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Elphaba
Guest
Linda is correct. I know several people who went through terrible ordeals before being diagnosed with a chemical imbalance of the brain. I would suggest a test for that AND moral guidance from a priest.
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HSmomofmany
Guest
Anna’s Mom:
I’ve been where you are at. When I was 18, I foolishly married someone everyone disliked and mistrusted. I spent three years trying everything I could to make it work. I got pregnant two and a half years into the marriage, and after a few months of trying to get me to have an abortion, he left and moved to Florida. I moved in with my parents. My pregnancy kept me going. After my son was born, I felt horrible being a single mother. I felt like everyone on the street would think I was some young stupid girl who got herself pregnant. I felt as ashamed as if I had conceived out of wedlock. But I loved my son so fiercely that I knew I had to make it work. When he was a year and a half, I converted to Catholocism. NO ONE in my family was Catholic!!! Talk about a fish out of water!!! When my son was two I met the man I have now been married to for 13 years. My son knows he has a bio dad (otherwise referred to as the “sperm doner”), but my husband is DAD. We do not use the word “step” and never have. He has my husbands last name. I have gone on to have 4 more children(so far) and both my mother and my sister are now converting to Catholocism. Things DO get better. Give yourself time to heal. I thought, 16 years ago, that my world was ending. I only got up everyday because I had to for my son. Eventually, I began to enjoy life, laugh and see a future for myself and my son. Now, it is almost surreal when I think about that time in my life (which is rarely). It is almost as though I am watching someone elses life when I have those memories. You too, will find yourself moving forward one of these days, and you will realize that life does go on and you CAN be happy.
I’ve been where you are at. When I was 18, I foolishly married someone everyone disliked and mistrusted. I spent three years trying everything I could to make it work. I got pregnant two and a half years into the marriage, and after a few months of trying to get me to have an abortion, he left and moved to Florida. I moved in with my parents. My pregnancy kept me going. After my son was born, I felt horrible being a single mother. I felt like everyone on the street would think I was some young stupid girl who got herself pregnant. I felt as ashamed as if I had conceived out of wedlock. But I loved my son so fiercely that I knew I had to make it work. When he was a year and a half, I converted to Catholocism. NO ONE in my family was Catholic!!! Talk about a fish out of water!!! When my son was two I met the man I have now been married to for 13 years. My son knows he has a bio dad (otherwise referred to as the “sperm doner”), but my husband is DAD. We do not use the word “step” and never have. He has my husbands last name. I have gone on to have 4 more children(so far) and both my mother and my sister are now converting to Catholocism. Things DO get better. Give yourself time to heal. I thought, 16 years ago, that my world was ending. I only got up everyday because I had to for my son. Eventually, I began to enjoy life, laugh and see a future for myself and my son. Now, it is almost surreal when I think about that time in my life (which is rarely). It is almost as though I am watching someone elses life when I have those memories. You too, will find yourself moving forward one of these days, and you will realize that life does go on and you CAN be happy.
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Anna_s_Mom
Guest
I contacted a pregnancy resource center in my area called Rachell House. I have an appointment this thursday. They have baby clothing and diapers. It doesn’t seem so bad using this charity because I can bring the clothing back when Anna grows out of them.( I care for her things so they stay in good condition) I hope I can find her a snowsuit or a coat of some kind. She is also outgrowing her clothes so fast! I will bring her too small stuff to donate.
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Anna_s_Mom
Guest
My husband called me this afternoon and caught me crying. He asked “whats wrong? Was it something my mom said? did something happen at work?” What does he think is wrong??? My husband left me over 2 months ago, I miss him terribly, now I have a baby to take care of on my own. Thats what wrong!!!
I’m trying to get back in control of my life. Things seem so hard when I’m missing him so much. He says he wants to work things out, but then he doesn’t spend any time with us. I’m not looking for total control of the relationship, but right now dear hubby has all control in his hands. I don’t know how to stop being the doormat. I can’t tell him he can’t drop in because all of his tools for work are in the garage. I love him but he is holding all the cards in our relationship right now and he knows it!
I need to think about my future, for myself and baby. I need to consider going to school. I have no education beyond high school, and I can’t be a bartender/ waitress for the rest of my life.
I’m trying to get back in control of my life. Things seem so hard when I’m missing him so much. He says he wants to work things out, but then he doesn’t spend any time with us. I’m not looking for total control of the relationship, but right now dear hubby has all control in his hands. I don’t know how to stop being the doormat. I can’t tell him he can’t drop in because all of his tools for work are in the garage. I love him but he is holding all the cards in our relationship right now and he knows it!
I need to think about my future, for myself and baby. I need to consider going to school. I have no education beyond high school, and I can’t be a bartender/ waitress for the rest of my life.
