to F-I-L looking weird and apologetic and saying, “I didn’t know what to ***do!” *** she found said SuperPest in the kitchen with M-I-L’s year-old baby (my husband) being bathed in the kitchen sink. said SuperPest, “I saw you leave and thought W could use a little help!”

I think I would absolutely lose it if that woman EVER does something like this to me. My hubby wouldn’t allow it, but still… I shudder to think!

 

[MooCowSteph]

Oh, your post totally reminded me of something ( I told you I could go on and on about her! ). When we moved back to our hometown, we built a new house. The exact same day my alarm company was installing my alarm system and giving me the demo, she showed up at my new house ! I have NO CLUE how she found out my address or where I was building because we weren’t occupying the residence yet! She whipped out her camera, and took pictures of my cabinets when I wasn’t looking and ended up having her cabinets in my old house (her house) faux finished to look like my new house. That is just insane!!!

You guys always make me feel better. Thanks for letting me vent. Now, I am off to get my children from that horrible school I make them attend I’ll check back later.

When I first started reading this thread, I thought this woman was just rude, but after reading this post, I now think this woman has a serious problem.

Holy cow this woman has a problem. That second post was what did it for me too

Have you ever led this woman on to think you’re friends? Do you “chat” about things beyond the house? I would try to be direct with her first, telling her that you simply don’t have the time for the phone calls. And I have a feeling you’re going to have to seek legal action. Keep notes and records of everything.

 

[Little_Mary]

I’ve read several of the posts on this thread and I tend to agree that this person has problems! I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you can soon somehow get this crazy person to leave you alone!!

I can’t think of anything better than the advice you’ve already received from several other posters, so think of my post as an attempt to make you smile…

It might be rather entertaining (if you could stand it ) to begin commenting on all of the things she has done to copy you…

Regarding the fact that she has totally decorated her house to look almost exactly like yours you might respond, “Oh, that awful stuff…we got rid of every bit of it. Totally redecorated, new color scheme and everything”

And the cabinets in your new house? Tell her you don’t know what you were thinking when you chose those hideous things…theyve been ripped out and replaced…

Tell her that a week from saturday you’re going to buy a brand new car, black with beige interior, leather seats, etc . See if she gets herself one!!

If she presses you on your NEW decorating and color schemes, go on and on about how you just love your new black carpet with the purple walls…red curtains…

If nothing else, maybe you’ll keep her guessing so much that she’ll weaken and quit from exhaustion!!



I know, not very realistic and totally mean, much better to get her to just leave you alone. Dragging it out would be worse.

I just hope you got a little chuckle …

 

[gardenswithkids]

… I had an email from her this morning, where she went on and on about …

So, I responded back and told her that I have been very sick, and do not have time to call her. (I am so proud of myself for being so blunt! ) I also explained that she needs to call the gas company/fireplace company if she feels there is a problem because everything was in working order when we sold the house.

Stayathomemom–I know you tried, but you are probably *still *encouraging her by responding to her emails in the way that you did. Saying that you are too sick to call implies that you’d call if you weren’t sick. I sense that being blunt doesn’t come natural to you. I guess you are likely a very kind person and your natural tendency to be polite has mislead this woman into thinking she has a friendship with you.

Either let your husband answer all the calls and emails, or do as Island Oak suggested and simply and honestly tell her you don’t want her to continue calling and emailing you.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…Have you ever led this woman on to think you’re friends? …

Reading how the original poster handled the unwanted email this morning, I would answer that question as YES. Listening to someone go on and on, reading their emails and responding, inviting her over to her new home, etc.–those are gestures of friendship. While I question this other woman’s exact copy-cat home decorating, I would also guess that the other woman has no idea that the op doesn’t like her or her copy-cat behavior.

 

[Quackers]

Reading how the original poster handled the unwanted email this morning, I would answer that question as YES. Listening to someone go on and on, reading their emails and responding, inviting her over to her new home, etc.–those are gestures of friendship. While I question this other woman’s exact copy-cat home decorating, I would also guess that the other woman has no idea that the op doesn’t like her or her copy-cat behavior.

Yes, I agree. The appropriate response to this woman’s most recent email would have been honesty, not vague excuses that will only cause this unpleasant situation to continue. I still question the behavior of this other woman; I still believe she has issues. However, the overwhelming consensus here seems to be that the OP should just be honest with this woman. This is sound advice, and the OP did solicit advice. Unless the OP tells this woman honestly how she feels, nothing will most likely improve. Of course it won’t exactly be the most pleasant thing in the world to have to do, but that’s just life. We all have to do things we’d rather not at times. For example, I had to evict a roommate a few years ago. I didn’t want to, but I realized that I had to do so because he was causing too many problems in the household and he just wouldn’t listen to reason. My numerous polite requests for him to be more respectful towards me and my other roommate continuously fell on deaf ears. Did I enjoy evicting him? No. Was it necessary? Yes. Is that just how life is sometimes? Yes.

 

[EeyoresButerfly]

I agree with the other posters. You need to bluntly tell her now that you are not comfortable with the contact and do not wish to have contact with her again. Don’t use being sick as an excuse. I know it sounds mean, but this is what you need to do. I don’t wish to scare you, but the fact that she found your address and followed you to your new house speaks volumes. Your family and your children could be in serious danger if you allow this to continue. I’m like you in that I have a very hard time confronting people when there is a problem, but in this case you need to ask yourself if you can live with the possible consequences of not confronting her. How would you feel if you did not lay down the law and something happened to your house or your family? When it comes to the safety of yourself and your family, all gloves are off.