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Robaynne
Guest
I know exactly what you are feeling you are not alone. I also did the overdoses issues on the 12/10/05. And I regret it because that is not me and nobody should ever drive you to that point whereby you feel you have to take your own life.
Nobody can tell you what to do they can advice you and whether you take that advice or not the choice is yours to make. Sometimes trying something different to what you normally do might have some impact on your relationship with hubby. He is very aware that you stay at home with baby and don’t go anywhere etc, etc. Try been unavailable at times if you know that he is going to call at a certain time don’t answer let it ring. When he wants to come over come visit a friend and say you are not available that he should come another time.
Yes, you love him, miss him, care about him blame yourself for whatever happened in the marriage. The counsellor said to me this morning why don’t I stop looking at my relationship from the inside try and look from the outside. Say for example this was your sister or friend going through this dilemna what would you say to her. Think about YOURSELF START BEEN SELFISH FOR A CHANGE, Men hate to be ignored they don’t like as long as they know that you will always be there no matter what except them back no matter what makes them happy. At the end of the day you are not his mother, you are his wife. He must just wake up and grow up and stop acting foolish if he really wanted to be with you 200% then he will make the effort.
This is not what you want to hear but think about it pray about it start doing things differently you are important to yourself and the baby and she needs YOU. What was said to me today in my counselling session really scared me the lady said would you want your son (age 8) or daughter (age 5) to go through the same thing. Would you want them to think that it is exceptable to except this kind of behaviour because their mother did. That really worried me because it made me realise that no that is not what I want.
People are giving you very good advice and it is helping me with my problems you cannot be miserable and unhappy for the rest of your life it is not fair to you or the baby. He is going to wake up one day and find it is to late he has ISSUES that HE NEEDS TO SORT OUT WITH HIMSELF. Stop feeling sorry for him because he does not feel sorry for you.
Nobody can tell you what to do they can advice you and whether you take that advice or not the choice is yours to make. Sometimes trying something different to what you normally do might have some impact on your relationship with hubby. He is very aware that you stay at home with baby and don’t go anywhere etc, etc. Try been unavailable at times if you know that he is going to call at a certain time don’t answer let it ring. When he wants to come over come visit a friend and say you are not available that he should come another time.
Yes, you love him, miss him, care about him blame yourself for whatever happened in the marriage. The counsellor said to me this morning why don’t I stop looking at my relationship from the inside try and look from the outside. Say for example this was your sister or friend going through this dilemna what would you say to her. Think about YOURSELF START BEEN SELFISH FOR A CHANGE, Men hate to be ignored they don’t like as long as they know that you will always be there no matter what except them back no matter what makes them happy. At the end of the day you are not his mother, you are his wife. He must just wake up and grow up and stop acting foolish if he really wanted to be with you 200% then he will make the effort.
This is not what you want to hear but think about it pray about it start doing things differently you are important to yourself and the baby and she needs YOU. What was said to me today in my counselling session really scared me the lady said would you want your son (age 8) or daughter (age 5) to go through the same thing. Would you want them to think that it is exceptable to except this kind of behaviour because their mother did. That really worried me because it made me realise that no that is not what I want.
People are giving you very good advice and it is helping me with my problems you cannot be miserable and unhappy for the rest of your life it is not fair to you or the baby. He is going to wake up one day and find it is to late he has ISSUES that HE NEEDS TO SORT OUT WITH HIMSELF. Stop feeling sorry for him because he does not feel sorry for you.
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Anna_s_Mom
Guest
funny you should say that I should be unavailable.
Tonight he stopped by. I was headed to a friends house. I did not intentionally plan to leave right after he got here. I didn’t know if or when he was comming. I already had made the plans with a friend. I still saw my friend. my life is going to go on. (I’m still sooo sad)
I went to that baby/pregnancy resource center today. No snowsuit, but I did get to take home 5 sleepers and 5 outfits for the baby! Yeah! It was exciting getting her “new” clothes. I don’t have to cut the feet off of her sleeper pjs after all. (her legs were too long for them) They also talked with me for awhile (it is a church based organization) I also got a bible. I never had one before. I did have my old childrens bible. I had been reading my baby the stories from it.
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Robaynne
Guest
I know you feel sad it is okay to feel that way. Today is also not a good day for me. But you must remember one thing that you are not alone. I got myself a book to write in and whatever emotion I am feeling I write it down and it helps. I was reading what I wrote last week and I find that this week was better than last week.
It is not nice to be lonely I know that but at least you have baby to comfort you even though she is small it is okay that is the only thing that should keep you going. What I find also helps is to pray you can be doing anything just sit down and pray say the Our father, hail mary’s it really helps. Now that you have a bible read Psalms and Proverbs everyday like today is the 4th Nov the read Psalm 4 and Proverbs 4.
Just be strong it is not easy but try and make every day better have confidence in yourself. Nobody can make you feel any emotion but yourself. And you are not alone. Been in this forum reading what people have to say makes me feel happy. And the sadness goes away.
It is not nice to be lonely I know that but at least you have baby to comfort you even though she is small it is okay that is the only thing that should keep you going. What I find also helps is to pray you can be doing anything just sit down and pray say the Our father, hail mary’s it really helps. Now that you have a bible read Psalms and Proverbs everyday like today is the 4th Nov the read Psalm 4 and Proverbs 4.
Just be strong it is not easy but try and make every day better have confidence in yourself. Nobody can make you feel any emotion but yourself. And you are not alone. Been in this forum reading what people have to say makes me feel happy. And the sadness goes away.
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Anna_s_Mom
Guest
Anna's Mom:
Today I was thinking that I want to show him just how bad I hurt. Please help…
I don’t ever want to leave my daughter, however the sadness I feel is huge. Everyday I feel worse than the day before. One day something my husband says makes me feel better and then the next day I feel twice as bad as I did the day before. He acts like he hates me if there are other people around. He says “my crying s**t has got to stop. my crying is unfair to him” I don’t cry to try to hurt him. I cry because I’m feeling hurt.
Today I was thinking that I want to show him just how bad I hurt. Please help…
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Marian84
Guest
Anna’s Mom,
I’m so sorry that your husband gets mad when you cry. Many men that I know seem to think that women cry in order to get them to give in–they don’t understand we girls often cry because we’re just so miserable…
Don’t think about making your husband understand how hurt you are…
Think of your daughter. You want her to grow up happy and loved with a mommy she can confide in. You want her to be proud of you. You want her to remember you.
Go give your beautiful baby a hug, snuggle up with her, and tell her you love her with all your heart…
God bless,
Marian84
I’m so sorry that your husband gets mad when you cry. Many men that I know seem to think that women cry in order to get them to give in–they don’t understand we girls often cry because we’re just so miserable…
Don’t think about making your husband understand how hurt you are…
Think of your daughter. You want her to grow up happy and loved with a mommy she can confide in. You want her to be proud of you. You want her to remember you.
Go give your beautiful baby a hug, snuggle up with her, and tell her you love her with all your heart…
God bless,
Marian84
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Ray_Scheel
Guest
AM:
Call that crisis pregnancy center now and see what they have in the way of conseling referrals. You need emotional support at a level way beyond what an Internet forum can provide for you, and you need it now. We will be here to back up the support you are going to have to get locally, but its that in person support which will really pull you through.
Call that crisis pregnancy center now and see what they have in the way of conseling referrals. You need emotional support at a level way beyond what an Internet forum can provide for you, and you need it now. We will be here to back up the support you are going to have to get locally, but its that in person support which will really pull you through.
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Sparky
Guest
Anna’s Mom -
The only thing you can do to feel better is to do something. Sitting here on this board is only going to make you spiral deeper. You came here to find out what to do. You’ve been told. It’s time to do it.
Now.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. John Paul II said it best “Do not be afraid.” Fear holds you back. You have all the information you need to do something. But do it now.
(And no…I don’t mean suicide - that would be the most STUPID thing to do.)
So get going. Now. Pick up that phone and start making calls.
Now.
–Ann
The only thing you can do to feel better is to do something. Sitting here on this board is only going to make you spiral deeper. You came here to find out what to do. You’ve been told. It’s time to do it.
Now.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. John Paul II said it best “Do not be afraid.” Fear holds you back. You have all the information you need to do something. But do it now.
(And no…I don’t mean suicide - that would be the most STUPID thing to do.)
So get going. Now. Pick up that phone and start making calls.
Now.
–Ann
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Quaere_Verum
Guest
Anna’s Mom, I will pray for you. Please, never ever give up hope. Your user name show’s one very important reason not to quit - Anna.
Always remember that as long as you are alive there is hope.
Always remember that as long as you are alive there is hope.
K
Katie1723
Guest
My sentiments exactly! Spend some time making calls instead of sitting here. Channel that anger, frustration etc into some real action and not self pity.It may be easier feeling sorry for yourself, but the only thing that does is tell your husband exactly what he wants you to feel…helpless. And you are not that.
~ Kathy ~
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Anna_s_Mom
Guest
today I was outside. The fall air was crisp. The leaves were bright on the trees. The leaves beneath my feet crunched on the ground. The day was beautiful!!!
I missed my husband more than ever. Wishing we could share all this beauty together. It wasn’t just loneliness. I missed HIM!
I missed my husband more than ever. Wishing we could share all this beauty together. It wasn’t just loneliness. I missed HIM!
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sids
Guest
Anna’s Mom, Please do not ever give up in life, god brought each and everone of us here for a purpose and a reason, remember all things are possible with god. We all go through trials and tribulations but sometime these things happen for a reason or god is trying to tell us something. I suggest you talk to some one and also I strongly suggent you pray alot, remember god knows each and every situation about us, all we have to do is surrender all up to him, he is just waiting to hear from you.
God Bless
God Bless
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Ray_Scheel
Guest
AM:
I didn’t share this previously because things were still in a major state of uncertainty for me, though things (for me) have settled down considerably in the past 24 hours. I’m going through a separation myself, with a spouse who has been less than kind as things fell apart. At a hearing yesterday I was (at least temporarily) given primary custody of our kids, whom my wife had kept me from seeing for six weeks prior to that point (also leaving me to deal with a bogus CPS complaint and, later, an emptied bank account when I still had to pay the phone bill and auto insurance).
I understand the longing, missing being able to share things with the person I chose as my best (and I thought lifetime) friend. I’m also going to continue to miss sharing the joys of raising our kids together. But for the first time in a long time, there is some certainty in my life.
When only one person is wanting a relationship to work, that person just keeps getting used. Sometimes, it does take one spouse or the other giving 200% for a while, but that should be an obvious give and take on both parts. When it is obvious that the other person isn’t interested in the relationship beyond further using the cooperative spouse, the kindest thing for everyone is to quit trying to put the fire out and let the bridge burn, and let the person who kept trying to burn it take the steps to rebuild it on thier own if they want that relationship to be restored.
To describe figuratively the weeks before I took the step of separating, I asked my wife to quit pouring gasoline on the fire, only to get a response of having dynamite thrown at me and then a flamethrower directed at me with a steady burn. That is not a way anyone should be expected to live.
For me, right now, it is still wait and see. It was hard for me to hear my wife say on the stand that there was no hope of reconciling. I also hope that the temporary orders the judge issued was a wake-up call for her, that she will get the help she needs so she can be more than just an occasional visitor in our children’s lives. At the same time, I know I’ve given all the ground I could (and then some). I’m watching the embers fall now, but I’m not going to put myself in harms way again trying to save that bridge, as I have children I need to raise, and I have to make sure I don’t get accused of something that will cost me my job if I’m going to continue to provide for them. If my wife wants to save anything of this part of her life, she already knows what she has to do.
Added: Regarding your situation, I think your husband also knows what he would ahve to do, and until then, you need to insulate yourself from his instability and focus on what you do have, and make the best of it. That is the attitude that is keeping me together. Take life one day at a time and trust that it will work out.
I didn’t share this previously because things were still in a major state of uncertainty for me, though things (for me) have settled down considerably in the past 24 hours. I’m going through a separation myself, with a spouse who has been less than kind as things fell apart. At a hearing yesterday I was (at least temporarily) given primary custody of our kids, whom my wife had kept me from seeing for six weeks prior to that point (also leaving me to deal with a bogus CPS complaint and, later, an emptied bank account when I still had to pay the phone bill and auto insurance).
I understand the longing, missing being able to share things with the person I chose as my best (and I thought lifetime) friend. I’m also going to continue to miss sharing the joys of raising our kids together. But for the first time in a long time, there is some certainty in my life.
When only one person is wanting a relationship to work, that person just keeps getting used. Sometimes, it does take one spouse or the other giving 200% for a while, but that should be an obvious give and take on both parts. When it is obvious that the other person isn’t interested in the relationship beyond further using the cooperative spouse, the kindest thing for everyone is to quit trying to put the fire out and let the bridge burn, and let the person who kept trying to burn it take the steps to rebuild it on thier own if they want that relationship to be restored.
To describe figuratively the weeks before I took the step of separating, I asked my wife to quit pouring gasoline on the fire, only to get a response of having dynamite thrown at me and then a flamethrower directed at me with a steady burn. That is not a way anyone should be expected to live.
For me, right now, it is still wait and see. It was hard for me to hear my wife say on the stand that there was no hope of reconciling. I also hope that the temporary orders the judge issued was a wake-up call for her, that she will get the help she needs so she can be more than just an occasional visitor in our children’s lives. At the same time, I know I’ve given all the ground I could (and then some). I’m watching the embers fall now, but I’m not going to put myself in harms way again trying to save that bridge, as I have children I need to raise, and I have to make sure I don’t get accused of something that will cost me my job if I’m going to continue to provide for them. If my wife wants to save anything of this part of her life, she already knows what she has to do.
Added: Regarding your situation, I think your husband also knows what he would ahve to do, and until then, you need to insulate yourself from his instability and focus on what you do have, and make the best of it. That is the attitude that is keeping me together. Take life one day at a time and trust that it will work out.
- Status